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CHAPTER FOUR
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

❛ 𝐄𝐈𝐘𝐄 𝐎𝐍 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄,
𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒅 ❜
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. | ❝𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆.❞ | ₊ﾟ.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

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ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ғᴏᴜʀ
𝑅𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑒

THE NEXT DAY WAS AN EVENTFUL ONE. After the long arguments and debates about where we should head to next, I found myself in the booth of the RV with Jacqui. It was discovered that amongst the chaos of the previous night that Jim had been bit, and Rick decided the CDC was our best bet to get him some help, as well as the rest of us seeking sanctuary.

However, Jim was barely hanging on by a thread in the back of the RV, and my legs carried me to sit with him, a damp towel pressed on his face to soothe the fever he had endured. It felt like my mind blocked out all of the random babbles Jim managed to get past his lips, as I couldn't remember anything he'd said to me while I thought of all the lives lost the previous night. Morales and his family had also decided to part ways with us, claiming they had family they wanted to find. I could only hope they made it to their destination safely.

As the RV slowed to a stop, my nerves were on high alert while I looked through the window to try and spot why we were stopped.

"I'll be right back, Jim." I said softly, placing the damp towel next to him. I looked to Jacqui and silently asked her to keep an eye on him, her nodding in return.

Stepping out of the RV, I joined the small huddle that neared the front of the caravan, seeing smoke pummel out of the old vehicle.

"I told you we'd never get far on that hose." I heard Dale tell Rick. I crossed my arms over my chest as the hot sun cascaded over us, my eyes squinting as I watched the smoke rise in front of the men. "I said I needed the one from the cube van."

"Can you jury rig it?" Rick asked, adjusting his wide brimmed hat.

"That's all it's been so far. It's more duct tape than hose." Dale said a bit defeatedly. "And I'm out of duct tape."

A feeling of uneasiness settled around the lot of us standing outside as we waited for someone to come up with a solution to our problem.

"I see something up ahead. A gas station, if we're lucky." Shane called, lowering his binoculars.

Before anyone could reply, a distraught Jacqui jumped from the RV, calling to us.

"Y'all, it's Jim- It's bad. I don't think he can take any more."

My heart sank as the words ran past her lips, following after her quickly into the RV at the sudden change in Jim. As I followed behind her, I briefly heard Shane telling Rick he would be checking out the so-called gas station up ahead, and I hoped it had whatever we needed.

Rick was close behind me as we made our way to the back of the RV. My eyes landed on a very pale, sweaty Jim, and I knew he wasn't going to last another ride along.

I picked up the damp towel from the small bedside table where Jacqui had left it, and gently patted at Jim's forehead, offering him a small, sad smile.

"We'll be back on the road soon." Rick assured.

"Oh, no. Christ. My bones... My bones are like glass. Every little bump- God, this ride is killing me." Jim whimpered. My fingers tightened around the cloth as I watched him speak to Rick, chewing on the inside of my lip in anxiousness. "Leave me here. I'm done."

My eyes widened and my mouth fell open at the sudden words he spoke, quickly shaking my head. "We aren't leaving you behind." I said, my voice stern. Jim lolled his head to look at me, a small smile on his face.

"I want to be with my family." he whispered. At that, he turned away from me to look out the window, and I turned to face Rick with desperate eyes.

Rick inched closer to the bed, and I stood to allow him to take my place next to the sickly man.

"They're all dead," Rick whispered back as he kneeled next to the bed. "I don't think you know what you're asking. The fever.... you've been delirious more often than not."

"I know. Don't you think I know?" Jim snapped back at Rick and struggled to sit up straighter. A groan escaped his lips and I wrapped my arms around myself in attempt to keep from tending to the man's comfortability. "I'm clear now. In five minutes I may not be. Rick, I know what I'm asking. I want this. Leave me here," The silence that blanketed over the RV was deafening as Jim continued. "Now that's on me. Okay? My decision. Not your failure."

My chest tightened as Rick stared at him in contemplation. Who were we to force a man who didn't want to go on, go on? I think Rick had come to the same conclusion I had, and his head bowed shortly and glanced over his shoulder at me. I nodded slightly, giving him the answer he was searching for.

Rick stood up in confirmation, nodding silently at Jim before making his way back towards the front of the RV. I moved from leaning against the wall of the mobile home, gently brushing my hand against Jim's shoulder and retreating after Rick.

I didn't fully step out of the RV, taking a seat on the steps that lead to the hot gravel where everyone formed a sloppy circle. I listened as Rick and the others talked about whether they could stomach the idea of leaving the man behind, and felt my eyes wander nowhere in particular. It was like I was back in the RV, trying to grasp what Jim was telling me, but blacking out while my mind ran ramped about the loss we endured only one night before.

Although the people lost weren't necessarily people I was close to, it still felt like a punch in the gut to look around and see a good part of the group missing. I wrapped my arms around my legs and rested my chin on my knees as I drowned out their talking with my own thoughts.

I heard my sister's voice ring out from the rest, informing the men it wasn't their call to make about Jim's life, and I stood from my spot on the steps, walking towards her. Both Shane and Rick helped bring out Jim, carrying him over to a secluded tree in the wooded area. We all trailed behind them to say our final goodbyes to the man while he looked at us with as much joy as he could muster at a time like this. Everyone took their turn to say something to Jim, but I'd already said my goodbyes. I stood off to the side and made my way behind Shane as he trekked down the short hill back to the cars. Jacqui's weeping only made the anxious bubble in my chest grow, and I found myself tugging on Shane's arm to stop him from walking.

"Hey," I called softly. As he turned to look at me, I gestured towards his car. "Okay if I ride with you?"

He nodded. "C'mon."

I briskly walked towards the car, jumping into the passenger seat. Shane started the vehicle up quickly, pulling back onto the road to follow after the rest of the cars.

My hair was out of its once secured hair tie, now freely flying around halfway out of the window as we drove down the highway. The tension in my skull needed some form of relief, and I wasn't selfish enough to ask Dale for any ibuprofen, so I opted for letting my scalp breathe a little in hopes of relieving the headache on its own.

"You a'right?" Shane asked me thirty minutes into the drive.

I nodded, still staring outside. "I guess. What makes you ask?"

I turned my head to glance at him, seeing his right hand stretched and curled around the wheel, his left arm hanging out the window. His lips were curled into a boyish smile as he laughed a little, shaking his head.

"Think this is the longest I've ever been next to you without somethin' comin' out your mouth." he cackled.

I laughed softly, running a hand through my hair as I stared straight ahead. "Nothing much to talk about these days." I replied.

"You can't let the way the world is now change who you are," Shane said after a beat of silence. "The Eiylan I knew never let a car ride go by without crackin' a joke here and there. Or makin' some snide comment about whoever's drivin'." Shane smiled as he looked at me, nudging my arm with his elbow. I chuckled and leaned my head back into the seat, letting my eyes flutter close for a moment.

"I don't think this world lets you stay who you were before, and I'm sure you know that better than anyone." I replied a few moments later. "Silence is the key to surviving these days, and that's never been a strong suit of mine, so I figure I better start working on it now." I admitted.

Shane didn't reply to that, and I glanced at him. "What about you? You alright?"

His eyes met mine briefly before returning them to the road, a sigh escaping his lips as he ran a hand over his face and into his hair. There was a time before all this that Shane Walsh would tell me anything- if not everything.

"All sorts of shit hittin' the fan recently, and I..." he glanced over to me, exhaling. "Nah, never mind. Yeah, I'm good."

I felt a twang of sympathy for the man next to me, knowing he'd never try to burden Lori's little sister with the weight of their secret. Shane was a good man- hot headed for sure, but had always been decent in the years we'd grown up together.

I raised my eyebrows as I stared at him. "You talking about Lori?" I asked.

His head whipped to the side to look at me, and then back to the road, and back to me again. "Wha'dya mean, Lori?" he asked, his eyes going back to the road.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not stupid, Shane," I looked back outside the window, my eyes squinting at the sunset across the horizon. "And neither is Rick." I added in a quiet voice.

Silence draped across the cab of the vehicle, the only sound to be heard was the wind slashing between the cracks of the old car, and the engine towing our weight with the speed of the tires.

Our time spent together as kids was rarely silent. Shane was right- I was always the one to keep the conversation going, keep people's spirits high. Whether it was because I wanted the attention I lacked from my parents to be aided by my older sister or the boys she hung around was debatable.

The harder Lori pushed to be independent and venture off alone, the harder I worked to be apart of whatever she was. I lived in my sisters shadow for a lot longer than I'd care to admit, and she hated every second of it.

Don't get me wrong, I knew she loved me, but I could see the annoyance and frustration that followed her facial expressions when I tagged along behind her anywhere. As I got older, I realized that tended to be the normal relationship between siblings. It didn't make me feel any more liked by mine though.

Rick and Shane never seemed to be bothered by the fact that I attached myself to my sister's hip; if anything, I was what made the days fun. (Lori would quickly disagree with that statement.) I didn't care that Lori seemed to discard my feelings when it came to being around her and "her" friends, only because I wanted any escape from the life I lived at home.

As anyone could see, Lori and I shared some similar physical traits. We looked like a normal pair of siblings. Her olive toned skin, deep brown hair that matched her umber eyes, however, was a stark contrast to my pale skin and green eyes. The only thing we really shared in terms of physical attributes was our hair color. It made sense, considering we had different fathers. I never had the chance to meet mine, but if he was anything like Lori's, I didn't want to.

Lori was exceptionally biased when it came to the description of her father. To her, he was a loving, caring, respectable father who only ever wanted the best for his family. Sure he showed some tough love here and there, but what parent didn't?

Unbeknownst to Lori, that man was the devil himself walking in human skin.

I wasn't sure if my sister knew about the things her father did to me in the dead of night, but considering the way she treated me growing up and the topic never arising even into adulthood, I would hope she didn't.

At first, the times he would slip into my room I thought it was something Lori experienced too. It was a crushing reality when I learned it was just me that suffered at the hands of the Archfiend disguised as a man.

"Where's your mark?" I asked my sister as we sat in her room around books and scattered pieces of papers.

"What mark?" she asked, not looking up from the book she had her nose in.

"The one dad gave you." I said, my eyebrows raising.

Lori rolled her eyes and put down the book she was reading. "Do you mean marker? Like, colors?" she was irritated, and patronizing me.

I stood up from my spot on the floor and made my way to her, my eyes roaming over her exposed arms. I tugged up on the blue summer dress she was wearing, exposing her tanned thighs. I was expecting to see a purple or blue mark on her leg to match the one I had, but there was nothing but perfect skin in its place.

Lori angrily pulled her dress back down, pushing me away from the bed.

"What are you doing, weirdo!" she yelled.

My eyebrows were furrowed in confusion as I thought back to dad telling me that all the big girls had marks on their legs, and that Lori was no different.

My chest tightened as Lori readjusted herself on the bed, her eyebrows pulled together in frustration and annoyance as she continued reading her book. As my sister resumed her reading, I realized she was blissfully unaware of the things our father had done to me. And in that moment, my reality became clear.

I was in this alone.

Upon the realization, my eleven year old self felt hurt and betrayed. How could I be the only one suffering through this, when I thought we all had to go through it?

As I got older though, I realized I was glad my sister didn't have to face what I did in both my nightmares and reality. Once I finally realized this wasn't a normal family occurrence, nor the correct steps into womanhood. It wasn't until I'd turned fourteen that he had finally given me a reason why he did what he did every night. It had slipped past him in a drunken moment, a secret that my mother never wanted anyone to know. A secret that cost me my childhood.

My mother had cheated on Lori's father and got pregnant with me.

Ah, of course. The puzzle pieces flew together in my scattered brain, and I could finally see what this really was.

Revenge.

Growing up next to Lori, it was never too obvious we could have different fathers, as we eerily looked just like our mother and were both exceptionally pretty. I'd never questioned Lori's and I's differences until her father made it quite clear that he was not our father. I didn't let that secret move past my lips until I turned sixteen, Lori being eighteen. Of course, me being me, I did it in the worst way possible, making a snide remark at the dinner table. Maybe it wouldn't have been so embarrassing for my family if Rick and Shane's family weren't also sat around that exact same table.

Lori had looked at our mother in the most disgusted way possible, begging her to confirm or deny my accusations. The silence around the table was deafening, and I avoided both my mother and Lori's father's eyes as we waited for the answer I already knew.

Being the drama queen Lori is, she dragged the chair loudly underneath her, throwing her lap napkin down on the table, storming out of the dining room with Rick not far behind her.

I remember Shane's eyes on me, the only pair I could bring myself to face after the events that had unfolded in front of three families. His lips twitched slightly, stifling a smile, in turn making me do the exact same thing. Although that night would always be memorable for Lori, it was memorable to me for different reasons.

"Eiylan, would you hurry up? I need to do my hair! Rick's gonna be here any minute!" Lori yelled, her fist banging against the door to the bathroom we shared.

"I'm almost done!" I yelled back, opening my sisters makeup drawer. I sifted through it for a moment, trying to pick out exactly what I could use to blotch on my face as subtly as possible.

I placed concealer over the bruise that started to form around my eye, wincing as I tried to gently blend it as best as I could. I brushed my lashes with mascara to hopefully make my first attempt at applying makeup a tad better, but soon realized it was of no use.

Unfortunately for me, seeing as Lori was an entire shade darker than me it looked like I'd played with face paint and gave myself orange eyes. It was better than black and blue though, so I stared at it one last time before unlocking the bathroom door and quickly moving past my sister in a huff.

That day was the first of many that I'd gone to school with orange eyes, facing the taunt and torment of my friends (and sister) who joked that I clearly didn't know how to apply makeup. I'd only ended up buying my own when it was obvious I was going to have to keep covering up different bruises on my face. Below the belt wasn't cutting it for Owen anymore.

Before I could reminisce any further, I registered that the cars in front of us had stopped moving, as had ours. I looked out the window to see a litter of bodies surrounding a very large building I assumed to be the CDC.

"Keep your eyes open, and don't stray away from the group." Shane spoke suddenly, making me jump slightly. I nodded in response, opening the car door slowly and watching everyone else climb out of their cars.

My eyes instantly found my sister's, her hand ushering me towards her. I placed myself next to her and my nephew, Carl's hand quickly grasping my own as we followed Rick and the others towards the front entrance. I kept my other hand occupied with my knife, eyes tentatively searching around us.

Once we reached the large doors, Rick was banging and calling out to anyone who might hear us. When nothing happened, the panic in the group unleashed.

"Man, you lead us to a graveyard!" Daryl spat, his crossbow hanging from his back.

"He made a call." Shane defended Rick.

"Yeah. It was the wrong damn call." Daryl muttered, eyes flicking back towards the open area behind us.

"Fort Benning is still an option, Rick." Shane pleaded with him.

"With what gas? We'll never make it." Glenn called.

"Forget Fort Benning, where are we going tonight?" Lori asked, exasperated.

I looked back to the door, my eyes staring at the mechanical camera attached towards the ceiling. I stared at it while Rick screamed and hollered, begging anyone to open the door. As Shane began to round everyone up, telling them to head back to the cars, I stayed put, my eyes catching the swift movement of the camera.

"Did you see that?" I asked quickly. Rick spun on his heel to face me, nodding fast.

"It moved. The camera moved!" Rick yelled.

"You imagined it." Dale chimed in, worry etched on his face.

"I saw it too." I assured, staring at the camera again, willing it to move again.

Shane was in front of Rick now, trying to convince him the camera was on a timer and the batteries are wearing down. I stayed silent, watching the chaos unfold in front of me, watching Rick bang on the door again, screaming at whoever was inside, that they were killing us.

I felt my shoulders slump in defeat as I considered what Shane was saying, and began to turn around to head back to the car, when a loud roar of the door rolling open stopped me.

collage made by edmundhasmyheart ♡︎

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AUTHORS                                    NOTE.

Published 9/21/21

word count: 3548

I hope if anyone is reading this, you enjoyed a bit of Eiylan & Lori's backstory. Also, any thoughts on Eiylan & Shane's relationship with each other? Let me know what you think!

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