MY NAME IS NOBODY.

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DEAD BOY (book one).
°•        CHAPTER TWELVE        •°

"        TAKE THAT STICK OUT OF
YOUR ASS AND GET FUCKED.       "

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THE STUPID FUCKING CLOWN WITH AN OVERLY-SIZED HEAD WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG. Every word It used to taunt Daxton, everything It said, It was right. He was a sarcastic boy, a spitfire as It described, that shut out the world because it meant less pain, and in return, he was terrified. He was petrified of the thoughts about boys that ran through his head without taking a break for air, he was afraid that he would be nothing more than a dead boy one day, and the world would forget he ever existed. Because Daxton Shields did nothing to keep the world spinning on its axis. He was nothing more than a speck of dust, irrelevant, should cease to exist. He was nobody. And he knew one day the clown would be sure that he didn't because it was still hungry after nearly having a taste of his fears.

The gang is still screaming their heads off as they bolt out of the house before It changes their mind and comes back for them. Daxton is moving as fast as he can, but his limp is holding him back. He has each of his arms slung over Charlie and Mike's shoulders, practically hopping on one foot while the other dragged behind him lazily as the pair kept a hold on his hips in case he stumbled. Fortunately, Eddie can walk, but Richie and Bill guide him carefully off the porch which turned out to be a much larger struggle for Daxton and his ankle, but he jumps down them too because he's not staying within fifty feet of that house any fucking longer.

Daxton doesn't know what to do once they reach their mountain of bikes and his friends start climbing on them. There's no chance in hell he can ride his and he has half a mind to say fuck it and crawl his way home, but Bill clears his throat and waves to Mike. "T-T-Take Eddie, and Dax, you-you... Can..." He struggles to finish the sentence through his stutter and instead cocks his head to the back of his bike.

The grip Charlie has on Daxton becomes tighter when Mike lets go and rushes to Eddie, lifting the small boy like he weighed nothing and placing him in the basket connected to his bike's handlebars, leaving his legs to dangle over the edge. Charlie lets Daxton lean on his side as he led him to Bill's bike. He doesn't let go, not once, helping Daxton through every wince he makes to sit on the back of the bike until Bill is sat too, keeping the cycle from falling over then returns to his own. Charlie makes sure to keep behind Bill since the rest were already gone, taking off down the trail. They have no choice but to leave Daxton and Eddie's bike behind.

All of the tears built behind Daxton's eyes remain there as Bill kicks the brake off and starts pumping at the pedals. He can't cry anymore. He grips at the rider's red flannel until his knuckles turned white. He felt like a part of him died in the Well House and he was just a ghost of himself, riding on the back of Bill's bike, left behind to rot along with the decaying house on Neibolt street. Daxton's gaze once again becomes a blur, whether from the tears that he won't cry or the pace Bill drives, it doesn't matter. The bottom line was, he was nothing but afraid.

Their first stop is the Kaspbrak house to get Eddie the help he needs. Daxton doesn't know how, but Sonia Kaspbrak must have known something was wrong with her son because they can see her looking through the window she's peeking out of in some ugly jumpsuit with pink curlers loose in her damp hair. Mike visibly winces at the sight but helps Eddie out of the basket nonetheless. Meanwhile, Bill breaks his bike and holds it steady once Charlie is off of his so he can help Daxton off again, taking the same position earlier so they can stop at the curb as Sonia comes flying out of her home.

"Eddie!" She screeches as she stumbles off her lawn. "Oh, Eddiebear! Don't worry, we're going to the hospital!" Eddie says nothing, his lips mashed together as tears leaked down his face. His mother suddenly whirled around and Daxton watches as she grabs ahold of her son's good arm, pushing him behind her as if she was protecting him from his friends. Sonia's face had turned a bright red as she seethed, "You!" She jabbed a thick finger in their direction, accusing them, "You did this! You know how delicate he is!"

And Daxton flinches as guilt consumes him. It was partially his fault. Eddie fell right in front of him which led to him breaking his arm. He could have done something else, he should have seen it coming and moved faster to grab him... There were so many things he could have done, but he didn't. They both could have died and Daxton would have been to blame for it. No one could ever forgive him for that, and there was certainly no forgiveness radiating off of Sonia Kaspbrak, only rage. But he knows an apology will only make it worse.

"We - We were attacked, Mrs. K," Bill tries to defend, but his voice is anything but stable.

"No. Don't, don't try to blame anyone but yourselves" Sonia snarls before turning away to guide Eddie into her parked car and slam the door shut. Daxton blinks back tears and bitterly scoffs because he knew he was always right. The adults don't give a shit. They never did. She can clearly see the group is in bad shape but her eyes hardly glazed past Ben's bleeding cuts or Daxton's bum ankle. They never wanted to listen to them, and Sonia was absolutely no exception.

In her frazzled state, Sonia's car keys slip through her trembling hands and hit the gravel. Beverly frowns, guilt driving her hand to grab them for her. She tries to help her and offer gently, "Here, let me - "

"Get back!" Sonia hisses through gritted teeth. Beverly complies immediately, drawing her outstretched arm back as the larger woman scrambled to gather the ring of keys before standing straighter again. Sonia eyed Beverly again, closer, with a look of disgust traced in her features. "Oh, I've heard of you, Miss Marsh. And I don't want a dirty girl like you touching my Eddie."

The degradation in her low voice doesn't go unheard by the rest who share looks of shock with one another. Charlie shakes his head, but Daxton can feel him tense. He won't show it just yet, but he's pissed.

Bill opens his mouth in an attempt to explain themselves again, but Sonia doesn't want to hear it. "No, you are all monsters! All of you!" She shouted.

Daxton knew it was coming as soon as he felt Charlie's muscles tensing. "And what about you?" Charlie challenged. "You think talking to a bunch of kids like that is okay? It sounds like you're the monster!"

Sonia's head snaps towards Charlie so fast with her beady eyes full of judgment it makes Daxton want to punch her jaw. "You listen here, you little... Orphaned boys."

Daxton's face immediately scrunches into a nasty snarl. How fucking dare she -

"Don't think I haven't heard about you both either. Children raised in homes like that - dirty, foul, disgusting," she listed off in revulsion like the mere sight of them made her sick. "I let my Eddie around you long enough, but I don't need mannerless boys like you infecting him with your... Diseases."

The hard glare she's giving them after the final word makes Daxton want to take a boiling bath and rub his skin raw until he didn't feel as dirty as he did right then and there. Because he knew what he was, and it's everything she said. But he'll never let her know that. Sonia wasn't just talking about him. She was talking about Charlie, too, and that pissed him off even more.

"Take that stick out of your ass and get fucked, you miserable cunt," Daxton spat in hopes Sonia would believe her words even more - that he was nothing but a dirty, foul boy, and stay far away.

Her expression darkens. "You should be ashamed, speaking to an adult like that," Sonia scolded but Daxton didn't give a fuck. He showed it by using his free arm to stick his middle finger in the air, his lower lip curling into a snarl like a canine, his sharp teeth baring. He felt a true spark of joy as the woman's face turned fifty shades of red, but it dies just as fast when she declares, "Now Eddie's done with you. You hear? Done!"

Daxton's face fell as he watched Sonia pile herself into the driver's seat of her car and starts the engine. Eddie is still crying in the passenger seat, eyes shut so he doesn't have to watch his friends turn smaller in the distance as his mother takes off down the street, speeding to the hospital. Daxton's anger started to fizzle out as he realized his mistake. He should have helped Eddie, should have bit his tongue, should have kept his temper under control -

They gather in the street together when they realize no other car is coming, and Bill finally speaks. "I saw the well. W-W-W-We know where it is, and next time we'll be better prepared - "

"No!" Stan shouted, cutting Bill off before he could finish trying to convince them. He was close to tears, his hands balled into shaking fists at his side. "No next time, Bill! You're insane!"

"Why?" Beverly demanded. "We all know no one else is going to do something!"

Richie stared at them incredulously. "Eddie and Daxton were nearly killed - !"

"I just busted my ankle," Daxton interrupted in a mumble, unsure of what else to say because the clown did try to choke him to death.

" - And look at this motherfucker!" Richie went on like he never spoke with a harsh gesture towards Ben's sliced stomach. "He's leaking hamburger helper!"

"We can't pretend it's going to go away," Beverly argued. She turned to Ben with desperation clear in her blue eyes. "Ben, you said it yourself. It comes back every twenty-seven years."

But Ben dismissed her by shaking his head. "Fine! I'll be forty and far away from here." It was the first time Daxton heard him speak with a hardness in his tone, but it was time he did. No one could force any of them back in that house of horrors if they didn't want to. But then Ben's face softened towards the only girl standing there as he says, "I thought you said you wanted to get out of this town too."

"Because I want to run towards something," Beverly states passionately, "Not away."

Richie huffed in annoyance. "I'm sorry, but who invited Molly Ringwald into the group?" Beverly's head tilted with a deadpanned expression as she flashes him her middle finger. "I'm just saying, let's face facts!" He clapped his hands together. "Real world: Georgie is dead, stop trying to get us killed too."

He shoves his glasses up the slope of his nose before trying to storm off, but Bill stands in his path, refusing to let Richie leave after that. "Georgie's not dead!" He seethed with a push to Richie's shoulders. "You - You can't - You don't - " He can't make words this time, only splutters, hurt that Richie had the guts to say what no one else would.

"Bill," Charlie says, the tone he used more gentle than it was earlier with Sonia, "Believe me, we get it, but going back in that house..."

"N-No! You - You don't get it!" Bill spits back. "You don't have a bro-bro... Brother!"

There's so much pain coming off Bill that he has to express it by hurting them too, and Daxton feels it. Because if it was Charlie in that house, he would have torn apart the floorboards until his nails were bloody until he found the truth. They may not know how Bill feels, but they didn't need to have shared parents to be brothers. The same blood may not pump through both their veins, but there's an unbreakable bond between Daxton Shields and Charles Quint that nothing could possibly break. Not even death. Because they weren't friends being raised in the same household. They are without a doubt in either of their minds brothers.

But before he can say anything first, Charlie does, protectively firing back angrily, "Blood means nothing. He's my brother." He'll never go for a low blow because he's afraid like Richie did, but he continues, "That clown nearly choked the life out of my brother and I can't let him... I won't let him end up in an early grave. Okay? It's over."

"Charlie's right, Bill, alright?!" Richie exclaims. "Just accept it! You couldn't save him, but you can still save yourself!"

"No!" Bill cries out. "T-T-Take it back! You're scared and we all are, but... Take it back!" Tears from either grief or anger build up in his eyes, making them wet, and he snaps by delivering another push to Richie's chest, this time forcing him to stumble back.

Richie is stunned as he catches himself before he can fall, but he retaliates quicker than Daxton expected him to. He's on Bill before anyone can blink and giving him the same shove. The pair have a glare locked on each other before Bill's fury becomes too much to hold and he explodes, everyone watching in surprise as one of his shaking fists are thrown through the air, smashing Richie directly in the jaw, effectively knocking him to the ground.

His head makes a sick thunk as it bounced on the pavement. Daxton's jaw dropped as Richie tries to compose himself. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He snapped darkly at Bill who only peeked in his direction. He hops on one foot to pounce on Bill, but Charlie has his arms around his waist to hold him back. "You don't fucking punch your friends!"

"Yeah! You're - You're such a loser!" Richie exclaimed as he darted to attack Bill once he was on his wobbling legs. Stan and Mike raced to grab his arms, holding him back before he can strike. "You're just a bunch of losers! Fuck off!" He yelled as Ben planted himself by Bill's side to keep him at bay before he can punch Richie again, but that doesn't stop either attempting to lunge at one another, but no one, including Charlie, will let go. "You'll get yourself killed trying to catch a stupid fucking clown!"

"Stop!" Beverly suddenly screamed as she threw herself in between them. The fighting and struggling all stop at once. "This is exactly what It wants! It wants to divide us! We were all together when we hurt It - that's why we're still alive!"

"Give me a fucking break!" Daxton lashes out. He pushes Charlie's hands away and stands his ground, keeping his weight on his one good foot. He used to admire Beverly's lion heart, but he knows better now. "You know it won't stay that way if we go back into that house!"

"Yeah, and I plan to keep it that way," Richie spat. He's the first to depart from the fighting group, shooting Bill a scowl as he grabs his bike and rides off without another word. Stan is next, following the path Richie took, then Ben, and that's when Daxton realizes he's fucked. He can't walk home with one ankle jacked up, there's no chance in hell he'll be hopping on the back of Bill's bike again after that, and his bike was still at the Neibolt house anyway.

Mike shook his head and turned away. Beverly sighed, reaching out, "Mike..."

But he yanks away before she can graze him. "I can't do this. My granddad was right. I'm an outsider... Gotta stay that way." But he still sends a look of pity in the direction of the two brothers, one of them struggling to stay on his feet. "I can give you a ride if you want, Dax."

Normally if the offer was made out of pity, Daxton would have told them to shove it, even if he couldn't take care of it himself. But things have changed since then. A lot has, really, so he nods. "Sure." His eyes land on Mike's bike. "But I'm not riding in your fucking basket."

The faintest smile cracks on Mike's face before he nods. "Fair."

Daxton is about to accept Charlie's help again, making sure to bump against Bill's frozen shoulder harshly, unbothered by the burning eyes like two flames colored a crystal blue sent his way, but then he notices Richie at the end of the street. He hasn't driven any further than that, seemingly distracted by something. "You think he's okay?" Daxton mumbles to the two under his breath so Bill doesn't hear.

"Let's see," Charlie suggests equally quiet. Daxton knows how much his friends mean to him and how badly it must hurt that they're mostly divided now.

It takes a minute, but eventually, they somehow make their way to Richie and form a bubble around him with concern. Daxton can see a mark blossoming into a deeper shade of red where Bill struck him, beginning from the back of his jawbone and leading to his temple. Daxton doesn't have to make a comment about how it'll bruise later like he did when he saw the H cut into Ben's stomach. Instead, he figures it'd be better to question, "You okay?"

"I just got punched in the face," Richie replies without missing a beat. His tone is duller than Daxton has ever heard it, and it makes something in him feel awful - like he'd give anything to fix it. He turns his head towards him and when their eyes meet, he can see Richie's eyes are wet behind the glasses that became crooked after the hit. "Do I look okay?"

"No. You look even worse than usual," Daxton tries to joke with a weak smile. Richie's lips don't even twitch. Alright, fair enough.

Mike doesn't seem to know what to say that could possibly make Richie feel any better, so Charlie shakes his head. "Just let Dax look at it and make sure nothing's broken," he requests.

"Why Daxton?" Mike suddenly asks.

"Yeah, why me?" Daxton pitches in. He can feel the familiar warmth seep under his skin.

"Look at your nose." Charlie raises his eyebrows pointedly. "You've definitely been punched in the face before."

Fucking rude, Daxton thinks as he touches it insecurely before shooting his brother an exasperated look. "Hey, fuck you, Charlie. My nose is perfectly fine." Maybe a little crooked and larger than the average one, but it isn't like he's been pounded in the face that many times.

But Daxton still gets closer and doesn't give Richie a choice when he gently turns his face to the side so he can't hide his skin. He can feel his face becoming warmer under not only the touch but the closeness. His heart picked up the pace a bit. His mind had gone completely fuzzy as his thumb brushes over the mark, anticipating Richie to flinch under the touch, but he doesn't. Richie had become nothing short of paralyzed the second Daxton had a hold on his chin. He tries to piece together his thoughts again as if they had swum away and declares in a slight choke, "Nothing's broken. Lucky you." Then drags his hand back despite the longing feeling that sparks to the tip of his fingers.

"Try not to spend every day in the arcade, Richie," Charlie recommends as Richie clears his throat and adjusts the handlebars of his bike. He only sends Charlie a two-finger salute and takes off without as much as a thank you like someone was calling him in urgency.

"Well, that's that," Charlie says with a sigh. He nods towards Daxton. "Ready to head home?"

Daxton shrugs unsurely before he carefully mounts the larger seat on Mike's bike with offered assistance. He isn't sure how it'll hold them both, but Mike makes it work as he scoots himself forward, waiting until Charlie's on his own before pedaling at a steady pace to ensure no one fell off.

The wind blows against Daxton's warm skin, where it had reddened in both his fit of anger and intimacy that took place beforehand. He takes a few deep breaths, his hands holding onto Mike in the same fashion as they did for Bill, but more tightly in fear he'd fall. He shuts his eyes after a minute or so. Daxton desperately wants to forget everything that happened in Derry and he wished it was something that easy to shove away, pretending it never happened. But it wasn't. This wasn't going away. This wasn't his parent's abusive neglect. This wasn't him being mistreated in foster homes. This was life or death. He could be the next kid that vanishes without a trace in Derry, whether the cause would be that clown or something else.

Soon enough, Daxton feels Mike's bike start to slow its speed, and he opens his eyes. The Griffith's house had just come into his view. "Thanks, Mike," he says softly as the boy set the break down in his bike. He grabs ahold of Charlie's arm when he's there, grimacing through his pressed lips as he slides one leg off and stumbles to catch himself.

"Any time," Mike promises. The three of them share a look that reads more words than any book could hold, but Mike hopefully suggests, "Well, hey, maybe we can see each other around sometimes?" He gives them a more clear, warm smile. "She was wrong, back there, to say that. Neither of you is dirty or foul. I think you're both great."

"That means a lot, Mike," Charlie says honestly. Daxton knows he means it by the genuineness in his tone. "Thank you. We'll see you when Dax's back to running marathons, yeah?" He offers and Daxton nods. Mike smile widens a little and he nods. The trio exchanges good-byes, Mike telling Daxton to get better soon, everyone there unsure when Daxton would be running again, but they watch him become smaller as he cycled away, returning to the farm they knew his grandparents owned.

Lia is hovering over them as soon as they're through the door. Daxton found himself on the couch's cushion with his foot on a coffee table as his older foster sister rolls his pant leg up to see the damage. Charlie sits next to him, shooing away Haley and Lucas when they get too close, trying to peer over her shoulder.

"Shit, you two have to be more careful," Lia is scolding out of worry. Her thumbs gently press on the bone underneath bruising skin, but Daxton only winces instead of screaming, so she declares it isn't broken. "I'm going to get some ice, but you have a lot of explaining to do," Lia says firmly with a finger pointed at them as a parent would.

Daxton waits until she leaves for the kitchen. "What do we tell them?" He finally whispers once he's positive she's out of their earshot as the door swings shut. They both know as nice as the adults are, they wouldn't believe them in a million years. And Daxton wouldn't admit it, but he didn't want to be sent away again. He was afraid they would. "Shit, Miles and Jo will be home any minute - "

"Hey," Charlie soothes him, pressing a hand on his shoulder. "We won't tell them anything, okay? All they have to know is you tripped. We'll figure this out."

His vow makes Daxton relax against the sofa again. He gives Charlie a subtle nod as Lia returns, an ice pack in one hand, and a rolled-up bandage in the other with demands this time to know what took place. They come up with the biggest lie they can think of - Daxton tripped over a large, sprouting root from a tree. It's stupid, and he doesn't think his injury even matches the story, but she believes him. Luckily, their foster parents do too, even though Josie frets and wants to take him on a drive to a hospital, but calms down when Miles eases her by informing it can't be broken.

But Daxton Shields is fine. He keeps telling himself that he's fine, he's okay, he's alright, he'll make it through this until it becomes a mantra that he believes to be true. He used to ignore the awful feeling that grew every day until it made him as ugly as it was. Now, he can't. Nothing about Daxton's life has ever been alright, and he realizes this after Miles practically carries him up the stairs and he's resting, his foot elevated on a pillow, the ice pack keeping the limb frozen so it doesn't swell.

Charlie respects Daxton doesn't want to talk about it. He sits beside him on the bed with a comic book in his hand that he slowly flips through. Their bedroom is full of nothing but a comfortable silence that starts to get to Daxton. He wants him to talk, most of all, he wants to burst into tears and let everything that's been building up behind a dam be broken.

He can't hold back when he mumbles, "Say something. Anything," in a plea.

Charlie slowly closes the cover and rests it on his lap. "Do you want to talk about It?" He questions. Daxton knows it's useless but he loosely shrugs anyway, so Charlie nods. "I heard the floorboards split," he begins quietly as if someone had their ear pressed on the walls and was listening. "I tried to get out to help you, but... The door slammed shut. It wouldn't let me out. It came to me, then." Daxton sits up a little straighter, but Charlie doesn't meet his eyes. "Don't ask me how. I knew It was after you and Eddie, but It still told me you were dead. And I... I didn't believe it, obviously. I could hear you scream for help. Then It told me it didn't matter because one day you would be and It would..." He can't finish.

The words haunted Daxton once more. "You're afraid to be alone. All abandoned, no one to ever love poor Daxton Shields, buried six feet under where soon I can eat the weeds, and still be able to taste your fears." He can't hold back the shiver. He doesn't know when he'll die or how, but he doesn't want it to be because of that clown. But Daxton doesn't want to be afraid to live either.

However, he still curls next to his brother as close as he can. Daxton's head rests on Charlie's shoulder, who wraps an arm around him in return. "I'm afraid," he whispers. "I'm so, so afraid."

"Me too, brother."

Daxton doesn't cry despite how badly he wants to - because he knows he would become nothing one day, he'd be forgotten about, nothing but a nobody, a pile of bones, buried in a grave where It could lick his remains and still taste what he feared most.

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author's note:

i'm soft, that's all.

just kidding. but next chapter is going to be super important so be looking forward to it 😉

plus, about four more chapters + an epilogue and we will be done with act one! unless something were to tragically ,,, happen ,,,

nah i'm totally kidding. they're safe.

so far.

- koda

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