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𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐘-𝐎𝐍-𝐏𝐔𝐑𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐄
chapter five ─ (bad luck)
comes in threes

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PREVIOUSLY, HEIDI HADN'T BELIEVED IN MIRACLES. Belief was a beauty thing, but unfortunately it was just that ─ no deity existed solely to perform favours for down-on-their-luck witches. However, divine intervention soon became the only explanation.

Roger's anti-Heidi campaign had lasted for a glorious hour of rampant biphobia, before the news of mass-murderer Sirius Black's sighting in Dufftown took priority. (How on earth had Heidi missed that?) The subsequent rearranging of Roger's facial bones, however, garnered much more attention, bringing Heidi school-wide notoriety ─ Heidi had never received as many high-fives as she had that week. Most notably, a large part of this attention came from a host of seventh-year students, ostensibly led by Oliver and Tess Robbins. They were constantly ready and waiting to hex a homophobe, should Heidi require it.

Nonetheless, it was not to last; as they say, the good and the bad go hand in hand. Heidi had naïvely assumed that the worst was over, and she could simply sit back and enjoy the good. Merlin; that was a mistake she would never make again.

The Defence Against the Dark Arts theory test in front of her sent her once joyful mood plummeting, the 'D' for Dreadful twisting in her stomach. A glance to her right made the snake in her stomach form knots; Lydia's 'E' for Exceeds Expectations had been achieved through less studying than Heidi's own mark. It turned out that the burning motivation from punching Roger had only pushed her so far.

"That test was bloody hard," Alicia said with a grin. "Pulled through pretty good, if I say so myself! Which I do, of course." She turned her paper around, and a mock round of applause erupted from the twins and Lee at the sight of her 'A'.

"How did you do?" The worst part of being Lydia Hildrey's best friend was the blind hope ─ she genuinely wanted to see Heidi succeed, consistently rooted for her regardless of the constant disappointments.

"Got a D." Heidi forced her lips into a smile, braving the pity she was sure to receive.

"Oh, Heids, I'm sorry," Lydia said, shaking her head sympathetically. "We could go over your notes later, see where you messed up?"

Heidi nodded, swallowing through the lump in her throat. "Sounds great," she croaked. She was abruptly aware of how close she was to tears.

She was saved from further interrogation by the bell, booming across the school. The students of Hogwarts had, thank Merlin, survived another Monday. Within the din of relieved students, Heidi almost didn't hear Professor Lupin calling for her.

"Ooh, someone's in trouble," George said, jostling her elbow slightly.

"Get lost, you," Heidi retorted, her already sour mood dampened further.

"What did you do, cheat on the test? Did you fail?" Fred tossed his arm over Heidi's shoulders.

George mirrored him, and Heidi found herself surrounded. "If you did, it's really no bother. Can't have done worse than me and Freddie here, can you?"

"Someone's got to be the dunces, and I think it's more than generous of us to volunteer." Fred preened a little, before breaking away in unison with George. Somehow, Heidi felt marginally better.

"If being a dunce means I'm associated with you, I want out," she joked. It occurred to her that for once, there was no real malice in her insult.

Professor Lupin leant against his desk as she approached. "Miss Wood," he said. "How do you feel about your mark?"

Heidi bit her lip. "I did try, Professor."

He smiled gently. "I know you did. But you get good marks in other classes ─"

"I get average marks," Heidi interrupted.

"You get good marks, especially in Transfiguration. What makes DADA different? Do you know why you're struggling?"

"No," Heidi said quietly.

"You're not the only student struggling," Lupin said. "At the risk of my teaching being the reason, I can give you the name of a tutor. Do you think that would help?"

"Sure," Heidi said. "And it's not your teaching, Sir ─ we spent last year with a narcissist and the year before with a shrinking violet with Voldemort on his bald patch."

"See?" Lupin grinned. "You could think of a reason, after all." He handed her a slip of paper ─ a letter. "Give this to Alita Byrnes. She's in seventh year, and I think you will improve substantially in her care."

So that was that ─ Heidi needed tutoring. Just after proclaiming to the whole school that she would she Roger 'how fucking smart' she was. What an absolute joke.

Thankfully, Alita Byrnes turned out to be as understanding as her brother had sworn to Heidi she would be. "I won't breathe a word of it," she promised, her eyes twinkling as she folded Lupin's letter into her pocket.

"Thanks, Byrnes," Heidi said.

"For the record; punching Davies? Legendary."

"Good afternoon, ladies," another voice said, and a boy Heidi vaguely recognised sat beside her. "How's it going?"

"It was going wonderfully, but then you came along," Alita said. "This is Heidi Wood. Heidi, this is Nate Squire."

"You're Wood's little sister, right? You punched Roger Davies?" He held up his fist.

"Yes and yes," Heidi said, bumping her own fist into his.

"Couple of my girlfriend's friends were there." His brow furrowed. "I think they might be responsible for telling half the school."

"Lockaby's friends and your co-captain," Alita said. "You always forget that part."

"You're dating Dria Lockaby?" Heidi asked. At his nod, she intentionally kept her voice as light as she could. "How long have you been dating?"

"Since summer," Nate said with a grin.

Uh-oh.

"I should go," Heidi said, desperate for a way out. "I've got an essay for McGonagall in tomorrow."

"See you soon!" Alita waved at Heidi's retreating back.

***

"Weasley, your armadillo is on my desk." Heidi spoke through gritted teeth; she was at her wit's end with the boy next to her.

"He has a mind of his own, Wood. I can't control him." George turned, grinning.

"He shouldn't have a mind of his own. He shouldn't have any mind at all! Surely, he should be a pillow by now."

Thank Merlin for Transfiguration ─ the only subject Heidi could just about wrap her head around. She laid her head down on her newly transfigured pillow, staring up at George. He caught her gaze and crossed his eyes, poking his tongue out. Heidi laughed, poking his armadillo's nose.

George furrowed his eyebrows, staring down at his armadillo. "I've named him Oliver," he said. "After our esteemed quidditch caption, may he bring us to victory."

"I'm sure he'll appreciate that."

"I've named him Oliver," George said, still staring down, "because I think he's here to stay. Oliver will never, ever be a pillow."

"You're not far off," Heidi said, lifting her head off her desk. "He's squishier than he used to be. You just need to, y'know," she mimed the wand moment, "swish it more. You're too stiff."

"Doesn't matter either way," George said, imitating Heidi. Oliver the Armadillo suddenly looked a lot more pillow-like. "I'm failing this class. Not really what I want to do."

"What do you want to do?" Heidi asked, waiting until McGonagall had looked away to transfigure his armadillo for him. George's head immediately thumped down onto the pillow, turning to stare up at Heidi. Through a sudden thickness in her throat, it occurred to her how attractive George Weasley really was.

"Start a joke shop," George mumbled. "With Fred."

"You'd be good at that."

"You're good at this," he said, gesturing to Oliver the Pillow. "Transfiguration. Is that what you're going to do?"

"I want to be a lawyer. Maybe join the Wizengamot one day."

"You'd be good at that too. 'S just arguing, innit? You're plenty good at that."

"Oi!" Heidi giggled. "It's a bit more than that. Don't think I'm smart enough, though."

George sat up straight, staring her in the eyes. "You're plenty smart."

"Sure." Heidi scoffed. "That's why I fucked that Defence test."

"Can't let one test bring you down. You're the best in the year at Transfiguration, and you always answer Flitwick's questions in Charms."

"You noticed that?"

George snorted. "Hard not to. You're insanely loud."

Heidi gaped, but couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled. "You're one to talk! Pot calling the kettle black here, I think!"

"Never said it was a bad thing!" George smiled, leaning back in his chair and running a hand through his hair. "You know, Wood, you're not half bad. When you aren't screaming at me about your cat, that is. It's not my fault Gap-skin likes me better."

"His name is Gaposchkin, and he does not like you better." Heidi flicked his shoulder lightly. "You're not half bad either. When you're not constantly pranking people, that is."

"About that." George's grin grew broader, if possible. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"What did you do?" Heidi's eyes widened in alarm. "Weasley, what did you do?"

"Excuse me, class," McGonagall said from the front. Heidi whipped her head around, staring with wide eyes at the amphibian in her hand. "Has someone lost a frog?"

And all hell broke loose.

Later on, both Fred and George would swear up and down that they had never meant for it to happen. That in all their meticulous planning, the idea that the frog might break free and somehow make it to the back of the classroom, pulling one of numerous exploding dungeons with it had never occurred to them. They had never considered, even for a moment, that the frog and its dungbomb entourage might find its way under Heidi's chair. Not once had they stopped to contemplate the potential injuries their fun and games might cause; the potential injuries one could acquire after a dungbomb exploded beneath one's chair.

That week, it seemed as if bad luck was chasing Heidi with a flaming pitchfork.

"Give it to me straight, Doc," Heidi sighed from her bed in the hospital wing. "Will I walk again? Are the crown jewels safe?"

"Yes and yes," Dria said, shaking her head at Heidi's antics. "You'll be right as rain in a day, less if you shut up and drink your potion. Although I should probably prescribe you with a lifelong Weasley twin detox."

"Can I get it in writing? Use it as proof in my restraining order against them?"

McGonagall had been furious. Gryffindor had lost one hundred points, and the Weasley twins were in detention until Christmas.

Two days after the catastrophic events of Tuesday afternoon, Heidi was surprised to find herself summoned to McGonagall's office. She was even more surprised (and more than a little displeased) to see George Weasley waiting outside her door.

"What're you doing here?" Heidi asked. George straightened up at the sound of her voice, gripping the strap of his bag tighter.

"Waiting for McGonagall." He paused. "Wood, I am so sorry about Tuesday."

"Just so you know, I take back every nice thing I ever said about you," Heidi said, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes. The Exploding Chair Incident had left her with a concussion, and she still had a significant headache.

"Okay, I deserve that."

"Why'd you do it, anyway? The whole prank."

George shrugged. "Sometimes, a kerfuffle is necessary."

Heidi snorted. "I wouldn't call that a kerfuffle. I would call it unbridled shenanigans, or maybe even a tragedy."

McGonagall poked her head around the door. "Weasley, Wood. In you come."

Once situated in her office, Heidi was given a gluten-free oatmeal and raisin biscuit. George was given nothing, a testament to McGonagall's rage.

"I wouldn't have called you both here if I wasn't at my wits' end. Weasley, you have consistently failed every test I have set you. How you have managed to make it to O.W.L. level Transfiguration is, frankly, beyond me."

"Dumb luck, Professor."

"Miss Wood, you excel at Transfiguration."

Heidi was suddenly, chillingly, reminded of something Lydia had said last year, just before she was left paralysed in the hospital wing by a killer snake; bad luck always comes in threes.

"I wouldn't ask you if I wasn't desperate, and future employers would find it admirable."

Oh, Merlin. No, no, no.

"I thought it would prove effective if I assigned you as Weasley's tutor."

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 ─
if you caught the simple minds
reference in the first paragraph,
i love you.

much love to -wildkats and
oscarisaacss as per! without my
gals, this chapter would have
been published next year maybe?

lovefool girls 🤝 tutoring.