◤ chapter nineteen: ❛ pull of
purgatory ❜ ◢

✧

THE MELODIES SWAM IN HIS HEAD. Not a musically inclined man, not one who relied on the hum of songs to get through his head. A man untrained in its art, no notes memorized from band, but a man with melodies dancing around. Loud and unrelenting. More songs learned, the enthralling ones, where sailors would lay down their lives to hear just one note more.

         He ran on the treadmill, headphones covering his ears, lost to the world. He hummed, and hummed and hummed. It meant nothing, an unconscious action of music that left his mouth as he focused on his breathing and the miles racking up.

         A quiet voice, only for him to hear, growing a bit louder until it surpassed a whisper but below an inside speaking voice. An ear turned towards him from a stranger. An ear, than another, until faces turned towards him.

         The hum – the melody – the beautiful voice of a man who never sang before. A song that could crash ships now witnessed by them, the lucky few. Movement stopped, entranced by the voice. Unconscious but powerful.

         Moving along with the beat of his headphones, fast paced to slower ballads, humming along with the effort of breathing. Simple.

         Miles surpassed, an hour gone, and he stopped off. Humming along as he packed up his things, leaving without a care for those left behind, clawing to follow and hear more.

✧

         THE MCCALL HOUSEHOLD didn't know how to be quiet. Constant footsteps creaking on the wood, music faintly heard through the walls, breathing of another in the room, clicking of plates being put away. Noise. Blinding, irritating, lovely noise that invaded Cooper's eardrums at every second.

         Scott laughed softly at his complaints, insisting that it wasn't as bad as he claimed, that even with his wolf hearing he couldn't pick up as much as Cooper. It caused him to frown, he wasn't being dramatic, he was being honest.

         This house – filled with warm-toned furniture and walls, blankets thrown carelessly over the couch, clutter on the counter, and noise – wasn't like the Whittemore house of Wesleyan Drive. No, Cooper was used to silence. The eerie kind that others would be irked by but he had grown accustomed to. He was used to seeing no sign of life until he got upstairs to his own room, where he had an unmade bed and clothes thrown around that he should pick up.

         But downstairs, in the living areas, there was nothing. Sometimes a pile of mail, maybe an apple – but nothing. Rarely anything. And yet, here, there was everything. Constant movement, constant life. It was as endearing as irritating.

         Cooper decidedly liked the weight of Scott on top of him. The wolf was broader, stronger, and had a sturdiness to him that crushed his chest, leaving him gasping for air that he didn't get with Scott's lips attached to him. Yet, he didn't have any complaints. It was grounding, warm, and incredibly attractive.

         Scott groaned, tugging his lips away, leaving Cooper to whine. "I can't," Scott sighed, rolling off of him.

         "Um, what?" Cooper raised an eyebrow, "I kinda had the impression that you could."

         The wolf blushed but looked away. "I can hear Isaac."

         "And?"

         "He can hear us."

         "Ah," Cooper nodded, groaning in frustration. Right, it wasn't a one wolf household. "I told you we should've gone to my house."

         "You were already over for dinner."

         "And? I could've left and you could've tastefully snuck out and met me. It wouldn't be the first time."

         "My mom would kill me," Scott disagreed, ears turning pink at the reminders that he had climbed through Cooper's window at night.

         "Fine. No sex tonight," Cooper sighed, reveling in the disappointment and finality.

         "Thank you!" Isaac's voice rang through the walls.

         Cooper glared at the direction at which it came. "Fuck you, dude," he called back, but softer, knowing that Isaac would pick it up anyway. By Scott's laugh, he guessed that Isaac didn't appreciate it, making him smirk.

         He laid down for another minute before standing up, tugging his shirt back on. Scott whined and Cooper raised an eyebrow. "Dude, you can't complain."

         "But I like you shirtless."

         "And I like not having Isaac hear us make-out," he snarked back, "We don't always get what we want."

         "Will you at least stay the night?"

         "As if your mom would let me drive this late at night," Cooper snorted. Melissa McCall was a scary, protective woman, and he knew there was no chance in hell she would let him go back home at one in the morning, "Yeah, I'm staying the night."

         Scott smiled softly. "Good." Softened, Cooper leaned down to give him a kiss.

         The wolf chuckled and Cooper raised an eyebrow. "Isaac says he doesn't like hearing us kiss," Scott explained.

         "Well, when a man and a man really like each other," Cooper teasingly started and Scott shoved him away with a loud laugh that he felt compelled to join in on.

         "He really didn't like that."

         "I really don't care what Isaac thinks."

         "I can tell," Scott traded him another kiss that Cooper hummed happily into.

         "Boys, door!" Melissa pounded and Cooper broke away with another groan.

         "On it!" he jumped up, opening the door to reveal Melissa McCall standing on the other side with an unimpressed look on her face and crossed arms.

         "You know the rules."

         "Sorry," he sheepishly apologized, "Door will stay open forever. I'll never close another door again."

         She raised him an unimpressed look but her lips betrayed her by quirking upwards. "Sorry, mom," Scott added belatedly, stretching off the bed.

         "Don't let me catch it closed again."

         "Yes, mom."

         "Yes, Ms. McCall."

         Melissa raised a finger between the two of them, a silent warning, before walking off. Isaac's laugh rang through the walls. "Oh, shut it, Isaac!" Cooper complained, which only spurred the beta on.

         Scott, with pink raising to his cheeks, muttered, "I'm gonna take a shower. You can take the bathroom downstairs, towels are under the sink."

         "I would, but I didn't bring any extra clothes."

         "You can borrow mine."

         "Sold," Cooper grinned, giving Scott one last kiss before leaving the room, bobbing down the stairs to the bathroom. He hummed to himself in the shower, letting the hell water rain upon him as he lathered his body in soap. Not wanting to take too long, he rushed through the processes before getting out.

         Steam filled the room. He toweled himself off before wrapping it around his waist and heading back upstairs, quietly this time as to not alert Melissa McCall. He really didn't need his boyfriend's mom to see him dressed solely in a towel.

         Leaving the door with a small crack, he went through drawers until he found himself something to sleep in. Laying back down on Scott's bed, he waited for his boyfriend to get out of the shower. Scrolling through his phone, he huffed when ten minutes passed and Scott still wasn't back. God, how long did it take to shower?

         He went to the bathroom upstairs, knocking softly on the door. "Scott, you almost done in there?"

         Silence.

         He knocked again. Still nothing. He turned the knob, door creaking upon as he crept inside. There was Scott; out of the shower, wrapped in a towel, staring at himself in the mirror. Steam was erasing where his hand wiped to find his eyes.

         "Scott?"

         It was like he wasn't even there. Like Scott's mind and body separated, leaving an unresponsive shell. Not the first time this had happened, but it was becoming too frequent. He reached out to shake his shoulders.

         Scott's eyes snapped shut then open again, soul returning to his body. "Cooper?"

         "Yeah, I'm here. You good?"

         "Just got lost in thought," Scott nodded.

         Cooper raised an eyebrow. "Are you sure? It's not the first time you've done this since –"

         "I'm fine. Just got caught up thinking about lacrosse," Scott cut him off, a smile slithering onto his face that didn't feel right.

         Scott squeezed his hand, leaving the bathroom and Cooper behind. He waited for a moment before following his boyfriend back to his bedroom, texting Lydia that it happened again before cuddling up next to the warm wolf. Worry grew inside him, but it was clear Scott didn't want to think about it.

         So he wouldn't push, not yet.

         Tomorrow, though. Tomorrow.

✧

         BAGS REMAINED DORMANT under Stiles' eyes, the way it had been since Deucalion. Allison had the same restlessness as Scott, twitchy and irritated, masked with a smile the way Scott would mask with a kiss. Cooper leaned against his locker, arms crossed with his eyes trained on the three, head nodding towards Lydia.

         "He woke up screaming last night," he muttered.

         Lydia pursed her lips. "Allison's told me about some of the nightmares she's been having. And, I mean, look at Stiles."

         "None of them look good. Well, I mean, Scott looks good but that's his natural state, but he looks tired."

         "Cooper, I'm really going to need you to cool it," Lydia glared at him. He just shrugged. "Do you think...?"

         "What else could it be? If it's nightmares about Deucalion or Jennifer, I think we all would be having them, but it's just...it's just them. And they did...you know."

         "Die," Lydia confirmed, steadfast with the word, "They died."

         "So we should probably talk to them, right?"

         "Yep," she nodded, not hesitating before beginning to do so. Cooper clambered to follow.

         As they got closer, he could hear the some of their conversation. You don't look alright, Scott. The same things he had been stating, the same things Scott had ignored. I'm okay, the alpha shook his head, dismissive as always like he couldn't smell the worry permeating off of everyone.

         "No, you're not," Stiles disagreed, "It's happening to you, too – you're seeing things, aren't you?"

         Scott blinked, taken aback. "How did you know?"

         "Because it's happening to all three of you," Lydia looked between them, and it felt like the dam breaking – no longer allowing them to hide, face away from their problems.

         Scott's eyes shot to Cooper's, but he couldn't help but just look away. He had a reason to be concerned, and he had a right to express his concern to their friends.

         "Well, well, well...look who's no longer the crazy one," Lydia gloated, brimming with glee.

         "We're not crazy!" Allison defended herself.

         "Hallucinating? Sleep paralysis? Yeah, you guys are fine," Lydia sarcastically relayed their symptoms.

         "We did die and come back to life...that's gotta have some side effects, right?" Scott reminded them, not that Cooper needed the reminder. Those came in his dreams, the ticking minutes of watching their bodies sink in the cold water, time passing yet again without them breathing.

         Scott squeezed Cooper's hand.

         "We keep an eye on each other, okay? And Lydia? Stop enjoying this so much," Stiles told everyone.

         They all nodded, heading off to their classes. Cooper went with Lydia after giving Scott a final wink. About halfway to their class, he could hear his name being called out, so he turned around as Penelope began to approach.

         "Hi, Cooper. Hi, Lydia," she gave a general wave to the strawberry blonde.

         "Hey, Penny," Cooper smiled.

         "I was wondering if you're gonna come over after school?" the girl looked bashful, "Mom's been asking about you."

         Cooper sucked in a breath. "Sorry, I brought Scott to school today, so I kinda gotta drop him off back home after school."

         "That's okay. You can still come over for dinner."

         Lydia raised an eyebrow. Cooper pointedly didn't look at her. "Yeah, I'll, um, tell Julia I'll be over."

         Penelope brightened significantly. "Great! Mom already said we're having lasagna."

         She walked off and Lydia turned to be fully in front of Cooper. "Dinner?"

         "It's not like that," Cooper shook his head, "Julia – her mom – is another siren. She's kinda like my mentor. And sometimes she lets me stay for dinner."

         "Okay, sure, but Penny? That girl? She definitely has a crush on you."

         "She'll get over it."

         "Doesn't mean she doesn't have one."

         "Well, if you haven't noticed, I'm not particularly attracted to her, and I never will be, so I think it's fine."

         "Does Scott think it's fine?"

         "Scott doesn't really know Julia and Penelope."

         "Oh, Penelope? But you call her Penny for short?"

         "It's a nickname. Likes Lyds, which I call you, my platonic friend and also ex-girlfriend of my brother," Cooper shot back.

         Lydia chuckled, biting her lip softly as her head shook. "Funny, funny guy."

         "Thank you, I know I'm hilarious," Cooper rolled his eyes, "And, for the record, Scott definitely knows she has a crush me. You clocked in the first five seconds of meeting her. And he doesn't care, it's not exactly like it's going to go anywhere."

         Lydia smiled. "I know, I just like making fun of you."

         Cooper watched her walk for a second with a glare in his eyes before shaking it off and catching up.

✧

         PURGATORY STILL HAD a strong hold on the three. Lydia called him in distress after Allison hallucinated and almost put an arrow in her head, the only thing stopping Allison being Isaac who showed up at exactly the right second. Stiles kept going in and out, scribbling to himself in class and thinking he was sleeping, and Scott kept losing control over his wolf.

         Undeniable, and worryingly so. Julia possessed no knowledge that helped, not that Cooper really thought she would. While she was an expert of sirens, she lacked that same intelligence about other supernatural creatures or matters of life and death.

         "Okay, so – what happens to a person who has a near-death experience and comes out of it seeing things?" Scott questioned.

         "And is unable to tell what's real or not?" Stiles tacked on.

         "And is being haunted by demonic visions of dead relatives?"

         "They're all locked up because they're insane," Isaac's eyes flickered between the three.

         Stiles rolled his eyes. "Ha. Can you at least try to be helpful, please?"

         "For half my childhood, I was locked in a freezer...so, being helpful is kind of a new thing for me."

         "Hey, dude, are you still milking that?" Stiles scoffed.

         "Yeah, maybe I am still milking that!"

         "To be fair, I think he has the right to keep milking it," Cooper raised his hand, shrugging when Stiles glared at him.

         "Hi..." all heads snapped when a new voice joined the conversation. Cooper raised an eyebrow when he saw a girl he didn't know, who looked increasingly small under the weight of their eyes. "Hi, sorry – I couldn't help but overhear what you guys were talking about...and, I think I actually might know what you're talking about...there's a Tibetan word for it – it's called 'bardo'. It really means 'in-between state'. The state between life and death."

         "And what do you they call you?" Lydia leered.

         The girl pulled back. "Kira," Scott said for her, going on with, "She's in our history class."

         Lydia hummed, turning back to Kira. "So, are you talking Bardo in Tibetan, Buddhism, or Indian?"

         Kira shrugged. "Either, I guess. But, all the stuff you guys were just saying? All that happens in Bardo. There are different progressive states where you can have hallucinations. Some you see, some you just hear. And you can be visited by peaceful or wrathful deities."

         "Wrathful deities? And what are you those?" Isaac questioned.

         "Like...demons."

         "Demons. Why not?" Stiles huffed.

         Allison held out her hand. "Hold on – if there are different progressive states, then what's the last one?"

         "Death. You die."

✧

         COOPER LOOKED AT Deaton with a skeptic eye. He knew that Scott trusted his boss whole-heartedly, but now as Cooper looked around the animal clinic and the doctor, all he could think about was the last time he was there. All he could think about was pushing Scott into the water, drowning him and waiting for him to wake up when that wasn't a guarantee. All he could think about was Deaton who suggested it, who watched it all play out.

         But there weren't exactly a lot of options when looking for answers about Bardo. Not a lot of options when asking about anything supernatural. Julia had experience as a siren and gave council when Cooper asked generally about things, but she didn't study creatures the way Deaton did. Deaton, as much as he resented the man, was a knowledge house.

         "It sounds like your subconscious is trying to communicate with you," Deaton diagnosed when Stiles was done explaining his visions. Nightmare upon nightmare of symbols, dreaming while awake, screaming while sleeping.

         "Well, how do I tell my subconscious to use a language that I actually know?" Stiles asked.

         "Maybe ask kindly?" Cooper cheekily offered, which got him a glare from Stiles.

         "Do you remember what the sign language looked like? The placement and movement of the hands?"

         Scott raised an eyebrow. "You know sign language?"

         "I know a little," Deaton shrugged, "Let me give it a shot."

         "Okay, the first one was like this..." he moved his hands to show the symbols, "Then..."

         "That's 'when'."

         "Then, there was this, twice..."

         "That's 'door'."

         "And this in between it."

         "That's it?"

         "When is a door not a door?" Deaton finished translating.

         "When is a door not a door?" Stiles repeated, confusion spreading across his face.

         "When it's ajar," Scott and Cooper finished at the same time.

         Stiles scoffed. "You're kidding me. A riddle? My subconscious wants to tell me a riddle?"

         "Not necessarily," Deaton shook his head, "When the three of you went under the water, when you crossed from consciousness to a kind of superconsciousness? You essentially opened a door in your minds."

         "So, what does that mean? The door's still open?"

         "Ajar," Deaton corrected.

         "A door into our minds?"

         "I did tell you it was risky."

         "What do we do about it?"

         "Well, that's difficult to answer –"

         "Oh, no! Wait a second, I know that look – that's the 'we know exactly what's wrong with you, but we have no idea how to fix it' look!" Stiles cut him off.

         Deaton sucked in a breath. "One thing I do know is that having an opening like that into your mind? It's not good. You each need to close that the door, and you need to do it as soon as possible."

         Stiles continued to go off on Deaton. Cooper pulled himself away from the group, looking out back to the woods. He felt a hand on his lower back, the steady weight of Scott to ground him.

         "When we did that, to find the Nemeton, I really wasn't thinking about the consequences."

         "I know. Not like you had the time, either."

         "I don't know what to do," Scott confessed, "I don't know how to close it."

         Cooper took his hand. "We'll find a way. We always do. You're smart enough to figure it out, and you're strong enough to do it, and you've got everyone in your corner for the rest. I'm right here."

         "Change of tune for a guy who said he didn't have a lot of faith," Scott teased lightly, though it fell flat.

         "Well, the last time I believed in you, it worked out, so I'm willing to do it again," Cooper told him seriously. "You're not alone, I won't let you be."

         "Thanks," Scott whispered, leaning in for a kiss which Cooper gladly gave him.

         The world worried him, Bardo worried him, this ajar door worried him, but he didn't have to be scared with Scott by his side.

         When Stiles eventually calmed down, they walked out of the animal clinic, only to find the sheriff's car outside waiting for them.

         "Dad, what are you doing here?" Stiles asked.

         "I'm here because I could use some help," he answered before looking at Scott, "Actually...your help."

         "Why me?"

         "Because eight years ago, almost an entire family died in a car accident. One of the bodies, a young girl named Malia, was never found. There's enough evidence to have me thinking that a werewolf could have caused the accident and dragged her body away. If you could somehow get a lock on her scent, if you could somehow help me find her body, it might provide the missing clue..."

         "But what if it was a werewolf?"

         "Well, there's somebody out there that murdered an entire family – someone who still needs to be caught," the sheriff answered.

         "Okay," Scott answered before looking over at Cooper with hesitation.

         "You guys go ahead," he said easily, "I have some homework to do anyway, so go catch a murderer, or whatever."

         "I'll call you later," Scott promised.

         "I'll be waiting."

         He watched them drive off together before getting into his own car. Julia's words from last night swarmed in his head. Sirens are not beings of death, but they are attracted to it. He shook them off. Driving home with music blaring, all the thoughts and worries left his head. For once, he was Cooper the human, not a siren or a rare beauty, but a human leaving bodies lusting after him.

authors note
and so part 2 begins!! 3b is my favorite teen wolf season so i'm super excited for this!! also thank my professor for cancelling class this morning bc that's the only reason i got the second half of this chapter done and ready to go