┍━━━━ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ━━━━┑
let me know
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Heaving in a breath I jolt up in bed as I've done some times by now. I catch my breath, feeling like I just woke up from a nightmare. My body is soaked in cold sweat but my forehead is burning hot. My cheeks are warm, stains of dry tears painted on them. 

I feel nauseous.

Just like the first time.

I frantically search my bed — my own bed — for my phone, my hands roaming around the wet sheets. Grabbing the square I swallow thickly, afraid to find out what year I'm in.

This feeling in my chest tells me I'm back in 2019, but what if Taehyung somehow managed to keep me in the past again?
I screw my eyes shut, feeling the sting in the corner of my eyes as my thoughts land on his pained expression when he finally told me the truth.

My mind wanders further, trying to figure out what happened after I left them — did Yoongi find out? Was he a part of it as well?

"What did you do, Tae?" Yoongi's eyes was cold as he sent a glare in his direction.

Taehyung kept searching the room in panic, looking under the bed, in the closet, in the bathtub — hoping, praying that you were in there somewhere. Even though he knew otherwise.

"What did you do!" Yoongi raised his voice walking to the pacing man in front of him and grabbed him by his shoulders. As they finally gained eye contact, Yoongi saw all the remorse and pain in Taehyung's features, watched as his eyes filled with tears, ready to spill any minute.

Blowing out air between my lips, trying to calm myself down I sit down on the floor, the phone still in my hand.

As I'm about to press the button, showcasing my faith once again a sudden creaking in my wooden floor makes me turn around in surprise.

"Jia do you know where my turquoise sweater is? I can't seem to find—"

I cut off my sister as I jump in her embrace, draping my shaky arms around her neck, hugging her tight.

"Subi—" I whisper as I keep squeezing her, burying my face in her hair that smells like green apple.

"What's wrong, sis?" She steps back and cup my face with her warm hands, drying away the falling tears with her thumbs gently.

I smile at her fondly, before noticing my phone light up on the ground. I dart my gaze to it, before watching the letters come in view through my blurry vision.  

April 2019

I breathe out, my mouth agape as I finally realize that I'm back.

I'm back.

I look at Subi once again, her brows furrowed as she looks at me concerned.

"Nothing is wrong. I missed you, that's all." I say before grabbing her shoulders and lean into her body once again, the warmth from her wrapping around me like a warm, fuzzy blanket.

"Yoongi I'm sorry—"

"Shut the fuck up! You're not sorry!" Yoongi's eyes was dark and glossy at the same time as he grabbed the collar of Taehyungs shirt and shoved him up against the wall, sending a jolt through Taehyungs body.

"It's all your fault! Don't you think I've seen the way you look at her?!" Yoongi yelled at the trembling male against him, tears running down his cheeks.

"I know you're in love with her. And that's what makes it so much harder, because I love you Taehyung— you're my brother. But even though you're in love with her as well, you saw how I was around her. You saw how I changed for the better because of her," Yoongi's bottom lip trembled as his painful stare pierced through Taehyung, the words he spoke making him lose his breath. Yoongi loosened the hold on Taehyung's collar and kept his stance in front of him.

"And even though you saw that, felt how happy I was, how much I fucking love her — you still chose to ruin that between us. I can't believe you, I never thought you would hurt me like this. She's gone and it's all your fault." Yoongi finished, his voice low and fragile.

"What's going on in here?" Jin came rushing inside the room, stopping up as he saw the two crying males, now sat on the floor in silence. His eyes roamed around the room, his brows furrowed as he blinked a few times.

"Where's Jia?"

"You're such a weirdo." Subi chuckles before ruffling my hair, running her fingers through the thick strands of hair.
I grab her wrist playfully and twist it, making her squirm in pain.

"Yah, you punk! Let go!" She laughs out loud and I swear the warmth in my chest is unlike anything I've ever felt before.

Almost.

Clenching my jaw at the thought of the boys and how I didn't get to say goodbye to them sends a shot of pain through my heart.

"Why aren't you plastered in front of the television, though?" Subi raise her eyebrows at me, crossing her arms. I furrow my brows at her, looking at her questionably.
She opens her mouth in shock, running to the TV and grab my remote.

"I swear I'm not a fan, but ever since our concert a few years ago—"

Concert? So that really happened?

"Which concert?" I ask, rolling my lips together.

"Again. Fucking weirdo. The BTS concert you dumbo!"

I swallow, biting down on my bottom lip as a chill runs down my spine. The past has changed ever since I went back — and even Subi's memories have changed.

"Whatever, their comeback is today! Boy With Luv is being aired in like 2 minutes? On the American SNL?" Subi finds the right channel and I freeze on the spot as the screen displays the seven boys, looking somehow all the more grown — I've seen them like this before, but it's like a whole new view I have on them.

Gliding my eyes across the screen, the seven men are dressed in suits with different shirts, the familiar tune of the song blaring out from the television, making my eyes sting again with tears as I silently watch next to Subi.

Jimin's hair is a pretty bright pink color, his suit all black paired with his black CHANEL necklace.

Jungkook has a white shirt with a colorful tie around his neck, his black hair parted in the middle.

Hobi struts across the stage in his black suit, wearing a beige turtleneck with white sneakers.

I spot Jin in the back with a colorful collar inside of a black shirt and also Namjoon, whose shirt is filled with flower-prints, his ice-blond hair in contrast to the black shirt.

And then the blue-haired boy comes on screen, my best friend moving his way back as he playfully looks a the camera, enchanting everyone with his gorgeous looks.

My stomach hurts seeing him and a lump in my throat forms. I close my eyes thinking back on the last thing I told him before I left.

"Why didn't you tell us all of this?" Namjoon tilted his head back in the chair he was placed on beside Jimin.

They were all gathered after a week filled with tense between the members — two specifically.
Finally Taehyung had told all of the boys the truth about Jia. He told about him forcing Jia to stay in the past, how he fell in love with her, how he watched her fall in love with his best friend.

"I don't know. I know I should have." Taehyung said, watching all of the boys stare at him with soft eyes. Even Yoongi.

"You can tell us anything. You know that, Tae. We don't keep secrets." Jungkook spoke, lying on the king-sized bed.

"I'm so sorry." Taehyung licked his lips, nodding apologetically his head at all of them.

"I forgive you. I'm sorry too."

Taehyung's eyes landed on Yoongi who sat in the corner, head in his hands as he spoke.

"I'm sorry for blaming you for everything, Tae. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. It's just— hard not having her here any more ..."

"Don't apologize, hyung. I understand. Jia hates me. She told me herself." Taehyung said, rising himself off of the edge of the bed, his eyes glossy.

Yoongi shifted in his seat, before standing up and walk across the room to the contrite younger one. He opened his arms to which Taehyung tilted his head, contemplating.

Yoongi walked closer before wrapping his arms around him, feeling how a breath of relief left Taehyung's chest as he did so, before telling him the truth.

"She could never hate you."

"Well I guess I'll leave you to go tweet something about your boyfriends! But wow they really are handsome." Subi claps her hands before standing up, making me jolt shaking away my draining thoughts.

"Mom made lunch. We're eating in 10 minutes." She says as she leaves the room.

I'm still sitting on the floor, my phone in my lap. I feel so empty, yet so grateful.

Grateful for the unforgettable experience with the most amazing boys — they've become my second family.

And that's why I feel so empty. I know it will never be the same again.
I will never be able to share squid snacks with Jungkook, browse Saint Laurent's online shop with Jimin, film Jin's EatJin v-lives watching him chuckle at me behind the camera, take long walks in Seoul Forest with Namjoon, rate Hobi's thousands of pictures of Mickey.
Have one of Taehyungs warm hugs, the ones where he lift me slightly off the ground, tickling my side playfully.
Feel Yoongi's hands trail down my cheeks gently, his eyes staring at me with such softness and so much devotion taking in my every feature.

Through my blurry vision I do it. Before I know it I pressed the send button and then I shut off my phone, holding it tight onto my chest, screwing my eyes shut as the tears start to flow again.
I sob silently, my shoulders shaking as I decide that tomorrow I will get a new phone — a new number. Clearing everything.

But how can you forget your past when it is what made you who you are today?

─ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─

_______________
hi guys!
here's a new chapter for you. i hope you liked it. next chapter will be the very last one — so prepare!
what did you think about the switching in times? was it okay or annoying? let me know!
thank you for reading 🥺
— R