*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧—chapter seventeen: spring break, pt. 3

IT HAD BEEN THE ABSOLUTELY WRONG TIME TO HAVE DONE THAT. Theodore has not stopped thinking about it since and it's been a week, and now the month of April is coming to an end. But he also hadn't talked to Oliver since, and Theodore now knows for a fact he's just fucked up. That shouldn't have happened, he thinks, lying awake at nearly three in the morning. He hadn't slept. At all. His thoughts were consumed by the fact he made the worst decision in his life. Oliver hadn't seemed angry with him for kissing him, but would be lying if he said he wasn't going batshit crazy assuming the worst.

Oliver still wanted to talk to him, to ask him more questions about it, and Theodore knew that. But Theodore didn't want to talk. Oliver tried texting him. No response. He tried calling him. Theodore never picked up the phone. He tried going to Theodore's room, so he could talk to him. The door was locked.

Just when things had been fixed and everything had been perfect, Theodore just fucking blew it.

Theodore gets up from his bed and takes a seat on the floor, back resting against the door as he hugs his knees close to his chest and sighs. A sad sigh. A disappointed one. He buries his face in his hands as he feels tears starting to form. He's such a crybaby... Why can't he be normal for once? Why did his emotions always get the best of him at the completely wrong times?

There's a hesitant knock on the door. Theodore continues to sit there, not bothering to get up and open the door. He knows that Oliver knows he's there.

"Sorry if I woke you up," Oliver says quietly from the other side of the door.

"You didn't. I'm already awake. Haven't slept yet," Theodore replies, his voice muffled by his arms covering his mouth. "If you want me to leave my room, I don't want to. I'm fine staying in here."

"Actually, that's not why I wanted to talk to you..." Oliver trails off, taking a seat on the other side of the door. The door shifts slightly as he leans against it. "I just have a question about last night—"

"It's my fault. It's all my fucking fault, Ollie, I'm sorry," Theodore says, looking up from where his head was resting in his lap, now leaning back against the smooth white wood of the door. "I shouldn't have kissed you, I know. I know, I know, I know. I just— I ruined absolutely everything. Our friendship, by— by doing that. I'm sorry, Ollie. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

There's tears in his eyes and before he knows it, the dam he had been trying to force back has spilled over. A sob racks his body and he drops his head to his hands again, trying to stifle himself before it got worse. But it always got worse. It. Always. Got. Worse.

His ears are ringing now and he finds himself unable to breathe properly as he chokes on his sobs. Lifting his head, he clutches at his chest in a desperate effort to breathe. He feels highly claustrophobic right now in his room. The walls feel like they're closing in on him, suffocating him. He needs water, air, something. Something to help him calm down and feel like he isn't trapped within the walls of the confined space of his bedroom.

He feels dizzy as he staggers to his feet, his head pounding violently. It's like dagger have scraped against his skull and dug into it, slicing right through and are now cutting his brain into pieces. That's how bad the pain from it was.

Stumbling to the other side of the room, he pushes open the balcony doors with such haste and force that he nearly tears them from the hinges. The nighttime air greets him, filling his lungs with fresh, clean air. He takes a moment to attempt to fix his breathing, yet it's only just the start of his path to calming down.

The click of the springs within the door handles turning doesn't make Theodore turn around as he can hear the quiet creak of the balcony doors swinging open as Oliver makes his way outside. When he had entered his bedroom to even be out here, Theodore does not know. But he doesn't care. He doesn't care that Oliver is out here. But he cares that the slightly older boy sees him in this state.

This vulnerable state.

And suddenly he's feeling nauseous. The real feeling this time. Not like before where he had felt butterflies because he was near Oliver but never actually threw up. No, this time, he was actually going to throw up.

Coughing a few times, bile creeps up the blond's throat, mixed with whatever contents of food from his stomach that had previously started to digest hours ago. He can taste it in the back of his throat. He hurries over to the railing of the balcony, gripping on tightly to the cold metal until his knuckles turned white, preparing, and before he knows it, he's doubled over and vomiting.

Without a word, Oliver hurries to his side, moving the boy's hair back as he expels whatever was in his stomach. Theodore's mind goes blank in that moment, focused on nothing but the fact that he's vomiting off the side of his balcony. Oliver's speaking to him, whispering in his ear, but he can't comprehend as single word that the Brit is saying. It sounds far away. It sounds like gibberish. He isn't listening to him.

With the last of the vomit gone, Theodore retches one last time before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and then wiping his hands into his pants. He then moves away from the edge of the balcony. Oliver silently watches as he takes a seat on one of the armchairs and faces away from him and the tears spill over again.

Oliver kneels beside him and tilts his head up to face him. Theodore can barely see, his vision blurry from tears, but he can't look away from Oliver, not when the brunet's already seen him in this state.

He reaches up and cups his face in his hands, gently caressing the tanned, tear-splotched skin of his cheeks as he passes his thumbs beneath his eyes, wiping away the tears. Theodore sniffs, averting his gaze. It was pointless, he knows that. Oliver's already seen him like this. He's already seen him break. But he feels so embarrassed that the boy had even had to see it go on for this long.

"Teddy, look at me," Oliver whispers, his breath tickling Theodore's face. He wants to move away, to get as far away from Oliver as possible, but he now finds himself unable to move. Oliver's hands are soft and gentle, but his fingers are rough, calloused. And the way he's being so careful with Theodore to make sure he's okay... Oh, Theodore wanted to crumble to the ground right then and there.

But he can't face the thought of Oliver always doing this for him. In times when he's in a vulnerable state, Oliver had always been there for him. And Theodore doesn't want that all the time. He just wants—

Theodore shakes his head rapidly. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want to. I don't want you to see me like this. I don't— Fuck. Why am I—? I never— Can't—" The sentences aren't forming properly, neither are the words. His mouth is moving faster than his brain can think. It was never this bad.

Starting to feel overwhelmed and so angry with himself among other things, there's this indescribable rage building up within him. So much so that his tongue slips and he's muttering in Italian and French and back again in a blind rage as he curses himself out loud. "Lo sodo, quindi, così, cazzo stupido. Sono un fottuto idiota. Je suis désolée. Je suis tellement désolé. Comment pourrais-je être si stupide! Non lo farò mai più. Lo giuro."

Oliver can feel his heart break for his best friend. Because whatever is going on, whatever he is feeling right now, he knows that Theodore is blaming himself for it.

Theodore always blames himself.

"Nothing is ever your fault. Don't even think that for second it is. You're not stupid. You're not an idiot," Oliver says with a frown as he brushes a few of Theodore's honey-colored curls out of his face. The ends of them are damp from his tears.

Theodore turns away from him, covers his ears, and shuts his eyes. He pretends he's not listening and pretends he can't even see him. He didn't want Oliver's reassurance or his pity. He didn't want anything. Not from him. Not right now. He just wanted to sit here and cry and cry and cry until his throat is rubbed raw from it, until his nose and throat burned like a raging fire that just kept eating away at whatever it could burn, until his lungs ached for fresh air, until he was too tired to continue sitting there that he would have to curl up into a ball on the floor, until he's all cried out and reduced to silent sobs.

And he just... cracks. The wall that had formed and gotten stronger over the past six years splits, pieces chipping off, brick and mortar crumbling into nothing but dust.

A gut-wrenching scream rips through the air. One filled with so much pain and rage. It startles Oliver, and he can feel his heart completely shatter. In the entire eighteen years, soon to be nineteen, that they've known each other, he's never witnessed Theodore this vulnerable. Ever.

In Theodore's battle with his emotions, he reaches out for Oliver, gripping tightly onto the other boy's shirt. And he doesn't let go, fearing that if he does, Oliver would disappear in the blink of an eye.

Oliver can feel his own eyes welling up with tears the longer he's sat here with Theodore, trying to comfort him. He blinks back his tears and brings Theodore closer to him until the blond's head is resting against the brunet's chest. He's hoping this helps as Theodore would then be able to hear his heartbeat and do the breathing exercises they've always practiced in order for Theodore to match his breathing and help him calm down.

But it doesn't.

Normally, it works. But this time around, it's not.

It's not working and Oliver feels like all hope is lost.

"Teddy, breathe..." Oliver says, very, very quietly. His voice is barely above a whisper as he threads his fingers through the blond's curls. His sweater is soaked through from Theodore's tears. And he didn't want to move in case it disrupted whatever Theodore was feeling in this very moment.

"Don't... I want..." Theodore takes a shaky breath and he lifts his head up and gazes up at him through teary eyes. "Stay..." He says, bunching up more of the fabric of Oliver's sweater in his hands. "I don't want you to leave me..."

In that exact moment, Oliver can feel his heart aching even more than it already had been.

✧ ✧ ✧

It's only when Oliver wakes a few hours later that he remembers he had stayed with Theodore all night. Theodore is curled up at his side, in a fitful slumber, waking up every ten minutes to make sure Oliver was still by his side. He's restless, tossing and turning in his sleep. Oliver's afraid to move, in case he somehow ends up disturbing the boy even more. Normally, Theodore's mind's never this loud, so he wonders what exactly was going on for the blond to not have a peaceful slumber. Unless this is just an effect of what happened last night. Which, it most likely was.

The sun still hadn't had a chance to rise, so carefully, Oliver reaches for the desk lamp and switches on the light. With the dim yellow light illuminating the room now, he can just barely see the plum and crimson colored patches that mar the skin beneath Theodore's eyes and how puffy they looked, and how his face is still red and blotchy, and his cheeks are tear-stained. A result from the lack of sleep and all the crying he had been doing the previous night.

In an effort to get more comfortable in the awkward position he was currently in, Oliver shifts slightly. The sudden movement causes Theodore to whine in discomfort and he grabs onto Oliver's sweater. Oliver decides to stay still, knowing that if he doesn't, Theodore would wake up in a sour mood.

An hour. That's how much time had passed before Theodore finally woke up. He's still tired, not having had the best night, of course. Rubbing his eyes, he glances around the room and locks eyes with Oliver, who's peering down at him, a grin on his face.

"Morning, sleepyhead." The Brit chuckles, ruffling the blond's hair.

"You stayed," Theodore states the obvious as he reaches up to smooth out his hair.

"'Course. Wasn't gonna leave you alone like that." Oliver sits up, leaning against the headboard. "It was bad, Teddy. I thought you would've..." He trails off, not finishing his sentence. He didn't want to thunk about what could have happened if he hadn't been there for Theodore last night.

"Right." Theodore worries his bottom lip between his teeth, trying his hardest not to think about what happened last night. He'll admit, it did feel good to let that all out. A nice, loud scream from the soul had been all it took. And Oliver being there to comfort him had made it better. But he still isn't to a hundred percent. Things could've ended a thousand times worse, and he did not want to think about that.

Silence soon fills the room. For five whole minutes, neither of them say anything. It's the type of silence that isn't awkward, but the kind where nothing is spoken because there's nothing to be said. Not because you were at a loss for words.

"How are you feeling?" Oliver asks after a while.

"Absolutely fan-fucking-tastic," Theodore says, a half-snort, half-grunt coming from his throat as he rolls onto his back and stares at the ceiling, hands folded as they rest against his chest.

"Be honest."

"I am," he replies. Oliver's giving him a look and a sheepish grin crosses his face. "I'm not."

"So?"

"Like shit."

"You'll feel better when you eat," Oliver informs him as he gets out of bed and grabs Theodore's hand, dragging him up and out with him. "Your dad's making breakfast. You should probably wash up."

"As long as there's a nice, ice cold glass of lemonade waiting for me, I'm down," Theodore flashes him a smile.

"You and this damn lemonade," Oliver says with a chuckle and shake of his head.

✧ ✧ ✧

"You look like shit, kiddo." Pietro says as soon as he catches sight of his son's face when he and Oliver take a seat at the island.

"Tell me something I don't know." Theodore mutters, looking at the different foods that Pietro had prepared for breakfast. Porridge and fruits, bacon, sausage, eggs, and crepes, or . It's good to know Pietro is thoughtful and gives Theodore options when it's time for meals because sometimes the boy chose to be picky at mealtimes. "Where's Mom? And why are you still here?"

"She's at work. And today's my day off."

"Already?"

"She had to go in early. One of her coworkers called out and her boss wanted her to take over the shift. It's Friday, I don't work full-time at that job, you know. Weekends are reserved for rest and relaxation and race weekends. Except, it's still April and there's nothing for the F2 calendar until May, but that's not the point," Pietro informs as Theodore makes himself a bowl of porridge and includes a side of eggs, and Oliver grabs a plate, piling as many crepes, bacon, sausage, and eggs onto it as he could.

Breakfast is quiet. Theodore lost interest in his food ten minutes ago. It's cold now and he's just stirring the spoon around in the bowl of porridge. Oliver keeps giving him worried looks from where he's sitting next to him. Pietro is across from them, glancing back and forth between the two boys. He decides to say something.

"Theo..." As soon as Pietro utters the first four letters in Theodore's name, the blond is glaring at him. Not because the silence is interrupted, but because of the use of the nickname that was only ever used if Theodore was in trouble or if someone was angry with him. Pietro isn't angry. Theodore isn't in trouble. So, why would Pietro do that in the first place? "Cos'è successo?"

Pietro knows he shouldn't pry. Theodore would eventually explain it all to him and Linh sometime later, when he was ready. That's how it always worked. Theodore always took the time to be alone and think, and then once he's calmed down from whatever had stressed him out, he would seek out his parents for advice. It's been like this since he was little, but the most recent time he sought them out for advice was when he was thirteen. When he first went to his parents to tell them that he has a crush on Oliver.

The boy shakes his head quickly, and mouths a simple 'no' to his father. Pietro takes the hint and settles his focus back onto the food on the plate in front of him. Picking up his fork, he sticks a piece of scrambled eggs and shove it into his mouth.

Theodore looks away and finds his eyes lingering on Oliver. The Brit is staring back at him, brows furrowed, trying to figure out just exactly was going on up in the blond's head. Usually, Oliver was able to figure him out. Usually. But these past few days, these past few weeks, these past few months, he finds himself staring directly at a blank wall. One of the many walls put up by Theodore so long ago. So vastly different from the one that had cracked just hours ago. He can tell. He can tell that Theodore isn't planning on letting that wall down anytime soon. But if Oliver could somehow get this brand new wall to crack, then just maybe—

"Cut it out, Ollie." Theodore's voice cuts through the silence, making Oliver tense up. "I don't like when you look at me like that. It's really annoying, actually."

"My bad," Oliver says quietly, looking away. He hadn't realized he had been staring that long. "Sorry."

"No, it's..." he groans, running a hand over his face. "It's fine," he grits his teeth.

"Okay, well," Pietro starts with a sigh as he gets up and starts collecting the tableware, "I think breakfast is done." It really wasn't, but he could tell that Theodore wanted to leave.

"Yeah, it is. Bye," Theodore says immediately, getting down from the stool and taking the glass of lemonade that Pietro had poured him earlier upstairs with him.

"Oh, no, you don't!" Oliver shouts, hurrying after him. "Get back here!"

"You have to be faster than that if you wanna catch me!" Theodore teases.

✧ ✧ ✧

teddyv.jpg added to their story!

viewed by olliebearman, velilah.d, jianna1iu, and 30,582 others

olliebearman replied to your story

olliebearman
can we go again? i wanna
get my own this time 😋

teddyv.jpg
i watched you type this
while you're literally
laying next me rn 😒😒

olliebearman
bc you're being nonverbal rn
so idk what you want me to
do 😔😔

teddyv.jpg
fair point

teddyv.jpg
also sorry i kinda forced you
to stay with me in my room
again after i refused to let you
in when you followed me up
here

teddyv.jpg
but then i gave up bc i really
enjoy your company ollie

teddyv.jpg
okay dude i see you smiling
after i said that. don't try and
hide it now

olliebearman
i am NOT hiding it

teddyv.jpg
mate, this is literally you rn

olliebearman
oh piss off 😭😭

olliebearman
i just appreciate that you
can tolerate me

teddyv.jpg
i have to put up with you
every day. if i hated you,
i wouldn't have tolerated
anything

olliebearman
true true

teddyv.jpg
now get up before i push
you off the bed

olliebearman
can't get up if you're sitting
on me

olliebearman
why are you so heavy

teddyv.jpg
i'm only two kilos lighter
than you stfu 😡😡

teddyv.jpg
if we're being honest,
you're the heavy one

teddyv.jpg
there. now you can get up

olliebearman
thank you 😊

olliebearman
hey question...

teddyv.jpg
the ellipsis is scaring me

olliebearman
it's nothing bad i swear!!

teddyv.jpg
okay so what

olliebearman
so remember a couple months
ago when i asked of you
wanted to go to johnny's, but
then you never answered my
question

teddyv.jpg
yes bc i was mad at you

olliebearman
so you wanna go today?

teddyv.jpg
YES

teddyv.jpg
i never turn down johnny's

teddyv.jpg
except for the time that i
ignored you but we don't
talk about that...

teddyv.jpg
wait so are we going for
lunch or dinner?

olliebearman
pretty sure you know the
answer already :)

teddyv.jpg
pizza at dinnertime is so
good 🤤

teddyv.jpg
better than pizza for lunch
frfr

teddyv.jpg
cheese >>>>>

olliebearman
okay what is your obsession
with cheese

teddyv.jpg
i'm italian

olliebearman
half

teddyv.jpg
shut up

olliebearman
okay but are you ever gonna
order pizza that ISN'T quattro
formaggi 😭

olliebearman
not that i have a problem with
it or anything but like

teddyv.jpg
no ❤️

olliebearman
not even just to try smth new?

teddyv.jpg
i think i'll stick to what
i'm used to thank you
very much 🤗

teddyv.jpg
cheese is the best food
that was invented EVER

teddyv.jpg
and so is pizza

teddyv.jpg
and pasta

teddyv.jpg
and chicken

teddyv.jpg
and like so many other foods

teddyv.jpg
but mainly anything with cheese

olliebearman
OKAY I GET IT

olliebearman
you really love cheese

olliebearman
now let's discuss your
lemonade addiction?

teddyv.jpg
booooooo 🍅🍅🍅🍅
ollie ur no fun 😔

olliebearman
oh come on
teddyv.jpg liked a message

✧ ✧ ✧

teddyv.jpg posted three minutes ago!

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tagged: olliebearman

—liked by olliebearman, velilah.d, jianna1iu, and 32,366 others
teddyv.jpg besties since '05 💗

view comments

olliebearman my ride or die 🫶🏻
↳ teddyv.jpg @olliebearman until the very end 🫶🏼

olliebearman don't know a world that doesn't have you in it tbh
↳ teddyv.jpg @olliebearman best friends in every universe <3

olliebearman yeah actually idk how you tolerate me
↳ teddyv.jpg @olliebearman tbh idk. and idk how you tolerate me either
↳ olliebearman @teddyv.jpg 🤷🏻‍♂️

jakcrawford_ fav duo ever
↳ teddyv.jpg @jakcrawford_ 😁😁

velilah.d you guys are the best friends ever shut up you make me sick
↳ teddyv.jpg @velilah.d 💗💗

jianna1iu the titanic pose 💀💀
↳ teddyv.jpg @jianna1iu it was def ollie's idea
↳ jianna1iu @teddyv.jpg i can tell

kimi.antonelli the dummies being the colors of your teams. coincidence? (ik the one you had wasn't green but let me be delusional, mate, just this once pls)
↳ teddyv.jpg @kimi.antonelli wow
↳ kimi.antonelli @teddyv.jpg yk i'm right
↳ teddyv.jpg @kimi.antonelli i do hate to admit it, but you are in fact always right. unfortunately 😔

paularon_ 🚢
↳ teddyv.jpg @paularon_ i shoved ollie into the ocean after
↳ olliebearman @paularon_ @teddyv.jpg it was not a fun experience 0/10 recommend

dinobeganovic_ they grow up so fast 🥹
↳ teddyv.jpg @dinobeganovic_ boy

annikaaa adorable
↳ teddyv.jpg @annikaaa 😊😊

username stop 🥺🥺

username i need me a friendship like tedollie

username if only i had been born earlier and in europe maybe there's a chance i could've been friends with you two 💔💔
↳ username @username YOU GET IT

username really knew each other your whole lives damn. idk what it's like to have a childhood best friend and this is making me wish i had that ☹️☹️
↳ username @username same </3

author's note
guess how many times
i sobbed into my pillow
while writing this 🤗

omg i'm sorry this chapter
is so long. i was gonna end it
at the part right before they
left for breakfast, but then i
decided i wanted to include
some happier tedollie moments
before the torture resumes
(i'm kidding. the torture ends
next chapter)

07.19.24