## 𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝

:)) i get a lil mopy and sad so it's best if you skip. this feels like the only place i can vent rn so

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i'm tired of living, it's such a handful. i don't want to be here, i don't want to be anywhere. i have barely made it pass a decade in life and i'm already craving for an end.

for the past 2 years, i had gotten little to no rest due to my parents telling me to be the best in class, pass my entrance exams, get good grades, etc., and it's so tiring. and despite going to so much review classes, i still can't be the best. why couldn't i be like my bestfriend?

i took saturday classes, summer classes, review classes, and it went on and on. this obviously made my anxiety hit a new level because what if i still couldn't pass the exams despite going through so much? even just by walking into that classroom made me so anxious that i just couldn't breathe. my lungs practically gave up on me. (i went back to that review class again and it doesn't really scare me as much as it used to. perhaps, it excites me now. kind of amusing to see how drastic the changes are.)

my point is that i had so many things piled up on me that it was hard to do anything. my parents had expected me to pass the exams due to the immense training i put up with and the fact that my older sister passed the exam and goes to the school.

another thing that just upset me is graduations getting cancelled because i had worked my ass off trying to maintain my good grades for a stupid title and i can't ever use. it upsets me because i've had days where the only thing i could think of was 'what if someone passes me in the honor roll?' 'what if i don't get the title?' what if— the list never ends. i had to put up with so much and i never got a SINGLE DAY to celebrate that with my friends and instead i cried because i know they're all going to different schools and that i'll never see them again and now i just sound pathetic.

yes, i did pass the exams. yes, i did get the title, but what for? my anxiety will only get worse and worse. it's such a suffocating feeling when you're fed up. i don't ever wanna be like this again. 🙃

𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲, 𝗿𝗶𝗵.