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chapter eight.
why did you go?
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        Clarke looks so much different compared to what June remembers her, now that she can really see her. She can't put her finger on why. Maybe it's the look on Clarke's face, the way she faintly smiles at both her and Bellamy when their eyes meet. Her blonde hair is longer than before, pieces in braids and knots. She's definitely wearing grounder clothing, which June assumes is because Clarke had spent so long in Polis. June is so stunned, she can't speak or make any noise, her jaw partially open in shock.

"Now I'm done," Octavia announces, satisfied when she sees both her brother and June astonished. She leaves then, shutting the door quietly behind her, so the three of them were left alone.

"Go easy on Octavia," Clarke advised gently. "I had to beg her to get me into camp."

There's no kindness in Bellamy's voice as he replies. "What are you doing here, Clarke?" He demanded. Even though June doesn't tear her gaze off of Clarke, she knows what Bellamy is thinking. Every memory the three of them suffered through before Clarke had left them is playing in his head.

"We need to talk," Clarke says more seriously.

The shock June feels wears off when she glances to her. "Now you want to talk?" She finds herself questioning, her voice cracking like she was in pain. There were so many times that June needed to talk to Clarke, and she wasn't there.

Clarke nods. "Yes," she confirmed, oblivious to what June is thinking. "I asked Octavia to bring you. I know you've helped Bellamy while I was gone, and..."

"Oh, you've decided that. The mighty Wanheda," Bellamy interrupted her with a scoff. "Who chose the grounders over her own people." The way he spits out the word 'grounders' with disgust makes June's stomach churn. Surely Clarke knew what had happened by now. "Who turned her back on us when we came to rescue you. Now you want to talk."

A frown tugs at Clarke's mouth as she turns around the table. "I came here to tell you that the Ice Nation has paid a price. Justice has been served for the attack on Mount Weather. I came here to tell you it's over."

"There it is again." Bellamy rolled his eyes. "Why do you get to decide it's over?"

None of that matters much to June. She's glad that for now, they aren't in another war, but she can still feel the weight of the world on her shoulders from when they left Mount Weather. She can still feel the burn marks left on her body when the mountain blew. But June needed Clarke to be there, and she abandoned her.

"We did our part," Clarke said softly.

"We?" Bellamy repeated.

"Lexa and I," Clarke answered. June sees the way Bellamy's face twists into anger and hurt. "The Ice Queen is dead. The problem was solved and then you let Pike ruin everything," she accused.

That was enough for June to break. "Clarke," she says her name lowly. "I'm not defending what Bellamy did - because I can't even look at him now - but you haven't been here. We needed you."

The pain June feels washes over Clarke's expression like she finally understands. "I needed time," she admits quietly. "After what I did..."

"What we did!" June exclaimed in correction, all her pent up pain coming out at once. "Do you really think you're the only one who wakes up screaming? Who can still see yourself surrounded by the bodies of everyone in Mount Weather? Who is tired from the weight of the world on your back? Do you honestly still think you're the only one with blood on your hands?" She demanded to know. Clarke says nothing, instead hanging her head low in shame at the speech June delivered.

It's quiet after June speaks so coldly. The three of them can sense the tension in the air afterward, yet Bellamy still crosses closer to Clarke and mumbles to her. "Why are you here, Clarke?"

"Arkadia needs to make things right or Lexa and the twelve clans will wipe us out," Clarke said quickly like she was ripping off a band-aid.

Hands rise to set on Bellamy's hips. "Let her try," he declared stubbornly. June wipes at her forehead, tired from all the energy it took to lecture Clarke.

"Please tell me that going to war is not what you want," Clarke pleaded with him.

"We've been at war since we landed," Bellamy threw back. "At least Pike understands that."

"Just stop, Bellamy," June cuts in, warning him. She steps forward and finally looks at him, hoping he can see the disgust in her face. She's tried so hard to avoid Bellamy, even choosing to talk to Raven and Jaha so she wouldn't have to. But June can see Bellamy is still firm on the belief that what he, Pike and others had done was justified. She had spent so long supporting him that to see him commit a massacre had brought a new feeling of repulsion. "You can't honestly believe what you and Pike did was okay," June finished.

Nodding in agreement, Clarke adds. "Pike is the problem. This isn't who you are." She's right. June didn't even know the male standing beside her anymore.

"You're wrong," Bellamy whispers. "This is who I've always been. And I let you, and June, and Octavia, and Kane convince me that we could trust these people when they have shown over and over who they are and I won't let anyone else die for that mistake."

June speaks before she can think. "You already have." She regrets the words as soon as they leave her mouth but when Bellamy turns to look at her, stung, she can't stop. She wasn't sure when her feelings turned from being angry with Clarke to Bellamy. "They didn't attack us, Bellamy. Your army did. Can you look me in the eye and say that you honestly believe what you did was right?"

So June waits. When Bellamy's dark brown eyes meet hers and his lips part open, she waits to hear the words that would completely break the close bond they had built up. But they don't come. It's like the words are stuck in Bellamy's throat and he can't cough them out even if he tried. "You went too far, Bellamy," June says, already backing up towards the door. "And now we all have to pay the price for it."

"June," Clarke speaks her name quietly. "Please... Stay."

It's as if June's heart is tugging to Clarke, wanting to stay, but can't. She knows if she's there any longer, she's going to break down and cry. And it gives June terrible flashbacks to having just returned from Mount Weather, begging Clarke to stay, only to hear two phrases in return. I bear it, so they don't have to... May we meet again. June wasn't perfect, have had made as many mistakes as them, but her feelings are equally justified.

"That's funny," June mumbled. "Coming from you."

Then she's gone, tugging the door open, and leaving the two alone without another word. June blocks out the noises around her as she walks down Arkadia's halls. She has no idea where she's going or what she's doing, but she just wants to be far. Far away enough from Bellamy and his firm belief what actions he committed was alright, and far from Clarke's hypocrisy. June didn't know what she expected when she imagined being reunited when her best friend came back, but it was never how this went. A large part of her wished they were back at the dropship camp, before everything, before Mount Weather.

Suddenly, June, who had been blind to where she was heading, collided with another body. She makes a noise of surprise, stumbling back to see it was Octavia, studying her sharply. "Where are Clarke and Bellamy?" She asked in a rush.

"Alone," June responded, brows furrowing. "Why?"

But Octavia is gone before she answers, bolting down the hall like someone lit a fire. June is stuck, frozen in place at first before she caves into the feeling and darted after her. As she ran past a corner, she saw why and understood. Octavia didn't trust Bellamy, because he wasn't giving them any reason to. Especially now when he's dragging a handcuffed and protesting Clarke down the hall with another guard. "Believe it or not, I'm doing this for your own good," he tells her carelessly.

"Believe it or not - " Octavia reacts fast, pausing to deliver a kick to the other guard's knee, grabbing him by the back of his neck when he falls, and then knees him in the chin. "I'm doing this for yours," she finished as he crumpled to the ground, out cold.

"You can't just hit a guard!" Bellamy exclaimed.

"I just did," Octavia shot back. "Let her go."

"I can't do that," Bellamy said somberly.

Disgusted, June's lips turn down into a frown. "Bellamy," she said his name harshly. "Let her go. Now," she echoed Octavia, much colder and demanding.

When Bellamy doesn't make a move, June takes a step forward, only to be stopped when Octavia puts her arm out in front of her and hushes her. She turns her head, confused until she hears a chatter coming from the end of the long hall. "They're coming," Octavia said in warning.

"You both should go," Bellamy recommended, worry in his tone that upsets June fast, knowing he cares in some way, but can't believe this is his way of showing so. She knows they don't have a choice but to run, but those ideas cease when a commotion from Bellamy makes June whirl back around.

A buzzing sound of electricity fills the air before Bellamy is gasping in pain, doubling over. June sees why when she noticed Clarke clutching the unconscious guard's shock baton, having just pressed it to Bellamy's chest. June doesn't think twice, swallowing the feeling of being stuck in between her two best friends and hurries to Bellamy's side. She kneels and gently takes his shoulder, pulling him to his side. It gives Clarke access to lean down, unclipping the keys from his belt and struggling to set herself free.

"Clarke, hurry up," Octavia urged her when the voices became closer.

The metal handcuffs around Clarke's wrist click. She sighed in relief, jumping to her feet. "Let's go," she commanded quickly. "June, come on."

"No." June brushes her hand up Bellamy's trembling arm and rests it on his shoulder, not taking her eyes off of him. "Just go, I'll cover you guys," she reassured them, knowing she couldn't leave this place. Clarke is visibly hurt as she nods slowly before she waves to Octavia, gesturing for her to follow, and they both take off in a run together, leaving June and a still wounded Bellamy alone in a filling hall.

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Bellamy isn't cleared by medical until the next day. He and June share a mutual look of understanding, one that clearly says he's not going to turn in Clarke or Octavia. She's glad for that, at least, but it doesn't mean the problems are over. Lincoln is still under arrest and locked away, and June had the feeling things with Chancellor Pike were about to get much worse than what they were already. But all those dark possibilities that worry June come to a halt when Raven enters medical to be cleared by Abby so she can work again.

The bad leg had its brace removed so Abby could hold it upward, gently twisting it to the left. "How about now?" She questioned. "Anything?"

A smile spread on Raven's mouth as she glanced up. "Nope," she confirmed. "All good. Pain's gone."

That sent June's head spinning for any explanation as she leaned against the cot Raven was sat on. Even Abby is concerned by it as she releases Raven's leg, lips pressed together. "Your leg..."

"Still doesn't work," Raven interrupted her, allowing her limp limb to dangle over the edge. "I know."

Something wasn't right. June picked up Raven's brace that she had set down and squatted to help her strap it back on. "Here, Raven," she starts to offer, only to be stopped.

"No, it's alright." Raven proved so by stretching her leg straight, taking the brace from June and only succeeding in making her more alarmed by strapping it on her leg herself. "See? I just don't hurt anymore."

"Hey, hold on," Abby stopped her, cupping the mechanic's chin and lifting her head up and inspecting her features. She frowned tightly, pulling out a small light and opening the lid of her right eye and then her left. "Pupils aren't dilated," she mused quietly.

That made Raven chortle. "Jaha gave me the key to the City of Light, Abby. Not drugs," she said calmly, turning her head to face June. "Remember what he said, June? The key to the City of Light brings salvation and relief." As she speaks, what Jaha had said in his speech rang in June's ears.

'You're in a lot of pain. This can make it go away. It's the key to the City of Light. To your salvation and relief.'

June realized Abby is staring back at her, eyes wide, waiting for some sort of explanation, but she doesn't know what to say. Was it possible? What did it even mean? "I... I don't..." June stammered, unable to come up with anything.

Sighing, Abby nodded. "Let's see what the blood tests say," she decided.

This time, Raven was more disappointed as she glanced from Abby to June. "I thought you'd be happy for me," she said sadly.

It stung June quick because if she could leap for joy that Raven wasn't in pain anymore, she would. "I am," she said, taking it back. "I am, Raven," she repeated, this trying to sound more convincing.

"It's just unusual for pain to subside this quickly," Abby tried to convince her calmly.

The smile was back as Raven nodded in content. She finished tugging on the straps of her brace and hopped off the bed, landing in a way that would have made June wince if she knew that Raven wasn't in any more pain. "So, am I all clear?" She questioned eagerly.

"Apparently," Abby replied with a tilt of her head. "Let Sinclair know that I said it was okay for you to go back to work, but you're benched again if I find anything abnormal in those tests," she warned with a point of her finger.

"You won't," Raven countered. "Thanks, Doc. See you, June!" She exclaimed in a happy chirp that June doesn't recognize as she bounds away, leaving the pair alone in silence.

"This chip," Abby finally began. "What is it?"

Running a hand through her knotted, blonde hair, June tightly shrugged. "I honestly don't know," she says. "Jaha is making speeches about this... Little chip with the Infinity symbol carved in it, how if you swallow it, it takes away all your pain. Physically or emotionally, I think," she described.

As Abby takes in what June is saying, she sighs, setting the tablet she was holding down. "Okay. I'm going to talk to him, how about you fill Raven's file, clean up and meet me there?" She suggested. June nodded, giving the doctor permission to leave while she complied.

It takes longer than what June would like as she worked to finish despite the fast pace she was using. She thinks about the people she cared about, Raven, Bellamy, Lincoln, Clarke, all ones she's either mad at or in trouble. It makes June think about the City of Light next. What was it, and what did the chip Jaha was making speeches about have to do with it? Was it going to harm those who took it, including Raven, or would it save her? Nothing that good never came without a price.

When June, at last, finished filling Raven's files with notes and possible questions and cleaned up for the day, she joins Abby in the mess hall. Guard duty wasn't much of a time she had spent doing since Pike became Chancellor, wanting to spend as little time with his followers as possible, so she found herself standing beside the doctor and gazing to the table where Jaha sat across from Jasper. It doesn't surprise June that Jasper is Jaha's next victim.

"Pain is pain. Your scars run deep, Jasper," Jaha was informing the hurt male, speaking gently.

"You only get scars once you've healed," was Jasper's mumbled response, fiddling with the chip in his hand. He takes a deep breath. "See you on the other side."

June knows she can't let him go through with it, no matter how much he hates her. She storms forward with Abby's hushed protests ringing behind her, managing to catch Jasper's wrist as he starts bringing his hand to his mouth. "You're not taking that," June stated firmly. Jasper suddenly scowls, curling his fingers into a fist around the chip, out of Abby's view as she approaches next.

"Excuse us," Abby greets. "Are we interrupting?"

"Not at all," Jaha said warmly. "Please, join us." June slowly release the grip she had on Jasper's arm to take the seat on his other side, ignoring the way he stiffened at her presence.

While Abby sits at the end of the table, she cups her hand in Jasper's direction. "May I?" She requested. Defeated, Jasper heaves a deep sigh of annoyance and drops the chip in Abby's open palm. She turns it over in her fingers, studying the crystal pill closely. "You seem to be working miracles with these. What is it?" Abby asked Jaha. "And I don't want to hear that it's a key. Give us the science."

A hesitant smile appears on Jaha's face as he turns his head, looking towards the empty seat beside him. June frowned as she watched, confused before he answered after nodding at nothing. "It's a silicon-based device," he started, looking back to the group. "Once ingested, the filaments reconstitute in the brain stem and interrupt pain receptors, inhibiting certain neural pathways from firing."

It made sense, sure, but June can't at all comprehend how, in all her years of studying tech alone, a small chip can do that. Even Jasper huffs softly. "Should've stuck with key," he mumbled, making Jaha laugh back.

Abby nodded. "Would you mind if I run some trials on it?" She questioned politely. "I just want to make sure that there aren't any side effects. Would you have given it to Wells without testing it first?" She pointed out.

Puzzlement washed over Jaha's face. "Wells?" He repeated, lost, blinking a few times like the name was foreign to him.

The truth stabs June in the heart, leaving her briefly horrified. He doesn't remember his own son.

"Jaha?" June whispered shakily. "You know who Wells is, right?" Wells was one person June could never forget. How could Jaha?

Suddenly, Jaha nodded, stroking his chin as the confusion wiped away and was replaced with familiarity. "Yes. Yes, of course, I do," he said, but June isn't convinced.

Neither is Abby. "Jasper, June, I need a minute," she ordered.

"Could I have that back?" Jasper pleaded as June stood, reaching for the chip.

But Abby pulls it out of his way. "Now, please," she repeated.

Seeing Jasper's mouth opening into a gape, June quickly cuts in. "Come on, Jasper," she pleads with him softly. One person hits her mind, someone she has to check on after seeing Jaha's reaction to the mention of Wells, and even though Jasper doesn't like her, she knows it worries him too when he hears her name because he follows her. "Come help me find Raven."