FIND YOUR OLD PEACE.

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LOST IN FIRE (book three).
°•        CHAPTER FOURTEEN        •°

"        I NEVER WANTED
TO HURT YOU.       "

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While Bellamy takes care of their soon to be Commander with Gaia, Harley ends up in Octavia's room with Indra, wanting to watch her. She doesn't know what good it will do. It was something she did while Murphy was in a coma, staying by his side the entire time. She even grabbed a blanket and pillow from her room so she could sleep on the floor next to him when she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. Octavia meant as much to her as Murphy does, Harley loves them both, even though she caused this. She supposed it was just another way to torture herself after listening to Clarke and breaking down herself, having to put together back the pieces on her own.

Jackson perked up when Indra and Harley walk in together. "You're right on time! I was just about to call for you," he said happily. Harley's head cocked in confusion at the eagerness. He seemed all too joyful if he was about to deliver bad news.

"Why? What's wrong?" Indra asked, following him to the side of Octavia's bed while Harley remained at the end.

"Nothing, the opposite," Jackson reassured. He rushed to tap buttons on the screen for her vitals. "Dialysis is working. Her pulse is stabilizing. She's waking up." Harley was paralyzed as the doctor leaned over, gently shaking her shoulder. Octavia was stirring, head muscles twitching and her head lolling to the side with a quiet groan. "Hey, Octavia, can you hear me?" He said softly. She groaned again. "Hey, Octavia, hey."

Harley is positive her heart had stopped beating when Octavia's eyes fluttered opened. She's stuck between crying in relief that the one she loved survived her betrayal or running out of the room, away from this problem, but she doesn't do either. Jackson is oblivious to this, as he smiled at his leader. "Hey. Indra and Harley are here too. You had us all so worried."

"Harley?" Is the first word Octavia mumbled.

Despite Harley not sure if she's saying it with confusion or anger, she cleared her throat, leaning over the end of the bedpost. "Hi, Octavia." When Octavia's head moved to follow the sound and their eyes meet, all Harley sees is fury, despite the weakness. She knows if she wanted to leave, now would be the time, to be a coward and save herself, but she won't.

"Indra," Octavia breathed out, head falling back on the pillow to address her mentor, replacing Jackson's spot. "My brother... Harley... They poisoned me."

From where Jackson had gone to check the information, he whirled back around, wide eyes immediately landing on Harley. She feels a presence behind her, who must have been the guard in the room. Everything seemed to happen in a single second. Harley feels the man grab both of her arms, twisting them behind her back in a painful way that makes her grit her teeth as Jackson ordered Indra. "I'll take care of Octavia. You need to arrest Bellamy too," he said, rushed.

"I'm afraid I can't do that," Indra said, too calm. Her hand slyly reached for a stick as Harley feels metal about to be wrapped around her wrists, sending her to react.

Harley sprung her head back violently, feeling the ache when her taker's nose connected with it, along with the loud crack. His grip on her loosened, stumbling back, giving her the time she needed to rip the knife from her belt and flicking it around with her fingers, swinging her arm and embedding the blade deep into his neck. He spluttered, blood spurting from the deadly wound Harley gave him. She ripped the knife back out, watching the light leave his eyes as he crumbled to the floor, dead. And then it's over. The second life Harley had ever taken, except this time, to save her own ass.

When she turned back around, her hand and the sleeve of her jacket stained with the blood of her victim, Harley sees Jackson on the ground as well, unconscious. Indra dropped the stick she used to knock him out. A mutual understanding passed when they look at one another. "No one is leaving this room."

It isn't until Harley locked the door that Octavia spoke. "Tell me why." She barely hears it from her distance, but she does, and her head tilts back to look at the ceiling, forcing herself not to cry again.

"Diyoza agreed to share the valley if we surrender," Indra informed her.

"Surrender," Octavia repeated with a weak scoff. "So you're not just a traitor. You're a coward. I'm ashamed of you."

"And I'm afraid of you," Indra countered without missing a beat. "Of what you've become." Harley's boots thud against the floor as she slowly approached Octavia's bed. She tells herself she can't look at her, until she does, and knows now that Octavia hates her. "I blame myself for that. I let you go too far. The dark year broke us all."

"Do not talk to me about the dark year," Octavia warned. Wheezed coughs came out as she pulled the oxygen tube out of her nose.

Frowning, Harley reached a hand out, about to put it back. "Octavia, you should - "

"Don't touch me," Octavia snarled, her sharp teeth baring straight at her like a rabid animal. Harley backed down immediately.

"We survived that," Indra continued like she never said anything. "We can survive this, too."

"You survived that because of me," Octavia sneered. "You stood there and watched." Harley is still guilt-ridden, knowing Octavia's hatred towards her, but a small voice in her head is desperate to know what happened in what they called the dark year.

"Yes," Indra admitted. "I shouldn't have let you shoulder that burden alone. I won't make the same mistake now."

A loud, high pitched horn blows in the distance. Harley shut her eyes at the sound, missing Octavia's dark scowl, but hears her clearly. "The Ascension call." She opened them as Octavia figured out their plan. "Wonkru wouldn't follow you, so you're using Madi."

"Yes."

"She's a child," Octavia spit out.

"She's the same age Lexa was when she ascended," Indra defended. "Soon, Wonkru will accept their new leader and surrender. Our people will reach that valley without sacrificing any more lives. And you will see the wisdom in it."

What does it matter what Harley said now? She can't undo what she's done or make it better. "Octavia," she says so softly that she almost missed it. Her hand slid over the bed's blanket, warm palm about to rest over her, but as soon as Octavia feels her touch, she ripped her hand away viciously as if it burned her skin. Harley's face turned pain. "I'm sorry," she choked out brokenly, despite knowing it was useless. "I never wanted to hurt you. I'm so sorry."

"Save it," Octavia practically growled coldly without looking at her, opting to stare straight at the wall. "Go to your precious Commander and find your peace." At last, Octavia does look at her. Her features are not only one of betrayal, but loathing, like she couldn't stand the sight of Harley. "It won't be with me."

It was like the book had closed firmly shut, ending everything of their relationship with those few words. Harley is lost. She had spent six years away from Octavia, had returned home to the ground with the intention of meeting a great leader only to come face to face with a tyrant who looked nothing like the girl she once loved. Harley had thought it would pass, and if they could return to the one spot of green, it would change. The love didn't fade despite their time apart. She still loved her now, even at her darkest, and even when she tainted her food with Monty's algae. It didn't change.

And even though Octavia hates her, Harley still does. She has a hunch she hates herself more. She has the urge to drop her head and sob, positive that her heart had just shattered in a million pieces in her chest. She can't fight for Octavia or beg for her forgiveness. She wouldn't get it. Harley pressed her lips together tightly, nodding tightly. She knew it was over the second she tricked her into eating the poisonous algae and intentionally put her into a coma. Her knees are trembling as she left the room, making sure to lock the door before she shuts it.

There, Harley pressed her back against the door, finally alone. Like she did when hearing Clarke, she broke down again, pressing the back of her hand to her mouth to muffle any sound of cries she'd make to keep them down and quiet enough. She feels pathetic and weak, crying until she loses her breath twice in a day, but those feelings are more minor compared to every other emotion. Harley knew what she was sacrificing when she poisoned Octavia but had believed at the time it was the only way she and Murphy would get to live, even if she could never forgive her.

Yet, Harley can't wallow in her own pity. She has no other choice but to force it down, knowing the war will start if she doesn't do something. She had wiped her blood-stained hand on her denim pants already, smearing the crimson red off of her skin, so she moved her sleeve to her eyes and curled it, furiously rubbing at her wet eyes until they dried. Harley was sure there were still traces of her crying, reddened skin and trembling muscles, but she walked away anyways, finding the bunker's broken opening and exiting to the outside.

It was dark and chilly. Harley doesn't bother burying herself further into her jacket, instead keeping her head down and staying ordinary in the crowd she pushed through of people. The crowd was confused, having heard the horn, wondering if a Commander was rising, rightfully. Everyone had thought there were no born Nightbloods left in the world after Luna in the conclave fight. Madi was the very last, and that only made Harley feel worse because she is a child. They shouldn't be putting a kid in this position.

Harley was a child once, too. When she was only fourteen years old when she was put in The Ark's Skybox due to a crime she wasn't apart of and didn't commit. She was surrounded by other criminals in solitary, violent ones who took advantage of the one good person there. Then she was sent against her will to a planet the Council deemed survivable, to be introduced to ruthless wars at only seventeen. Harley wasn't a leader like Clarke, but she went through horrors in her own life too that broke her, and she didn't want to see Madi be in the same position.

All Harley wanted to do was stop this. She didn't want Madi to ascend anymore than Clarke and Octavia did, but she's helpless to do so when she located the tent and sees Madi, on her knees before Gaia, brushing her long brown hair aside to expose her neck. She's trembling with what has to be fear. Bellamy is silent, one hand on his hip. Harley wants to make a sarcastic comment, say I hope I'm not too late, but she can't choke the words out with the feeling that she's doing something horrifically wrong.

The Flame is as Harley remembered, a small chip with the infinity symbol carved into it. Gaia held it in between her two fingers as she spoke the password. "Ascende superius." Long, tentacle-like wires broke through, attaching immediately to Madi's neck when Gaia brought it close as if it was alive and searching for a host. Harley felt sick, watching as it started to bury itself into her, causing her to grimace, before letting out a wail of pain that sent Harley into a state of more worry.

"Oh my God." Harley was rushing to help, but Madi stopped, her body growing limp and her eyes shutting as she fell to her side, in Gaia's arms. "Tell me she's breathing," she demanded, yet doesn't give Gaia a chance to, instead taking action and pressing two fingers to Madi's neck shakily. There's a pulse, and it's racing. Maybe it's her mind and body adjusting to the Flame.

Bellamy was standing behind Harley, observing Madi closely. "Clarke woke up right away," he remembered their adventure in stopping ALIE when Clarke went into the City of Light herself. "Why isn't she waking up?" He urged.

"Patience," Gaia eased. "The Flame affects every Commander differently." She gestured to Harley. "Help me." Harley nodded, gently wrapping her arms around Madi's slack legs while Gaia grabbed her upper body. Together, they lifted the girl's dead weight and carried her to a large table with candles lit in a line down the side, laying her down carefully so she wouldn't wake up with her muscles stiff.

"You said you'd never done this before," Bellamy commented to the Flamekeeper.

"I haven't," Gaia admitted. "But I've been preparing for it my whole life." She pulled a thin, leather piece of clothing out of her bag. "This collar will protect the Flame," she explained, wrapping it around Madi's neck, loose enough as to not choke her but tight enough to guard it as she said.

"Madi?" Harley mumbled hopefully, needing the young girl to open her eyes. She's already lost Octavia to save her brother, and she's not about to lose someone else. She promised Clarke she'd protect her. But Madi doesn't stir an inch, her head only lolling to the side when Harley gingerly runs a hand through her hair, fingertips brushing against her scalp.

Before Gaia can inform Harley again that Madi will be fine and will wake up on her own time, a rough voice made a command from the opening of the tent. "Back away from the child right now!" Harley flew around, seeing that it was Miller, pointing a gun at her. A few guards pour in after him, all holding their own guns, keeping the barrels cocked ahead. Bellamy held his hands up in surrender, but Harley doesn't move, momentarily afraid that Miller would actually pull the trigger if she took a single step.

Then Clarke comes through, shoving aside some of the men to make room. Harley doesn't know what to say when her eyes land on Madi's state. Her gaze meets Bellamy's first, full of betrayal and tears. He doesn't make a move to defend himself when she slaps him, hard, across the face, making his head snap to the side. But the second Clarke's stares hard at Harley, all she sees is fury and hatred, much like Octavia's has been.

It's clear that she took it more personal because maybe she never believed that Harley would put her child in harm, even if she changed into a different person.

Harley feels the punch before she saw it coming towards her.

While Bellamy was only hit, Clarke's hand is clenched into a fist from the rage and her tight knuckles connect with the side of Harley's face, causing a sharp pain to explode. She nearly falls over but catches herself quickly, stumbling back while bringing her hand up to gently brush against her injured cheek. Harley can taste blood in her mouth and is positive her face will bruise later from the impact. But as Bellamy had, she doesn't try to fight back or shield herself from any other hits Clarke might have in store for her. Harley knows she deserved it and more.

Clarke shoved herself in between the two she attacked and went straight to Madi. "I need to get it out," she declared.

"Clarke, no," Gaia cautioned. One of the guards stiffened with his gun when she moved to stop her. "The Flame is bonding with her mind. If you take it out now before it's complete, she may never wake up."

"Quiet, traitor," a familiar voice snarled. Harley's blood ran cold. She picked her head up slowly to see it's Octavia, on her feet, and surprisingly well after being poisoned. Octavia doesn't even glance in Harley's direction. "Do it, Clarke."

"If you kill this child, you make her a martyr," Gaia said calmly, despite the firearm pointed at her. "You weaken yourself even more."

From where Clarke had clasped one of Madi's hands, her voice broke as if her heart had as well. "I can't."

Octavia's expression darkened as she thought this over. Then she nodded to one of her soldiers. "Take them to the rover," she ordered. "Go." She made it clear this was the only chance she was giving them to get away. Harley wondered what that meant for the rest of them.

As he complied, moving to collect Madi and lift her in his arms, Bellamy became desperate and against Harley's internal protests, took a step to his sister. "O - " But before he can get any closer, Miller switched from keeping his gun at Harley to him, giving him a warning. The only one moving now was the guard and Clarke, carrying Madi out with her following.

"Arrest the traitors," Octavia drawled out slowly once they're gone.

Harley is powerless to do anything. She's completely still as she holds her arms out in front of her, one of the men cuffing her wrists with metal as another did the same to Bellamy. Even though his eyes don't meet Octavia's once, Harley can't bring herself to stare at her too, fully aware that she would only see the same look of hate and break down again. For now, she can only feel nothing, and surrender to her arrest, knowing that the fighting pit is what she deserved and more.

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The cold cement floor is unwelcoming as Harley's knees hit it from where she had been forced down. She bit down hard on the gag in her mouth as the door to Octavia's throne swung open. She was in between Bellamy and Indra, Gaia on the other side of her mother. They were all placed under arrest, labeled as traitors, and enemies of Wonkru. The people were ecstatic, with the prisoners well known to their leader. Indra was like a mother to Octavia, Gaia was like a sister, Bellamy was her brother, and Harley had once been hers. And only one of them would have to make it out alive.

The cheers for Octavia quieted as she walked tauntingly around the bloodied fence, her expression cold as she entered the pit and came to a slow stop in front of the four prisoners. Harley doesn't meet her eyes. "The Nightblood child did not recite the lineage and is therefore not a true Commander. Instead, she ran, abandoning all of us like a coward!" She lied, raising her voice with fury.

"She is not Wonkru, she is an enemy of Wonkru!" Octavia shouted. "And like all of our enemies..." She glared down to the bound traitors that she once called family. "She will be dealt with." Her face doesn't even turn sad, as if this isn't bothering her one bit. Harley knows it is, and that when something is tearing Octavia up on the inside, she shields it by acting ruthless. Octavia looked back to her people. "But first... First, we have a war to win."

Harley bit down on the gag harder. Everything she did was for nothing. Murphy and her family were still going to die, and Octavia and Clarke both hated her for everything that she's done. The bloodthirsty cheers around her sound like an echo, like she's far away from them all. "Gon Blodreina!" (For Blodreina!) Tears spring in Harley's eyes that she furiously blinks at, the sight of Octavia spinning on her heels, her red cape flying back blurry as she stormed into her throne room.

The doors remain open, giving Harley the view of Octavia lowering herself into her throne. Her hands go to grip the handles tightly like she's trying to hold herself together, her features beginning to crumble, the color from her face draining. The doors are shut by the guards before Harley can see the old Octavia, but she knows the second they are closed, Octavia had broke down. She would have too, but her limbs are stiff from her position, and she could only feel a cold numbness spreading through her system as if Harley was feeling every emotion all at once, keeping her from breaking down herself.

Octavia was gone like she never existed from Harley's life. She hated her for what she's done to her, Murphy was going to die in the war, and tomorrow, she was going to fight Indra, Gaia, and Bellamy to the death.