ZOEY AKILA bennet !
sugarhill, her crib
featuring; @itszoeyb .

@itszoeyb

𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝘆 𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗱𝟬𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟮,𝟭𝟬𝟲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀

itszoeyb ♾️🕊️.
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AFTER A WHILE of living life without your mother it feels like your just sick, mentally and physically exhausted of everything. every aspect of zoey's daily routine seemed impossible, as if she had lost all sense of purpose and motivation. basic tasks that used to be second nature now required a large effort.

simple actions like getting out of bed in the morning felt like an impossible feat. it was even difficult to find the strength to face the day—she couldn't bring herself to be happy without her mom.

the world around her seemed gray and lifeless, mirroring the emptiness she felt inside.

the once vibrant and energetic zoey had transformed into a mere shell of her former self. her energy reserves were depleted, and even the smallest exertions left her exhausted. it was as if all the colors had drained from her world, leaving behind only a suffocating darkness that enveloped her existence.

zoey doesn't know the last time she's cracked a smile—laughed or even a small chuckle. she felt like she didn't have a right to because her mother's not here.

the toll on zoey's physical health was equally profound. zoey's appetite had become a casualty of her emotional turmoil. the thought of nourishing her body brought on waves of anxiety and fear.

it had always triggered her but now she can't even look at it.

zoey's weight plummeted as her eating disorder tightened its grip on her fragile psyche. her body became frail and weak from the onslaught of self-imposed deprivation.

every mirror became a harsh reminder of what she's doing to herself, fueling a vicious cycle of insecurity and despair.

but it was not just the absence of her mother's support that plagued zoey's daily struggles. it was the fact that her mom was the only person zoey believed still loved her.

zoey knows her dad loves her just as much but her mom was just, her mom. she can't even bring herself to describe how much she loved her—vice versa.

the weight of grief and the weight of her eating disorder intertwined, creating a suffocating darkness that engulfed zoey's every waking moment. the walls of isolation closed in around her, cutting her off from the world and exacerbating her sense of helplessness.

something zoey had started to realize is that being alone meant she no longer had to worry about annoying others or ruining their lives. the only person she feared she would destroy was herself. the isolation offered a respite from the fear of disappointing those around her, even though it came at the cost of plunging deeper into her own darkness.

now as night cast its shadow, she lay in bed, her face illuminated by the blue glow of her phone screen, her heart heavy with an ache that seemed impossible to ease.

it was the least expected person to talk to her ever even when she knew they had a strange history.

zoey knows she has no business with being on facetime with caleb at 3 in the afternoon but she doesn't really care. she knows all the times she done this for other people but nobody stopped to listen to her, now that she things about it—she was always just there.

zoey doesn't know if she was just to blind to see it but sometimes she was the only one putting effort into something that required two people.

all of her friends has distanced themselves from her and zoey feels like maybe it was better that she's alone now. maybe she doesn't need friends to feel happy, she doesn't need that much people in her life.

but sometimes zoey just wished she had somebody to hold onto when she was the one to do the same—someone to tell her they love her. she just needed her person.

zoey nodded her head to whatever caleb was talking about as she pulls her hair back into the strained bun it was in before laying back into her bed, letting out a tried breath. it was just shit like that made her feel exhausted—she doesn't know why and that's what scares her. maybe she was gonna die, it was the worse idea either tho.

as zoey shifted her head to the other side, her gaze fell upon the nightstand next to her bed, and her eyes locked onto a light pink notebook resting there. the notebook confused her, she couldn't recall when she used it, or what its purpose might be. out of curiosity she picked it up, her fingers gripping the edges gently.

with caleb's voice on the other end of the phone, she mustered a few absent-minded 'mhm's, ensuring he knew she was still there.

when she opened it a pen fell out and the page opened to a letter she had written on the day she succumbed to her relapse.

a mix of emotions washed over zoey as she read her own words, and she still hasn't given this to him. but she wouldn't even know how to give it to ddot—getting close to him was nearly impossible since she doesn't remember the last time she's stepped in a school building.

reading the words, zoey's heart sank—she realized how much she still haven't said. and that she honestly feels like she needs to apologize to everyone. she doesn't know why, doesn't know who—but she knows she has to.

the weight of her guilt weighed heavily upon her, she hadn't realized how much of a bad person she actually she is—at least that's what she think she is.

maybe it was better if she just stayed out of everyone's life, or not? she doesn't even know what to do.

ddot told her he never wanted to see her again but she just wants to talk to him one last time, even if he wants her to never see her.

"where she at ?" notti asked, exaggeratedly shaking the cup of ice in his hand before taking a theatrical sip of nothingness. ddot simply shrugged, his eyes fixed on the screen as he leaned back on the couch.

they were waiting for jahzara to appear since she had insisted on coming over for a urgent reason—ddot doesn't even know why he's out of his house when he she be sleeping, but he's here—half high and half awake anyway.

not even a few seconds later, dd descended the stairs, his brow furrowing as he squinted at his phone screen, genuinely confused. "yo.. have y'all seen zoey's instagram?" he asked.

ddot kissed his teeth at the mention of her name."nigga shut the fuck up," he retorted, his words laced with anger.

but dd couldn't shake the uneasy feeling he had that something was wrong—it was like a gut feeling he felt at the bottom of his stomach, it was like something happened that wasn't a supposed to.

and honestly he's been feeling like this for a while.

concern etched lines upon dd's face as he continued, unfazed by ddot's dismissive reaction. "no, deadass, like you seen this shit?" dd holds up the phone for ddot to see but he doesn't even lift up his head, only notti does.

with a confused expression, notti snatched the phone out of dd's unresponsive hands.

shaking his head constantly, notti locked his gaze on the same photo once again. "nah, ddot, you really need to move past this whole 'she stole my chain' phase. she was deadass so sweet, i love her ass." he mused, uncertain if his words would penetrate ddot's stubborn facade.

in response, the frustration bubbling within ddot erupted, leading him to fling his phone somewhere across the couch without a care. "nigga is you being deadass??" ddot rebutted, directing his condescending tone towards notti, who remained unfazed by the brewing conflict.

dd's attention, however, shifted momentarily to peer over ddot's shoulder, attempting to catch a glimpse of the person he was texting.

a dd's curiosity grew, a mischievous grin tugged at the corners of his lips. "oh shi you was talking to naomi? ain't she got std's?" he taunted, laughing shortly after.

a surge of anger coursed through notti's veins, he doesn't understand why ddot decided to be childish and play dumb while he could just forgive her. even though he didn't know what happened between the both of them privately he just knows for a fact that zoey cried and cried until she couldn't cry anymore.

"nah watch your mouth, nigga," notti mugged his bestfriend. "i ain't saying she wasn't in the wrong—i know she was. but you know if it was her in your shoes she would've forgiven you months ago. and look you have the chain now." he dangled the chain in ddot's neck before ddot shoved it away.

the room fell into awkward silence as the weight of notti's words lingered in the air. tension clung to every surface, a palpable reminder of the fracture within their once unbreakable bond.

notti calmed down—breathing in. "yo you just gotta let your pride down. you know you love that girl." he shrugged.

dd, consumed by his own distractions, absentmindedly scrolled through ddot!s messages with naomi. his words dripped with a bitter venom as he thoughtlessly uttered, "and you gotta let that pussy down because i swear i remember this bitch fucking her cousin."

ddot, visibly irritated, abruptly snatched the phone from dd's grasp. "fuck up." he muttered under his breath before sinking back into the couch.

but in the depths of his brain, ddot couldn't escape the haunting presence of zoey. time may have passed, but the imprint she left on his heart and mind remained marked.

everywhere he turned, he was reminded of her – s song from their playlist, the scent of her perfume, her laugh, her corny jokes—anything he even thought about always drew bsck to her.

and it was really fucking with his mental.

even if ddot tried to act like it didn't bother him, he couldn't escape the echoes of her voice or the weight of her absence. his thoughts wandered to the countless memories they had shared.

so times late at night tears of frustration welled up in his eyes as the weight of his emotions threatened to spill over. deep down, he just wanted someone for himself—zoey was that person but he was scared.

he still is scared.

but if there was one thing he missed the most was her hugs. each embrace, now a distant memory, felt like a precious treasure slipping further away with every passing day.

deep within the process of his mind, a truth fought against the facade of anger and grudges that ddot projected. in his quietest moments, he admitted to himself that he had already forgiven zoey, understanding that not everybody is perfect and people do make mistakes.

but the weight of expectations, self-imposed, kept up a formidable wall, masking the softer, more forgiving side of his heart.

but the bitterness that fermented within him grew more potent with every time ner remembered of what got them in this mess anyway, cultivating a stubborn resistance against fully embracing forgiveness.

it hurt him immensely that she hadn't found it within herself to confront him, to provide even the slightest explanation for her actions. he doesn't know why she can't just talk to her—from his point of view it's like she doesn't care about whatever they had anymore.

ddot wasn't the best at making sense of what he did wrong because he was so stubborn. he refused to believe that he could be wrong.

and that's why he doesn't know when he's gonna ever see zoey again.

F SPEAKS 🤫

NOTE -% guys this was the most embarrassing shirt chapter i've ever written and i've been trying to write for 3 days in a row and look where it's gotten me, like what the FUCK? back to school season made me forget how to write omg.like actually send help please i hate this shit so much i wanna barf. and who's still mad at zoey? not me lfmkaoaoa.  this was a filler so that's why it's so short ew. anyways fia loves u💞💞💞.