chapter thirty-four
late and late again

"THERE ARE some out there that say dreams are the window into alternate realities. Every dream we have━whether it be running naked through the streets, not getting there in time for our exams, the dreams where we are exactly who we want to be━each and every single one of these dreams exist out there as a reality. That there is a world out there where these all come true. Though, I'd much rather the dream where I'm running naked through the streets not to be real in some other universe."

     The chuckles in the lecture room settled a part of Nina's nerves. She smiled, hoping it would bite back how much her fingers shook as they gripped the pointer for her presentation behind her. She saw her friends, her parents (holding proud smiles and grins, waving at her from the front row). There was Harry, sitting with MJ and John Jameson near the edge. Mary Jane sent her a thumbs-up as the joke was well-received. Nina smiled, tense, back at her.

Her gaze scanned the rest of the scattered seats, trying to find a pair of blue eyes that promised they'd be watching with pride. Nina wondered why she had been so hopeful, why she was still waiting, why she was still hanging on a thread for him to show his face.

After his birthday, she didn't catch him for a chat at all. She got his voicemail, didn't see him in the streets, nor was he home when she went to surprise him at his apartment. Nina didn't know why she still hoped Peter Parker would come and surprise her.

But she still did.

Her eyes then wandered to the door, begging for it to open and for him to arrive late. Arriving late would be better than never turning up.

He promised her.

Nina frowned a little to herself, turning around to her presentation with a purse of her lips. Her elective stared right back at her━she has always been a bio-chem girl, but when she saw her university offered an elective in multi-dimensional science theory, she had been more than excited to check it out.

She didn't know whether she did it because she was interested, or because of the strange dreams she's started to have more and more often, but either way, there was something about it that resonated deep within her━like it was giving her a deeper understanding not just to life, but to the universe.

"We all know about the Big Bang," went on Nina, refusing to let Peter's absence get to her. "The start of the universe━but if we look at the extension to this theory: the Inflation Theory, which states that thirteen-point-eight billion years ago, the universe expanded from the size of an atom, to a cosmic proportion in a matter of mere seconds. Why does this express into the Multiverse Theory? Well, there are many cosmologists out there that believe this inflation didn't end just at that, but instead created a domino effect━that while it might have ended in our region, it is still continuing on, starting and ending, in many more ... an infinite many.

"So what's to say we haven't reached an eternal inflation? To which creates an entire ocean of individual universes━each universe with its own laws of existence: its own unique physical forces, natural phenomenas ... left could be right, right could be left. Gravity might exist purely in opposition to how we experience it here. Mirror universes where everything is the same, except for one, or a few certain things. Where you━the individual━might be the same, except you might have blonde hair instead of red, or be a musician instead of a scientist. Where, in your dreams, your subconscious is small enough to experience brief moments in between.

"We can put this theory into a box," she changed the slide, momentarily distracted by the sound of voices outside the door. She thought ... she thought for a second she heard him: Peter Parker. She waited for a second, breath hitched at the door ... but no one entered. So, Nina continued. "If we look at Schrödinger's cat..."

Peter did not turn up.

Afterwards, Nina was far too annoyed to say much to her friends as they applauded her, and as her mother told her how great she had been (that she was her little genius scientist).

Nina grumpily pulled her coat tighter around her body, clutching her speech in her arms as she glowered across the campus. Harry arched a wary brow at the sight of it, as if sort of scared. He awkwardly held out the set of flowers he had brought for her.

"Hey," he then said, a grin suddenly on his face, "I bet a bunch of lilies to have on your kitchen table will make you feel a whole lot better?"

Nina eyed them. She didn't want to say no, because that would be rude, even if lilies often gave her allergies. She took them, "Thanks Harry..." she said half-heartedly.

"Hey," he threw an arm over her shoulders. She was slightly surprised by it. He must be in a good mood for once. "How about this..." he gestured to MJ and John opposite. "We go out on the town, get some drinks to celebrate the best scientist this world has to offer, and then we can head back to mine to watch a movie."

MJ smirked, "Hell yeah, I'm down," she said, nudging her partner beside her.

He chuckled, just going along with it. However, Nina wasn't too sure. She glanced out back across the campus, hoping that maybe she'd see Peter arrive (very late) with a flower that he only just managed to afford in his fingers (that she wasn't allergic to), with that smile on his face and she could tell him all about her speech again (because she'd do that just for him).

    Harry noticed her hesitance. He followed her gaze out towards the dispersing courtyard, and sighed. "Hey," he said to her gently, squeezing her shoulders, "Pete's missing out."

"He probably got really busy," murmured Nina.

"Too busy to miss a seven-o'clock presentation by one of his closest friends?" Mary Jane countered, defending her. She scoffed, shaking her head. She looked beautiful━she always did look beautiful: glamorous, now that she was the lead in her own play. Glowing, even. "That's what he does. He misses commitments. He missed the play, and now he's missed your presentation."

"Probably busy taking pictures of his buddy Spider-Man," grumbled Harry.

Nina sent him a look. She stepped away from his arm, coming to stand beside John who was silent through this whole conversation━polite, or perhaps unsure on what to say. "Harry," she said disapprovingly.

Harry grew seething, his good mood now gone. He did it to himself━tortured over the death of his father that he often spoke terrible things about behind his back, but was desperate for him to show up at the same time. Nina could understand how that was tearing him apart. "Spider-Man killed my father, Nina. And Pete's out there defending the bug. That's not what friends do. How many times have I been there for him in high school when Flash and his idiots bullied him? And now, he can't be there for me."

He shook his head, clenching his jaw. Nina pursed her lips, unsure. She looked away, fiddling with her speech. She stared at the little note she had written at the bottom to make her excited and be sure she practiced: Pete's coming!! :D. She wanted to rip that part off it now, but couldn't find the guts (or perhaps the heart).

Feeling the tension in the group, John Jameson pursed his lips as well, before walking up to Harry and clamping a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, man, let's get some drinks." Nina noticed MJ immediately hide back a small smile. "I know a great place. You in, MJ?"

"Drinks?" she joked coyly, mischievously coming up to Harry's other side, "Mysterious bars? Oh, baby, you know I'm in. Nina?" she glanced back at the girl of the night, but at the frown on her face, MJ's smile faltered. She knew━she understood, and Nina loved her for it.

"I think I'll head back home," said Nina, awkwardly waving the flowers Harry got her. "I ... I'm just super tired, you know?"

Harry rolled his eyes. MJ elbowed him lightly. "It's okay, hon," she told her best friend. "You deserve a rest. I'll call you tomorrow."

Nina nodded, "That's if I don't call you and have to go over to your place with hangover remedies."

MJ gasped, "What? I don't know what you're talking about."

The look John gave her made Nina burst out into giggles. She hoped one day she could find someone who understood her like that. Who knew everything about her━her good and her bad, and loved her despite it. And after everything MJ has been through, Nina was delighted she had found hers.

Nina parted with her friends, waving goodbye before she managed to hail a cab to take her back to her apartment.

Alone in the cab, she didn't have anybody to stop her from calling Peter to check whether he was okay. What if something happened? What if was hurt? What if he got called for an emergency to take photographs? He might be freelancer, but he just ran into danger for any money he could get. He lived in that terrible apartment in Hell's Kitchen with a terrible, broken door and a communal bathroom, and didn't accept any help whatsoever.

But Nina got nothing.

Perhaps he was trying to distance himself after what she told him last year. And after what he said: that all he could give her was friendship. Nina didn't know what that meant. She didn't know whether that meant he didn't feel the same, or whether it meant he did, but he just couldn't give her what he believed she deserved. What did he believe she deserved? Nina didn't need anything more than to just be happy. She knew Peter could make her happy, even in that dingy apartment (though, she'd manage to get him to move into her's in the end, definitely).

Either way, she was getting nowhere, and so she stepped back into her apartment, heading up to the tenth floor. She entered an apartment small, but cozy, with a trash can in need to be taken out and a sink with dishes needed to be washed and rinsed. Nina set down her speech and threw the flowers straight into the bin, already starting to nudge at her nose, resting the urge to sniffle.

She turned on the television, and saw news of a high-speed chase down the centre of New York. Shots were fired, until Spider-Man showed up to save the day. She smiled slightly at the sight of him. She might collect The Daily Bugle to support Peter's photos, but that didn't mean she believed a word of what J. Jonah Jameson said. He could call the vigilante a menace all he wanted, but she (and many others) knew the truth: that he was a superhero. She didn't believe he killed Harry's father, but she knew she couldn't say that to him━she didn't even think she could begin to explain the possibility. Harry needed closure in his father's sudden death, and however destructive this avenue might be, it was giving him answers to a thousand unanswered questions.

And the terrible feeling that after Spider-Man showed up with Norman Osborn in his home with Harry to see, the horrifying Green Goblin has never terrorised the people of New York ever since.

Nina went ahead to start cleaning her dishes when she heard her landline begin to ring. She wondered who would be calling her on that thing at such a time.

She stopped her dishes, staring at it. She had an inkling, but she didn't answer it. Nina believed he deserved it after all the times she's called him and gotten nothing more than a message bank.

And when it clipped over, she knew she was right.

"Hi, Nina, this is Peter," she heard and scoffed, turning away. "I was on my way to your presentation and ... well ... I was on my bike ... uh ..."

     He couldn't even think of a good excuse.

Nina rolled her eyes and chucked her keys at the landline, focusing on checking whether the water was hot enough as she added the washing liquid.

As if he knew what she did, she heard a sigh, "Are you there?"

    She froze a little, glancing briefly back over. She didn't make a move to pick it up, but her breath hitched slightly.

"Look," continued Peter on the voicemail, "I really was planning on it all day. And ... I know ... I know you probably predicted I'd disappoint you."

     "Predicted?" she let out a dry chuckle. "Damn right I did."

"It's amazing, isn't it? How complicated a simple thing ... like being someplace at seven o'clock can become." She heard him chuckle. Nina pursed her lips, and somehow, turned off her faucet and ended up right at the table, hovering over her answering machine as Peter spoke. She heard voices in the background, like he had found a phone booth on the street and called her from there. "Actually," he went on, "there was this obnoxious security guard. I'm serious, somebody has to talk to that security guard, Nina━"

     He was cut off. Nina frowned. She stood up straighter, staring at the phone. She waited for more. She waited, and waited, wondering if he could manage to find spare change in time. Until she heard the line go dead, and Nina sighed.

*ೃ༄

IAN COULD GO one or two ways. For four years he spent without a sibling, and now he does have one. He might either cry at the lack of attention, smack Nina, or want to spend every second minute with her. She often wondered whether she had become the same. She spent all her life so far being the only child. Now, she was sharing the attention, and soon she'll be sharing her bathroom, and sharing the table, and right now, sharing her best friend who Ian absolutely loved.

MJ kept on giving her glances out of the corner of her eye as Ian asked her to help him build trucks out of Lego. Each glance said: help, when in reality, she bit back a smile on her face, connecting a set of wheels to fire truck she had made from nothing.

It gave Ned and Nina a good chance to talk. As she zipped up her suitcase, Nina watched Ned lean forward to whisper. She arched a brow at him. "Do you think Peter will bring his ..." he glanced knowingly at MJ, "... suit?"

Nina pursed her lips. "We all have to bring formal clothing," she said loudly for MJ before adding under her breath, "between you and me, I think he needs a vacation from all of it: saving the world, fighting thugs, working to take down a mob empire ... he needs a break. I think we all need a vacation."

Ned nodded. He continued to watch her start to fiddle with her zipper, not even packing anymore. He watched her sigh. She looked tired━incredibly tired. Not like how she used to before the Blip. "You okay?" he then asked her gently.

No, Nina wanted to say. No, I lost my best friend, and now I feel like I'm losing my mind every night.

Her dreams were getting worse. They used to be something here and there━something funny, something scary, all surrounding her and Spider-Man. She always used to think it was her subconsciousness worrying over Peter even in her sleep. But now, she started to see more things. Sometimes, she felt as if her face moved in the mirror without her doing the moving. Sometimes, she'd frown to remember a completely different face behind the Spider-Man mask ... a Peter that wasn't her Peter.

(She really needed this vacation).

"Yeah, I'm okay," she mumbled. "Just━this little nuisance follows me around all the time," she nodded to Ian. "Makes me tired."

Ned scoffed, agreeing, "Can't imagine that. Waking up after five years to find out you have a sibling? That's crazy out of whack━like imagine how you'd feel. To think that perhaps your parents moved on and had another kid to replace you ..." he trailed off at the horrified look on Nina's face. Her cheeks had gone pale, she felt something dreadful fall into her stomach. Ned quickly cleared his throat and fixed his mistake, "I mean━isn't it great?! You have a brother! That's awesome! I wish I had a sibling━all I have is my Lola."

Nina was glad for the text message. She glanced down, and almost sighed in relief to see Peter. Can you meet up on the roof with me? She almost blessed the grace in his perfect timing.

"I got to go," she whispered to Ned, already on her way to her bedroom door.

Ned frowned. He rushed to follow, "Wait, wait, wait━is it Peter? Is it Spider-Man stuff?"

"Maybe."

"Can I come?!"

"No," said Nina, shaking her head. He pouted, frustrated. "I need you to stay here and distract MJ and Ian from following."

Ned crossed his arms, upset. "Why are you guys always going off by yourselves? I knew before you did. Why can't you distract them?"

Nina thought off the top of her head. She gestured to him, "Well━you gotta━uh━stay, because, you know, you're the Guy in the Chair. That's your job. You gotta distract them━" she nodded to her brother and MJ, "━so they don't find out. That's the most important job." When Ned didn't look convinced, she repeated in a whisper, "Guy in the Chair..."

Ned scowled at her. But he soon caved in. "So not cool," he grumbled.

"Thank you," she blessed him.

"Whatever," he turned back to MJ and Ian while Nina snuck out of her bedroom, letting them know she was going to the bathroom before heading the exact opposite way.

Nina went out of the apartment and climbed the stairs to the roof. It didn't take too long before she opened the door and stepped into the summer night air. By now, she was used to the heights, but it was still a small shock to find herself standing so tall over the streets of Queens below.

Peter sat, crouched on the edge in his Iron Spider suit. He gazed off to the distance to the side, and Nina followed it, and her shoulders slumped at the sight of the Iron Man mural. She pursed her lips, and carefully made her way over to him.

"Hey," she spoke up gently, coming to stop right before the edge. Peter glanced back at her. Nina smiled hesitantly. "You wanted to talk?"

The metal of his mask pulled away from his face, showing features rimmed with tears. Peter took a deep breath, as if he hadn't had the chance to breathe in a long time.

Nina took a seat beside him, close━just in case she toppled over the side. "Done playing Spider-Cop for the night?"

She managed to get a dry chuckle out of him. It made her smile a little.

"Never," he croaked in a low voice.

Nina chuckled as well, nudging him lightly in the shoulder. He nudged her back, and somehow, they seemed to have sat even closer. Nina's heart pounded to feel his leg pressed right against her, warm even with the iron of his armour. She didn't want to say anything, but she preferred the classical suit. This one made her feel like he was made by Tony Stark━just another one of his suits and his machines. She never wanted to speak ill of the dead, but she wondered whether Peter wore it constantly to keep him close. To somehow hear an answer from him six feet under as of what to do now.

Peter sighed as the two of them gazed out at the island in the distance. The lights of Chinatown, and across to Hell's Kitchen━all the way up to the Upper East and West Sides.

"No matter where I go," croaked Peter, his throat sounding closed up. Nina glanced at him, listening. He continued to stare forward, "I ... I see him━his face. I see how he looked ... all burnt, and ..." he broke off, shaking his head. Nina's brows lifted, her heart squeezing painfully. "I'm ... I'm not an Avenger, Nina."

It sounded strange to hear him say that, after all those months of him begging to be one.

Peter rubbed at his nose, sniffling. "I just ... I just want to be the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Man. But━but everyone wants me to be something more and I don't think I━" he shook his head, leaning forward.

Nina's eyes followed him as he went. She immediately reached out a hand to his back, rubbing the steel, following the legs of the golden spider. "They don't get to make you anybody, Peter." She told him gently. "And I know I don't want you to be anybody more than who you are right now."

"Me right now?" he rolled his eyes. "Right now I'm a mess, Nin..."

"Look," she sighed, pulling him back up so he could look her in the eye, "Peter, you're Spider-Man, and ... that's amazing, you know? That's great. And Spider-Man doesn't have to be an Avenger if you don't want him to be. That's up to you. But you're also Peter Parker, and I like Peter Parker more. I don't want him to be somebody else just because everyone's looking for a new Tony Stark. I don't want you to be Tony Stark. I want you to be Peter Parker."

The glance he gave her after that made her stomach flutter with butterflies. She smiled again, reaching up to pinch one of his cheeks. He scoffed and shoved her hand away, "Hey!" Nina laughed. "I let you do that when we were five, not anymore."

"Oh, come on," she whined, trying to pinch him again. He just grabbed her hand in his strong grip━but she knew he didn't put much into it. He was letting her get close enough to squish the sides of his face. "Stop being a sour sport."

He guffawed, "I'm not! You're the one attacking me!"

"What? No, I'm not!"

"Police!" he called dramatically. "Police! Spider-Man's being assaulted━!"

"Stop it!" Nina scolded him in her laughter, leaning in close. She blushed, embarrassed. "An actual cop might hear you."

"Nah, it'll be all right," Peter grinned, "you're with Spider-Man. He'll be fine."

She rolled her eyes at him. Peter was so sheltered and awkward, yes, but around her━she knew a boy who was mischievous, and confident. Who cracked jokes and knew how to tease. Nina felt lucky that Peter was so comfortable around her to be like this.

It made her take a big step and settle her head on his shoulder. Immediately, he froze up, and she expected it. They were in a strange position these days. And the Blip didn't help. Nina had no idea where they were supposed to go from this moment. They used to be so sure━she used to be so sure. Where you go, I go, they always told each other. For schools, for college, for where they went after that. But now, they knew it wasn't always as easy as that. In just five seconds, someone you care about can be taken away for five years, and you can be pulled apart.

Nina didn't want to be pulled away from Peter, and she was sure he felt the same way.

But what did that mean for them? Where did that take them? What future did that hold?

It wasn't just the uncertainty of Peter wanting to go to M.I.T and Nina's dreams of NYU. It was the uncertainty of whether the ideas of a normal life they had as kids, as Freshman━every dream before Peter was bitten by that spider ... it was all different. It all meant something different. Everything was dangling on a web, and something so small could make it snap.

It made Nina want to take the jump, and yet she didn't.

Because what if Peter let her go again in order to protect her? What if he never caught her?

That was scary.

It was more than that: it was terrifying.

"Remember when we were kids?" she decided to say softly once Peter relaxed. "And we went to Uncle Ben before first grade science fair?"

"Yeah," he replied in the same tone, "like yesterday."

"It was the first time we argued."

"Yeah. You wanted to make an instrument out of a potato and I wanted to create a talking robot."

"And I told you that it was impossible."

"At that age. I could do that now."

"Sure you can."

He smiled at her teasing manner. "But━yeah, I remember Uncle Ben bringing us together, crying and not ever wanting to see each other again, and told us that our minds are better working together. So, we made a 'robot' out of a potato that could sing whenever we blew into the holes."

Nina nodded. The memory was a fond one. "We called him Mr. Potato Holes."

Peter chuckled, "Yeah," he then frowned, "why do you ask?"

She chewed on her lips, her brows furrowing as her troubling thoughts came to mind. Nina took Peter's hand and held on tight, not wanting to let go. "Nothing's going to separate us again, right? No argument, no purple alien, no supervillain ... no college?"

He realised. Nina heard Peter sigh and he squeezed her hand tighter. "Where you go, I go," he told her, and she smiled weakly.

"Yeah, but you want to go to M.I.T., and I want to go to NYU," she said. "Those are two different states."

"So what?" Peter nudged her again. She looked up. "I'll put NYU as a second choice. Just like you're putting M.I.T. as yours. And we can call, and I'll come visit every weekend, and it'll be like I never even left. You can come up as well. It'll be fine."

Nina wanted to be as sure as he was, but she couldn't find it in herself━especially when she could see something else was bothering him. She could see it in the strain behind his gaze. Something else happened tonight. "Okay," she whispered, and he let go of her hand with a final squeeze, satisfied with her answer.

"So," she decided to say, changing the subject, "what did you want to talk about? I presume it's not just about Tony?"

The tension in Peter's shoulders returned. His gaze turned hesitant, as if he was scared to say what he wanted to say. It made Nina's stomach churn. "What?" she asked him again.

He shifted in his spot on the edge of the building. He stood up and Nina followed, confused. Peter paced a little away from her, scratching at the base of his hair at the nape of his neck. "Um ... Nina," he started carefully. "I just ... I just wanted to ask ... did you ... did you ever check when Felicia graduated?"

The odd question made her stop in her tracks. "What?" frowned Nina.

Peter turned back to her, "I mean━like━they told you she graduated. You told me that. We just assume she didn't Blip, but never actually like━did you ever properly look into it?"

She was caught off guard. She didn't know what Peter meant━or what he was insinuating. Nina stammered, trying to think back. "What━what do you mean? Of━of course, I did. And she━she never answered any of my calls━her phone number wouldn't work. They told me she graduated and I left it at that."

"You just left it at that?"

"Yeah," her voice raised, startled by the sudden tone he held━a questioning tone, as if he didn't believe her. It made Nina defensive. "What━what was I supposed to do? To think? Why are you asking me this? Have━" her blood ran cold, "━did you see her?"

Spider-Man went to answer the question, but stopped. Nina's frown deepened to see him rethink his words, before telling her, "N━No! I just ... I was curious, you know? What if ... what if she did Blip? You know? We never really looked that much into it."

Nina shook her head. She didn't like this conversation. She liked to keep anything in regards to Felicia away with a ten-foot-long pole━it brought up too much pain. "And then what?" she said, feeling a lump in her throat just at the mention of it. "Then what am I supposed to think? That she survived the Blip and is out there, living her life? Or that she didn't, and just left anyway?" She shrugged, growing emotional. "That she just didn't care. That our friendship didn't matter to her anymore? Is that what I'm supposed to think, now?"

"I don't know━"

"Then why are you telling me this?" she didn't mean to get angry, but couldn't help it. Peter set his jaw and looked away, not liking where this conversation was going, either.

There was silence as she waited for him to say something━to tell her why, all of the sudden, he was bringing her up. It couldn't just be curiosity ... (or maybe Nina didn't want to admit that deep down, she thought of those possibilities, too. She just chose not to look into it. She chose to be ignorant to the truth, because the truth hurt more than the lie she kept telling herself and others).

Then, finally, Peter met her gaze again and shook her head, "Doesn't matter," he muttered, giving her a stiff smile.

He walked past her back to the edge of the building. "Um, I gotta go pack. I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks, Nina, for the chat."

She didn't get much chance to say goodbye before the mask rematerialised over his face, and Peter was gone, swooping through a the supports of a water tank and out into the night. He left her there, both startled and very confused.

*ೃ༄

a/n: I'm sorry if these feel like filters before the main plot of ffh, tasm2 and spider-man 2, but there was some stuff i really needed to set up before we get into the trip and such. you know, plot.

once again, I'm confirming: Felicia is still the same age as Nina and Peter. what happened is that she blipped and when she got back, distanced herself. she 'graduated' school (left early), made up the mantle as black cat and used all of this confusion to get her a fake id and everything she'd need to make it seem like she survived the blip so she could be black cat and keep Nina away from the danger of it all.

there was so much chaos after the blip, there was multiple cases of people lying that they blipped (like mr. Harrington's ex-wife), that I also believe people could have also missed being counted as having been blipped, and then could lie that they didn't.

(I know it's a confusing plot point, super sorry. but it was the only way I imagined I could have a black cat storyline without making Felicia interact with Peter as a minor, create drama, and an arc in her character, her relationship with both Nina and mj━and just, you know, have fun with my version of an mcu black cat).

oh, and also, disclaimer: take the speech at the top with a grain of salt. i don't know science. I know the basics, some weird shit to make my family turn heads randomly at dinner, but not enough to create a fluent presentation that is completely factual. it is most definitely not. but it's marvel so ... yes, it is most definitely factual. (not).