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chapter twenty-six.
the miracle of the sea.
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       June didn't regret rowing to this island so far from Arkadia, even though it worried her to leave Clarke and Bellamy's side. They insisted they had things under control, especially with Azgeda, and she didn't doubt it one bit. Besides, technology was supposed to be her speciality. Being on Earth hasn't offered a lot of chances for June to use it. She may as well jump at the chances she has while they're here. Radiation would be here any day, and then what would she do? Die? Stay in a rebuilt Arkadia? Live outside as a Nightblood if Abby's formula combined with Raven's idea to journey to space worked?

Yeah. So many outcomes, all of which terrified June. She tried not to think about it. Raven may know everything, but she didn't know how this would end.

Actually, she didn't know how to land Becca's rocket safely either, even with the code eating at her brain. But June didn't voice that either in fear of her head getting ripped off.

Murphy, however, heard her frustrated cries and... "Way to go, Raven. Nuclear death wave - forty-two and mankind... Zero."

June's eyes skimmed over the computer screen to catch the back of Murphy's head as his dull voice filled her ear. She wanted to rip the headpiece that connected her, Raven, and Murphy altogether out, and she would have, if not for Raven. It made things easier instead of yelling at one another. "You want to get in here and try it?" The girl dared him.

"Nah, kinda busy, actually."

June rolled her eyes. "You're playing with a stupid race car, Murphy," she spat.

"Like I said, busy. Anyway, wouldn't want to be responsible for everyone in the world dying."

"Abby said you had to watch. No one said you had to weigh in," Raven snapped.

"Oh, that's me... Always going above and beyond the call of duty." June's hands curled into fists at the deadpan smirk in his voice. "Speaking of, you keep starting with your fuel gauge at seventy-five percent. Maybe that's your problem."

"Pay attention. Ten barrels of hydrazine is all we had left at Arkadia. If there was more, I wouldn't have a problem landing!" Raven retorted. There was a pause. And then a grimace with the curse of, "Oh, damn it!" That had June's attention.

She started to stand as Murphy asked if she was okay. June pressed on the piece in her ear. "Raven, what's going on?" She started to cross the lit floors. "I'm coming in-"

"No! No. I'm fine, June. And shut up, Murphy," Raven insisted. June paused her footing. She didn't want to overstep Raven's boundaries. What was she supposed to do when the one she loved most was refusing any care?

"Should we wake the doc?" Murphy wondered out loud.

"It's your call, Raven," June decided.

Her frustrated voice filled their ears. "No. No, I'm good. Let's run it again." June slowly wandered back to her chair, easing herself into the white cushion, and opening the screen again back to the simulation so she could see Raven's rates and codes as she pulled them up.

Murphy scoffed and went back to flicking the remote control. "Sure. Twenty-eighth time's the charm, right?"

June's headache was no match for the one Raven was probably carrying, but hers was named John Murphy, so that's up for debate. She started banging her forehead on the edge of her desk as the numbers flew by. Raven was growing more frustrated by the hour, and Murphy was the biggest problem of them all. He wouldn't let up.

"What's banging your head gonna help?" He spoke up to her in a scoff.

June impatiently glared at him, uncurling her fingers and lifting her head again. "Maybe it'll put me in a coma and I won't have to listen to you again," she snapped coldly.

She couldn't help it. When Murphy turned around to catch June's eyes, she had to look away in repulsion. Every time she saw him... She felt her wrists chained to a pole and a gag in her mouth so tight it made it difficult to breathe. She saw the barrel of a gun pointed at her forehead. She felt helpless to save a friend hanging by a noose. June saw pure hatred every time that Murphy saw her or... Or Wells. Just thinking of his name made her swallow a lump and blink furiously. The grief felt like anger right now because of Murphy.

"Oh, spare me," Murphy huffed. He threw aside the remote and stormed straight for June's desk, placing both of his hands over the top. She jerked away before he could come any closer. "We've been here for days, and that's the most you've talked to me all this time. I thought we were even after you decked me," he pointed out.

A bitter laugh passed June's lips. "You call that even? You held me hostage and tried to kill two of my best friends. Then shot Raven. Oh, and you have yet to even apologize for any of that, but sure. Okay. We're cool now, I guess," she spat with sarcasm dripping in her tone.

"You still think you're better than me? When, yet again, we're here. In the same place. All over again." Murphy challenged. June didn't answer. She tried to ignore him, but he droned on anyway. Murphy sighed. "No need to hold a grudge, Thompson. We're all gonna die anyway."

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Raven barked at them both to shut up after that, so they did. June went back to her work in silence as Murphy went to bouncing a ball off the walls boredly. An alarm went off in the corner of the screen some time later that warned her it was time to check on Luna since Abby was getting some rest. She quietly reassured Raven she'd be right back, but the mechanic dismissed her with an annoyed wave of her hand. June tried not to take that too personally. She knew Raven was under a lot of stress, depending on her brain and the barrels that Clarke and Bellamy were delivering to the island with Azgeda. It didn't make the anxious feeling in June's gut disappear, though.

The Nightblood was fast asleep on the couch they had prepped for her. Luna's curly hair was plastered over her shut eyes like a drape, one arm stuck over the cushion at an odd angle for the drip needle stuck in it to keep her comfortable and hydrated while they were taking her blood. June softly knocked at the glass door to alert Luna she was there, not wishing to scare her out of her peaceful slumber.

"Sorry for waking you. I'm just here to check your vitals," June apologized to her. Luna nodded. Whether or not she appreciated it, June couldn't tell, but she did her job anyway. Luna was quiet the entire time, moving when June asked her to, and watching her with her wide hazel eyes. June folded the blood pressure strap away after recording everything for Abby's notes. "Are you feeling okay? Any tiredness or feeling faint?" She questioned, pen poised.

Luna shook her head. June checked no for each box, prepared to ask another question, but she was beaten to the punch. "Thank you, June."

June couldn't help but her heart warmed at how Luna remembered her name. They haven't really had a chance to speak, but to make an impact on someone's life was important to her. Sometimes it felt like it was all she lived for.

"I'm just doing my job," she reassured her.

"Your job," Luna repeated. She tilted her head curiously. "I suppose most of you had jobs while here. Back at my rig..." June's smile slipped when she saw the faraway look appear in Luna's eyes. She knew exactly what she was thinking of, and even though it wasn't her fault, her heart hurt for her anyway. "Things were different. Very different. So, I thank you for what you've done."

June didn't really know what to say. She was touched. No one has ever really thanked her for everything she's done, mostly because no one wanted to be thanked for killing people. But that wasn't what Luna was truly doing. She merely stared at June with a sense of respect.

"Thank you," June corrected, a gentle hand on her arm. "If this is ever too much to you... Please don't be afraid to tell me, at least, and I'll talk to Abby. What you're doing is brave. No one should be forced to give blood."

This time, it was June with a faraway look as memories piled on top of her. Horrible ones from Mount Weather. How a doctor listened to her scream in pain as they took her bone marrow. They strapped her down, stuck a long needle into her bone, and all the while she was awake. She would know better than most what it was like to be forced to give blood.

Fortunately, a scream from below snapped June out of it. She shot up at the familiarity of it. Raven. June didn't expect Luna to follow her, but she was gone, flying out of the room and down the stairs, surveying the scene. Murphy had a throbbing mark on his jaw, and Raven was screaming, "I hate you! I hate you! I HATE YOU!" While hitting him repeatedly with her fists. She was frantic, furious, with an insane look in her brown eyes. June hated that it was her first impression, but she couldn't help it. Raven had never broken like this before.

June hoped she would be enough when she reached out to grasp Raven's arms, hoping to yank her away from Murphy, whispering the girl's name, "Raven-" When she suddenly cried out and her head sprang back from one of Raven's elbows that flew backwards, smashing directly into her nose.

She got the message loud and clear and backed down. June's ears rang with Raven's screams, and she stumbled, dizzy, as her hand shakily reached up to cup her throbbing nose that started gushing blood. June could barely hear through the clogging of her ears that Luna stepped in this time, yelling Raven's name, and having better luck than she did in dragging her away. Raven didn't stop screaming at her to get off, flailing her arms and legs to reach Murphy, as Luna dragged her into a sitting position.

June wiped her nose with the sleeve of her jacket, wincing when it stung, watching as Luna calmed Raven in a way she couldn't. She still released a frustrated scream between gritted teeth, but Luna hushed her, soothing in a soft voice, "Shh. Breathe... Breathe."

"Should I go get Abby?" Murphy asked, glancing at June's bloody nose.

"No," June said firmly, but it sounded gurgled. Her mouth and nose were full of blood. She didn't need Murphy running to Abby like a scared kid for her.

"Listen to my voice, Raven," Luna ordered. "Breathe in..." She inhaled deeply, Raven following her, before exhaling, "... And out." Luna pressed her cheek on Raven's head. "Ai giv ai op... "

Raven took another deep and shaky breath. "Ai giv ai op..."

"Gon nemiyon..."

"Gon nemiyon..."

"Kom lanik de..."

"Kom lanik de..."

It was like Luna was hypnotizing her. Whatever she was doing, it was working. A tear rolled down Raven's cheek, but she was calm. She sniffled and curled into herself while Luna gently rubbed her upper back. "I know the darkness. It's okay," she eased.

"Raven?" June finally found the courage to speak. Luna's use of Trigdeslang even made her calmer. She crouched to be at Raven's eye level, where the girl could finally see the blood streaming from her nostrils. "Raven, are you okay-"

"June," Raven whispered. She shed another few tears of shame. "June, your nose- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

June shook her head. She already forgave her. "Don't. I'm okay." She offered her a hand and helped her stand on wobbling knees.

There's a heavy beat of silence as Raven and Murphy just glare at one another, coming back to Earth from the beating she gave him. Finally, Raven nodded and says, "Let's go again." Her ponytail swung as she spun away and stormed toward the rocket again, climbing the short ladder and yanking open the door. She was back to work in a matter of seconds.

June was wiping her nose again, head tilted as Luna spoke up. "She'll be alright," she reassured the pair. "Will you?"

Truthfully, June didn't know how to answer that, bloody nose from Raven's elbow aside. Hell, even Murphy took a beating, and there was no telling if it would happen again in the next hour. But Luna seemed so sure. And besides that, at least she knew how to calm her down now. But before June could muster up an answer, Murphy spoke for her.

"The darkness can kiss my worthless ass." His lip pulled into a nasty sneer as he ripped the piece out of his ear and pitched it at Luna, the small microphone bouncing into her rag-covered lap. "Congratulations. You're the new Raven-sitter." June huffed at his words as Murphy stormed away, kicking the robotic car he had been messing with for good measure. It bounced off the wall in a few pieces.

June ignored his frustration to grab a first-aid kit off the wall. She took a few minutes to clean up her nose, gently checking with her own fingers to ensure it wasn't shattered into pieces. Luckily, Raven didn't hit her that hard. A bit of blood and she'd be just fine.

"Murphy," June called out as Luna fiddled with the earpiece uncertainly. "How's your face? Any worse than before?"

Murphy flipped her off over his shoulder.

June's blood pressure skyrocketed, and she snatched an activating ice pack from the container, clutching it as she stormed to Murphy. She shoved it into his chest so he had no choice but to hold it. "Put it on your bruise for no more than twenty minutes. And get out of my face," June snapped. Shockingly, Murphy complied. He was gone, slamming an office door behind him.

At the interaction, Luna sighed. She rose to her feet and squeezed June's shoulder. "Let me speak to him. You let your anger for him cloud your heart," she reminded the girl. June didn't bother telling the pacifist about everything Murphy's done to her. At this point, it wouldn't matter. And she may hate to admit it... But Luna could have a point.

It felt like June's rage toward Murphy was all she had left. But it was a blanket for grief. Wells' death wasn't his fault, it was just his knife that killed him. What did she blame him for? She hated to admit it, but shooting Raven was an accident. He was aiming for Octavia, not that it made it any better. And even worse, what would June have done if the camp tried to kill her? Would she have avenged those who did her wrong?

Probably. Because she's done worse things than Murphy.

As if she had been struck in the chest with a sudden blow, June gasped, stumbling on her feet. Her hand shot out to catch herself on a railing. Her head fell forward as she heaved rapid breaths, her chest rising and falling. June squeezed her eyes shut before any tears escaped.

Panic attack, June's mind screamed at her, you're having a panic attack. Get it together, it's okay, you're okay, you can't fall apart now-

June's eyes rapidly darted from every corner of the room. She tried to think of the skills Abby taught her a long time ago, but she couldn't clear her racing mind. She sobbed out loud and picked her head up weakly with a few more fast gasps for air that pushed out of her aching chest. June rubbed the swift pulsing of her chest.

You can fall apart for a moment, another voice whispered, but only for a moment.

June's heart was racing even as she tried to calm herself. It felt like the walls were closing in on her. June thought of those she loved and lost, just like she used to. She started listing them, adding more than she had last time.

Allison Thompson. Hunter Thompson. Wells Jaha. June's face twisted in pain, but she tried to focus.

Finn Collins. Maya Vie. Vincent Vie. Mount Weather. Gina Martin. Farm Station. Lincoln kom Trikru. Jacapo Sinclair. Nyko.

It was working. The walls stopped becoming smaller, and it was becoming easier to breathe again. June went over the list again and again. Seeing their faces was helping. June muffled a cry again and picked herself up.

A frustrated sigh comes from the rocket. June took another few deep breaths. She flicked her earpiece on and uttered, "Let's run it again, Raven."

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It didn't take long for Luna's meditation to stop taking an effect on Raven. She had nudged June aside to take over typing away at the computers, changing possible ways to land the rocket, to no success. Raven's eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance, and June longed to reach over and smooth out the wrinkles on her forehead with her thumb from focusing so hard, but she held back. She probably wouldn't help much in doing so.

"I've strained the air brakes. I've adjusted the grid fins. I reversed the thrusters." Raven slammed her fists on the keyboard. "Damn it, what am I missing?!"

Luna began, "Wichen gon nemiyon-"

Only for Raven to snap at her, "Okay, meditating isn't gonna help me land this stupid ship!"

"No, but it might keep your brain from blowing up," Murphy drawled as he left the office, bouncing down the stairs.

June rolled her eyes as Raven voiced her thoughts. "Great. He's back." She groaned, her head falling into her hands as she muttered incoherently.

June couldn't begin to start to picture what was going through her head. It probably hurt so bad, considering she just had a seizure. She came up behind the girl and gently rested her hands over her shoulders. Voicing not to push herself or suggesting she took a break would do absolutely nothing other than upset Raven all over again - humanity was resting on her shoulders, and June knew the feeling all too well. "If you need to ai giv ai op again, that's fine. But take a few deep breaths. No one can solve this but you. Not Becca. You," she encouraged.

Raven didn't turn around, but she slowly nodded. "To land this ship in one piece, calculating the re-entry trajectory has to be perfect, deploying the thrusters has to be perfect, the burn rate has to be perfect," she mumbled.

"Perfect?" Murphy scoffed. "Maybe perfect is your problem."

"Not the time, Murphy," June scolded, but he went on anyway.

"Come on, June. Perfect sucks. Who cares about perfect as long as you and Abby walk away with the magic potion, right?" Murphy pointed out.

"A controlled crash is still a crash," Raven argued.

Something seemed to hit Luna as she straightened her shoulders and slid off the countertop she was sitting upon. Her features brightened as she suggested. "Swim away!"

The tension between the four started to shift. June could feel Raven's tense muscles relax under her palms as she stared at Luna, astonished. A water landing, they could do. "A controlled crash into the water. Luna, that's brilliant!" She exclaimed.

"Sorry - Luna?" Murphy huffed. Luna shot him a glare.

"Yes, Luna. Thank you," June insisted. "Does it hurt hearing a grounder is smarter than you? Because a cockroach is too." She pulled away from Raven, who started typing like mad so she could slug his shoulder. He pouted and rubbed it like a little kid.

Another annoyed groan came from Raven. "Damn it. The computer won't let me execute a controlled crash!"

"So screw the computer, Raven. Fly it yourself!" Murphy exclaimed.

It pained June to even think it, but she nodded. She agreed with Murphy. "He's right, Raven. You're smarter than the thing," she added.

They seemed to finally get through to her. Raven typed again, whispering, "Switching to manual." She stood and turned to press a kiss to June's cheek. "Thank you." Before limping toward the rocket before June could return it. However, she suddenly stopped before reaching the ladder, turning to face Murphy. "Murphy... Thanks."

An understanding between them, June could live with. Finally, Raven had hope.

Hope that was crushed just as fast when Luna announced, confused, "June? Your... Thing is speaking."

"My what?" June followed to where Luna stood and saw that her belt with her walkie attached had the speaker muffled. "Oh, my walkie! It's probably Clarke!" She couldn't wait; Clarke and Bellamy should be here any time. They were probably just letting her know they were close. June unclipped her walkie and turned the knob so the volume was louder, holding the button, and speaking into it, "Clarke? Is that you? Raven's working on a water-controlled crash, we should have it figured out soon-"

"June, June," Clarke's voice on the other end was desperate. June's finger hesitantly lifted off the button. She felt dread swirl in her gut. "Yeah. It's me." She hesitated as if finding the courage to continue speaking. "We lost a barrel. The Nightblood idea won't work. I'm sorry..."

The world somehow seemed smaller at the news, like how it felt like the room was becoming smaller when June was having a panic attack. She squeezed her eyes shut. No, she wouldn't have another one right now, especially in front of Murphy. "Okay... Okay, Clarke. Just tell me you and Bellamy are okay?" She asked softly.

"We're fine. I'll be there soon with Roan, but Bellamy's heading back."

June released a breath. "Okay. We'll see you soon, Clarke. Over." She flicked the walkie off.

When Raven emerged from the rocket this time, it wasn't with fists flying and angry screams. It's with a smile. June knew they were seconds away from crushing her joy, and she couldn't bear it.

"We're good! Took every last drop of fuel, but I did it!" Raven cheered as she climbed down the ladder. "I can put her down in the water just off shore. We can survive!" She finally stopped, reading the tension in the room, and the apologetic frowns on their faces. "What's wrong?"

Murphy took over when June couldn't. "Clarke just radioed. They lost a barrel."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," Murphy whispered apologetically.

Pain filled Raven's expression. June pressed her lips together. She reached out to brush her hand with a soft whisper of her name, but mental pain wasn't the only thing Raven had felt. She yanked away to touch her forehead with a grimace.

"Raven?" Luna urged.

"You okay?" Murphy followed it with.

Raven said nothing. She clutched her head and cried aloud as June reached for her, pleading, "No, not again, please-" A second too late.

A violent lurch with a splutter, and Raven fell to the side, crumbling against June, who caught her. Her head snapped up to bark at Murphy to get Abby, but he was already on it, running up the stairs while screaming for the Doctor.

Raven's eyes rolled to the back of her head while a vein protruded from her forehead. Her body jerked forcefully as June rolled her on her side, sobbing the girl's name. Foam spilled from the corner of her mouth. "Raven, Raven," is the only thing June can cry as she cradled Raven's head.

The room felt smaller than last time. June's panic returned, but this time, a terrified scream ripped from her throat as Luna tried to soothe her. "It's okay, she'll be okay-" June fell against Luna's chest as Abby came barreling to them, taking over. Her head fell back with another loud sob.

She didn't believe it any more than Luna did.

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author's note:

4k words and whew i made it

june and murphy finally meeting a middle ground, their relationship is super complex which is why i love it. and my baby having a panic attack alone because she's starting to break under all the pressure on her 🥺

also im forever bitter sea mechanic didn't become canon or at the very least luna didn't live bc she deserved better. i got intense fruity vibes with these scenes i was writing.

hoping i'll finish act 4 this year! if i can keep up on these updates. thanks for coming back to read ❤️

- koda