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☼ content warning: mentions of
attempted suicide ☼

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「 twenty-four. And then she smiled,
that's what I'm after
a smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter
happy to listen, happy to play
Happily watching her drift away. 」

THE GRASP OF WINTER HAD SOON DEMOLISHED AFTER THE FIRST BREATH OF SPRING, finally allowing colour and life to return to the thin leaves that adorned the trees.

The frost on the ground had melted away into nothing more than forgotten specs of the once snow that swirled through the air. Once again, signs of blossoming nature and overgrowing greenery painted the abandoned streets and roads of Salt Lake City.

The surrounding air was embraced with the soft twittering of the young birds that passed over the desolate city, unaware of the mayhem below.

The time bled by after the events of Silver Lake, yet the moments of disaster still tainted the fresh minds of Ellie Williams and Elizabeth Dean. However, with the passing of time, both girls had begun to grow despite their distant sighs and fatigued stares.

The sun beat down softly over the abandoned truck where the two young girls resided. They fell into a peaceful silence as they sat on the edge of the truck, mumbling to one another faintly every couple of moments.

Behind them, sprawled out on the truck, Bellamy lay with his paws upwards as he rested on his back. His days had grown to consist of resting with the two girls before he would scavenge for scraps with Joel.

Lizzie lightly muttered to Ellie, pointing and labelling all the flowers in view with what she thought the correct names for them were. Lizzie knew that Ellie was trying to pay attention, trying not to let her mind succumb to the inky void it seemed to find home in, but wether she was successful or not, Lizzie didn't know.

Time seemed to itch and scratch at their minds as they neared the hospital—a mixture of apprehension mixed with the overwhelming realisation that the events of the past couple of months were not just the negativity in her mind playing tricks on her, but were permanent, marked in history and scorched within their minds.

Lizzie forced herself not to dwell in the past. If neither Joel and Ellie could morph into the role of the positive ringleader, she would align herself with the role, despite the war of madness that bubbled under her skin.

Throughout her short moment of reflection, she failed to hear Joel's voice call out to her and Ellie, a somewhat pleased smile on his face as he walked towards them. "Bug!"

Joel's muffled voice fell silent amongst the chattering of internal voices that only recently poisoned Lizzie's mind. She didn't want to admit the strange thoughts or phrases that ghosted around in her head, she supposed it would make her nothing short of a madman, and she didn't want that.

"Liz! Ellie!"

Lizzie turned first at the man's voice, an inhale breezing over her as she turned. Beside her, Ellie awoke from her trance of intrusion and doubt.

Joel stopped close by them, his eyebrows drawn together as he looked at them with an emotion that could only be described as care. "Did you hear me?"

Lizzie nodded, pulling her hair behind her ears and sighing as she looked at the man. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Joel's smile faltered slightly as he lifted up the can of food he'd found inside an abandoned RV. "Well, I found this in there. Beefaroni. Chef Boyardee." Joel grinned as though pleased with himself as he recalled the night the trio had spent in the forest before they reached Kansas City—before everything started falling downhill.

"Cool." Ellie's voice was broad with the sense of fake joy, no matter how hard she tried to push it down with a barrier of happiness.

Joel continued to shorten the distance between him and the girls, lifting up the board game he carried in his other hand. "And have you ever played this? Boggle? It's a word game." he asked, huffing with amusement as he looked to the blonde, "it's a game I think you'd enjoy very much, Bug."

Lizzie smiled lightly at Joel. The man had made multiple daily attempts to cheer up the girls—varying from old decks of cards, to simply finding flowers that he'd seen Lizzie stare at in curiosity, to an abandoned red flannel he'd thought Ellie might like.

"Well, if you wanna beat me at somethin', it would be this." Joel watched them both hopefully, desperate for any sign of happiness or even the ghost of their once bright selves to bid him a laugh before melting away.

Lizzie scratched the skin beside her nails—a bad habit she'd begun which left her fingers pink and scratched—before looking up to the man again. She scrunched her face slightly as the sun swallowed her eyes in a hue of amber, "I'll take you up on that bet when we get home from the fireflies."

Lizzie turned her gaze back, missing the small smile Joel adorned as he took notice to her words. 'When we get home from the fireflies.' Maybe she hadn't of meant them the way he welcomed them, but he didn't care. The three of them and their favourite dog would find the fireflies and return home.

Wherever home was, Joel wasn't entirely sure. But that didn't stop the excited thump of his heart.

The man sighed, sparing a look to the quiet surroundings. "We're gettin' close." Lizzie and Ellie turned to look in the direction Joel's outstretched arm pointed to, "Hospital that way. May be the one we're lookin' for."

"Got it." Ellie nodded, sliding off of the truck and holding out her hand to the blonde. Her skin tingled with excitement as she felt Lizzie slide her hand into her own, opposing the idea to let go and instead holding on as they walked.

After the blonde beckoned Bellamy off of the truck, they'd set out once again in search for the hospital.

They walked in silence for a couple of moments—Lizzie being entranced by the world of greenery around her, unaware of Ellie's internal squealing and lovesick cheering, all the while forcing herself to ignore the rosiness that blossomed over her cheeks.

Joel released a sigh as they walked, kicking the stones under his shoes as he watched Lizzie swing her and Ellie's connected hands back and forth absentmindedly. "They had a guitar in that RV. It was all smashed up but got me thinkin', maybe I should find one. I haven't played in forever. In fact, I was thinkin' maybe I could teach the two you."

Joel's words caught Lizzie's attention as she looked up to the man with raised eyebrows. "Really?"

He nodded his head enthusiastically, "I bet you'd be great at it."

"That sound cool," Lizzie turned to Ellie, pulling the girl closer to her slightly and tilting her head as she spoke quietly, "right? Would you like that?"

Over the months that followed after winter, Lizzie fell tender with Ellie. Every word she spoke was delicate and laced with emotion as she fondly gazed at her—blinded by her own insecurity, Lizzie had been unaware that Ellie had been doing the exact same to her, treating her with gentleness and care.

The brunette hummed, looking to the blonde with a puppy-eyed stare. "Mhm," she nodded, "yeah, that'd be great."

The ground crunched as the sound of boots hitting leaves cut through the air. The trio had walked for somewhat of a long time, and everytime Lizzie noticed a crisp leaf on the floor, she didn't waste a second in stomping her foot over it.

After a while of walking, the trio had found themselves in some sort of alleyway, walking between buildings as Joel spoke out, "Okay, so this is what I'm thinking—"

"Cut through that building to get around that stuff, find the skyscraper, go up and look around." Ellie interjected, already aware with Joel's antics when it came to passing through buildings.

Joel clicked his tongue as he looked behind them for a moment, "Uhh, actually, this time I was thinkin' we blast our way through that rubble. I found some dynamite in that RV back there."

Lizzie raised an eyebrow at the man, "wait, seriously?"

"No." Joel scoffed lightly, "No, so we're gonna cut through that building, find a skyscraper, go up and look around." He looked at them both with a smug expression as he chuckled, "But I had you goin', didn't I?"

"Shut up, cowboy."

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"LOOK AT THIS PLACE." Joel grimaced as they walked through the interior of the desolate building. "Talk about bad luck. Military drops bombs... not one of them hits the building you're trying to demolish."

In Lizzie's opinion, the building didn't seem like the horror Joel made it out to be. Translucent red tarp hung from the walls, protecting the interior from the blazing sun that lingered beyond the dust-covered walls.

Endless piles of rubble and debris littered the surrounding ground, stacked in piles and carelessly thrown to the floor, forgotten and rotting.

"No way up." Joel grumbled, allowing the outside light that lingered quite a few feet above him to shine a pale glow over his face.

He turned back around, biting the inside of his cheek as he extended a thin gate to open and allow them through. He allowed his eyes to examine anything that could help them, nodding as he noticed a stacked row of wooden crates.

"I get one of you up there, you can drop that ladder down, maybe we go through that way. Come on. I'll give you a boost." Joel said in thought, turning to look at the two. To his surprise, neither one was following behind him as they usually did. Instead, they stood huddled together and flicking through old parchment.

Joel walked over to them slowly, his eyes bleeding with concern as he noticed their quiet behaviour. "You okay?"

Lizzie turned to the man, nodding her head as she hummed in reply. "It's just you kinda seem extra quiet today, so." Lizzie could tell that, although his words were directed to both of them, his eyes glanced to Ellie as he noticed her unusual silence.

Ellie apologised quickly, "oh... I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine." Joel dismissed, gesturing back cord to the wooden crates. "Did you hear what I said?"

Lizzie clicked her tongue as she detached her hand from Ellie's, walking over to the crates and climbing on top of them. "Come on, cowboy. We haven't got all the time in the world, you know."

Joel grunted as he climbed in front of her. The blonde placed her hands on his shoulders, placing one on the metal beam behind him as he counted down, his hands secure around her legs.

"One... two, up." The man hauled the blonde upwards towards the next floor, his hand tightly wrapped around her ankles to ensure that she wouldn't fall. He turned to Ellie, gesturing for her to do the same as the blonde had done.

Lizzie outstretched her hand for Ellie to grab ahold of and use to pull herself up, to which Ellie took it gratefully.

The two exhaled deeply as they each grabbed an end of the metal ladder, attempting to lower it to Joel before Ellie's awestruck voice distracted them. "Whoa!"

Ellie let go of the ladder, grabbing Lizzie's arm without a second thought and dragging the girl away. Lizzie let out a yelp, accidentally dropping the ladder somewhere besides Joel who let out a string of annoyed curses. "God dammit, Liz!"

"Ellie, where are we going?" Lizzie breathed out as she ran with the girl, their hands interlocking as they sprinted through the abandoned building.

Ellie just shook her head with a smile, "just trust me!" She implored, "Joel, get up here!"

Lizzie could hear as Joel's footsteps followed them, mixed with the sound of Bellamy's sharp nails scratching against the concrete floors.

"Ellie, slow down!" Lizzie laughed as the girl continued to drag her up another flight of stairs, her own eyes becoming wide and awestruck as she met the sight that had provoked Ellie.

A beautiful giraffe stood tall and graceful as it feasted on a wild bush that grew from inside the building. It didn't take any time to try and scare off the girls, simply acknowledging their presence before it continued to dine on the bush.

Behind them, Lizzie could hear Joel's footsteps stop as he reached them—probably just as shocked as them. He moved to take off his gun, placing it to the side as he watched the creature.

"wait, don't scare it." Lizzie whispered softly to the man, shaking her head slightly. Joel turned to her, his movements slow to try not to alarm the giraffe. "I wont."

Joel moved over to the overgrown bushes, picking two long strands of grass and turning back to the girls. "What are you doing?" Ellie inquired as she watched the man.

"It's alright." Joel hushed, gesturing for the two of them to come closer to him. Beside him, Bellamy looked at the creature with a joyful shake of his tail, moving forward before jumping back as though he wasn't sure wether to be afraid.

"Come here." Joel beckoned them closer to him. "Come on, it wont hurt you."

Lizzie smiled lightly, turning to Ellie with a nod as she gestured for her to follow after her. Lizzie took one of the long pieces of grass that Joel had offered, watching the animal move closer to her as it inspected the food.

She laughed lightly as the giraffe took the grass from her hand, nudging against her palm as though sending a 'thank you' to the girl. She continued the action, grinning as she stroked the giraffe's head delicately.

She looked beside her, pulling Ellie over to her and gesturing for the brunette to feed the tall creature. Bashfully, Ellie laughed as the giraffe gratefully took the nature from her hand.

Joel stood beside them, watching with a fond smile as the reflection of their once selves cracked through the shells of their minds. The bright Ellie, who felt the need to make a joke out of any situation, stood smiling, trading a grin with an energetic Lizzie, who Joel never could seem to understand. But it didn't matter anyway, because they were happy. And that was all that Joel found himself caring about.

As long as his girls were happy, he was too.

Lizzie giggled, throwing her head back into Ellie's shoulder as the giraffe leaned closer towards her, joyfully taking the long strings of grass they had to provide.

"So fuckin' cool." Ellie breathed out in amazement, watching as the giraffe turned away, walking towards the rest of the giraffes that lingered not far ahead. "Aw, where's she going?"

Without a second thought, Lizzie pulled on their intertwined hands, sprinting through the isolated halls in the direction that the giraffe seemed to move. "Come on, on, come on, come on, come on!"

Joel chuckled as he followed after them, leaning down for a moment to stroke Bellamy before the two chased after the girls.

Joel pushed open the rusty blue door, watching as Lizzie leaned herself up to sit in the edge of the wall whilst Ellie stood beside her.

The view infront of them was nothing short of a masterpiece. Nothing but sweet harmonious bliss as animals roamed free and uncaged, walking through the remains of the flower-covered park. The buildings around shadowed the memorable scene like a protective barrier, keeping it hidden from the prying eyes of anybody else.

Leaving it to be just their little secret.

"Is it everything you hoped for?" Joel asked, moving to stand beside the two as they looked over the side of the wall.

Ellie shrugged as she gazed peacefully over the edge, "It's got its ups and downs."

"But you cant deny that view." Lizzie reminisced, referring to ellie's words that fateful day all those months ago when the three stood in the same position after successfully surviving the museum.

Joel went silent after a moment, a tranquil smile on his face before he licked his lips and spoke, "Look, I don't know exactly where this hospital is—"

"Yeah, we'll find it." Ellie interrupted, a confident tone laced into her soft voice.

"Hopefully." Lizzie added on with a grumble.

"It's just. . ." Joel's voice faded for a moment, "Maybe there's nothin' bad out there, but so far there's always been somethin' bad out there."

Lizzie looked to the man, a hopeful shrug pulling at her shoulders. "We made it this far, didn't we? I think we'll be okay now, cowboy."

Joel sighed deeply, "I'm only saying there's risk. We don't have to do this." Joel turned to the two girls, looking between them with an honest stare as he spoke. Had they said the word, he would of gotten them out of the city in less than ten minutes. "I just... I want you to know that."

"What else are we supposed to do?" Ellie asked, taking a timid step backwards.

Joel shook his head, "Nothin'. We just go back to Tommy's. We forget about the whole damn thing." Lizzie couldn't deny the small ache in her heart that wished to return to Jackson. The town seemed homely and comforting—unlike any home she'd ever lived in before. However, she felt her heart sink to know that everything—David, Henry, Sam, Tess, the good and the bad. All the events leading up to that very moment would be for nothing.

"After all we've been through... everything I've done... it can't be for nothing." Ellie frowned slightly as she spoke, reflecting the instances when fate seemed to turn her away.

Lizzie pursed her lips for a moment. "Joel, your purpose on this journey was to protect us. And god knows you have. So... we'll go to the fireflies, Ellie will get her blood tested and stuff, I'll tell Marlene that I'm leaving the fireflies," she cringed slightly, "And when we're done, we'll go wherever you want."

"Tommy's, sheep ranch, the moon." Ellie listed playfully.

Lizzie smiled as she added, "the beach!"

Joel chuckled, lowering his head slightly for a moment. "We'll follow you anywhere you go."

Ellie licked her lips, frowning for a moment as she took a deep sigh. "But there's no halfway with this. We finish what we started."

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LIZZIE WHISTLED FAINTLY AS SHE LET HER HAND TRAIL THE IDENTS OF THE TUNNEL. For the third time that day, the trio had carried on walking, searching for any sign of the firefly hospital that resided in the city.

They followed through a dirt path that showcased torn up tents, stalls, and belongings that had been forgotten about and thrown out of the way recklessly. Some tents and gazebos remained intact as they blowed gently in the spring breeze, most adorning rips or stains in the sides.

After a moment of silence, Ellie spoke up curiously. "Was this a FEDRA thing?"

"No," Joel responded, "Army. They put these places up all around the first few days after the outbreak. Emergency medical camps. Obviously didn't last. They had me in one just like this."

Lizzie glanced to him, her voice soft as she spoke, "with Sarah?" It was then that she remembered the small Polaroid that rested in the back pocket of her jeans. It was a photo that Lizzie had found during her stay at Jackson, absentmindedly shoving it into her bag, only to forget.

"No, she was gone already." Joel admitted, a saddened tone falling into his voice as he remembered his deceased daughter.

Lizzie bit her lip, turning to the man with a nervous look on her face. "Hey, joel... I got something for you."

She pulled the Polaroid from her pocket, fiddling with it for a moment before swallowing deeply. "I found this at Maria's house and I... well, I stole it for you. Hope you don't mind."

Joel stopped walking, giving the blonde an unsure look as he examined the Polaroid, his eyes turning a glossy shade as he ran his finger over Sarah's image. It was a photo they'd taken over twenty years ago, the day of his birthday. Sarah smiled brightly though Joel's hand was placed over her eyes playfully as she placed her hand over his. The man himself carrying a mischievous smile as he looked to the camera.

He breathed out as he looked at the photo. "Well... no matter how hard you try, I guess you can't escape your past." He sighed, "thank you, bug."

Lizzie smiled lightly, shuffling to be in line with Ellie and Bellamy as they carried on walking. Ellie looked to him unsurely as she asked, "So what was wrong with you? You know, to end up here?"

Joel pointed to the scar on his head, "It was for this."

"Ah, the guy who shot and missed." Ellie hummed, "I figured that would've happened later."

Joel shook his head, "No. Second day."

"Well, I've gotta hand it to the Army people. They were way better at stitchin' you up than I was." Ellie joked, nudging Lizzie as they continued to walk, unaware that Joel had stopped.

"It was me."

Lizzie and Ellie shared a confound look, turning back to the man. He stood a couple of feet away, his eyes burning with an emotion overflowing with sorrow and regret as he looked at them. "I was the guy who shot and missed."

The blonde felt herself grow pale at Joel's words. Having been born six years after the outbreak, majority of people were more or less adapted to the apocalyptic environment. She hadn't imagined what life would be like for those when the outbreak begun. For those like Joel.

Joel moved to sit against a steel bench, waiting until the two joined him before he spoke again. "There's no story. Sarah died... and I couldn't see the point anymore. Simple as that."

For once, Lizzie fell speechless. She felt unable to speak as the man explained his story to them. "And I wasn't scared either. I was ready. I couldn't have been more ready. When I... When I... went to pull the trigger, I-I flinched. Still don't know why. Anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this..."

"I know why you're telling us this." Ellie told the man.

"Yeah, I reckon you do."

Lizzie breathed out lightly, releasing a cool breath as she kicked a stone under her feet. "So time heals all wounds, I guess."

Joel turned to look at them for a moment, every emotion that had been spent churning and devouring away at Joel's mind finally came to show as he looked at them.

Elizabeth Dean and Ellie Williams had given Joel a chance to live again. For twenty years, he melted into the cold-hearted shell of the loving father he once was. He felt disappointed in himself—horrified that there wasn't anything he could've done to save his daughter.

Joel wondered if maybe Sarah had taken pity on him wherever she lay to rest. Maybe she'd seen the error of his malicious ways, and gifted him a new chance—a new beginning in the form of two clever young girls who would make him laugh until his knees grew weak. That he would want to protect with all his life. That he would want to see smile so badly, it almost damaged his mind.

"It wasn't time that did it."

Joel watched as both girls turned to him, their looks bonded with the same energetic care that he felt for them burning in their own eyes.

Lizzie shook her head, unsure Wether to laugh or cry and she rested her head in Joel's shoulder for a moment. The trio simply sat for a moment with nothing to say as they rested in the peaceful moment of pure serenity that the others provided for each other.

"I'm glad that... that didn't work out." Ellie admitted, a truthful look in her eyes as she glanced to the man.

Lizzie pulled away after a moment, shaking her head as she placed to hands near her eyes. "Oh, stop it, cowboy. You're gonna make me cry!"

The man laughed at her remark, his own tears building in his eyes as he wiped away any trace of the liquid.

"We should get going." Ellie sighed, standing up from her space and holding out a hand to the blonde again. Without missing a beat, Lizzie connected their hands as she stood.

"You know what I'm in the mood for?" Joel asked as they began walking once again. When Ellie gestured for him to continue, he grinned slightly, "shitty puns."

Ellie laughed cheerfully, detaching her hand from Lizzie's for a moment as she reached into her backpack, pulling out the book.

"People are making apocalypse jokes like there's no tomorrow."

Lizzie chuckled lightly as the girl read out the pun. The brunette turned to Joel with a wince, "too soon?"

"No, it's topical." The man shrugged.

Elle laughed as she continued to read another pun from the book. "Moon rocks taste better than Earth rocks. Why? 'Cause they're meteor."

Both girls burst into a series of laughter, leaning on one another for support as Joel shook his head at them fondly. "You two are such freaks, you know that? That was terrible. Zero out of ten."

Lizzie took the book from Ellie's hand, chewing at the side of her mouth as she looked for a good one.

"A book just fell on my head, I only have my self to blame—" Lizzie paused as she looked at the words, her eyebrows scrunched before she burst into a melodic laughter, "oh wait, I said it wrong! Hold on, let me read it again."

Joel and Ellie shared an amused glance as the girl repeated the pun. "A book just fell on my head, I only have my 'shelf' to blame." She read smugly, chuckling to herself when neither Ellie or Joel praised her. "Ruined it."

"That was like a three out of ten." Joel scoffed, to which Lizzie jumped back in offence. "No, at least a six—"

The trio stopped at the sound of an unfamiliar clicking along with a thump that hit the back of Lizzie's shoe. The trio turned in confusion, their eyes going wide at the sight of the smoke bomb.

Instantly, Joel moved to shield both girls from the damage, determined to protect them from whoever had chosen to attack.

The air grew polluted with a cloud of thick smoke, poisoning Lizzie's throat as she attempted to grasp a breath. She rolled over on her back as she coughed, wincing as she did so.

The situation felt all to familiar, and the taste of bile grew in Lizzie's throat as she recalled the last time the air had been knocked out of her lungs. She shook in panic as she attempted to spot Ellie, Bellamy, or Joel through the mist.

A hand suddenly reached out, grasping at her arms and hauling her off the ground. "Joel!" She screeched as another pair of arms wrapped around her stomach, lifting her from the ground as though she hadn't become frantic, like a terrified stray cat in an ally of much older ones.

"Lizzie! Shit! You get off of her!" She could hear Joel's pained cry for her as the man barked her name as he watched her disappear from his sight. "Joel! Joel!" Lizzie continued to fight, letting out another screech as she was unable to identify Ellie in the scene. "Ellie!"

Before Lizzie could speak again, the edge of a gun collided with her temple, beckoning for her to fall into a trance-like state.

Her sweet lullaby being the sounds of Joel's savage protests.

"HEY FOX."

☼

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I've finally got an ending for season one that I'm happy with thank god. Also, let's be real for a minute episode 9 was quite rushed really—still really good though.
At least Ashley Johnson was also there but every time she spoke I sobbed cause I just hear game Ellie

Anyway we've got one chapter left I think. Maybe two it depends if I can fit everything in next chapter.