ZOEY AKILA bennet !
sugarhill, her crib
featuring; @itszoeyb .

FUNERALS ARE NEVER are never an easy experience to go through, especially when accompanied by the ambiance of a rainy day. but here zoey was. getting ready to attend her mother's funeral, she couldn't help but be struck by the melancholic atmosphere outside. the gray clouds hung low in the sky, releasing a steady drizzle that added to the already heavy weight on her heart.

inside her room, drenched in the soft glow of dimly lit lamps, zoey searched through a small jewelry box. she took out a pair of earrings that her mother had gifted her just a few months prior.

the tears welled up in her eyes as she looked over the intricate design, knowing she wouldn't ever receive something from her mother ever again. it was difficult to comprehend how swiftly someone could be taken away, leaving behind a void that seemed impossible to fill.

the sound of the rain tapping against the windowpane echoed throughout the room made it worse—the world outside appeared to mirror her inner emotions, it made her feel even more tired.

zoey carefully placed the earrings in her ears, shutting  her eyes to stop the tears. she didn't have the strength to do anything today—she doesn't have anything anymore.

she messed up her life and she lost someone's else's.

when zoey finally sucked up all her tears she turned off all her lights before getting up. leaving her room, zoey walked through the dimly lit hallway, the creaking floorboards adding to the quiet ambiance. the sound of her footsteps seemed muffled, as if the house itself mourned her loss.

if all feels messed up, like it's some twisted reality where she's still alive while my own mom isn't. zoey had caught caught a glimpse of my dad sitting on the sofa and it wasn't the best sight to see. that empty space next to him used to be filled with laughter, cozy nights, and endless conversations. now it's just cold and empty, lacking that spark of warmth and love that her mom brought.

her mom was always right there beside him on that very couch; but now she isn't.

everything is out of place, like the puzzle pieces got jumbled and don't fit anymore. it's hard to wrap her head around the fact that my mom isn't here with us, sharing those ordinary moments that used to make the house feel like a home.

it felt like to zoey  that life dealt us the cruelest hand, ripping away the person who meant the most to her. she can't help but question why it had to be this way. why is the world so unfair?

she didn't bother to think about it more—she already felt her eyes tearing up all over again. and she was scolding herself for crying so much, for the lady weeks she had been crying nonstop.

call her a crybaby because that's what she actually is.

zoey's dads head had lifted up to notice zoey was standing right there. the younger girl couldn't find it in herself to look him in the eye.

so she just picked up her flowers and purse off the counter and walked out the front door, no words being told.

as she stepped outside, an overcast sky greeted her with a blanket of gray clouds. the rain continued its relentless descent, casting a veil of mist that blurred the world around her.

the streets wore a deserted appearance, with umbrellas shielding solitary figures as they walked through the watery pathways. the silence was broken only by the intermittent patter of raindrops hitting the soaked ground.

zoey climbed into the car, the droplets on the window acting as a distorted lens through which she viewed the outside world. she waited til her dad came and in the mean time opening her phone.

zoey actually didn't remember the last time she had used her phone if it wasn't for facetiming caleb or looking through old photos. now social media had become useless to her. the girl switched off her dnd to see the flooding in messages.

she watched all of the texts coming in but the most surprising contact she had seen texted her was, dd? and not even just dd, it was notti too.

zoey as honestly scared to open the messages because she had thought all this time they had blocked her—she didn't wanna see whatever they had to say because whatever it was she knew it wasn't good.

plus ddot had told her he never wanted to see her again. but she still thinks that ddot deserves the world even if hers is falling apart.

the only thing that's holding her back is; what if all the others feel the same way?

zoey shakes her head and sets her phone right back in her purse. she loves her fiends, she prays for all of her friends each night that even if she had ruined her life—they still have a amazing one.

zoey's thoughts were abruptly interrupted when the car door swung open, revealing her dad clutching two bouquets of flowers in his hands. he extended one of them towards zoey, a gesture that spoke volumes without uttering a word.

the ride to the cemetery was long and quiet.

the car seamlessly transitioned into a slow journey towards the cemetery, enveloping the atmosphere with a heavy silence. there were no words exchanged, no casual conversations or lighthearted banter to distract from the weight of the moment.

as the car glided along the winding road, the passing scenery seemed to blend into a blur. the rhythm of the raindrops hitting the car's windows provided a gentle backdrop.

the minutes ticked by slowly, each one seemingly stretching on forever. zoey stared out the window, her gaze fixed on the gray sky above, as if searching for solace or meaning in the overcast clouds.

the symphony of raindrops and the muffled sounds of tires skimming wet pavement filled the emptiness, punctuating the passage of time.

thoughts swirled in zoey's mind, memories of her mother flooding back with each passing mile. it was as if the car itself became a vessel for introspection, carrying her through a tapestry of emotions and reflections.

the car eventually came to a halt, signaling their arrival at the venue. the stillness outside mirrored the stillness inside, as if the world was holding its breath in reverence. the rain continued its ethereal descent, as if nature itself paid tribute to the occasion.

zoey and her dad stepped out of the car, the rain kissed their cheeks, mingling with tears as they made their way towards the many people that had already arrived. the silence persisted, broken only by the hushed whispers of condolences and the occasional sighs of grief.

zoey was greeted by a procession of mourners, their dark attire blending with the dreariness of the day. the scent of damp earth mingled with the fragrance of flowers, creating a poignant olfactory backdrop that clung to the air.

zoey hugged everyone and fretted everyone with a small smile on her face that she was forcing herself to keep—the last thing she wanted to do was cry before anything even started.

afterward, zoey made her way into the church, her grip on the bouquet of flowers tightening. with each step, her heart weighed heavy with the knowledge that this was her last chance to say goodbye.

she entered the church, her eyes scanning the pews, seeking the spot her dad had mentioned to her days before. as she navigated through the rows, her gaze landed on some familiar faces—her cousins, including essence.

without wasting a moment, essence ran up to zoey, hugging her tightly. the hug was so thight but it felt so warm at the same time that zoey didn't care—this was the hug that she always gives but never received.

but she was just now receiving it so it doesn't even matter anymore.

the two girls held each other, their tears merging as they found strength in their shared vulnerability. the simple act of being there for one another conveyed more support and understanding than any words ever could.

the church seemed to fade into the background as zoey and essence held on to each other, their presence a source of comfort in the midst of an unimaginable loss. "i love you so mich boo." essence mumbled and it was some shit that almost made zoey cry so much she couldn't anymore.

this shit don't even feel real.

when zoey returned home, a heavy weight settled upon her shoulders. the exhaustion from the day's events mingled with the ache of grief, making it tempting to simply retreat into sleep like she had done so many times before. but this time, she made a conscious decision to face her emotions like a normal person.

changing into her mom's old shirt, the comforting scent of nostalgia enveloped her, following suite to slipping into a pair of oversized sweatpants. nestling into her bed, she surrounded herself with pillows, creating a cocoon of comfort.

in the dimly lit room, zoey's gaze fell upon her phone resting on the nightstand. reluctantly, she picked it up, hesitating before unlocking the screen.

with a deep breath, she began to scroll through her text messages, her heart heavy with anxiety. it was in this vulnerable moment that zoey discovered a troubling reality—there were messages from friends, acquaintances, and even distant relatives, but few had reached out after her mom's passing.

each text she read felt like a stab to her already wounded heart. the silence from those she considered close friends was deafening. showered with condolences during the funeral, but forgotten in the aftermath—such was the harsh reality she was confronted with.

the weight of disappointment and hurt settled within her. questions swirled in her mind. was she was just a lost cause?

she felt like nobody cared about her anymore. after all the times she's been a sweetheart to anybody nothing ever ever comes back to her. and she's not sure if she deserves it anymore.

zoey's heart burned as she faced the painful realization that it seemed like nobody cared about her anymore. the countless times she had extended kindness and happiness to those around her felt like forgotten echoes in the face of her own grief.

the reciprocity she longed for, the love she wanted so bad—it all seemed elusive, leaving her questioning her worthiness of such love and care.

doubt crept in, whispering insidious thoughts that eroded her once unwavering self-esteem. she wondered if she had somehow become undeserving of the love and support she so selflessly bestowed upon others. the weight of unanswered gestures and unmet expectations threatened to shatter her faith in human connection.

zoey found herself questioning her own actions. had she been too selfless, neglecting her own needs and personal life? was she just an afterthought, someone people turned to in times of convenience but easily forgot when the magnitude of her own feelings surfaced?

zoey continued to scroll, seeking solace, seeking connection. and then, amidst the sea of silence, a few messages stood out—but the messages from friends who she had been therefor , who she had always checked up on, who she always loved and care for.

we're nowhere in sight.

and zoey can't even lie it made her heart break just a little more than it already was.

not even jahzara had texted her, and jahzara was always the nicest ones out of any other friends zoey had. but the craziest most thing, is that girls from school she had swiped up on their story had texted her—which didn't only make zoey upset, but it made her bitter.

a girl who she had called pretty once or twice messaged her on instagram, sending a small 'sorry for your lost</3.' and it seemed like they put more effort in being a good person than being petty.

which was soemthing a lot of zoey had noticed her 'friends' are.

now she had just realized, maybe the only thing she was doing wrong was putting the wrong amount of effort into people who obviously don't care. if her 'friends' can go weeks and months without even sending a text—setting aside all the wrong shit she had done and owned up to doing.

maybe they weren't really her friends.

zoey opened one last text seeing dd's text she still haven't responded to. so she would just do it now, then she can sleep her problems away.

DD 🩷.
zo ik all these niggas bein weird and dayroom as
fuck but i hope you kno we still love you .

DD 🩷.
sorry for not texting you sooner, idk how it would come off since
i haven't been texting you at all.
i got your birthday present tho, thank u for the shoes zo 🫶🏽

DD 🩷.
i'm sorry for your lost n i love you 🤞🏽

ZOBANDSSSZZZ 😣💗
love you too & you welcome

setting her phone aside, zoey leaned back against the pillows, allowing herself to feel the weight of her emotions without the veil of distraction. at least somebody tried.

but she was gonna need more than trying.

F SPEAKS 💋

NOTE— well !! say bye to sweetheart zoey for a while guys 💔💔💔💔💔. LMFOAOAOAOA ew. uhm anywaysuhmrrmemrmrmr. sorry for the short chap did a filler, n i might take a break after this so uhrmmmmm. fia loves u 💞💞.