Dear Ben,

I feel like this might be the last letter that I ever send you if I get my way with this one.

I detest you for leaving me even though you had no choice. You did what was best for us and as much as I hate what had to be done, I want to thank you for what you did.

Cassidy thinks that writing letters to you is wrong of me. She thinks it's what's keeping me from moving on. She could be right but she could also be wrong.

I think what I really need is closure. It's what everyone needs after a break up or any other sort of 'tragic' or upsetting event. I'm getting some sort of closure from these letters and your replies, talking to you about the highs and the lows of our relationship and working out where it went so terribly wrong but I don't think it's enough for me. Is it enough for you?

I want to meet up with you, Ben. I want to talk face to face. It's been weeks since we ended things and I think I can handle it. I want to talk things through and have a proper conversation, not us scribbling down silly words on a piece of paper. For all we know, the words that we write hold no meaning at all. If we met face to face, we could tell what each of us were feeling. It would be the easiest way for us to move forward and move on with our lives. At least, that's how it would be for me.

What are your thoughts on this?

I really used to love writing letters, I always felt that they were really romantic and sweet. Nobody ever writes letters anymore. It's all done by text, call, email. I know I sound like my Grandmother but I think I'm going somewhere with this. Letters, to many people, especially writers, view letters as a romantic gesture. I'm guilty of this myself but over the past few weeks, I've slowly found myself beginning to hate writing letters more and more. It's like I have some sort of verbal diarrhoea. It's kind of disgusting.

You can see where I'm going with this, right? I'm rambling on and on and on. Conversations work so much better. Well, they do for me anyway.

You know how i used to ramble about anything and everything. It's a bad habit of mine but I think you secretly loved it. 

Wow, I'm still doing it! I need you here to tell me to shut up. You were good at doing that. I liked when you cut me off because most of the time you did it with a quick peck on the lips. It was so ridiculously cheesy and such a cliché but you knew that I was a sucker for clichés. It comes with being a writer I guess.

After all of that rambling, I have completely lost my train of thought and I can't really remember where I was going with any of that.

What I'm trying to say (I think) is that this will be my last letter if you agree to meet with me. I reckon that meeting with you will provide me with the closure that I need, meaning that I will no longer feel the need to write to you and bore you to death with all of my rambling.

I think I will always love you, Ben. I don't think I could ever stop loving you. You've always been the one who has been there for me though thick and thin. It will be hard and it will be strange having to learn to rely on other people. I'll have to learn to stop myself from clicking on your contact when I need someone to call or I have an emergency because it wouldn't be fair on you. It would prevent you from moving on. It would be selfish of me to do that.

I know that sometimes you have to be selfish but right now is not one of those times.

I'm going to sign off this letter now because for once in my life, I've run out of things to say.

I'll anxiously be awaiting your reply.

If you wish to meet, meet me on Friday the 11th, 2pm at Aldo's coffee shop.

Yours,

Stella x

a/n: who else is really nervous for ben's reply? will they meet or will they not?

we only have two chapters left! i'm actually quite sad about it. i had mixed feelings when i was writing it but i think it was the anxiety of trying something different but you're all so lovely and seem to like it which is so cool! i'm sad that this is ending but i'm mega excited about my new book which will be out after this one. it might be my favourite one that i've ever written!

here's a question for you:

do you guys have any guesses on who it could be about? any guesses on the title? (i've teased this on instagram but it was very sneaky...) if you want to have a guess at the plot/genre, be my guest but i won't be giving anything away just yet...

enjoy and stay safe!

lots of love, e x