The sun is rising slowly this morning, for some reason.

I was up and out of the house at the crack of dawn, as I have always been recently, but only now is when it has deigned to show face. It's warm, though, and offers my shivering body small amount of comfort as I crouch down in the icy woods, raising my knife. It's that time of year now, where snow covers everything and causes animals to hibernate. The winters are bitterly cold here, but they do have some virtue.

I have been sneaking out of my house earlier and earlier for about three consistent weeks now, as my time sleeping has been getting lesser and lesser. I've just been doing my usual routine; hunting in the woods, only now, it is no longer necessary. My family and I could probably feed all of Twelve now if we were allowed to.

Snap!

I jump violently at the sound, turning instantly and raising my knife on the creature behind me.

Which turns out to not be a creature at all. In fact, what is behind me is a man, standing at a head taller than he, extending his arms out in front of him.

"Whoa, hey," Gale says, putting his arms down. "It's me. It's just me."

I sigh, taking him in. We don't see each other as much now, because ever since he turned eighteen he's been working six days a week in the mines. I continually offer him money, saying that he doesn't have to stay down there if he doesn't want to, but he continually refuses.

"Saw some turkeys on the way here," he begins, conversationally. "Crossed right in front of me like I wasn't even there."

I have calmed down considerably now, my heart going back to its normal rate as I say. "How rude of them."

"That what happens," Gale shrugs. "You work all that time in the mines, and the stupid birds think they own these woods."

Old me, pre-games me, would have laughed. Probably. Post-games me gives a fake chuckle, my eyes dropping down to the ground.

Gale stares straight at me. "When's he getting here?"

I bite my lip. I can hardly bear to think of him, let alone have Gale speak of him. "Two hours. The tour leaves in three."

He nods. "Well then, let's go."

☦︎☦︎☦︎

As we walk through the woods, looking for something to hunt, I try not think about the impact Cato Hadley has had on me.

It's been two months since I've seen him. Two months since we've spoken. Two months since I've looked into those blue eyes.

It's also been two months since he told me to figure out what I want. To figure out if I want him is what he meant.

But the thing is, I don't know. It's been a long two months, here in Twelve, and despite the money and the house, my life has worsened considerably. I am woken every night by nightmares, screaming until my voice has gone hoarse. I find no comfort in waking, either, because I know that every day, I am creeping closer to the moment I'll see him again.

And today is when that moment will commence.

But first, Gale and I hunt. We eventually find some game; a turkey, maybe one of the ones Gale saw. We exchange a glance before I pull a knife, crouching down to its level and eyeing where I will get it. Right in the eye.

I take a shaky breath before raising my arm, and throwing.

Only, when the knife slams into the turkey, it's not a turkey at all.

Marvel.

Standing just like he did when I hit him in the arena, the knife hitting him in the heart. He chokes, falling down instantly. Dead.

I did that. I killed him.

I gasp, stumbling backwards and instantly feeling out of control. My eyes are suddenly blurring with tears, my ears ringing too shrilly to even hear Gale as he tries to calm me down.

I scream, throwing his hands that he puts on my arms off and scrambling back, the snow below me soaking through my trousers. There, sitting in the snow, my back pressed into the trunk of a tree, I breathe. Hyperventilate, more like.

But I know there's no point trying to fight it.

Because I'm just like everyone else who ever leaves the arena.

Broken.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

Once I have calmed down enough to hear and stand, we walk back to the fence. I don't want to talk about what I saw, and I know Gale doesn't want to know. He and I haven't spoken about the games at all, actually.

It's quite strange, because I know that he knows everything that went on in the arena. I know that he knows what happened with Cato. But we have never discussed it, not once. And I don't know how I feel about that.

I don't engage even now, though. I keep my eyes straight ahead, focused on whatever is in front of me as we duck under the fence, entering Twelve once more.

Soon, we reach the crossroads. One way leads to the Seam, where Gale is still living, and the other leads to the town square and then, past it, the Victor's Village.

Without another word, Gale turns to me. I instinctively take a step back from him, leaving a gap in between us.

"Aren't you coming to meet him?" As soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they were the wrong ones to pick.

Gale's mouth twists and his eyes darken.

"No," he tells me, his voice low. "There'll be enough people there, you don't need me to worry about."

I don't know what to say to this.

"By people, do you mean cameras?" I raise my eyebrows. "Cause you know as well as I do that I don't give a shit about them."

Gale shakes his head.

"It's only a few weeks," I continue speaking against my better judgement. "I'll be back before the snow melts."

"Yeah, a lot can happen in a few weeks," Gale says bitingly.

I chuckle sarcastically. "Gale, it was a fucking act."

"Yeah, and it was a fucking good one," Gale retorts.

I inch closer to him. "I did what I had to do to survive, if I didn't, I'd be d-"

Before I can even finish my sentence, Gale's leaning forward, taking my face in his hands and kissing me.

It's a short kiss. His mouth is dry and his lips are soft and he tastes like soot and ashes. His hands are rough on my face, but I don't really register it.

Because all I can think is, this isn't like him.

And I hate it.

Eventually, we pull apart, and Gale just looks at me.

"I had to do that. At least once."

And then he's gone, his boots crunching in the snow, his breath billowing in clouds before him.

I stand, stock still, for a second, trying to process what on earth has just happened.

And what my life has become.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

The Victor's Village lies empty and quiet as I walk into it. Apart from traders and merchabts, no one in Twelve dares to go near it, not even the better off families. Only three of the massive houses are inhabited, anyway.

I try not to think about how after the Victory Tour, four of them will be.

That was the plan, after all. And as far as I'm aware, it still is. Cato has lived in Two for two months, and now he's saying goodbye to his family, packing up and moving to Twelve to be with me, his lover.

Supposed lover.

I am at the front door of my house before I know it, not bothering to knock before entering.

I don't really register the uneasy energy inside my house as I close the door, despite picking up on it subconsciously. I take off my scarf, hanging it up on the stand to my left before finally turning to the three presences standing right in the kitchen doorway, all six eyes trained on me. My mother and my sisters, all looking concerned.

"Did you have a good walk, dear?" My mother asks.

I frown. My mother knows I have been hunting, so why is she acting like this. "Walk? I was just out-"

"We have visitors," Prim cuts through me before I can say a word that will probably get me executed.

Then Katniss, Prim and my mother separate to reveal two men, both dressed very formally and standing tall.

"Miss Everdeen," one of them says, gesturing to his left; my right. "This way, please."

Fear is starting to creep in by now. I slowly walk forwards, each foot feeling like it's encased in concrete, until I reach them, then they lead me through into a study we have in the house, which we rarely use.

When the door is opened, I don't know what to expect. Maybe it's Cato coming early, or Effie doing her escort job, or Cinna, come to show me his designs.

But it's none of those things.

Because as I cross the threshold, he stands up, turning to me. He's wearing a black suit with a tie of the same colour, and there is a white rose attached to his lapel. And then he looks at me, and I see his eyes. Those eyes that never fail to remind me of a snake.

President Snow stands before me, and just by the look of him, I can tell he is out for blood.

☦︎☦︎☦︎

I don't know how long I stand there for, looking at him.

It feels like decades, but in reality, I suspect it's only a few seconds. Because then the men behind me close the door and he speaks.

"Such bravery," his voice is low, yet spiteful. "Such spirit. Such... contempt."

"President Snow," I find my voice, trying to stop the bitter edge creeping into it. "What an honour."

I walk forwards and he tells me. "My dear, I think we can make this so much simpler by agreeing not to lie to each other, what do you think?"

"Yes, I think that would save time," I reply honestly.

"Sit down, please," he tells me, and I obey him as he does the same.

We sit in silence for a few seconds, and it's excruciating, but I force myself to look him in the eyes.

"I have a problem, Miss Everdeen," he tells me. "A problem that began the moment you revealed those poison berries in the arena. Now, if that head gamemaker Seneca Crane had had any brains at all, he would've blown you to bits right there. But here you are. And I expect you can guess where he is."

I nod. "Yes, I can."

Just by the way he says it I know Seneca Crane has been executed.

Snow shrugs. "Well, after that fiasco, there was nothing left to do other than let you play out your little scenario. And I must say you were very good. That whole, love crazed, besotted school girl act was impressive, truly. You convinced the people in the Capitol."

I know of this, because I have seen the Captiol people since winning the games. However, there is a large amount of Panem I have not, and am about to, see.

And Snow talks of them now.

"Unfortunately, not everyone in the districts fell for it," he looks straight at me, speaking even more seriously than before. "I mean, you can't know this, but in several of them, they viewed your little trick with the berries as an act of defiance, not as an act of love."

I can barely breathe. I had never really figured this would be a problem; I thought I had convinced the districts of my love for Cato. But clearly, I haven't.

Snow continues. "And if a girl from District Twelve of all places can defy the Capitol and walk away unharmed, what is to prevent them from doing the same? What is to prevent, say, an uprising? That can lead to, revolution. And then, after a period of time, the whole system collapses."

"It must be a fragile system if it can be brought down by just a few berries," I say, but not in a snap, in more of a soft tone. In a disbelieving tone.

"Yes it is, indeed," Snow nods. "But not in the way you imagine."

"How should I imagine?" I snap that line, suddenly annoyed at how he is toying with me.

"You should imagine thousands upon thousands of your people dead, this town of yours reduces to ashes, imagine it gone, made radioactive, buried under dirt as if it had never existed just like District Thirteen!" Snow raises his voice slightly.

There is then a silence, as I try to comprehend the sheer amount of people who might die if I can't settle the districts.

"You fought very hard in the games, Miss Everdeen," Snow is speaking to me again. "But they were games. Would you like to be in a real war?"

"No," I speak instantly; instinctively, and I almost instantly regret it. Even if what I'm saying is the truth.

"Good," nods Snow. "Neither would I."

We sit in silence for around ten seconds, not quite looking at each other.

Then Snow says. "And of course, you must be thrilled today, Miss Everdeen. What with your... reunion, and all."

I bite my tongue, because I hate him, but I can't say it.

"I have wondered how Cato is doing without you," I want to slap him as Cato's name passes his lips. "Tell me, at what point did he realise the depth of your... indifference towards him?"

A flash of anger courses through me. "I'm not indifferent-"

"Don't lie!" Snow raises his voice. "You promised."

And we did. So I decide not to address his question, and ask one of my own. "Why don't you just kill me now?"

Snow looks me dead in the eye. "I don't want to kill you. I want us to be friends, but if not friends then allies."

Like hell.

"What do I need to do?"

"When you and Cato are on tour, you need to smile, you need to be grateful," he tells me. "But above all, you need to be absolutely, prepared to end it all, in love, you think you can manage that?"

"Yes," I speak instantly, because there's no other option.

"Yes what?" Snow asks sharply.

"I'll convince them," I say.

"No," Snow shakes his head. "Convince me. Because after all, Miss Everdeen, what with your... earlier escapades, there's nothing else that can be done at this point."

Fear pierces my heart.

Earlier escapades.

He knows. He knows Gale and I kissed earlier today, and I have no idea how.

"And if I don't?" I can't help myself from saying it. "If I don't convince you?"

Snow purses his lips. "As I said, Miss Everdeen, I don't want to kill you. But I often find that I don't need to kill a person to control them, because they have people they care about."

At this point I am an entity of fear. My mother. Katniss. Prim. Gale.

All will die if I do not manage this. All will die if I cannot do what I have already failed at.

Snow then pulls a white rose out of his jacket, depositing it on the table. "For you, Miss Everdeen."

He stands up, and is suddenly looking down upon me.

"Do convince me," he warns. "For the sake of them."

And then he's walking past me, the door clicking shut behind me a few seconds later.

Then the first tear falls.