I'm sorry, Mimi. I'm sorry I was such a burden to you. I am sorry I couldn't be a better person for you. You deserve so much better. You deserve the world and I can't give you that. I won't chain you down any longer. You don't have to carry this burden on your shoulders anymore. I love you and you are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Your Jungkookie.

Jimin held the crumpled piece of paper close. It was Jungkook's letter to him. More like a suicide note.

Yes, he'd kept it. That was the closest thing he had to Jungkook. That piece of paper that contained Jungkook's writing and his emotions. The piece of paper that reminded Jimin of the fact that Jungkook loved him.

"You're a fool, you know? You were my world and you snatched it away from me. You were my happiness and you took my smile away with you. You were the best person to me. How much more better could you get?"

Taehyung knocked on the door to Jimin's bedroom.

"Lunch is ready," he announced, his throat suddenly tight.

He hated that room. Hated it with every bit of his soul. The memories resurfaced, fresh like it had occurred just hours ago. He saw Jungkook lying lifeless on the floor, pills scattered across the floor. A pool of blood from where he'd slit his wrists.

They'd only gone for a movie. Jungkook hadn't joined them saying he wasn't feeling too well. When Jimin tried to stay back with him, he pushed him away. Asked him to enjoy and assured him he'd be fine.

The fucking liar he was.

When they pushed open the door, what greeted their eyes was the last thing they expected to see. Taehyung had never heard Jimin scream with such raw emotion before. The amount of pain in his voice as Taehyung stood frozen at the door, trying to make sense of everything he saw, trying to convince himself that his eyes were betraying him by playing nasty tricks on him.

Alas, it wasn't a trick.

The harsh reality hit Taehyung at the cemetery, only after they'd buried Jungkook. Jimin hadn't shed a tear till then. After the burial, he'd lost it. His walls came crumbling down and what escaped his throat were heartbroken sobs.

He'd screamed till he'd lost his voice. He'd sobbed till he'd exhausted himself to sleep.

"I don't want to eat," Jimin mumbled, "I'm not hungry."

Taehyung said nothing. He didn't know what to say. What should he?

If he could, he'd enter heaven's gates and pull Jungkook out of there by his ears but he couldn't.

"I want to go to Jungkook," Jimin whispered and Taehyung almost didn't hear it.

Almost.

Sirens went off in Taehyung's head and he knelt before Jimin.

"Show me your arms," he instructed.

"No."

"Show me your arms, Jimin!" Taehyung ordered, sounding more desperate.

"NO," Jimin screamed, angry tears burned his cheeks as they slid down. His hands shook, breathing hard.

Taehyung caught his arm in a strong grip and pulled up the sleeve of his shirt.

"Jimin," Taehyung whispered, eyes glazed with sadness and fear.

"I want Jungkook. I want to go to him!" Jimin yelled.

Taehyung pulled him close and held him tight.

"It hurts," Jimin choked out.

"I've already lost Jungkook. I can't lose you as well, Mimi. This pain. I can't live with it but you ease it. In some way, you just ease it. If you go, I'll lose my mind. I'll lose my sanity."

"You've already lost me anyways. You lost me the day we lost Jungkook. Look at me, Taehyung. I'm not the same man I was when Jungkook was around. Now, I am this broken person that only burdens you each time I relap–"

"You are a blessing. Not a burden. Never a burden. You never were one and never will be. You've been through hell, Jimin. It's okay to feel the way you do. It's okay to not be okay. It's okay to cry and not be all cheerful. It's okay. It's okay to depend on someone else. It's okay to ask for comfort," Taehyung said as he cupped the man's cheeks.

Taehyung rubbed Jimin's back. He could feel the other trembling in his arms.

"Just don't hurt yourself. Don't leave me alone, please. Stay. I'll be here. I'll be here to hold you. I'll be here to assure you that I love you and that I need you here. I'll be here to comfort you and tell you it'll be okay. Even if it isn't okay, that's fine. We'll fight the way we always did and one day, one day we'll meet that asshole and we'll kick him in the balls for making us cry so much."

Jimin chuckled at the end of Taehyung's words but those chuckles turned into sobs and he clutched Taehyung's shirt tight, too afraid to let go, too afraid to be left alone.

Taehyung kissed his forehead and gently rocked them back and forth. They'd be alright. He knew they would. Some days it would be as tough as this day but they'd make it through with scrapes and bruises. 

In one corner of the room, invisible to the two men, stood a doe-eyed man. His teary eyes screamed with guilt and pain as he helplessly watched the two. Guilty for the pain he'd caused them. Guilty for the void he'd left behind. He hated it. He hated every second of it.

He looked down at his wrists. The faint scars were still visible to him. If only he'd fought a little longer, if only he'd screamed and cried some more, if only he'd made a better choice. He sat down beside the two, aware that they wouldn't see nor feel him, and wrapped his arms around them. A hope that someday they'd be together again in a different life and this time, he'd live it right.

– 6 July, 2022 –