MEMORIES CUT LIKE KNIVES.

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

LOST IN FIRE (book three).
°• CHAPTER NINE •°

" I CAN'T EXPRESS HOW
GRATEFUL I AM FOR YOU. "

▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅▅

        The bright screen of Monty's computer was beginning to burn Harley's eyes. She hadn't been able to sleep, not since she had watched Kara shooting at the defectors. She had tried to justify the order Octavia gave her again and again, going over the facts in her head until it ached. She had to do it, didn't she? Harley knew, remembering what Echo said, that Diyoza never would have believed Octavia would just let her traitors go. It was the only way to keep Echo safe too and ensure her mission to deliver the chip Monty gave her to Raven so they had an advantage in this war. But the other thought screamed at Harley, eating at her, telling her it was wrong and she shouldn't rationalize what cruel thing was done.

But the truth was, it was in the past. Harley can't go back and make Octavia undo it. She knew it wouldn't cause a rift between them either, not when there's not a thing on this dried out planet that could. Harley still loved Octavia with all of her heart, even when she's questioning the leadership decisions she's made. Echo made it on to the ship safely at the sacrifice of people running away in hopes of having a better life, and for now, Harley can use that alone to excuse the choice Octavia made.

"Bellamy, Harley. You've been staring at that all night." It was Harper speaking gently to the two with a sigh as she circled around the table. "Go, get some sleep. Okay? I got this," she offered kindly.

"Its been eight hours," Bellamy muttered tiredly. "Raven could have built a cathedral by now."

Rubbing a hand down her face, Harley sucked in a deep breath. "You don't know what's happening there, Bellamy," she pointed out. "We have to be patient and give it time." It was easier said than done when Harley knew she had been getting agitated from the wait of Echo finishing, but she knew complaining with Bellamy wouldn't solve their problem.

"They'll get it done," Harper added in agreement.

"I know." Bellamy nodded. "I just wish it was me over there." Harper gave him a pitiful look, patting his shoulder.

"Me too, Bellamy. My brother is there," Harley tried to sympathize. "But we're doing our best here."

But Harley isn't given an answer, as Bellamy jumped in surprise when he hears the door to the control room slam open. Harley looked over her shoulder to see that it was Octavia, Indra following behind her. "Well? Any word?" Octavia questioned them, her sight locked on her brother with intensity.

Tensing and rolling his eyes, Bellamy broke the stare they held and looked back to the computer screen. Harper spoke up when he didn't. "Look, we knew it would take some time," she told Octavia. "We can count on Echo."

"Wouldn't be the first time she betrayed us," Octavia commented bitterly.

"If your brother trusts her, maybe we should too," Indra informed her in a calm tone.

Sensing the tension in the room, Harley tapped her fingertips on the tabletop. "It's not like you have a choice. She's already there," she said in a low voice.

The tone caught Octavia off guard. She raised her chin, showing off her sharp jawline as her green eyes flickering from the back of Bellamy's head to Harley's face. "You're still upset we shot the traitors," she realized. "I get how that must look to you, but we're fighting for our lives here." She took slow, cautious steps forward. "The hydrofarm is on its last legs. Truth is, it's a miracle you showed up when you did." Octavia paused to set her hand wrapped in cloth on her brother's shoulder and speak with more fondness. "I haven't thanked you enough for that."

Harley thinks back to Clarke for a moment. How Clarke saved them when they shot into space, ready to sacrifice herself so that they could live. Harley hadn't been given a chance to thank her yet either, with everything that had messed havoc in their lives. She can hear the genuineness in Octavia's voice, the love she had for her brother and Harley herself, and Harley does believe her. She did something that can be forgiven because it was done for her clan, her people. If it would save her family, especially Murphy, Harley would have made the same choice.

"If we can just get to Shallow Valley, things will be better. I promise," Octavia vouched, sliding her hand off of Bellamy's shoulder. Harley believed her again, her heart skipping a beat when their eyes meet.

"Okay," Harley whispered like she was completely set under Octavia's spell.

The moment is ruined by Bellamy who scoffed under his breath. "Funny," he breathed out sarcastically. "That's the same thing we said about getting back to the ground." As Octavia faintly smiled in understanding, Bellamy smiled sourly as he finally looked at his sister and narrowed his dark eyes at her. "Then we found you."

The way Bellamy spat out the word 'you' wiped the smile off of Octavia's face. Even Harley is stunned at the cruelness he shot at her, her lips parting open in want to say something in defense of Octavia, but nothing comes out. She's too astonished that Bellamy, someone she had come to known as a kind, peaceful soldier, had held so much disgust in his own sister who became a leader in the bunker that had to make hard choices. Before Harley can say anything to Octavia, she spun on her heel, marching out of the room with Indra trailing after her and shutting the door behind them.

Like she had been holding her breath the entire time, Harper breathed out heavily. "Your sister officially scares me," she stated in fear.

"Really?" Harley cocked her head, hoping she'd get on Bellamy's nerve. "I don't know whether to be scared or turned on."

The joke definitely did push Bellamy's button as he squinted at Harley in aversion. "That's my sister," he reminded her. He doesn't seem to want Harley to reply by the look of the grin on her face as he quickly shook his head and dropped the subject of Octavia and Harley's relationship. "You know what? I don't want to know."

There were so many ways Harley could tell Bellamy how he should treat Octavia better, but the lecture is lost in her throat when the door opens again. She expected to see Octavia again, but instead, she sees Clarke peering inside. "Hey," the blonde greeted timidly. Her arm is pressed to her chest like she's carrying a few objects. "Is Monty here?"

"He took a break and went to the hydrofarm," Harper responded.

Clarke nodded. "Okay, thank you," she thanked her before averting her attention to Harley. "Hey, Harley. Do you think you could come with me?"

Remembering what Harley thought about earlier, she agreed, sliding off of her chair. "Yeah, of course." She didn't spare Bellamy another look as she left, following Clarke out of the control room.

The pair walk in silence to the hydrofarm. Harley wanted to thank Clarke again and again in gratitude, or even hug her friend that she thought had died since saving their lives, but she can feel that the conversation will be coming soon. Maybe that's why Clarke asked her to come along with her. Harley isn't sure if the others have showed their appreciation to Clarke yet either, and when she arrives at the farm to see Monty, she's sure he hadn't yet either.

"Harper told me I might find you down here," Clarke greeted. Harley uses the pause to study the area, taking in everything. She knew she trusted Octavia enough already, but the truth was more clear now.

Bundles of plants are stocked, dying, the leaves becoming a crisp. Swirls of vines are a dark green, wrapped around the pots, slowly withering away. Monty gingerly touches one of the plants with a sorrowful look, like it would fade at the action, and Harley was sure for a moment that it would. She couldn't imagine how scared the people in the bunker were, wondering if they would survive any longer or starve to death, becoming hopeless at their only source of food wilting into nothing.

"I miss my algae farm," Monty admitted to them softly as he pulled away from the plant. Harley wants to comfort him, but she smiled sadly, knowing how much the farm meant to Monty. It expressed more than just their source of food. It was the peace they had in space. "I thought being around all this might help."

"Does it?" Clarke questioned curiously.

Monty shrugged and walked towards the pair. "Most of the crops are fallow. The equipment needs repair." He glanced around in wonder. "I give it three weeks until this place is as dead as the wasteland." Monty came to a stop when his eyes laid at the bundle of stuff hidden in Clarke's bent arm. "Oh..."

Clearing her throat, Clarke pulled a slip of paper out of one of the three things. "Uh, I... I've been meaning to give this to you," she stammered. "It just never really felt like the right time." As she brandished the paper that Harley noticed was an envelope with Monty's name written in curly letters on the back.

"Jasper's handwriting," Monty whispered, gently touching the envelope handed to him before accepting it. The name hits Harley directly in the heart, hard. She remembered being in the rover when Praimfaya was coming, looking around at all the full seats, and then asking; Where's Jasper? He was a friend that deserved better, who was so much more than his mental illnesses and wasn't some drunken idiot that others viewed him as. Harley bowed her head at the memory, grief-stricken.

"I found it at Arkadia not long after Praimfaya," Clarke explained with a wavering voice. "I nearly read it a couple of times, but now I'm glad I didn't." Monty nodded in thanks, twirling the paper around his fingers in adoration like he was thinking back to a fond memory. "And Harley," Clarke continued, turning to face her. "I um, found these in the rover. I knew you'd want them, so I kept them safe." She held two objects in each of her hands that made Harley's breath hitch in her throat.

One of them was a small, white box that Harley recognized immediately. Memories, good and bad, wash over her. She remembered her first deck, the one she was given in the Skybox for entertainment had burned when the dropship rockets went off and then Murphy stole another one for her. Harley had checked all of her pockets in space and was disappointed when she couldn't find it. The box must have fallen out in the rover, and now was here, dusty, a bit torn, and clearly used, but it's not the only thing that gets to her.

The other is a black, woven beanie hat. Harley bit her lower lip at the sight with tears building up in her eyes. It belonged to Clover, long before Praimfaya, a piece of clothing she wore nearly all the time, the first thing that Harley had seen when she was high on Jobi nuts and met Clover for the first time. She knew she didn't see it the last time she saw her at Mount Weather, having cherished that memory for so long. Clover must have taken it off in the rover when she went on the scouting mission led by Bellamy and found Farm Station.

"I hope you don't mind, me and Madi used them a few times," Clarke said quietly as the two things became blurry from Harley's watering eyes. "The hat kept her warm, and she really loved the card games."

Swallowing the lump in her throat, Harley quickly rose her hand to wipe away the tears as the corners of her eyes, lips twitched into a smile. "Thank you, Clarke," she whispered, taking them in her hands. The box felt heavy as Harley slipped it into her jacket's pocket. "And I haven't had a chance to really talk with you... You saved our lives, so many times. You've done everything for us, and I can't express how grateful I am for you." Harley held out her free hand in Clarke's direction, who raised her own and gripped Harley's forearm, the action returned onto Clarke's own limb. "Thank you," she repeated so sincere that the other looked touched.

As Clarke's lips open, prepared to reply, she's stopped when the door to the hydrofarm opened loudly with a creak that echoed, being followed by a voice. "Guard the door. I'll just be a minute." It was Kara, pulling along a squeaking metal stretcher as the man she made the request to agreed and shut the door after her.

"Go, go," Clarke whispered softly to Harley and Monty, lightly shoving their shoulders. Harley shoved the hat in her other pocket, picking up the pace to rush and hide behind a stocked up bunch of potted plants, but still able to peer around and watch Kara without being caught.

The last thing Harley expected to see on the stretcher was a body, but it was. A completely still form of a man was laid back, still covered in his armor. Kara wheels him to a door, pausing to type a code in. Harley craned her neck to try and see the numbers being pressed with beeps, but she can't from her spot. The door swings open and Kara entered, tugging the stretcher after her inside, out of their view. Harley stayed still, listening for anything that would clue her in on what's happening, but nothing follows except a light blue glow that disappeared when Kara left and shut the door behind her, this time without the body.

Once they're sure Kara is gone, the three reveal themselves out of their hiding spot. For a moment, Harley wondered if they should invade the privacy of Wonkru's bunker, but that thought flies out of her head when Monty attempted to open the door by tugging the knob, only to find out it's locked. He frowned to himself, turning to observe weapons out of what they used for the plants. "Monty, you can't pick a lock with pruning shears," Clarke said lightly.

But Monty ignored her, crouching to pluck an odd type of knife and glance over his shoulder. "Ye of little faith." He went back to the door, dragging it across the board. "The keypad energizes the solenoid, pulls the coil and pin back..." A loud click went off. "A magnet can do the same thing." Monty seemed satisfied with himself as he turned the doorknob, this time effectively opening the door.

Although Harley still doesn't feel right about this, she ignored the emotion stirring and quietly followed Clarke and Monty inside, Monty shutting the door after her. The room isn't anything like the farm on the other side. There's no plants, only scientific supplies, including the body that Kara wheeled in, and a plastic cover with a zipper down the middle, separating into a different area. "Biocontainment lab?" Monty guessed in disbelief. "What the hell is that for?"

Clarke is the one that knelt in front of the zipper and pulled it upward. "Let's find out." She pried open the flaps, allowing them access.

Finally, Monty agreed with Harley's thoughts as he hung by the plastic. "I don't like this," he admitted.

"Me either," Harley whispered as she turned her head in time to see Clarke began to pull aside a curtain draped over something. "Clarke, I think we should go - "

The suggestion died the second Clarke yanked aside the rest of the cloth. Harley's eyes widened as a woman in a class, quarantine case, her skin a clammy paleness and her eyes completely white. She's long dead, but it's not what makes Harley's hand fly up to cover her mouth before she gets sick. The worms Bellamy spoke about that were hidden in the desert were squirming around in a hole in her chest. Harley had to turn around for a second, shutting her eyes, trying to erase the permanent image drilled in her head.

"You said no one else was bitten," Monty says questionably to Clarke from behind Harley, voice strained.

"No... They weren't," Clarke breathed out in a state of shock. "I don't... I don't understand..."

"Why would Cooper do this?" Harley mumbled sickly, her knees wobbling as she slowly turned back around. She attempted to look anywhere but the dead corpse full of worms before them, but she can't, her gaze locking immediately at the sight.

It's heavily silent as they stare at the body, mulling over why this happened before Clarke straightened. "They're breeding them," she discovered.

Harley shoved her hands in her jacket's pockets when they started shaking as Clarke wandered to another curtain draped over something in a similar shape as the other. "Oh, God, not again," Harley said under her breath to herself.

But this time, when Clarke pulled aside the cloth, the male body shown inside is completely still. His chest isn't torn open, and Harley doesn't see any worms. Monty looked up to see a small screen reading the temperature of the inside. "The cold must slow them down," he calculated, reading the illuminating number. "Guys, if Octavia can deliver these worms in a defector - "

Harley's head snapped to him. "We don't know for sure. Octavia wouldn't agree to something like this - " she was defending, stopping when the man they were watching suddenly stirred and gasped. Horrified, Harley watched as he twitched, lumps crawling up his throat before his jaw fell open in a silent scream and bloody worms made their way out of his mouth.

The choking noises he made lingered in Harley's head didn't fade as they left without a trace to find Bellamy.

━━━━━━━━

As it turned out, Bellamy was on the same track of Harley. "My sister would never approve of human testing," he declared as soon as the story was passed on. "I don't care how crazy it's become down here." Harley shifted in the chair of the mess hall, sitting beside Monty and across from Clarke as she relived what they discovered. She hadn't seen anything like it since she was in space.

"Desperation has a way of making the unimaginable a necessity," Clarke gently said softly.

"Still," Bellamy argued. "If she weaponizes those things and sends them into the valley, then Echo, Raven, Murphy, Kane... Your mom." Clarke turned away as Harley clasped her hands tighter around the cup of water on the table.

"Not just them. All of us," Monty inputted. "Unleashing an invasive species on the last arable land on earth is a monumentally bad idea." He's right, Harley knows. They don't know anything about the worms yet, and they could destroy the valley, and then no one would survive.

Sighing, Bellamy ran a hand through his dark hair, stressed. "Even if Octavia does know, she won't listen to me."

"No," Harley agreed, picking her head back up, thinking of her family back at the spot of green. "But she may listen to me. I really believe Octavia has nothing to do with this, but my brother is there, and nothing is happening to him. I won't risk it."

As Harley spoke, Bellamy's eyes wandered to the other side of the cafeteria, staring directly at none other than Indra who sat with two other grounders. "You'll need help," he muttered to her before rising out of the seat.

"Be diplomatic," Monty reminded him. Harley nodded, standing as well and following Bellamy to Indra's table.

When they arrive, Indra's stiffened, her lower lip curling while refusing to glance their way. Harley is confused at first until it clicked just as fast. Bellamy followed Pike's orders all those years ago and helped him slaughter three hundred innocent grounders, Indra shot by the older man. Harley doesn't blame her for becoming angry at his presence. Even Bellamy noticed, and his hands slid in his pockets timidly. "Can we talk to you?" He requested calmly. When Indra doesn't answer and no one moves, he looked to the rest. "... Privately."

Still, no one moved. Harley scowled, glaring at them. "We need to talk to Indra," she stated more firmly than Bellamy had. "Ban au." (Get out.)

Harley speaking with dark aggression at last caught Indra by surprise. Harley wondered if she remembered the small, soft-spoken girl she used to be as their eyes meet. She must be, as Indra broke their stare and nodded to her friends, excusing them. As they leave, Bellamy huffed softly and whispered so only Harley could hear. "Real diplomatic." Harley wants to defend herself, but she knows it isn't the time.

Once Harley and Bellamy are seated across from Indra, they decide to start as fast. "Indra, would Cooper do something without my sister's approval?" He asked.

"Only if she got mine first. But since I don't know what the hell you're talking about, it's hard to say," Indra retorted fiercely.

At least that brought Harley some ease. "Those worms that were in the desert, they were brought back," she explained. "They're breeding them in the defectors." She remembered the one who woke up, worms crawling out of his mouth. "One of them is still alive."

Confused, Indra's head tilted to them. "Why would she do that?"

"Well, that's why we're here," Harley said, tapping her fingers on the tabletop impatiently. "But if you want us to guess, Monty thinks if they're kept alive long enough, they can be delivered in the next defection."

This sparked Indra's interest. "Good plan," she commented. "Show me."