Dear Darling,

I can't believe that it's been a whole two weeks since I last saw you. It's weird knowing that you'll never come back to me.

The bed is cold and empty without you. The bed sheets have lost your scent. The house feels lonely without you. I hate waking up every morning and not seeing your face. It hurts to know that you could be happier without me.

I don't think you realise it but you were my whole world, Ben. You were everything to me. I loved you with my whole heart, with everything inside of me and I still do. It hurts to admit it because I don't think that you still love me.

I don't really know why I'm writing this letter to you. It's stupid really and I doubt these will ever get to you since you're so busy with football but it's worth a shot, right? I guess I'm just hoping that these letters will help me heal and feel better. Who knows? They might even help you feel better too.

The breakup wasn't anyone's fault but it's so easy to blame ourselves for what went wrong when we shouldn't. Some people are meant to be together and other's aren't. I guess we weren't meant to be. It pains me to say it but you know how I always believed in what's for you won't go past you. Maybe we were even an example of right person, wrong time? I know loads of people who fell victim to right person, wrong time. It's sad, really. Seeing how they loved someone with so much of their being, convinced that they're the one that they'll end up marrying just for life to rip them away from you.

Life is cruel, Ben. We know that better than anyone. Remember when we went on our first ever date and the paparazzi caught us? I got all sorts of hate and abuse from the media and even some fans. I supposedly wasn't good enough for you but Lauren would've been, right? You consoled me all night even though we hardly knew each other. We ditched the fancy restaurant and went star gazing at your favourite cliff spot because my name reminded you of the stars. That has to be one of my favourite nights with you, Ben. You had your arm wrapped around my shoulders, your denim jacket rubbing against my skin but keeping me warm. You rested your head on top of mine and despite having only spent a few hours with you, I had never felt more loved and safer than when I was with you that night.

When you drove me home in your very fancy car (I think you were trying to impress me but you really didn't have to, I already liked you), you played the radio in the background and sang softly to 'I Will Wait' by Mumford and Sons. You didn't know it then but it was one of my favourite songs.

When my friends and family asked about how my date went, I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Everytime you crossed my mind, I would smile and blush. You were perfect, Ben Chilwell. truly and utterly perfect. Not only did you have the looks, you were the perfect gentleman and had a personality to match. You were a literal dream to me. My usually overprotective brothers were over the moon for me and they hadn't even met you yet. They approved of you and they had never approved of any of my boyfriends before so you should have felt honoured. They didn't know that you would be the one to break my heart beyond repair though and neither did I.

When you text me the morning after our first date to tell me how good a time you had, I jumped out of bed and danced around my bedroom because I was so excited. Then, you asked me on a second date and that's when I thought you might be the one. It was a crazy thought that maybe should never have crossed my mind but I couldn't help it. You had made me so happy and the butterflies that I felt with you were totally different to anything else that I had ever felt before. you can't blame me for thinking it though. You lead me into a false sense of security.

Everything about you was perfect. You didn't have a single flaw. Or so I thought. I should've known that you couldn't be perfect. Nothing is perfect. Perfect doesn't exist but you were extremely close to it.

I need to stop rambling now. You'll be getting bored of my reminiscing. You probably don't remember most of this. It couldn't have been that special to you as it was to me.

Anyway, Ben, I don't know whether I hope to see you soon or not. Let's see what fate has in store for us both.

l̶o̶t̶s̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶

Yours sincerely,

Estella (or as you often called me, your shining star)

a/n: here's the first chapter or maybe i should say the first letter? if you can't tell already, this is going to be quite a sad wee book :( i have mixed feelings about it. i kind of love it because it's a bit different but i'm also not sure about it because it's different.

what do you guys think so far?

i'm also sorry that these are a bit shorter than my usual chapters but it's kind of hard to make these letters long lol.

enjoy and stay safe!

lots of love, e x