I AM WASHING A WAR FROM ME.

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LOST IN FIRE (book three).
°• CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO •°

" BLODREINA IS DEAD.
YOU KILLED HER. "

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        The friendship Harley held with Clarke was something special despite their ups and downs. Six years after Clarke saved their lives and Harley never forgot. She held her hero close to her heart and cried every time she fell asleep for a month until the pain over losing a friend numbed into anger. How did Harley repay that sacrifice? She thought helping Bellamy put the Flame in Madi's head, Clarke's child, was the right thing to do. She put her at risk. And Harley was furious when it happened, when she was abandoned to be thrown in the pit, because she hated herself more than anyone. She failed Clarke when she realized who was the root of the problem: herself.

It stabbed Harley straight in the gut every time she spared a glance to Clarke. She was unconscious but sleeping soundly, a peaceful and calm look on her face. Gabriel was fidgeting with his antidotes while Harley and Bellamy scanned a map of the land, but she couldn't find much time to focus. Her mind was already buzzing with a thousand unsaid apologies that should have been spoken a long time ago.

A sudden gasp comes from Clarke who stirs awake. She flails for a second in a quiet panic before her blue eyes scan her surrounding. Bellamy abandons the map and crouches near her with a hand over her leg, "Hey, it's okay. You're still here."

Clarke smiles. "Thanks to you. How long have I been asleep?"

"A few hours." Bellamy hung his head low between his shoulders and quietly mumbles something Harley can't overhear, but she knows it's an apology when Clarke sat up.

She's still smiling as she utters reassuringly, "Bellamy, you saved me."

"And you... You saved us all." Harley leaves the map behind as well so Clarke can see her better. She prays the tears that burn her eyes aren't visible when she continues, "I'm so sorry for what I said, Clarke. That was wrong of me. I never should've threatened you after I put your daughter in harm's way." Harley can see the glimmer in Clarke's eyes as well when she leans past Bellamy to squeeze her hand. "Everything you did kept us alive since the dropship camp. I hope one day I can prove to you how sorry I am after... After all that you've done to save us."

Something special passes between Harley and Clarke other than the incredible words. Harley can feel the spark spread from the palm of her hand to the tips of her fingers and prayed it would drift to the other. Maybe it would truly tell just how sorry Harley was if she couldn't express it any further unless she fell to her knees, cried, and begged for forgiveness.

"So how do we save everyone that I left behind?" Bellamy interrupts, his voice heavy.

Harley draws her hand away from Clarke. She uses her thumb to wipe the corners of her eyes because she knows the time of forgiveness was over and it was time to forget. Their people needed them. "I'll grab Octavia," Harley decides because she knows it's time to map out a plan. They'll need her too regardless of how Bellamy feels by the look on his face.

The cool air is welcoming as it kisses Harley's face when she steps out of the shelter. The wind is bringing the leaves to shiver but Octavia stands still amongst it, her green eyes locked on the sky above the quivering trees. Harley makes her presence known with heavy steps over crunching leaves so she doesn't startle her before she speaks, uttering her name softly, "Octavia?"

"Look." Octavia nods to the sky when Harley's shoulder brushes hers. She tilts her head back until she can follow exactly what she sees. An ominous light, a beautiful emerald, shines just over the blue sky. It's the anomaly. "You feel it too, don't you?" Octavia whispers.

She feels it almost a second later. There's a magnetic pull that grasps Harley from her chest and desperately wants to drag her as close as she could get to the green light. She almost wants to cry and can't explain why. It's just a horrible, deep feeling that could almost be painful. Like if Harley didn't surround herself with the green light soon, she'd fade into nothing.

Harley inhales deeply. It pains the growing feeling in her chest further. "I don't know what it is," she admits softly. "I just know like Diyoza... We have to go."

A hand slips into Harley's. Octavia's eyes are soft when their gazes meet as she tangles their fingers. The magnetic pull doesn't fade, but Harley's grateful the ache does as they retreat to Gabriel's tent. "We will," Octavia promises just outside the walls of cloth. "We'll figure it out after we rescue our people."

Bellamy's voice was rising from inside of the tent, "Well, it is for me, Clarke - !" And was cut off when Octavia entered, Harley behind her.

"Good. Everybody's awake," Octavia greets. "So what's the plan?"

They gather around the table with the map of Sanctum and there is where Harley learns exactly how bad this plan was.

"... You're a nightblood. You could walk through the shield at any time and lower it." Clarke's eyebrows furrowed in Gabriel's direction as she tries to understand him. She asks, "Why haven't you?"

"Because he doesn't want to kill the people inside. He wants to save them, and they'll die to protect the Primes," Octavia answers for him.

"Then they die," Bellamy states coldly. Everyone's heads snap towards him in disbelief. "I'm not letting our people get executed because theirs are delusional."

Harley feels a sense of bitter disgust. Bellamy was such a hypocrite, telling her Monty would be ashamed of her and then kicking dirt over his name. How was this doing better and starting over? But for Octavia's sake, she bites her tongue.

"I don't have the code. I couldn't lower the shield if I tried," Gabriel attempts to explain.

"What about Ryker? He built it, and he helped you escape. Go to him, you lower the shield, we do the rest," Bellamy offers.

Gabriel shakes his head. "Ryker won't help us. He left my cell door open to stop Simone from burning me at the stake, but he wouldn't help me stop the resurrections."

His words bring Octavia's eyes to widen. "They were gonna burn you?" She repeats in shock.

"That's what you do to demons."

The admission causes horrible images to pop into Harley's mind. She has to turn her head, the back of her hand covering her mouth as she mutters, "Oh my God." The Primes burned people at the stake? What did that mean for her family?

"I destroyed the embryos. We landed with a thousand genetically engineered with what you call nightblood to protect against solar radiation," Gabriel continues.

Clarke nods. "That's why hosts are so rare - why Josephine started oblation."

"An offering?" Harley translates once she feels well enough. "She just threw out people that weren't born as nightbloods?"

Gabriel doesn't agree in a nod, but he does seem a little unsettled. "I didn't think she would take it that far, but..."

A sarcastic smile spread on Bellamy's lips. "So your nonviolent revolution made things worse," he spat flatly.

"Bellamy," Octavia begins gently, "He doesn't want to kill his own people."

"Why not? You did."

The hurtful words spat like fire hits Harley with a new sense of anger. It isn't the type that makes her want to grab a sword and fight but to fiercely protect Bellamy's target, to make him feel as degraded as he had to them.

"Bellamy," Clarke scolds.

"I don't need a lecture on moral relativity from the Queen of Cannibals."

Harley finally snaps. She hates that the part of her she was convinced had been buried after leaving the anomaly unearths when she fumes, "If we need a lecture from the King of Genocide, we'll let you know."

A beat of silence follows after Bellamy's jaw drops. The tension in the air was so thick a knife could be pulled from their belts to slice the knife through the air. His brown eyes meet Harley's ice cold ones, her hands visibly shaking in their clenched position. She refuses to back down despite the rage that dangerously is on fire inside of her. Harley was positive she could get completely lost in it.

Octavia finally breaks the silence when she asks her older brother, "Can I talk to you outside?"

"No. No, you know what? For once, O, you're not my biggest problem," Bellamy answers with anger hidden in his tone. His is no match for Harley's.

Her lips part to speak again, but Octavia does so above her. Her single word is quiet but full of desperation. "Please?"

She gives Bellamy the chance to follow her when she spun on her heel and leaves the tent, but the tension doesn't follow. "Go," Clarke insists when Bellamy doesn't move. "We'll keep thinking."

"Your sister's special," Gabriel calls when Bellamy turns.

"Well, that's one word for it," Bellamy mutters bitterly.

"I'm serious, Bellamy. Octavia and Harley went into the anomaly and came back. No one's ever done that before."

Harley can't take it anymore. She's so unbearably frustrated that her memory is one blank space, so empty that she could tear her hair out and scream. And she's undeniably furious that Bellamy still believes he was God's gift on this planet, that he's done absolutely nothing wrong. He blames Octavia for it all then points a finger at Harley without admitting his mistakes. It was everyone's fault but his and he'll burn the world down before he confesses to his sins.

"Jok yu," Harley snarls. (Fuck you). Her shoulder bumps Bellamy's harshly as she follows Octavia outside. Her voice immediately softens when she sees the girl she loves shaking like a leaf, cheeks flushed, and eyes already brimmed with tears. "Octavia? Octavia, are you okay?" Harley quietly questions as she crosses the open field.

"No," Octavia chokes out. Her lower lip trembles as her features twist into agony. "He doesn't hate Blodreina. He hates me."

Harley shakes her head. "No, no, ai niron." (My love). She gently cups Octavia's jawline and wipes her tears. "Who you were in the bunker... Octavia, Blodreina is long gone. You killed her. Bellamy will understand that one day."

"Nou Blodreina nowe... How did you know?" Octavia asks. (No Blodreina no more). She still looks shattered, but her hands rise to clutch Harley's wrists like she was the only one holding her together.

There was only one answer. It's what changed the both of them and flipped the switch from who they used to be to who they are now. The anomaly. Something happened in there, something they both did, and it developed them into someone so much better. Despite Harley being unable to remember what happened, she can't help but feel grateful. It fixed Octavia's arm and then fixed what was broken inside of them.

Harley opens her mouth to respond, but a rustle of a bush catches her eye. Her gut instinct tells her to trust it while whispering that it's not just the wind. Her blue eyes dart past Octavia's shoulder as she releases her for a better glimpse when suddenly, a dozen of the members from Children of Gabriel pop out of so many hiding spots Harley could barely keep count. She falls to her knees beside Octavia when they shove guns in their faces.

"Uh, Gabriel," Octavia calls to the camp. "Your friends are here."

The tent's flap flies to the side and Bellamy darts outside. He immediately points his handgun towards their hostage takers which sets them into a small panic. "Hey, don't shoot!" Harley calmly exclaims to both sides. "It's okay. We're all on the same side."

"Bellamy," Octavia warns. "Gun down."

Harley's surprised that Bellamy complies and drops his gun before lifting his hands. He's probably smart enough to know he's no match with one gun against an enemy with a handful.

"Same side, huh?" A voice grunted under a heavy mask. "He was with Josephine in the cave."

Clarke unearths from the tent as well and Harley and Octavia are nearly forgotten about at the sight of her. Their voices mix together as they shout for who they believe to be Josephine Prime while the others desperately try to convince them it's not her before shots could be fired or heads could be lost.

"Gabriel!" Octavia pleads for him to join them. "We could use a little help!"

The Children of Gabriel freeze and silence themselves at the name. There's a heavy beat of silence before Gabriel appears, timid and unsure. Harley knows he's been dreading this moment since he woke up in Xavier's body. But it was time. Gabriel had to face them, the people who followed him as blindly as the Primes's subjects did.

"Xavier?" A girl calls out, her voice muffled under the mask before she pulls it off. Blonde braids spill out. "Xavier, brother, get out of the way," she demands when he stands in front of Clarke.

"Layla, it's okay. Nelson, put the weapon down." Gabriel glares to the rest of them. "All of you, weapons down. That's an order."

"You don't give orders," the man who spoke sneers after yanking his own mask off. A mask of dirt is smudged to circle his eyes. "Where's the old man?" Gabriel doesn't respond. Harley supposes he didn't know how to. "Layla, search the tent," Nelson commands.

The girl, Layla, takes a few steps forward, but Gabriel's words stop her. "The old man is dead. So is Xavier."

Harley can't possibly understand what Laya could feel in that moment, but she watches her face flash through the five stages of grief as she processes the loss of Xavier. Layla is too stunned to speak while Nelson takes over, scowling at Gabriel. "On your knees." Gabriel nods and does so without a complaint, his hands remaining in the air.

Everyone is dead silent as Nelson slowly circles Gabriel. He comes to a slow stop behind him and glances at the same scar on the nape of his neck that Diyoza noticed that revealed his true identity. Nelson nods to the rest of his people and confirms, "Gabriel."

Layla's nostrils flare. She releases a wail and storms towards Gabriel, pistol whipping him with an incredible force. "You traitor!" She screams in grief and kicks him in the stomach, once, twice, before Nelson quickly seizes her. Layla screams and cries to be released as he quietly attempts to calm her down. Harley wishes she could do something more when they're also lifted and forced into the tent, Layla's shouts that quiet into cries ringing in her ears.

The hostages are forced to group together on their knees once again. Every inch of Gabriel's home is invaded in the search as he desperately tries to explain once Nelson guides Layla inside, "I didn't want this. I loved Xavier like a son. You know that."

"Don't say his name," Layla snarls. Her voice trembles and a few tears cut through her cheeks.

"Layla, if you can't handle this, maybe you should wait outside," Nelson warns.

She shakes her head and wipes the buds of tears. "I'm fine. I need to hear this."

Gabriel begins with the story he told Harley, Octavia, and Diyoza. "Eduardo brought me back without my consent - "

"Eduardo's been dead for ten years, killed by Sanctum guards around the time the old man disappeared," Nelson argues.

"It wasn't the Sanctum guards."

A look of disgust fills Layla's features. "Ten years?" She echoes. "He's been lying to us for years, letting me call him brother?"

"He's still our leader - " Nelson tries, but Layla furiously shakes her head.

"No!" She exclaims. Harley jumps at the velocity and pain in her voice. "He's a traitor... And a Prime. He could've told us the truth, but instead, he let us think we were abandoned." Layla turns to Nelson with fresh tears in her eyes. "Now, give me back the gun, and let me end this once and for all."

It's quiet yet again as Nelson generally considered this. It didn't seem to matter much that Gabriel was the old man, not when Josephine Prime was by his side. Harley's gaze fell at the next movement. Nelson was slowly passing the gun to Layla without a second thought. He only stops when Bellamy exclaims, "Wait!"

His hands remain in the air. "If this is what you really want, at least wait until he delivers the bomb," Bellamy bargains.

Clarke's head snapped towards him. "What are you talking about?" She demands. Harley would've act surprised if she was a little shocked. Of course Bellamy came up with his own plan without consulting them.

"Shut up," Layla snarls to silence her.

"I'm talking about weaponized red sun toxin. Gabriel's a Nightblood. He can walk it right through the shield and deploy it. Once it's in the air, he finds our friend Raven. She'll bring the shield down for the rest of us. We use the chaos of the evacuation to rescue our people," Bellamy explains calmly. "You kill the Primes. That's how this ends.

The gun in Nelson's hand retreats to his belt. Harley wasn't sure if he was capable of it, but a smirk grows under the mud. "It's a good plan," he says with a hint of sarcasm.

"Come on. You trust them, just like that?" Layla snaps.

"No," Nelson says simply. "But I will..." He draws a sword and extends the handle to Gabriel as an offering. "When he kills Josephine Prime."

Harley's heart sinks as Clarke desperately shakes her head. "I'm not Josephine."

"Please," Harley begs. She's quite literally on her knees with her hands clasped together. "It's true. She's our friend, Clarke Griffin."

Gabriel nods after her. "Josephine's gone. I took the mind drive out myself," he insists.

"He's protecting her," Layla decides in disgust. "How much more proof that he's a traitor do we need?"

Nelson and Gabriel lock eyes. Harley can see there's something deadly in his gaze, something determined to wipe a Prime as evil and manipulative as Josephine Prime was off of this Earth if his leader wouldn't himself. Nelson gives him one last chance, but is denied when Gabriel firmly declares, "No."

A dark frown appears. Nelson breaks away to glare directly at Clarke that Harley sees the same murderous stare. He slowly raises the blade and it brushes Clarke's neck at the same time that Harley lunges, cries out, "No!", has the barrel of a gun dug into the back of her head, and Gabriel warns, "If you kill her yourself, I won't build you the bomb."

When Bellamy's deal sounds too good to be true, Nelson realizes what little options he has. One Prime or all of them? He slowly retreats and sheathes the weapon.

"Good. First, we gather the toxin," Gabriel instructs. "There's a cave on the way to the anomaly."

"You're not going anywhere. Neither is your long-lost friend," Layla vows coldly.

A voice speaks up from behind Harley. "We can do it," Octavia offers for herself, Harley, and Bellamy. "Just tell us what to look for."

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Harley has one task in Sanctum since she had dove out of the anomaly and discovered the truth about herself, what purpose she had in this life. That began with none other than Clarke and Octavia. She couldn't forgive herself and let go until she earned their forgiveness first. She was weary at first when Bellamy and Octavia decided to part away from the group alone, leaving Harley to defend Gabriel camp and more importantly Clarke, but it was the best decision they could make with the information they had. One step at a time.

Every step seemed like it was in the direction of a cycle when the Blake's return with the toxic mushrooms. Harley knows something was wrong the minute she sees them emerge from the trees. She didn't care much that Bellamy didn't spare a glance in her direction even though it stabs her in the heart a tad, but the knife twists when she sees Octavia, wordless with glimmering eyes. Harley sheaths her sword and parts her lips, but Octavia shakes her head. A thousand words pass through them, but it's simply shortened to now's not the time.

The knife is yanked out of the bleeding organ as Harley follows Octavia inside the tent just as Bellamy shouts, "What do you mean, you're not building a bomb?"

Gabriel hardly pays him any mind. He's too busy prepping the toxic mushroom in a glass container with gloves. "Releasing it in the water will cause it to aerosolize at a lower concentration. We'll trigger an evacuation without inducing a mass psychosis," he explains.

The word barely pass through Harley. She can hardly understand Raven or Monty's rants. She shakes her head and asks, "In other words?"

"No innocent people die," Clarke promises. She turns with her arms crossed over her chest like she was lost in thought.

"How long until they realize there's no eclipse and turn around?" Octavia questions.

"Not long enough," Clarke replies. She slowly turns. "We'll need to be inside before it starts which means..."

Bellamy's head tilts. He finishes for her, "Which means the shield needs to be down before it starts."

"I like this plans. But what about the distraction?" Harley asks. "We wouldn't be able to get inside without the shield down. They won't let Gabriel in."

"Can you do it without the distraction?" Octavia responds, questioning Gabriel.

The truth of why Bellamy seemed so quiet comes out when he comments, "It wouldn't be him," and directly looks towards Clarke.

"Bellamy," Clarke desperately says like she needs his approval more than anyone. "It's the only way." Harley can already tell this won't be good. When Octavia questions them, Clarke confirms Harley's worst thoughts. "I go as Josephine."

"It's not the only way. We use the bomb as planned," Bellamy insists.

It isn't that Harley wants Clarke to risk her life for all of them, but she can't help it when she blurts with a bit of anger, "The bomb could kill innocent people." Delusional, if she remembers what Bellamy said right. It only makes her angrier.

"Risking Clarke's life when we don't have to is just - " Bellamy counters furiously, but the said girl interrupts him.

"Is how we do better." Clarke gives Bellamy and Harley a look that only a leader could deliver. "What would Monty do?"

"Clarke," Bellamy whispers. "If you fail, if Russell figures out that his daughter is dead... All our people are dead, too."

"So I won't fail," Clarke decides on the spot. Like it was that easy.

Harley has never been more proud of Octavia in her life other than when she won the Conclave and declared the clans as Wonkru as she tells her brother, "Bellamy, if we can spare innocent lives... We should."

The three girls in the tent share a warm smile. Three girls who have known each other and been close since they seventeen, strapped in the same dropship from their home, and landed on a planet where they would see things no one else should have to in battles. Harley couldn't love the either of them in different ways more than she had now.

Suddenly, a commotion rises outside. Everyone spun towards the tent's entrance. It sounds like a mix of panicked voices from the Gabriel of Children to Harley but one stands out when it calls, "Sanctum raiders!"

Bellamy orders the three woman to stay put and bolts outside. Harley's arm protectively thrusts forward to stop Octavia when she follows, but she's too late. Nelson is shouting furiously, "Get them back inside! I want them tied up and gagged with the Primes!"

Members from The Children of Gabriel pour into the shelter. Harley stumbles when one pushes her onto her knees once more with a loud grunt. She isn't graced with freedom even when she surrenders. The five of them, including Gabriel, are gagged with their hands and ankles bound together. They're helpless with Layla on guard, keeping them hostage with a gun in her hand, as gunfire rages outside with the soldiers of Sanctum.

A knife slowly pokes through the back of the tent when Layla turns her back. Harley doesn't dare make a noise in fear that it would draw Layla towards the newcomer. But she nearly cries out in relief when John Murphy's face appears through the opening.

He sees Bellamy first. Then Clarke, and finally Harley. The last time she saw him, he was unconscious, and the time before that, she was attempting to stab him to death. Josephine slipped up when she told Harley that Murphy made a deal with her in exchange for three mind drives because that told her he was still alive. She just hadn't realized it was true until now that they're eyes met.

Murphy winks at his sister before his friend, a Sanctum guard, sneaks around him to approach Layla from behind. He greets, "Hey there," and catches her attention.

Layla was barely able to lift the gun before the guard reveals herself and knocks her to the ground. She disarms her and darts to Clarke. "Josephine?"

Clarke nods.

The war continues to rage in everyone's head and outside of the tent as Murphy crouches near his sister. He's smiling at the tears that spring in Harley's eyes. Her voice is muffled because of the tie in her mouth when she mumbles, "J-John?"

"Hey, El." Murphy smiles wider and reaches to undo the gag in her mouth.

"Not yet. Hold off on that," Clarke orders. Murphy yanks away like he'd been burned. She's speaking different, using the same tone Harley remembers Josephine had when she was in her head. "You just can't pick a side, can you, John?" She teases as the ropes around her boots are sliced.

Murphy looks disgusted. Harley's wrists are tied together, but her fingers still curl to clutch the sleeve of his jacket as he spat, "The only reason I'm doing this is because they threatened Emori and Harley's life if I don't." His face fell as he faces Harley again. "I'm sorry. They saw how worried you were when you thought I was gone. I promise they won't hurt you, El."

Harley knows Murphy believes he's a horrible person that will burn in Hell for his mistakes, despite what she believes about him, but she also knows he means his vows. Harley just doesn't want him to take a bullet that's meant for her.

If they want to underestimate how much two siblings love one another, then let them try, Harley thinks determinedly.

"Echo's in trouble too," Murphy informs Bellamy. "I promise I'll do what I can for her."

The guard helps Clarke to her feet. "Give us two seconds to make sure it's clear, then follow," she instructs. She slowly raises her gun towards Layla who was still sprawled on the ground.

"No. This one's mine," Clarke states. She grabs a gun from the table and directs the barrel towards Layla. She insists, "Go. Make sure it's clear."

The soldier of Sanctum hesitates, but she must know better than to disobey who she believes is Josephine. She exits the same way they snuck in. Murphy is hesitant, still allowing Harley to grip him, but stares at Clarke wearily. "Is she really gone this time?"

"Yes. Boo-hoo," Clarke taunts. "Now, as soon as I pull this trigger, your little decoy trick will fail. You better run."

Murphy starts to pull away, but Harley's grasp tightens. She stares at him with pleading eyes, but he shakes his head. "It's messed up, but you're safer here. I don't want to see you in Sanctum because of Russell's threat," Murphy declares. Harley's eyes grow wetter as he disregards her protests with a yank of his arm, a kiss on her temple, and then he's gone without giving her a second chance.

The urge to cry after him because Murphy was yet again risking his life for her rises. But Harley gnaws at the gag instead.

Layla slowly lifts her head as death stares her in the face. She appears unafraid, waiting for Clarke to get it over with and pull the trigger. Instead, her attacker points the firearm towards the ground and squeezes the trigger. Harley flinches as the bullet is fired into the concrete with a loud bang.

The gun is tucked away as Clarke races to Bellamy's side. "I can do this," she promises as she pulls the gag from his mouth. A smile is passed to Harley over his shoulder. "I'll look out for Murphy."

Harley can't say it, but she prays her expression radiates how grateful she is to have someone like Clarke here.

"Get that shield down, too. I'll bring the cavalry," Bellamy vows.

"For Monty."

"For Monty."

Harley's lips curl into a weak smile under the tight cloth.

For Monty.

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author's note:

i'm so glad this is finally posted!! harley's softness!! her friendship with clarke!! her hatred for bellamy!! ("the king of genocide" what a BADASS) and the reunion with murphy that we all deserve!! oh my love i missed her so very much.

there should be about three-fourish more chapters before this act is done. i'm still debating what to do with season 7. there's so many options, i'd love to hear what you guys would think. if i do end up writing all of it, it'll still be in this book for another act. i definitely don't want to make a fourth lmao.

happy november guys, have a great holiday season!

- koda