DEAR JACK,
Something inside me is desperate to run.
After it all had came crashing down around us,
Fear and desperation had replaced that forever-warming sun.
Eventually, we'll be left in the cold and darkness with no where to hide.

❂

WHEN THE GROUP HAD ARRIVED AT BOBBY'S, THERE SEEMED TO BE A CALM IN THE AIR. The threat of any angels had been at the back of everyone's minds as they settled in. Mary had caught Bobby up on the plan that Sam and Dean had came up with and hoped he would be willing to follow through with it.

As she had made her way around, she had spotted Rose sat up on the hood of a car by herself. There was a relief that had filled Mary at the sight. For once, Rose didn't have Constance hanging off of her or pulling her away. It was her chance to finally be able to talk to her and not be nervous of what could go wrong.

A smile had spread across Mary's face as she made her way towards Rose, her hands placed in her pocket. "Hey, Rose. How you holdin' up here?"

Rose looked up at her before she looked around the people making their way around. "I'm doing okay."

Mary leaned up against the hood beside her. "I wanted to let you know, I didn't tell the boys what happened— what Constance did. They're looking for answers, but I think that's something they need to hear from you."

"Yeah, that's not going to matter that much. Whenever they find out, they'll hate her and they'll still be mad at me."

Mary gave a nod, but the truth was, she was hoping that if they had known then maybe Constance would finally not be a problem. No matter how hard she pushed and worked to earn Rose's trust, Constance was always in her ear the next second later. "They deserve the truth, don't you think?"

"I already lied to them," Rose admitted quietly. "I told them I did it to myself." Shrugging, Rose kept her eyes down at her lap. "It sort of is my fault though."

Reaching out, Mary placed her hand on Rose's knee. "Don't do that to yourself. You didn't do anything wrong. The entire time we've been here, you've been through hell, and choices were made for you. If I know my boys, I know they'll understand."

"Constance won't," Rose said. Slowly, her eyes pulled away from her lap as she looked up to Mary. There was a darkness in her eyes and it was not from being a demon. It was from all the pain and break inside her that followed after meeting Constance. She had been pulling her apart and making her into something she wasn't. All Mary had wanted to do was hold Rose in her arms and take her away from it all. It had been a struggle for Rose to even speak to Mary as is with Constance around, but this was different. It felt good to feel open, but guilty because Constance made Rose believe that Mary was something she wasn't.

Rose had felt her lips tug downward as she tried to shrug off her feelings. "She hates that they actually came. She won't understand if I talk to Sam and Dean about everything. I'd be picking them over family."

"Sam and Dean— all of us are your family," Mary reminded her gently. "You get to make that choice on who you trust and who you speak with."

Shaking her head, Rose had avoided looking at Mary. She knew Mary couldn't understand because she didn't know Constance like she did. Rose believed that Constance was supposed to love her and show her how to live life and it wasn't fair that others told her differently. Only, they were the ones who cared for her and wanted to protect her.

Mary gave a gentle squeeze to Rose's knee in hopes she had broken through to her. "Talk to someone else besides Constance. See what others think. Pick whoever you want because it doesn't have to be me."

Rose had given a nod of understanding but she wasn't planning on picking anyone else. Maybe Jack, but even then, she was certain he would only tell the others what she had to say. But her decision was already made for her. Standing in front of her with two mugs in hand, Sam smiled at the two. "Maybe I can help out with that."

Mary felt a wave of relief as she pulled herself off the car. Giving Sam a thankful look, she had said her quiet goodbyes and left the two in silence. Clearing his throat, Sam extended a mug her way. Rose had looked at it before looking up at him. "I don't drink or eat anymore."

Embarrassed, Sam gave a tight lipped smile as he had began to pull the mug back. However, Rose had reached out for it and took it from his grasp. She was hesitant, but seeing as he had felt relieved with her action, she brought it to her lips.

Sam had taken the spot where Mary once stood and nervously sipped his own drink as well. There was a silence between the two, but he wanted to ensure that Rose had felt comfortable and when she was, he knew she'd be the first to speak.

It had been moments of quiet sips and watching as others had passed. Any time anyone had walked passed, they had all looked to Sam with smiles and waves, all which he had returned. The people in this universe appreciated the Winchesters and all the help they were giving. They were giving them a chance at a new life.

As another had passed, saying hello to Sam as they carried on, Rose rested her mug in her lap. "Everyone likes you," she stated quietly.

"Yeah, well, we're trying here. Just wanna get as many of them to safety as possible."

Rose gave a nod of understanding, but Sam could sense the distance between the two. After a moment of thought, Rose had looked down at her mug to avoid Sam's eyes. "I thought I helped save them and they still don't like me. You'd think at least one person would thank me."

"This world is terrifying. Between Michael and his angels, and all these new people from a completely different world... They're allowed to be scared." Sam had sounded confident in his words, but he knew they would mean nothing to her. They had been there a short time and managed to convince all these people to follow them, while Rose had known them longer. He let out a sigh as he looked to her, "You know, I don't blame you for what you did. I know you wouldn't have done it unless you had a reason and you said you did. These people were your reason."

"I lied," she said quickly and quietly. Sam looked to her quietly, not wanting to press for answers, but he was curious on what part she had lied about. His heart had sank for a moment because for a second, he thought that maybe Dean was right to be angry.

Rose gave a lazy shrug as her frown deepened. "I can't control all this and I don't like it. I know everyone else doesn't like me. Jack and Mary..." Her voice had trailed off before she shook her head in defeat.

"They don't hate you," he said softly. He had managed a soft laugh as he leaned closer to her to give her a nudge in the side. "And hey, Jack and you... Well , I heard."

For the first time, Rose had looked to Sam. "Don't make it into a big thing. It's really no big deal."

"Yeah, but it is," he laughed. "It's why no one told Dean yet. He can only take so much at a time so we're letting him believe you two are just the best of friends right now."

"I don't get why he cares so much," she admitted. Dean had seemed to always find a way to wiggle himself between Jack and Rose and keep a close eye on anything the two had done. Rose had seen it as tiring, but Dean had seen it as worth it. Because even if he chose not to admit it, he cared, and he cared a lot.

"You're family," Sam answered for her. Yet when she had met his eyes, he saw the doubt and the pain hidden right behind them.

She managed a soft sigh as she turned away from him. "We're not."

Shifting himself, he had made sure to find a better view of her eyes in search of the truth. She had no reason to look at him as he asked her, "Why would you think that?"

"You guys only took me in because of Bobby and you thought I was normal— not a demon. I mean, once you found out what I really was, I was on the side of the road..."

Sam cut her off as he found himself laughing. "Not alone," he corrected. "I think you're forgetting that I got out of that car with you. It wasn't just because I was mad about Dean and what he did with Gadreel, but it was because of you. I did care about you no matter what because that's what family does. Sometimes Dean has a harder time seeing that, but he cares. He needs time to process. And I'm not leaving now because of what happened."

Rose had kept her eyes on her lap because she was afraid if she had met his eyes, she'd know he was telling the truth and she couldn't handle that. She needed to believe in Constance. Sam sensed that something was off and spoke gently to her. "Does this have to do with Constance? Did something happen?"

"How did you feel when Mary came back?"

Her question and thrown him off because he was never sure how he felt. He didn't remember Mary from when he was a baby— just the stories. It gave him a chance to get to know her, but even then, it didn't mean he felt a certain emotion. "I guess I was mixed," he admitted. "Confused, nervous, happy... I didn't know what to expect. I didn't even know if she'd be proud of me."

"I don't think I'm making Constance proud," she admitted quietly.

"How could she not be?" Sam had questioned her playfully because he knew he was always proud, but he wasn't Constance. When she had not given into his playfully attitude, he looked to her seriously. "What's going on?"

"I lied about what happened to me," she began softly. "I didn't kill myself. I didn't want to die. I thought about it because I did want to help, but then I just wanted to go with Jack. Mary didn't want me going with her and wanted me to help her and Bobby but Constance grabbed me and when we ran..." Rose paused as her words began to grow shaky. Biting down on her lip, she shook her head before continuing. "She told me if I did it then Crowley would be proud of me, and she would be too. She told me I would be okay because she'd be there."

Rose had held herself loosely as she remembered the strong grip Constance had on her back in the forest. "She put a knife in my hand and when I told her I can't do it and that I promised..." her eyes traveled up to Sam's. "She held me so tight and before I could pull away, she did it. I just remember how bad it hurt and she just smiled at me."

Sam was quiet as he listened to her every word. The only one who had known this much had been Constance and Jack and that was only because they were there. He had been the first one she had opened up to and it was all bitter sweet. He wanted her to trust him, but to have her relive it all over again for him caused a pit so heavy in his heart, he was certain he could never erase this feeling inside him.

Rose had struggled the very same, only she lacked the feeling. "I want to feel hurt and angry and everything but I don't. I tell myself I am but it doesn't matter because I know she took that away from me too. I know I still have a soul and it's only corrupted, but that human part of it is almost all gone and Constance did that. My mom did that to me and I hate it because that small bit of human left in me wants her to love me and wants to make her proud."

"You don't have to do anything for her, Rose. If she cared for you, she would have never hurt you. I know that, because I could never hurt you like that. If you want to feel something, you got a whole group of people here that wouldn't use that feeling against you."

"She'll never let me," Rose said.

Sam had narrowed his eyes at her. "Does she hurt you?"

Rose's eyes turned away as she shook her head. He knew she had lied right then and there. His heart had sank, wishing he had gotten here sooner. Shutting his eyes, he kept himself composed as he settled in beside her. He didn't plan on leaving her side until he knew Constance was no longer in sight. Even if Dean and him needed to get to work on getting Bobby on board with their plans, he knew leaving her with Cas, Mary, Jack and Gabriel would keep her safe.