────────────────────

↬ DAYS PASSED AND ALL YOU COULD DO WAS THINK ABOUT EREN, he was the only person that occupied your mind. no matter how hard you tried to forget, he just never seem to leave— even after you were the one who didn't want him to remember.

parts of you were surrounded with so much regret, so much desire for him to remember without effort, yet the other parts of you felt like this was for the best. the best for him.

you don't want him risking his life just to be with you, he doesn't deserve to go through that. he's such a sweet man, a man who anyone could fall in love with. he'll find someone— someone new, someone who isn't stuck in an arranged toxic marriage.

but you would put your life through hell just so that eren could live in a better one.

all of his love, affection, his attraction for you, is now gone anyway.

you both were going your separate ways now. he was leaving to new york and possibly never coming back unless for family reasons. and you were going to be remained forgotten for the rest of his life.

it was a few days after your discharge from the hospital, a week or so since the whole incident. you didn't know, you lost track. but you still remember the event, it repeats over and over in your mind until you're drowned into it, unable to reach back to the top and away from it.

you just knew that you weren't going to forget eren for a very long time.

it was the day of your engagement party. everyone already knew you and reiner were going to be married, yet an engagement party full of close family friends and relatives didn't seem to be such a terrible idea either.

you had to be the perfect family, at least— be viewed as one.

you were in your room, feeling even more isolated as sets of gorgeous dressed picked by reiner were displayed in front of you. no matter how expensive or lavish these clothings were, you felt absolutely disgusted and you didn't want to wear any of them.

you had dismissed the maids that were supposed to aid you on dressing into one of the garments, leaving you alone in the room to tend to yourself, but you wanted to be alone most of the time.

nothing seemed to cheer you up— not even your favorite food, your favorite activity, absolutely nothing motivated you to smile.

just then, you heard a gentle knock on the door. you assumed it was your mother and faintly allowed her in as you seated yourself on the bed. you watched as the door slid open and in the doorway, stood reiner.

"oh," was all you mustered out as you turned away, hiding the scowl that now plasters on your face. you didn't utter anything else as reiner enters the room and shuts the door behind him.

"you haven't picked out any of the dresses yet," reiner remarks as he notices the dresses all laid out. you didn't respond either and reiner only rolls his eyes. "i don't have time for you and your bratty attitude, choose a dress or i'll choose one for you."

"maybe you should've thought of that before you decided to let me pick," you finally reply, still not facing reiner but you could tell he was beginning to become irritated.

you heard footsteps coming near you and you felt reiner's hand grasping your cheek, and he forces you to face him with a force. "fine then, i'll pick for you," he scowls and without pulling away, he raises a random dress.

"you'll wear this one," reiner says, finally pulling away and tossing you the dress. "get dressed and be ready in 20 minutes. we don't want to be late to our engagement party," he finishes, giving you one last look and leaves as you didn't answer once again.

after reiner leaves and closes the door behind him, you dropped the dress onto the ground. you started to cry, merely out of anger but you reminded yourself that there was no need to weep over such things. you needed to be strong, no matter how much it hurts.

you cleared your tears and told the maids you would get ready on your own as you wanted to remain independent.

you were saddened to know that jean, sasha, and connie were unable to attend your engagement party. reiner never specifically said they weren't allowed to you, but he could've told them that they weren't.

after you finished preparing yourself for the engagement party, you were escorted outside to your limousine where reiner was waiting. your parents were already there at the party, waiting to announce the soon to be newly wed couple. well, most likely your father and reiner's parents.

no one knew the true reason of the incident that had happened— that you planned to ran away with someone else and carried their child. your father and reiner only announced it as a accident from when you were coming home with your friends and it was easily believed.

you weren't allowed to speak of the truth to anyone who didn't know the real reason and you stupidly obeyed to their demands. there was no use anyway.

once you stepped inside of the vehicle, you didn't once look at reiner and he didn't really say anything about it, he could care less. and throughout the entire ride it remained silent as the sound of the road and muffled traffic only resonated your ears.

you gazed out of the window from your side, peering towards the sky now turning twilight. it was so beautiful and it immediately reminds you of the wonderful nights you've spent with eren.

you decide to cherish them for as long as you live because you may never get to experience something like that ever again after you are wedded to reiner. you didn't want to weep again, so you forced the tears back.

finally, the driver of the limousine parks in front a large and delicate building. guards opened the door to your side and you stepped out first with reiner following after.

the blonde stands beside of you, gesturing for you to place your hand on his arm as you both would be lead inside to where everyone was waiting.

you linked your arm with his arm just like he gestured and you both began walking inside. it still maintained silence with no sort of glances. but once you stepped through those doors, you two have to act like a couple.

you both were now entering inside, being greeted by many of the other guests. everyone consoled you for the time of your accident and prayed you to get well to which you gratitude, and you had to force a smile for them.

no one notices your strange attitude, though the guests acknowledged the faded injuries and bruises on your body from the accident. some were even questioning reiner on why he decided to arrange the engagement party when you should be resting, to which he dismisses frantically.

reiner soon parts his way from you as he gets situated in some other conversations, which left you alone.

you ventured the entire sight of the place, hoping to find something that would boost your boredom. you didn't necessarily want to speak to anyone, but you missed the company of your dear friends.

"y/n!" you hear a familiar sweet voice call to you from behind and you felt your heart skip several beats as you recognized the voice.

you turn around, seeing sasha running up to you with tears in her eyes. jean and connie were following behind her, delighted to have finally found you.

sasha came into your embrace, wrapping her arms around you softly as she remembers about your injuries and hold you close before the two boys join the hug.

it's been several days since you've seen them, but during those days it felt longer. but you were glad to see them, yet surprised on how they even were allowed to attend to this party.

"you- you look so exhausted, why didn't you just stay home?" sasha questions with a frown as she holds your face with both of her hands, seeing the fatigue expression settled on you.

"i can't," you reply as you nod your head side to side. "this is an important event for both mine's and reiner's families."

"he's so inconsiderate. does he not care for your health?" jean scoffs in disbelief as his eyes are scanning across the room in search of him.

"it's fine. i'm fine," you reassure, tapping jean's shoulder. "but anyway— how did you guys get invited? i expected reiner to not allow you guys here."

"we aren't. but our families are close, so we had to be invited too," connie answers and you had forgotten of that fact, but you nodded your head.

it went silent between you four as no one knew what to speak of. the only topics they could think of was of eren— and what he has been doing for the past days but they weren't sure if you wanted to hear it, so they stayed silent.

eren knew about the engagement party but his family wasn't invited, so he continued to focus on his trip to new york.

the three decided it was best for you to rest, so they found a vacant table for you to sit down in. they stayed by your side while other guests continued to greet and chat with you. your friends made sure it wasn't too much of a talk as it can worn you out but you swore to them you were just as fine.

did they believe it? not exactly. but they tried to remain poise of their apprehension.

your families were going to make an announcement of you two shortly soon, congratulating you two on your engagement and such. you weren't looking forward to it, having to show off a forced smile once again and pretend you were thrilled.

from the corner of your eyes, you feel a presence of someone closely watching you. and you turn to face that direction, meeting gazes with a familiar blue eyes— historia.

she was dressed in her own pretty dress, her blonde hair was tied into a neat bun at the back, and she seemed to be holding an aggravated manner.

you haven't seen or spoken to her for a while, she never came to visit you when you were in the hospital too. when she sees you make eye contact with her, you were surprised when she suddenly glares and turns away.

now, what was her problem?

you rolled your eyes and turned away next, feeling confused merely overall. but then it struck you— she knew about everything. you and eren, your secret romance affair, your pregnancy, the accident. reiner was such a dedicated friend to her that whatever he told her, made her angry at you.

even jean and connie noticed historia's gloomy aura from across the room. they didn't like it either.

"hey! you can't take all of that!" you hear someone shout and you turn to see sasha stacking piles of snacks onto her plate while a guard orders for her to seize her actions, yet she doesn't.

"shut up, you little roach!" is what sasha only responds back before retreating back to you and the group.

"sasha, i told you not to cause a scene if you don't want to get kicked out," jean lightly scolds as the brunette returns to her seat next to you. sasha shrugs and without replying, she places the plate of snacks in front of you.

"eat up, y/n! you need your energy if you want to get better," sasha says in a enthusiastic manner, possibly trying to encourage you to snack on the foods and she grabs one, opening the wrapper herself before handing the snack to you.

you thank her and took her words into consideration as you took the snack into your own possession and began eating it.

you wondered where ymir was, she came earlier with her parents but you hadn't seen her around, even your friends didn't know where she was. so you figured she was too busy with other people as she was one of the popular cousins.

but ymir shortly emerged through the crowd, as she had been searching for you. upon seeing you, she smiles and starts approaching towards you.

"y/n!" ymir calls, earning your attention.

"ymir!" you respond as you and your group of friends watch the brunette walk over to you.

"sorry for not looking for you earlier, i was with historia and some other people," ymir implies as she scratches the back of her neck and you just nod, but jean steps in quite irritated.

"no worries, ymir, i'm just glad i got to see you," you say, finally with a small genuine smile to which everyone notices. before anything, you stand up. "i'm gonna use the restroom real quick."

"i'll come with you if-" sasha starts but you shake your head indicating you didn't need any company.

with that, the group watches as you squeeze through the crowd to get to the restroom. jean sighs before turning to ymir.

"does a girl matter more than your ill cousin?!" jean questions as his brows furrowed and ymir scoffs at his words, turning around to look at him.

"excuse me? i care about y/n too, okay? i also have other family and friends here that i need to greet," ymir says, rolling her eyes as she crosses her arms. "you guys should feel lucky for at least being allowed in here. if it wasn't for your families being close, you guys would probably never see y/n again."

"y/n is going through a very tough time, i understand. but we can't do anything about it anymore. we have to move on," ymir adds with a frown and jean went silent as he lowers his gaze. "she loves eren and she probably will for the rest of her life. but he's gone now and we can't do anything for them anymore."

"so we're just gonna let her marry someone who doesn't treat her right?!" connie raises a brow.

"i told you guys we can't do anything about it. we never could've in the first place," ymir answers with a sigh.

"what's up with historia, anyway? she's acting weird," jean then questions, changing the subject.

"don't know. she wouldn't tell me so i just left it, don't want to get into businesses i shouldn't get myself involved in, you know?" ymir answers with a shrug.

and they all turn towards historia's direction, but they noticed she wasn't in her spot before. she must've gone somewhere, but they paid that no mind and returned to short chatter.

-

you didn't know how long you've been in the restroom, but you knew it's been a while. you've been staring at your reflection for quite some time, not exactly using the toilet or anything.

it was until you heard the door to the bathroom open. before looking in the mirror to check who it was, you thought it would be sasha who had come to search for you. but it wasn't.

it was historia and you both made eye contact as you turn around.

"his—" you start but the blonde completely ignores you by walking into a stall and shutting the door, interrupting your sentence.

you recoiled slightly from the intrusion and rolled your eyes. you had no idea what her matter was, but what ever it was, it was bothering you.

you remained in your exact position until historia finishes using the bathroom. she exits the stall without giving you one glance and washes her hands quick before drying them and beginning to walk out.

but you stopped her immediately by calling out to her. "historia, wait. please."

and she stops right in front of the door, it took a moment but she turns around to meet your gaze again.

"what?" she questions, with a sharp attitude that was quickly making you aggravated.

"if i did something wrong to you, i would want you to tell me," you start, beginning to slowly approach her before coming to a halt. seeing her expression, you just knew that she knew it all. "you found out the real truth, didn't you?"

historia went silent as her eyes avert towards another direction. "i only happened to overhear it," she answers finally before returning her gaze on you. "you had an affair with eren."

now you were the one who became silent and the only response historia received from you was a nod.

"why.. why would you cheat on reiner?!" historia snaps the question, now releasing the burning anger that had risen. "he's so- so good to you, you're getting married! and yet you're cheating on him with someone else?"

you gasp, your brows furrowing as you stepped closer to the blonde. you raise your arm and swing a slap to her face, causing her to stumble to the ground.

"are you dense, historia?!" you shouted, your body slightly trembling and historia holds her cheek, appalled with your actions and glances up at you, confused. "you don't understand anything. reiner was never good to me, not after we got engaged. he treated me in a way no one should ever be treated and yet, i put up to it. he was so busy with you— trying to get your attention and treated you like you were his fiancée."

"then i met eren. someone who truly cared about me, someone who made me feel absolutely loved. and i loved him, i still do. but i lost him," you finish as your arm drops back to your side.

before historia could respond, the door to the bathroom swung open and there once again, stood reiner. he looked furious, not at historia of course, but at you. it wasn't surprising and you prepared for whatever was coming at you.

by now, almost everyone in the party had surrounded the bathroom and watched as reiner stomped over to you. he slaps you across the face and the crowd gasp.

"you stupid woman, what the hell do you think you're doing?" reiner snarls as he grabs your wrist, tugging you out of the bathroom as ymir and other people come to historia's aid.

you and ymir make eye contact and you could see the confusion and anger in her eyes, but now you didn't care.

as you and reiner step out of the bathroom, jean comes to your rescue by latching his hand onto reiner's hand that was gripped around yours. you two turn to jean, who was glaring directly at reiner.

"let go of her, man. we'll take y/n back home and you can go save your sweet little angel over there," jean says, his glare growing more intense as his grip around reiner tightened. "and if you so dare land a hand on y/n like that again, i won't hesitate to do anything to you."

reiner didn't say anything as he releases his grip from your wrist and scoffs. he returns to historia, leaving you alone with jean and were soon accompanied by sasha and connie.

your three friends were able to escort you outside to one of their limousines and drive you back home. you didn't care about the commotion you caused but you were glad you were able to get out of there.

you prepared for the upcoming huge lecture that your father and reiner might spit at you, and possibly another slap to the face.

you wondered what it would be like now if eren hadn't lost his memories. if you both had safely made it to new york with no problems like this.

placing a hand on your belly, your eyes began to swell with hot tears once again. you wondered how it would be like if his child that you carried was still alive and safely growing inside you. you both would've been able to start a little family.

it agonized you to think about. as many emotions surfaced inside your body, you happened to pass out due to an amount of stress.

-

hi i rewrote this chapter as this was one of the deleted chaps from months ago. i changed a lot of stuff, but overall i sincerely apologize for fixing this chapter late