𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

"DO YOU REGRET IT?" SHE WHISPERED, as she traced imaginary shapes on his chest.

"Not one bit." He smiled, kissing her forehead as they laid together. John resting his head against the headboard.

"Do you ever wonder what our lives would be like if things went differently? Would I still be in America, would I never have left Small Heath?"

It was silent as some time passed.

"Sometimes," John whispered, "but then I think I might not be lying with you now if things hadn't have went the way they did. And I'm happy now. Really happy."

"Me too."

Just being near him made Marie light up inside, giving her a serenity she can never know without him being close. It's like the breaths she takes aren't full when he's away, like the smiles she smiles are incomplete somehow. Just lying next to him was her favourite place in the world. It's John that creates the warmth in her soul, him that fills her full of love and keeps the fire burning in her eyes. If that isn't happiness she don't know what was, so she let it be her own definition, the one she keeps with her always.

"Maybe things would be better if you hadn't of left, but we'll never know." He spoke after a moment had passed.

A sickly feeling began to fill at the bottom of Marie's stomach.

"It's not like it matters now anyway." She spoke softly, trying to relieve the tention that had formed in the room.

"I know I'm just staying."

"Well there's not much point just saying. Let's just drop it, alright."

"Alright, don't get so defensive."

"I'm not, you're just bringing it up for no reason." She sat up, irritation beginning to seep into her blood.

"Well I'm only saying." He sighed.

Marie had white knuckles from clenching her fist too hard, and gritted teeth from effort to remain silent, her hunched form exuded an animosity that was like acid - burning, slicing, potent.

"Why are you only saying? Look where we are John, we're happy, okay?"

"For God sake you haven't changed."

A deathly silence followed after his words.

"I haven't fucking changed...what's that supposed to mean?"

Every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of her. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it, her fists began to clench and her jaw was rooted.

John sighed, "Nothing alright."

"Oh so now you wanna drop the conversation. Just spit it out John, I know you despise the fact that I left."

"I don't, it was just a stupid choice that's all." He waved off the topic as if it was nothing and that only angered Marie even more.

"A stupid bloody choice John?" She yelled as she pulled her dress over her head and shook her loose curls. "Martha was pregnant with your child, fucksake, and you think I wanted to stay!"

"You had no reason to go, we still could have been together."

"What? Have me as your whore, is that what your saying?" She froze.

"No, fuck, look I'm just asking why did you leave?"

"I left because you never asked me to stay."

"Yes I di-"

"No John, you didn't, not really." She cried.

"You asked me to stay in Small Heath with you but you never asked me to stay with you... Be with you. And you might not think there's a big difference," She laughed through the small tears streaming down her face, "but for me there was John. As much as I try to deny it, you were, and always will be my first love. But you were also my first true heartbreak. Every time I look at you I can't help feel that pain. Yes, I'm enraged with myself that I left, but you didn't need me the way I needed you, and even if you did, you couldn't leave."

She released a heavy sigh after she had finished. "Maybe, this was a mistake. I should go before the kids get home from Pol's."

"Listen, you don't have to go-"

"Yeah...yeah I do. I should." She whispered woefully.

Turning away from John and going down the stairs, she decended slowly. Savouring the feeling of being in the presence of John Shelby.

"God, why didn't you just shut the fuck up Marie." She mumbled pressing her hand to her forehead.

Gazing up she noted how the night came as a reward of sorts, a restfulness above to calm the soul.

But it was ruined. Feeling hands grab her delicate body they dragged her. Forcing her down the cobbled streets and around the corner. She knew who it was immediately.

Adrenaline flooded her system. It pumped and beat like it was trying to escape. Marie thought her heart would explode and her eyes were wide with fear. Her adrenaline surged so fast she almost vomited, "get the fuck off me!" She could taste her saliva thickening in her throat and beads of sweat trickling down her brow.

"John! John!"

Screaming, yelling, crying she put up a fight like she usually did... Alone.