the sanera's were always bound to a life of peril. centuries and centuries, generations and generations of sanera's all had one thing in common: a tragic downfall.

naina and jai sanera were certainly no exception. 

death was an inevitability and it would take anyone at anytime. flames of love and decay lingering in the air, as a young jai and naina witnessed the carcass of their once-loving parents were disappearing into ash in front of their eyes. death was truly not the end, but rather an anticipation of meeting a loved one in another place. naina knew that much, and even despite being the age of 10, she knew that the world wasn't a pretty place for gullible people. 

arjun and meera sanera weren't supposed to die like the way they did; they were meant to live a long, fruitful life raising their kids in pondicherry. but as their bosses had told jai, it was all their responsibility and fault for their death, merely blaming them for their untimely deaths. naina didn't like the white people at their parent's spice plantation. she saw how they beat her appa and pulled her amma's hair. 

naina never really saw death until the people bought her parents mangled bodies home; a thin sheet shielding her from what was below. it was a mistake peeling that sheet from the bodies, for she let out an ear piercing scream. her eyes met her mother's terror stricken ones, blood painted on her face. her father's were closed but she couldn't help but look at the large gash that went down the entirety of his face. naina was alone at home, and couldn't even call out for jai, considering he, too was at work.

naina couldn't cry that day, but instead it sparked something in her. she couldn't let jai face the same fate. her jai. 

naina and jai knew one thing and one thing only: that the two of them would do everything and anything for each other. but they learnt a lesson young ; in a world so cruel like their own, to never trust anyone. if blood was thicker than water, why would their own parents leave them?

at first glance, the two would pass off as twins sporting the same bright brown eyes and hard-working nature. jai was the elder one, older than his sister by 5 years, he took it upon himself to shield her already cold front. jai was too selfless and gave too much.

if jai was the sun, she was the moon. jai was simply gravity for naina; he was the one thing holding everything up for her.

naina, on the other hand, was far more vigilant than jai. she would see people for who they truly were and paired with her violent nature, she was someone to be feared. naina only once heard of the beauty of a nebula and resonated with it deeply. she was to be the destruction of an old life to something better. she loved her brother truly and looked up to him dearly, but she realised his fatal flaw. 

jai loved too easily, trusted too easily and fought too easily.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

when naina turned 16, she came across a knife on the streets of pondi. jai had forgotten his lunch for work that day and naina out of boredom had thought that it was a good opportunity to go outside and give him food. normally, she wouldn't touch random things on the street, but something was compelling her to touch it. 

picking up the knife, which was nothing special, just a black handle and a silver blade. the light reflecting off the smooth metal of the blade. naina was by no means an impulsive person, but seeing that played lying on the ground, ticked something in her. 

she picked it up and hid it under her blouse, careful not to poke her chest. 

naina was expecting a smooth trip home, as was always the case. all the women and kids out of fear, would remain indoors, avoiding the white seniors at all costs. naina wasn't too scared, especially after some encounters. she could hold herself up pretty well. she would often take the back routes home, which she found to be much easier, considering the seniors would always roam the main roads.

she was approaching the log leading to her house. it was a makeshift bridge that her appa put into place.

someone grabs her by the waist; rugged, tough and forceful. it was one of the french seniors. naina knew what she had to do.

she blinded him with it. 

she didn't need to worry about the consequences.

after all, who would believe the word of a blind man.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

when naina was 17, she was tidying her little home. jai was still at work and she knew he would be rather late. she could see the sun dipping down the horizon and the grasshopper's rattling their melodies.

home for naina was two things: the place she lived in and jai. her home was by no means big or fancy, but it was enough for naina. the mud brick house, with the brown sheet on top of it was home. the outdoor kitchen and her plants were home. 

her parent's room was off limits. it was a silent agreement between jai and naina. but for once, passing through their room that evening, it was almost as if curiosity was calling out to her. 

she pushes the door open, considering it was a plastic sheet, she didn't need too much force. they say certain smells trigger memories and in that moment naina deemed it to be true. despite the dusty air, she could still smell the hibiscus scent of her mother, remembering the sunday ritual the two of them had putting thaali in their hair. she smells her appa, who she couldn't assign a certain smell to, but it was him. 

the room was all the while the same. the wooden bed nearby the closed shutter, the small table, which had a comb and one of her amma's silver nose rings. it was nothing special, but she could see everything. the times when her appa taught jai how to shave, her amma braiding her hair and the times where when things would get so hectic, all of them sleeping on the same bed.

even the times when the seniors would raid their houses and the kids having to hide.

she looks around, taking in all of her lost childhood moments, and for a split second, she feels like falling apart, collapsing to the floor. she wanted a childhood, teenage hood and adulthood, all with her amma and appa, but god decided to take them away from her and jai. naina truly did believe in god; a higher power who had the ability to take all of humanity's problems away. but why were these problems still there?

she looks around, her eyes catching the oddly placed cloth on the floor beneath the bed. she crawls over, not before checking all the doors and windows were closed, tugging at the cloth. she uncovers a box, wooden but fairly large, probably the size of 4 books stacked on top of one another. pulling it out, she dusts the top off and opens it. her pupils dilate.

there were at least 5 pairs of earrings, a few studs and few jhumkas. handfuls of necklaces; one of which had a stunning green stone. bracelets, bangles, anklets, nose rings. all of gold.

but what actually caught naina's attention was the paper at underneath the lid.

my naina,

i've always kept this, solely for you. i've always been anticipating a premature death, especially under the circumstances which we live in. you might be wondering why i have so much gold. in a man's world, us women have no stability. it's never been our world. look at kaikeyi, sita and draupadi. all who were which strong women, but men being the root of gluttony.

these are what i got from my mother, who got it from hers. this is generations worth of tradition. take this as a way of wealth. this is my financial asset. gold was and is a way of women passing down their wealth, and i hope when you too have a daughter of your own that she will get this.

i love you, and always remember our lotus promise.

amma

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

when naina was 18, she met her future sister in law, leela. leela was everything she needed in her life at that point: female company. up till that point, jai was all she had. he was there for her first scrape to her first period, yet she knew as much as she loved her brother, that it wasn't equivalent to talking with someone else like her. plus, it was to be noted that naina was still angry at jai for hiding his and leela's relationship from her for so long.

naina could hold a hell of a grudge. jai was more forgiving.

"oh naina, oh naina!" jai declares in front of the courtyard, his arms wide open with a wide grin plastered in front of his,  "please forgive me for being. a love-besotten fool and for not telling my dear sister!"

naina crosses her arms, mocking her brother's weird gesture as leela laughs besides her. 

"over your dead body." she failingly gives out a tiny smirk. jai runs up to her, entering the house and picks naina up, twirling her around, with leela chiding him jokingly to let her go.

oh, if they knew.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

when naina was 21, it seemed as though her life couldn't get more catastrophic than it already was. innocent indians were getting conscripted by their british seniors to fight for the army.

jai sanera was one of them.

"you can't leave me jai," crying helplessly against her brother's chest, hitting it aggressively, "you promised me, you bloody promised me."

jai could say nothing, he knew nothing could comfort naina at this point. it was strange for him, as naina wasn't particularly an emotional person. instead, he held her. jai had an inkling that every second he had left with his family was scarce, and he was trying to remember every little detail of his loved ones. from the jasmine scent naina radiated, to the red vermillion jai so proudly brushes on his wife's head every morning. even to the 5 beautiful stretch marks painted on the left of leela's belly as she was so lovingly carrying their child. 

"you have leela and your baby on the way for fucks sake jai," she continues, "at least think of them."

jai couldn't say anything, he truly couldn't. he lets naina go and looks down at her.

"naina, i'm going to ask a big favour from you and you have to promise me you'll carry it through." his eyes seemed adamant, his eyebrows creased in determination. naina nods in response

"i've bought you and leela tickets for a boat heading to london and i have some money saved up for the two of you to live there for a while," he starts, "things are only going to get worse here with the british people and the french."

"jai, but our home..." naina starts."

"you'll go a day before i go and i've sold the house. more money for you to get to london."

naina was getting angry. jai had no reason to ship them off to another country, mind you the same country the white people were from, the same people who caused too much damage to the sanera's.

"jai, are you out of your mind? to london? the same people who hurt us?"

in her rage, she pushed him away from her.

"naina, i know it's an impulsive decision-"

"no shit, you bastard."

jai pinches his nose bridge, "naina, you've got to understand, that everything i do, is for you and leela."

"then come with us, we promised anything and everything jai, and i'm not getting the everything."

jai shakes his head, walking back and forth tiredly, "stop being selfish naina."

"i'm sorry i don't want what happened with amma and appa happening to you."

jai smiles tiredly, as if he knew the bitter truth.

"naina, oh naina. please forgive me," his voice breaks and his eyes well up with tears as he walks towards his sister, holding her in his face in his hands, "forgive me for being a fool, and forgive me for the world we live in."

naina didn't have the heart to give her usual reply because for some reason, she too knew it was the bitter truth.

"oh naina, my naina, i'm sorry for our lives."

the sanera's would only go through so much more.

arjun sanera - jayam ravi

meera sanera - aishwarya lekshmi