cindy berman pt. 2

"I'm so fucking tired."

it was hard to understand what joan had said with her face pressed into kurt's shoulder, muffling her voice.

"it's perfect timing, actually," nick said, holding up the song clipboard. "we're out of songs to sing."

it was true. the rest of the songs had been sung,and it was now one in the morning. the wind whistled through the trees outside and the camp was so quiet, you could hear the crickets chirp by the lake if you listened close enough. over time, everyone had made their way to right in front of the makeshift stage, sitting as a group on the floor.

standing up, tommy stated, "someone needs to stay back to move the tables back."

beside him, cindy smiled, "I can. ziggy snores really loudly, so the longer I can stay out, the better."

nailea smiled at her, letting out an airy laugh.

since their song together, the two hadn't really conversed or had any interaction. when they were giving their mics to the next pair to sing, nailea didn't get the chance to talk to cindy before she scurried back to her spot beside tommy, jumping into his arms.

it stung nailea's heart to see cindy smiling so widely, laughing so hard, but not with her.

nailea had . . . complicated feelings towards cindy.

don't get me wrong, she enjoyed cindy's company and loved having her as friend, but she had complications to the title 'friend'.

when the topic of crushes came up, nailea's stomach would always turn. it's not like she hadn't had a crush before, she's liked a boy sometimes. emphasis on sometimes. as much as she's tried to deny it and pretend it's not there, girls have always been on her mind.

and this summer, it seemed like cindy was on her mind.

coming from a homophobic family, she was taught that it was wrong to feel the way she felt, but it was getting impossible for her to ignore the butterflies that swarmed her stomach everytime cindy flashed her smile at her.

nailea has never been the nervous type of person, but the more time she spent with cindy, the more anxious she became.

anytime she liked a girl, she told herself it was just because they were the kind of the person she wanted to be. if she thought they were pretty, she'd tell herself it was because she wanted to be pretty like them. if she thought they were smart, she'd tell herself it was because she wanted to be smarter like them. if she thought they were cool, she'd tell herself it was because she wanted to be cool like them.

but with cindy, she couldn't tell herself those lies.

it felt real. so real, that nailea couldn't put herself through what she always did when she had a crush.

she decided that she'd just wait out the summer, ignore her feelings, and eventually lose them when school started back up.

ignoring her feelings soon deemed impossible. she even subconsciously begane doing things to try to get closer to cindy, or spend more time with her. deep down she knew what she was doing, but admitting it made it real, so if she didn't, then there wouldn't be a problem.

"i can stay back and help too if you want," nailea spoke up. she didn't even realize what she said until the words came out of her mouth.

cindy glances over at her with raised eyebrows before her lips turn upwards into a smile. "y-yeah, that would be great."

the other counselors exchanged knowing glances. alice wolf whistled before being shushed by arnie.

nailea waved goodnight to everyone else as they left. she turned her head to see tommy hug cindy, give her a quick kiss to the cheek, and leave wit the others.

"so I guess it's just you and me now," nailea mused, quirking her head to the side.

cindy awkwardly fiddled with her hands. "I guess so.

standing up, nailea grabbed one end of a table while cindy grabbed the other end. there was an awkward tension in the room.

"we sounded great tonight," cindy sparked up, smiling at nailea. her heart fluttered.

god, her smile.

they lifted the table and moved it across the room effortlessly. "yeah, we sing really well together."

"yeah."

awkward again.

nailea didn't know what to say as they moved another table. minutes of silence rolled by as one by one, tables were moved back. she knew that she needed to say something, or else her staying back to talk to cindy would have been for nothing, even if she didn't plan on staying back.

"so . . . i heard that you and ziggy are close again," nailea said. cindy lifted her head from staring at the floor. she hadn't expected nailea to say anything else.

"oh! uh, yeah, we are."

"have you been able to spend any time with her this summer?"

shaking her head, cindy sighed, "not really. only during some meals and before bed. joan has me working nine to five this year so i can put 'camp counselor' on my college applications. she's really been on my ass about working hard."

"tell me about it," nailea chuckled, "she gave me a five minute lecture about staying focused when I accidentally dozed off during a science and nature lecture kurt was giving my cabins kids."

"no way."

"honestly, I feel like she only yelled at me because it was kurt. she wouldn't have cared as much about it if she wasn't sleeping with him."

with the ice finally broken, the two talk for what feels like forever. even after all the tables are moved back, they're still so caught up in their conversations that they sit down at a table and keep chatting.

not long after, cindy gained the confidence to lay her head down onto nailea's shoulder, though most of her confidence came from her exhaustion.

she started rambling on about her job last year at the outlet mall that she hated with all her heart.

nailea stared down at her, a million thoughts swarming through her head as she smiles dreamily at cindy.

". . . and then he ripped the shirt right in front of me and expected me to let him get away with it. I was so pissed, I took my icee and poured it over his head," cindy scoffed.

"cindy berman, you evil woman," nailea chuckled.

"he had it coming." cindy laughed. "you won't guess what happened next."

"what happened?"

"he came back a week later, and bought one hundred dollars worth of clothing! he probably recognized me or something because . . . "

as cindy rambled on, nailea felt her heart swoon. she'd never seen cindy this comfortable with her. she loved this side of her.

she loved everything about her.

everything about this moment.

the way cindy's nose crinkled when she smiled, the twinkle in her eyes when she talked about something she was passionate about, the way that whenever she was in a good mood, she let out small laughs.

nailea just couldn't help herself.

"i'm in love with you."

she didn't mean to blurt it out. it came out like word vomit.

cindy stopped talking. her head shot off of nailea's shoulder quicker than light. she stared bug eyed at nailea with her mouth ajar.

she didn't even realize what she said until cindy's bottom lip started quivering, trying to come up with something to say. she slapped a hand over her mouth, mortified. her throat became dry and her breath hitched. her eyes widened as she stared back at a flabbergasted cindy.

she couldn't believe she said it. everything felt real. it was a reality now.

she was in love.

nailea was in love with cindy berman.

her whole life, her family told her that if she liked a girl, that would be one of the greatest sins she could commit. that she would spend eternity in hell.

yet here she was, telling a girl she loves her.

before cindy got the chance to speak, nailea rushed to her feet and bolted out of the cafeteria.

whether it was from sprinting all the way across camp to her cabin or from the incident that just happened, nailea couldn't help but take shuttering breaths. her hands shook as she opened the cabin door and locked it behind her.

no no no this can't be happening. this can't be real. i didn't just say that.

"nailea?" one of her campers whispered, being woken up by her sudden entrance. thankfully, no one else woke up. "what's going on? are you alright?"

nailea turned towards the camper and nodded quickly, swallowing thickly before stuttering a tight lipped, "mhm. go back to bed. i'm fine."

but she was far from it.

i'm back bitches
- happy days <3