I'VE BEEN WAITING.

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LOST IN FIRE (book three).
°• CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT •°

" I'LL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
OVER AND OVER AGAIN,
OCTAVIA, I DON'T CARE
HOW WHERE OR WHEN! "

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SKYRING

Harley was so sick of waiting. So sick of it. It's taken them years to find even a chance to touch the green glow at the bottom of the water and the hope she felt was so foreign that she could choke on it. Days turned into years while she blinked, waiting, hurt. Hurt because she was desperate to see Murphy again, having to rely on the fact that she was sure she would feel it if he died, as well as dealing with Octavia's on and off cold shoulder. If Harley had to wait one more day, she thinks she may finally go insane. Had it not been for Diyoza and Hope, she believed she would have done so already.

Fortunately, Octavia felt the same. They discussed it quickly: they'll go through with the idea of Harley tying the rocks to her feet and Octavia will take the suit and revive her on the other side. Unfortunately, Harley didn't notice the way Diyoza eyed the helmet Octavia left. She would wish she had later on.

Leaving Hope was the hardest part, Harley realized. She was gently stroking the girl's brown strands of hair as she slept while Octavia kissed her temple. Harley felt her heart ripping in half as she stood up. Saying good-bye would only make her want to stay so she thought it would be easier to just leave, but she was rethinking her options.

They were just about to leave the cabin when they heard a small voice calling, "Auntie O, Auntie El, wait... Don't leave."

Harley's heart sank. She stopped in her tracks to spin around. Her eyes started to burn with tears at the way Hope looked at them, her blue eyes big and her lower lip trembling. Harley was the first to take a few steps forward, sitting on Hope's side and returning her fingers to brush through her hair again. Octavia sat on the other end. "I miss you already," she stated sadly.

"I don't wanna grow up without you," Hope replied softly.

Harley shared a look with Octavia, whispering, "Well..." They both knew the truth: Diyoza could be right. They may disappear and never see the pair again. Hope may be alone after her mother dies. They could be gone for minutes as this happens. But telling their niece this would crush her. Harley couldn't bear the thought.

"Maybe you don't have to," Octavia suggested. "We don't know how the anomaly works, right?"

Harley could see where she was going with this. "Yeah. Before you know it... We could be back with Bellamy, Clarke, Madi-"

"And Murphy?!" Hope exclaimed wistfully.

She gave her a sad smile, recalling Monty's video, "Sorry Harley, but believe it or not... Murphy's his favorite," and Madi's insistence, "Octavia's my favorite. No offense." It wasn't a coincidence that the two people she loved most were their favorites. Harley kissed Hope's forehead as Octavia hid a smile. "Him too," she promised.

"We love you, little one. Don't you ever forget it," Octavia said gravely. The pair squeezed Hope in between them just so the little girl wouldn't see them weep. Harley bit her lower lip, sniffling, and attempting to bite back a sob. She covered it by planting another kiss on her head. Ripping away from Hope hurt like hell, knowing deep in her broken heart she may never see her again. Not in this life.

She tried to ignore Hope's own cry as they left the cabin. Harley furiously rubbed at her eyes as a blurry vision of Diyoza appeared on the garden path. She swore she wouldn't let her see her cry.

"I thought you were too mad to say good-bye," Octavia said spitefully to her.

"This isn't good-bye." Diyoza pitched the object she was carrying at Octavia, who caught it. Harley recognized it immediately even as Diyoza continued, "You won't accept this now, but I'm probably saving both your lives because even with that thing on and believing you can revive Harley..." Which just fell as an echo in Harley's ears since the helmet was smashed, the glass triangles poking every which way.

"Diyoza," Harley choked out. "You-"

She was cut off by Octavia's furious scream as she tossed the helmet aside, the piece smacking into Harley's chest, who cradled it as she fell to her knees, and charged at her, a single fist thrown at her face that was dodged. Diyoza swung around her and yanked her into a chokehold. "If you want to hate me, hate me! But Hope needs both of you!"

"Stop making this about Hope," Octavia snarled.

They fell to their sides near Harley's knees. She knows Octavia's right - Diyoza didn't break the helmet just so Hope wouldn't be heartbroken, she selfishly did it for herself too. But Harley didn't care. She felt all hope leave her body and fade into the air as she knew she was going to be waiting all over again...

"Fine! I need you guys too, is that what you want to hear?! Octavia, your brother left you to die. Why are you so eager to run back to him?! Why aren't we enough?!" Diyoza begged to know as Octavia thrashed in her arms, ceasing at the last minute as it all came crashing down on her, leading to a fit of sobs.

"I just need to tell him... I understand." Diyoza let Octavia go, who rolled away. "Because of Hope, I understand. I just need to tell him..."

Diyoza slowly rose. She looked from a weeping Octavia to a trembling Harley. "This is your home now."

Harley finally came to her senses. She felt all her nerves become ablaze with anger, knowing that the waiting was just going to start all over again, and she almost screamed into the trees with frustration as she staggered to her feet. "Go float yourself!" Harley hissed and threw the helmet back at Diyoza with as much force as she could.

Diyoza cradled it to her chest, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I have no idea what that means."

"It means you stole my brother from me, you twisted and manipulative, bitch!" Harley snapped. She barrelled past Diyoza. She may not have meant it in the moment, but she was too angry to think straight. She wasn't in the mood to fight her and knew it was useless since the other woman could take her down in a second anyway. And besides that, Harley just wanted to be alone.

Here on this stupid island that was impossible to get off of for whatever reason. It didn't matter how long Harley ran for, she would still be here, on the edge of the lake. It wasn't the first time she sat there with tears streaming down her cheeks and choking out sobs. It was supposed to be the one place neither Hope nor Diyoza would see Harley cry. She was just so done. She was so tired of these impossible choices. She couldn't bear not knowing if Murphy was alive, never seeing him again, and never seeing her family again either...

Then again, what did that mean for Diyoza and Hope? Harley loved them so much too. Diyoza changed her life when she brought Hope into this world. She felt like maybe she had the chance to be everything she used to be... Kind, selfless, optimistic, everything she wanted for Hope. This was where they could live a peaceful life away from war. Why didn't Harley want that?

She wished she had the answers. And she wished more than anything that Murphy was here to listen to her vent. He'd have a sarcastic answer, sure, but at least he'd be here.

The sticks in the forest surrounding Harley cracked as Octavia came up behind her. She had shed the uniform for something looser, an army green shawl draped over her shoulders that covered a short top crisscrossing over her chest. She looked defeated, but as if she was just toeing the line of understanding that Skyring was home now. Nowhere near where Harley was.

Octavia broke the silence first. "Maybe it's better like this," she said quietly.

Harley released a hollow laugh. "Yeah, maybe." She paused to think and shut her damp eyes. "Maybe I'm bad luck and it's better this way for him." It felt like Harley stained everything she touched. Maybe, in the end, Jasper was onto something, she thought with another painful ache in her chest. Harley's starting to forget what her late friends looked or sounded like.

"That's not true." Octavia squatted next to her. "You're not bad luck, Harley."

Anger started to course through Harley. Another thing she hated, she hated the person she's become. "What do you know?" Harley demanded as she rolled to her knees next to her. "I'm sick of the way you act around me, Octavia, I've... I've apologized a million times for poisoning you, okay?! I can't say I'm sorry anymore! It's what I feel all the time! If you hate me, just say it!" Her voice raised to a shout with every word.

There was a tense pause before Octavia shook her head. "I could never hate you," she said solemnly. It was the first time Harley had heard her speak so placid in so, so long. She wished she could reach over and take her hand, but those days were long over. Octavia took a deep breath. "I know I haven't been fair to you. And yes, it's because I've been..." She paused to find the right word. "Resentful about the past, but it's not just that. It seemed easier to push you away so... So you wouldn't have to do something like that again. There was a monster in me and we're responsible for what happens when we let it out," she admitted. "I suppose in a way I was trying to protect you."

Looking at Octavia then wasn't like looking at Blodreina. It was like looking at the old Octavia, the one who was so excited to step on Earth she screamed, "We're back, bitches!" With joy. Harley softened at the memory, but not enough. Her rage didn't fade. If anything, it made her angrier. Octavia was always this girl. She may have lost herself for a bit, but she never died. She was always there under the surface, waiting to be unearthed again.

"I never believed you could fall in love with me again because of all I've done." Octavia took a deep breath, a lost look in her eyes, "I know you've been waiting-"

"Of course I've been waiting!" Harley shouted and jumped to her feet so quickly that Octavia jumped. She furiously kicked the dirt with how bad she wanted to hit something, yelling, "I'll fall in love with you over and over again, Octavia, I don't care how, where, or when! No matter how long it's been!" Harley's trembling hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Octavia's face fell while she stood shakily. "Harley-"

Nothing was stopping Harley. Her tone rose with each word she shouted even though her throat was hoarse now, "Don't tell me you're not the same person! You've always been my love and you're damn right I've been waiting-!"

This time, the only thing that could stop Harley was Octavia planting her hands on her face and dragging her toward her into a kiss. So that's exactly what she did. Harley wasn't expecting it. She froze in Octavia's grip for a long minute before she completely snapped out of it, putty in her hands. Her rage had melted away, but the love was just as strong. It was like molten lava that ran through her veins. It was the same love Harley felt in the beginning... Years ago.

Before Skyring. Before space. Before Blodreina. Before they lost Earth again.

Octavia slowly parted from her. There was a look of hope in her green eyes that made Harley's breath catch in her throat. She gradually pushed it out of her chest in relief, breathing out to finish, "... For you."

Because Harley finally felt a sense of acceptance as Octavia did. She may never see Murphy or her family again. At least not as young as she is now. The thought hurt, but it's been hurting for years. It was never going to change. Reaching the bottom of the lake is impossible and she was a fool for thinking holding her breath meant she could touch the glow. But Harley could have one thing she wanted: she could have Octavia Blake and love her all over again.

They had so much to talk about and so much to mend, but for now, they trudged back to the cabin with their fingers laced together. Harley didn't miss the way Diyoza glared out the window with a hidden smile as Hope raced outside to greet them, excitement in her eyes as she stopped in front of where her aunts started to plant. Harley tiredly returned it. She loved planting like she loved them. Everything she knew, she learned from Monty. Being knee-deep in the soil made her feel like he was with her again.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Plant," Octavia seemed to read her mind as she urged Hope. Harley melted on the inside, remembering Octavia spitting the same words at her soldier, "Well, what are you waiting for?" With a different ending. "Fight."

The fight was finally over.

For them, at least. The others Harley loved were still on the other side, about to fight a war she could sense was coming, and there was nothing she could do to help them. Writing a letter was worth a shot, though. Then Harley... Well, she could finally move on.

John,

I don't know if you ever woke up after I attacked you, but all I can do is hope now. If you have, I do know for sure it hasn't been a long time since you've seen me last. But it's felt like forever since I've seen you last. It doesn't make any sense, right? Well, it probably will soon. Just don't trust the Primes and get out of there as fast as you can. I'm sorry I won't be there to help you.

I want you to know I tried as hard as I could to make it back to you. I wish I could see you again, but maybe in the next life I will. Please don't come looking for me. As you read this, I probably will be dust by the end, but it's okay. Things are okay now. I'm okay now, but I still miss you more than anything. I have Hope now, thanks to Diyoza. And I'm with Octavia. I promise I died happy. I love you, John. Tell the others I love them too. Give them the hope I have now. Live a long life with Emori, okay? Be happy with her. It's all I want for you.

May we meet again.

Love Always,

El.

The years continue passing by and the world Harley was stuck on kept turning. Except she didn't feel so trapped anymore the night they taught Hope to light a fire and had their arms around one another like they were a family because they were. Harley loved them so much. Diyoza was so important to her and Hope reminded her of what life could be like without war. And she loved Octavia. So much. The waiting was finally over. Waking up next to her every morning, sharing dinner without any snarky comments, and laughing again because life was worth living. There were no battles. No enemies to fight. Harley meant what she said in the letter she tossed into the lake rolled inside a bottle alongside Octavia's letter to Bellamy - things are okay now.

Harley finally settled into being happy with Octavia again. She almost felt like her old self once more. The days blended together until Hope was starting to grow up before their very eyes. The girl had finally surpassed Harley's waistline and was growing in so much more than her height, though Diyoza would disagree. She was always distracted by her aunts and found more joy in hunting, planting, Earth Skills, and, well, anything that wasn't schoolwork.

One night, Hope's mother had a basket of freshly grown vegetables balanced on her hip and her eyebrows raised in her daughter's direction, who sat at the table, her Auntie El behind her. "You aced your reading, but your math... You're gonna do it again after dinner," she instructed.

"You're no fun," Harley argued with a mock pout. It spread into a smile as she carded her fingers through the smooth braid she was working on in Hope's hair.

"And you're a terrible influence, Murphy," Diyoza chided her. She brought the vegetables to sit across from Octavia to clean them up.

Octavia had been sewing, a skillset she learned from her mother, Aurora. She held up a black top that only had one long sleeve to her chest. "Remember this?" She asked. Harley did. She remembered their last night on Sanctum every day, but remembering was better than dwelling.

"I remember carrying your ass through the woods in it," Diyoza snorted.

A silence fell between the three that Harley broke with a loud and fake gasp. "Charmaine Diyoza, did you just say a bad word?!" She exclaimed.

"I get it. That's me on dishes," Diyoza sighed.

Hope started giggling, which made her fidget that messed up Harley's braid, but she laughed too, undoing the strands to start again. Octavia seemed to soften at the sound of them as she shook her head. "I could have made your daughter a pair of pants if you didn't rip that sleeve off."

"I ripped the sleeve off to save that gnarly arm of yours. It's time to throw that damn thing away," Diyoza went on mindlessly as she cut the dirty vegetable skin and cleaned it free of the soil. She didn't seem to realize the bad word she said until...

Another pause, and then, "That's dishes tomorrow, too," Hope piped in with a betraying grin on her round face.

Harley was used to being stuck in a room with tension, but this was so much better. The love shared in the room between the four was way more powerful than mindless anger. They all took turns sharing a knowing smile as if they all felt the same. Harley loved how normal this has become for not only her, but for Diyoza and Octavia too, because it was something they deserved after so much violence. So they were going to do everything to protect Hope from it too.

Suddenly, the only thing out of order that night was a loud crash from outside. Harley immediately put her arms around Hope and directed her away from the window as another few echoed. Skyring had been uninhabited for so long, well, besides them. What if they were under attack now?

Diyoza was already moving and grabbed a long stick in the corner. "Keep her out of sight," she ordered them.

"Wait, what are you doing?" Octavia asked.

Harley kept an arm over Hope, adding in a plea, "Diyoza, don't go out there." There were places they could hide, they could figure this out, this can't be the end of it all-

"Please, just do what I say," Diyoza begged them. Even as Hope called for her mom, the woman was gone, slamming the door shut behind her.

Harley remembered Hope was there too and tried to guide her away again. "Don't worry, hey," she whispered, crouching to be eye-level. "Everything's going to be okay. We won't let anything happen to you, sweetheart."

A green glow shone through the glass that almost blinded them. Octavia came up from behind them, one hand squeezing Harley's arm and the other rested over Hope's shoulder. Harley could tell by the hitch of her breath that they were thinking the same thing... The anomaly. The one they dove into all those years ago, it was here. But why?

It was difficult to see through the light, but Harley could make out a blurred shadow of Diyoza sinking to her knees with her hands raised in surrender. A group of figures in similar suits like the one Octavia dug up had approached her, the one in the lead waving their hand as they swapped words. Harley couldn't make them out any better than she could see.

Not until Diyoza released a shrill scream of, "Octavia, Harley, you fools! There is no hope! Come out now!"

Harley squeezed her eyes shut. The damn letters they sent. That's how these foreign guards found them. She opened her eyes to see a terrified look in Hope's face. Octavia pointed behind her, whispering, "Go, now!" And ushering her to a small hole in the wall hidden behind a board.

"They'll be here any minute," Harley panicked as Hope remained still, frightened.

"I know." Octavia lifted the board aside, turning to order Hope, "Get in. Hurry!" Hope scrambled to comply. She made herself as small as possible despite the terror in her eyes. Octavia turned to Harley next, demanding, "You're next."

Harley shook her head. "No. No way, Octavia. Anywhere you go, I'll follow." Hope would be safe here, there was no telling the same for them. They didn't have any time to argue so Harley ignored the pain in her face as she crouched in front of Hope. "It's time to be brave, okay?" She told her softly and the small girl nodded.

"You need to stay quiet. No matter what you hear, you have to stay quiet, do you understand?" Octavia demanded. Hope furiously nodded again. "I promise you, Mommy, Auntie O, and Auntie El will come back for you. But for right now..." She pressed a finger to her lips. "Shh."

Harley shook her head. Octavia may be right, and they'll fight like hell to get back to Hope, to see her again. But she has to consider that they may not. They've discussed the plan before.

"Hope," she began. "What do you do if we don't come back?" She felt Octavia's hand touch her shoulder as if to stop her, but Harley jerked away. "Octavia," she warned her. They didn't have time to fight about it.

The frightened girl murmured, "Find them."

Harley nodded quickly. "That's right. Find Murphy, Bellamy, Echo, Clarke - they'll protect you, I promise." They needed to give Hope something to hope for. She fought back her tears and kissed Hope's forehead. "We love you so much, little one."

Octavia kissed her head next. The rapid knocks at the door told them they were out of time. "You be brave," she whispered somberly before inching the board in front of the hole again, hiding Hope out of view.

The wood at the door was starting to split. "Come out and surrender!" One of them shouted, their deep voice muffled behind the helmet. Octavia scrambled to grab the coat she came to Skring in, the Children of Gabriel suit wrecked from years of damage over her shoulders as if it was a shield.

Fighting wasn't the problem. It was the way that, no matter how hard they fought once they burst in, it didn't matter. It wasn't that they were out of practice or weak. It was mostly that the longer these guards were there, the more risk they were going to see Hope. An unspeakable agreement had been passed between Harley and Octavia in seconds: pretend to fight so they think it's natural, but surrender. Just get them out of the house and away from Hope.

A pair of gloved hands seized them each by the arms and forced them outside. Harley would breathe in relief that Hope was safe for now if her heart wasn't beating so fast in the terror of what was going to happen to them now after so, so many years of peace. Diyoza was right, she was foolish.

Diyoza looked at them desperately and Harley subtly shook her head as if to relay the message to her that Hope was safe. She just couldn't say the same for them.

"We don't want to hurt you," one of the guards said before nodding to one of them. "Secure them. Helmets on. Anders wants them to remember everything."

A thick metal was secured over Harley's wrists alongside them. They spared the three extra helmets over their heads and her vision became completely black. She could still hear the muffled shout of the guard barking at them to stand and move, guiding them to the green glow Harley had spent years waiting to touch. But it was this surrender that felt so much more treacherous.

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author's note:

this was one of my favorite chapters to write 🤩 HEAVILY inspired by 'would you fall in love with me again' from the musical i'm obsessed with, epic. look at my last edit of harley & octavia on my tiktok @ bottledkodas.wp to see the vision i had!!

also im sorry again i suck at updates but i hope this chapter was worth the wait ❤️ they're back yall, yay. thank you for coming back to read!!

- koda