*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧—chapter twenty-eight: old patterns, new problems

IT STARTS LIKE MOST OF THEIR ARGUMENTS DO: SMALL, INSIGNIFICANT, AND SEEMINGLY HARMLESS. But this time, the tension is different—sharper, heavier, like a giant grey storm cloud that has been brewing for weeks. They haven't had a proper argument in a good few months, but September is when the disagreements start up again. Over what? Well, this time the root of the problem isn't their jobs.

And worst of all, it occurs during a race weekend.

The race in Monza had ended hours ago. Nico's trip back to the hotel room isn't as quick as he'd hoped. He just wanted to be curled up under the sheets in the comfort of his hotel bed and go to sleep. However, his hopes are shattered when he enters the hotel's lobby and finds a sign posted on the elevator saying it was down for the night and would be fixed by the morning. Groaning in frustration and running a hand through his hair, he heads to the stairwell. He's not in the mood to go walk up several flights of stairs to reach the room, but he doesn't have any other choice.

Besides, he's had a long day already and was getting more tired as the day went on. Today's race was definitely not one of the best he's had this year. He was the first to DNF, resulting from a loss of power to the car not even a fourth of the way into the race.

He tightens his grip on the duffel bag slung over his shoulder as he trudges up the stairs, looking absolutely miserable on his slow ascent.

It seems like forever before he finally reaches the floor he's meant to be on and he pushes the exit door open, exiting the stairwell. With a sigh, he heads down the hall before stopping in front of the door to the hotel room. He digs around his pockets for the key before taking out and unlock the door, heading inside.

Upon entering, he closes the door quietly, the latch clicking shut behind him. The room is dim, lit up only by the lamp on the bedside table—which he hadn't turned off in case Poe still needed it—casting a soft, warm glow across the space. Bag still in tow, he walks over to the armchair by the window, where he finds Poe.

He's sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, chin propped on his arms as he stares out the window. A blanket is discarded on the floor and there's a book wedged between him and the seat. He's wearing one of Nico's spare jumpers, an oversized purple one that's so soft you could pretend it's a blanket and fall asleep in it. A small smile tugs at the corners of Nico's lips. Poe had waited. All day, from morning when Nico left the room for the day to right now as he sat in that chair waiting on his return.

"You're still awake," he says softly, taking his shoes off and setting his bag down on the desk by the adjacent wall.

Poe picks his head up and looks at him, a tired smile on his face. "I debated taking a nap," he says, a chuckle leaving his lips. "But I wanted to see you first."

"Of course." Nico's smile widens as he leans down and presses a kiss to the top of Poe's head. "But I thought you would've left by now and went back to the apartment."

"I figured you might've needed some company after the race," Poe replies, grabbing the book from off of the chair and setting it on the desk. "It also wouldn't have made any sense for me to just leave without saying goodbye in person, you know?"

"You're right," Nico murmurs as he straightens up and heads to the minibar. "But you didn't have to wait around all day for me."

Poe shrugs, watching as Nico grabs a bottle of water and takes a long drink. "I don't mind. Besides, it's not like I had anything else planned."

Nico glances at him, his brow furrowing slightly. "You could've done something for yourself. Explored the city, gone out for a nice dinner—anything."

"I wanted to be here, though," Poe says simply.

Nico looks at him for a moment, his blue eyes searching. He doesn't say anything as he sets the water bottle down and moves to sit on the edge of the bed, his back to Poe.

The silence stretches between them. Poe watches him, the tension in Nico's shoulders evident even from across the room.

"What's wrong?" Poe asks finally, his voice quiet.

Nico sighs, his hands clasped between his knees. "Nothing's wrong."

"Nico..." Poe raises an eyebrow, leaning forward slightly in his chair. "Talk to me."

Nico hesitates, his jaw tightening as he exhales slowly. "It's just... I don't know. You don't have to put your life on hold for me, Poe."

Poe blinks, momentarily caught off guard by the statement. "What are you talking about?"

"You stayed here all day, waiting for me," Nico says, turning to face him now. His expression is a mix of frustration and something deeper—something vulnerable. "You do that a lot. Whenever you have your days off, you rearrange your plans, your time, everything—just for me. And I appreciate it, I do, but I don't want you to feel like you have to do that."

"I don't feel like I have to," Poe replies, his brow furrowing. "I do it because I want to. Because I care about you."

"I know," Nico says quickly, his voice softening. "But sometimes it feels like... I don't know, like you're sacrificing too much for me."

Poe's jaw tightens, his hands gripping the arms of the chair. "Really? That's what you think? That I'm just giving up my life for you?"

"No... That's not what I'm saying," Nico says through a frustrated exhale, standing now and running a hand through his hair. "I just don't want you to look back one day and feel like you've given up too much for this—for us."

Poe swallows hard, forcing down the bile that's risen in his throat as he gets up from his seat. "I don't feel that way, Nico. Why are you even bringing this up? Is this about today? Because if it is, I already told you—I wanted to be here."

"It's not just today," Nico says, his voice rising slightly. "It's everything. You've been doing this for years now. Rearranging your life, waiting for me while I'm off racing, putting yourself second—"

"I don't put myself second," Poe interrupts, his voice sharp. "And for the record, Nico, I don't see spending time with you as some kind of sacrifice. I love you. I want to be here for you. Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"Because I don't want you to lose yourself in this," Nico says, desperation in his tone. "In me."

Poe stares at him, his chest heaving as he tries to process Nico's words. "You think I'm losing myself?"

"I don't know," Nico admits, his shoulders slumping. "I just... I don't want you to feel like you're giving up too much."

Poe swallows thickly, hesitating. He doesn't look at Nico for a moment, his green eyes scanning the room, gaze focused momentarily on the view from the window. He fingers with the hem of the jumper, looking back up at Nico. "Nico, I'm not giving up anything," he says after a moment, his voice quieter now, but no less firm as it was before. "This—us—this is what I want. You're worrying about me like I'm still that lost little kid you found in that alley in the pouring rain all those years ago, and I'm not that kid anymore, okay? I know who I am. I know what I want. I'm doing this for us. I'm doing this because I love you and I don't want you feeling like everything we have means nothing."

Nico looks at him, his eyes welling up with tears. For a moment, neither of them say anything, the weight of their words hanging heavy in the air.

Finally, Nico steps closer, his hands reaching out to cup Poe's face. "I'm sorry," he murmurs, his thumbs brushing lightly against Poe's cheeks. "I didn't mean what I said, I didn't mean to make it seem like I don't appreciate what you do for me. I just... I worry, maybe as much as you do. I just really don't want to mess this up for us."

"You're not messing anything up," Poe says softly, his hands coming up to rest on Nico's wrists as he looks at him. "But you've got to talk to me, Nico. If something's bothering you, you can't just hold it in until it... until it becomes too much for you to handle and it explodes like this."

"I know. I'll try," Nico says with a nod, his forehead resting against Poe's. "And... maybe you should take your own advice too."

"I will," Poe says as he closes his eyes, exhaling slowly as he sinks into Nico's touch. "But I'm not making promises anymore."

"Okay," Nico chuckles softly, a smile tugging at his lips. "I guess that's a good thing," he murmurs, leaning in to press a soft, lingering kiss to Poe's lips.

"I'd say it is," Poe says, cracking a smile as he pulls away and presses a soft kiss to Nico's forehead.

"Yeah," Nico laughs. "Me too."

author's note
they're literally so in love
with each other

01.18.25