18 • unity day

We're going places.

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"My friends," The Chancellor's voice crackled from the monitor. "This is a historic Unity Day. Every year, we mark the moment our ancestors of the twelve stations joined to form the Ark but this is the last time we do so aboard her. Next year. . . on the ground."

The crowd upon the Ark cheered on their Chancellor, smiles all around.

Today was Unity Day, a holiday back at home which celebrated the day all the space stations from different continents came together to form the Ark.

It was only after they had blown the thirteenth station out of the sky, but why let the truth get in the way of a good story?

"Right. After we did all the work," Miller pointed out. "Someone shut him up."

Raven laughed, telling him to shut up instead. "No one's forcing you to watch."

It had been a few days since our trip out to the bunker. I was back to my old self for the most part; I wasn't hearing their voices anymore, but I was still having the nightmares.

The night it had happened, I hadn't slept a wink.

Instead, I lay there thinking over everything that had happened. I knew things were going to be different on the ground, but I never would have expected this. We hadn't even been down here that long and things were already bad half of the time.

But that's not what worried me at the moment. I was concerned that when the people came down from the Ark, Shumway would be with them, and he would talk to Bellamy.

He still didn't know that I was the other person contracted with killing him. And for now, he didn't need to know. I was going to tell him, just not while things were so up in the air.

Bellamy checked in on me each day to see how I was doing, which only made me feel more guilty. Why did he have to make this harder?

I wanted to tell him, but I was afraid of how he'd react. What he might do. Even though I didn't actually go through with trying to kill him, I did consider it, and that was enough.

Jaha continued over the monitor. "For ninety-seven years, we have eked out an existence hoping that someday our descendants would return to Earth."

Back on the Ark we had to hear a speech similar to this every year on Unity Day. I grew bored of it over the years and this time, I could actually leave without consequence. No one took much notice as I walked away, spotting Octavia near the dropship.

"Hey, any word from Lincoln?" I asked her as I stood beside her.

She shook her head, looking disappointed. She really cared for him. Anyone who looked at her would be able to tell.

"I just- I want to know he made it back safe."

"I'm sure he's fine," I tried to reassure her.

"Whoo! Yeah!" Jasper's voice was yelling all of a sudden. He was walking over with his goggles on his face, holding a metal pot of sorts above his head. "Monty strikes again!"

Running to the centre of the group, he laughed, "We call this batch Unity Juice! Who's thirsty?"

The crowd cheered, abandoning Jaha and his speech to grab some of Monty's brew.

I quickly leaned in towards Octavia, "If you want to know if Lincoln's alright, now is the chance. Go find him."

She took a moment to consider what I was saying, before smiling and sneaking towards the gate. I watched discreetly while everyone was distracted by Jasper, hoping that no one would spot her.

Octavia glimpsed at me over her shoulder with a smile and mouthed a thank you, before opening the gate and slipping out. She'd made it. Now as long as she made it back, Bellamy wouldn't kill us both.

Clarke came over to me soon after, holding out a cup. "You look like you could use this."

My eyebrows pulled together as I took it from her and smelt it. I pulled back quickly at the sharp scent, choking on it a little. "Monty's Unity Juice?"

She leaned against the wall beside me, pushing her hair behind her ears. "Bellamy. He told me you were having trouble after what happened the other day."

Bellamy had told her what we had spoken about? I guess she would've asked, but it still threw me off a bit.
"The weird thing is, I was fine with killing Dax. I was," I answered honestly. "I've killed someone before. It was just. . . the hallucinations I'd had before that. . ."

She nodded in understanding. "Yeah. Those were pretty awful."
Clarke hadn't gone into detail about the one she had experienced on the way back, she just mentioned her dad.

I laughed, "Definitely won't be on the highlight reel of my life."

Taking a gulp of the Unity Juice, I almost coughed it back up. "By the way, this is disgusting."

Clarke laughed, grinning. "I'll take your word on that."

"You should have one. Relax a bit."
I took another sip, before raising it to her. "Thanks for the drink."

She left me to be on my own, sipping at my drink as I watched everyone celebrating. I never really celebrated this holiday, even back on the Ark.

What would it be like once the rest of our population joined us? I doubt we would have as much control as we currently did, and I didn't know if I was too happy about that.

Bellamy might not have been right about sabotaging the radio and such, but the motive and idea behind it might not have been as far-fetched as everyone believed.

We were going to lose everything we'd built when they came down. And what if they didn't keep their promise to forgive our crimes? We were just supposed to trust them after they sent us here expecting that we'd die?

We were all just gonna end up in a Sky Box on the ground.

✦✦✦✦✦

Night fell and everyone was still celebrating Unity Day, drinking and chatting around the fire. Everyone seemed happy; it was nice for a change.

I grabbed another serve of Unity Juice before taking a seat beside the fire; I think I was on my third or forth at that point. By the time I got half way through my second cup, I started to be able to ignore the flavour. Which was good, considering it tasted shocking.

As I kept going, a soft dizziness set in. One that I was inclined to nurture into forgetting what my life had become, even if it was just for tonight. I just needed to forget for a while. It numbed my emotions; and for now, it was nice.

Jasper walked up to me, distracting from my thoughts. "There's my favourite ex-inmate! Tell me, do you know how to throw things? Like. . . do you have a good aim?"

He pretended to look in the distance and throw something, before looking at me expectantly.

I laughed as I took another sip of my drink. Lowering the cup, I pursed my lips in thought for a moment. It was never really something I tested out. "Not sure, J. Probably not. Especially since I've had a few of these," I answered honestly. "My best bet would be Raven."

He smiled excitedly, "Oh my, god, why didn't I think of that?" Jasper leaned forward quickly and gave me a quick hug. He reeked of alcohol. With a small laugh, he then ran off, shouting to me over his shoulder, "Thanks, Theo!"

"You're welcome!" I called after him. It was good to see they were all having a good time, considering that the Grounders could attack at any moment. It's nice to enjoy these moments while we still have them.

And speaking of moments worth enjoying. . .

"Having fun?" Bellamy asked, lowering himself to sit beside me.

I laughed, but it felt hollow. "Define fun."

He nodded slowly, a smile playing at his lips. His eyes remained on me, seemingly still waiting on an answer.

"Don't play around, Bellamy, I know what you're asking. And no, their voices aren't in my head anymore, the nuts wore off and I'm fine, so I'm having my own celebration. It's the little things, you know?"

Taking a sip of my drink, I avoided his pointed gaze.

I don't think he was even trying to hide his concern at this point. "Look, I'm all for having a good time, but maybe you need to slow down," he suggested, reaching for my drink.

Pulling the drink out of his reach, he leaned towards me to grab it, stopping at just a few inches away from my face. "Why are you here, Bellamy?" I whispered.

He raised his hand and let it hover beside my cheek, but never actually touched me. He then lowered it, but didn't look away from me.

"You know, you're kinda cute when you're not scowling," I teased. I mean, I wasn't lying, but I definitely hadn't planned on ever saying that to his face.

"Yeah, well not all of us can look cute while we're angry, Sutton."

Oh.

I pursed my lips as I laughed a little, before taking another gulp of the Unity Juice.

He half-rolled his eyes, "I mean-"

I held up a hand to cut him off. "You don't think I see the way you've been looking at me lately, Blake?" I chuckled, narrowing my eyes.

The Unity Juice was definitely playing with my head, but I knew I hadn't been seeing things. Bellamy wasn't treating me like he had on those first few days anymore; and by the look on his face, he knew that too.

But nothing could happen even if I wanted it to. Not after I had the intention of killing him. I'd probably lose him, and I didn't want that. I had to tell him though. Even if it would be difficult, I couldn't keep lying to him.

He avoided my line of sight, looking past my shoulder to the bonfire. "Sutton," he said softly, trying to figure out what to say.

"You were right back then, Bellamy. I am a monster," I sighed as I pulled back. Maybe it would just be easier to get him to hate me again.

"No, I wasn't right. If anyone is a monster, it's me." He finally looked me in the eyes, "You're a good person, Sutton. Better than me."

This made me stumble. I wasn't expecting him to reply like that.
"If you think someone who doesn't regret murder is better than you, then you have some serious problems."

I tried to laugh but choked it back when he didn't join in. He and Octavia were definitely siblings. Neither of them made it easy to understand them. Why couldn't I figure him out?

"You're a riddle, Bellamy Blake," I mumbled, taking a sip of my drink.

He grabbed the cup as it reached my lips, and then poured it out. "Like I said, I think you've had enough."

"I'm not Octavia or one of your little cronies. Who the hell are you to tell me what to do?" I asked standing up, stumbling a bit as I did so. The Unity Juice was playing with my emotions and my head, and Bellamy was Bellamy.

He stood up right in front of me, using his height to his advantage. He had to be almost a foot taller than me. It was at moments like these I despised being short. But he didn't yell at me like I had expected him to.

Instead, he wrapped an arm around me and walked me over to my tent. When I stumbled again, he resorted to carrying me.

"Put me down," I mumbled like a child, pathetically hitting him a few times. "Cave man."

Bellamy shook his head as he laid me down on my bunk, sitting on the edge of it.

"You need to find a way to live with this. You can't just forget it - it happened - so find another way."

"That's easy for you to say," I told him as I pulled myself up so I could sit.

Surprisingly, he didn't argue. "I never should have said those things to you after you all saved Octavia's life."

I had to take a moment to figure out what he was talking about. "On the first day after that sea snake attack? Bellamy, that was ages ago."

"I know," He nodded. "And I shouldn't have said anything."

I just shrugged, "I'm used to it by now, don't worry."

"Why do you do that?"

"What do you mean?"

Shifting on the bunk, he moved closer to me. "You always make out like you're here alone and you have to do everything alone."

"Maybe I was just acting off of your example."

"I. . . okay, maybe to begin with, but now Clarke and I are working together," He admitted. "But that's not the point. Why won't you let anyone help you?"

Valid question. Unfortunately for him, my head was fuzzy, and all I could focus on was the colour of his eyes, the way his lips were pressed together in concern. I also noticed the freckles on the bridge of his nose and cheeks seeming darker in the candlelight.

"Because after everything I've done, I don't deserve it," I whispered as I lifted a hand up to touch the freckles on his right cheek; his skin was surprisingly soft.

He took my hand in his, removing it from his face as he looked at me but not letting go. "No one can do anything alone. Look how well that worked out when I tried."

"Why can't you just leave things be?"

I felt myself beginning to bite the inside of my cheek, silently begging him to abandon this conversation.

"Because you're going to end up getting yourself killed," He said in frustration.

"Bellamy, I literally had to save your life just the other day. I think I can take care of myself."

He shook his head, "No, this is more than that. What aren't you telling me?"

"I don't know what-"

"Sutton, just tell me," he said, his grip on my hand firmer as he tried to remain calm.

I couldn't keep lying to him. He knew something was up anyway, so the truth came out.
"I was the other person Shumway sent to kill you," I said quietly as I looked at our hands.

I only glanced up when he pulled his hand away from mine. He looked hurt for a split second, before his face went stony and he left the tent.

"Bellamy!" I shouted, but he was gone. Collapsing back onto my bed, I stared up at the top of the tent. I could feel the effects of the alcohol lulling into a headache as I lay motionless.

I needed to tell him, it was eating away at me. But, I don't think I chose the best time. Although, what would've been the best time to tell him something like that?

I'd really screwed up now. I don't think Bellamy was going to forgive me for what I had said easily.

Bellamy was a cautious guy, I knew that. And just when I thought I'd gotten past the yellow tape, I went and ruined it. He would probably have me banished for this.

I shouldn't have drank the Unity Juice.

"Hey," I heard someone enter the tent. "Can I ask you a favour?"

Clearing my throat and my head, I sat up, "Sure. What's up, Clarke?"

She walked over to me and explained everything in quick succession. She was obviously in a rush.

"Finn has somehow managed to set up a meeting with the Grounders and wants me to talk to them. But, after what happened with Lincoln attacking Finn, I'm not entirely sure that I trust them. So I just want to have some of you on lookout in case something goes wrong and I saw how you handled yourself with that knife. No hesitation. I want someone like that to have my back."

Taking a moment to think it all through, I bobbed my head slowly. "So, you want me to be there to kill any Grounders who might try to kill you?"

"If that's not asking too much," she pursed her lips. "I know after what happened the other day-"

"I'm fine now," I quickly reassured her. "All back to normal. Promise."

"Good," she smiled. "So, you're in?"

"I guess I am."

"Okay. Well, Bellamy is getting some guns and Jasper, so just go and meet them at Raven's tent. Thank you, Theo."

Wait. . . Bellamy was going to be there?

Before I could even take it back, Clarke was rushing out of the tent to meet with Finn.

Great. Just great.

Climbing up off of my bunk I sheathed my knife and headed directly for Raven's tent. I could hear talking inside, so I decided just to wait outside.

When the voices stopped, Bellamy soon exited followed by Jasper and Raven. All three had guns and ammo in their hands.

"What are you doing here?" Bellamy asked bluntly.

Ignoring him I looked to Jasper, "Where can I get a gun?"

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