ZOEY AKILA bennet !
sugarhill, harlem hospital center
featuring; @itszoeyb .

[ play fine line during this chapter <3. ]

ZOEY'S BODY ENTWINED by multiple strings, forming an elaborate network that wrapped around her limbs and torso. each string offered a haunting visual representation of relapse.

the strings, like ethereal tendrils, delicately wound themselves around her frame.  the strings crisscrossed her body, they appeared almost spectral, intertwining with one another, creating an interconnected network that mirrored the intricate nature of her struggles. the hues of the strings varied, reflecting the different aspects of her disorder.

some strands represented the obsession with food and calorie counting, others the pervasive fear of weight gain. etill, others symbolized the distorted body image that plagued her thoughts.

these strings, meticulously attached to various parts of her body, represented the invisible forces that had pulled her back into the clutches of her behavior.

adorned with knots and loops, the strings whispered tales of guilt, shame, and the exhausting cycle of relapse. the missed missed meals, secretive binging, and purging rituals performed in the shadows. it was all coming back to her—haunting her.

medical professionals stood by, their vigilant eyes scanning the complex web of strings, seeking to decipher its intricacies while formulating a comprehensive treatment plan.

around her bed, medical equipment stood around it, reflecting the diligent efforts of the healthcare professionals to stabilize her fragile condition. the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor echoed through the room, making her feel queasy.

zoey's pale face was enough to see she was tried. she didn't think that she could be any more exhausted, she doesn't know how much she could take anymore. her eyes, once filled with happiness and spark, now carried a dullness that mirrored her deteriorating state. each breath, shallow and fragile, it felt like she was barely alive.

a nurse by her side observed her detached demeanor and recognized the overwhelming numbness that encased her. the nurse approached soey cautiously, mindful of her fragile state.

with a gentle voice, the nurse spoke softly. "good morning," she began, her tone laced with empathy. "how do you feel?"

zoey's response was a mere shrug, a physical display of her reluctance to engage in conversation. the weight of her relapse held her thoughts captive, rendering her unable to articulate the depth of her emotions.

the nurse understood the wall of silence before her, aware that zoey's healing journey required delicate steps forward. she then cleared her throat, avoiding zoey's eyes. "i need to inform you that you passed out. it seems like you have relapsed with your eating disorder."

zoey nodded since she already figured that's what had happened and she didn't feel the need to talk anymore—there was nothing to talk about in this case.

undeterred by zoey's lack of response, the nurse maintained her presence by zoey's side, offering a comforting touch and a compassionate gaze. she allowed the silence to linger, recognizing the need for space and time for zoey to process the overwhelming reality of her relapse.

"may i ask you a few questions? it's to help me provide an accurate report to the doctor," the nurse politely inquired. zoey nodded silently, her gaze fixed upon the older woman as she took a seat beside her.

the nurse, with compassion etched on her face, looked back at zoey, "co you recall the last thing you consumed over the past week? if you can, please share the details with me," she gently requested, hoping to gather crucial information to aid in zoey's care.

zoey, lost in her own thoughts, remained unresponsive, her attention distant and detached. after a brief pause, she shrugged her shoulders, "i don't remember the last time i ate." her voice was low and tinged with numbness.

it was was all so unsettling to the nurse.

a flicker of concern crossed the nurse's face as her lips slightly parted, silently acknowledging the depth of the situation. with a nod, she conveyed both understanding and the weight of her apprehension for the younger girl's well-being.

the nurse recognized the gravity of zoey's particular relationship with food. the gravity of the situation settled upon them like a heavy blanket.

"is it okay if i ask you a few more questions?" the nurse requested in a gentle manner, her concern evident in her tone. zoey nods, placing her attention on something else.

"can you tell me if you've been finding it difficult to eat regularly? have you noticed any changes in your appetite or weight?"

zoey's gaze remained distant, her emotions locked away, and she offered no response. the nurse continued cautiously, her voice filled with understanding, "do you feel any physical discomfort, such as stomach pain or dizziness? it's important for us to understand the impact this is having on your overall well-being."

once again, zoey's silence enveloped the space between them, leaving the nurse immersed in a realm of concern. despite the lack of response, the nurse recognized the weight of zoey's emotional and psychological state, understanding that her unresponsive demeanor was a reflection of the numbness that pervaded her being.

the nurse, undeterred by zoey's silence, pressed forward with unwavering determination. "zoey, can you at least give me an indication if you are feeling overwhelmed or struggling with your eating disorder? how long you've been dealing with it?

zoey's silence persisted, leaving the nurse with a heavy heart. although met with a wall of numbness, the nurse understood the depth of zoey's internal struggle.

the nurse sighed before nodding, getting up from the seat she was in. as soon as the older woman was going to pull the door opted to leave zoey finally spoke up. "where's my parents?"

with a sigh of understanding, the nurse nodded and rose from her seat, preparing to leave the room. just as she reached for the door, zoey's voice broke through the silence. "where are my parents?" she inquired, her words laced with a hint of vulnerability and longing.

the nurse paused, her hand still grasping the door handle, and turned towards Zoey with a sympathetic expression. she approached her once again, offering a reassuring presence.

"your dad is currently outside, we will make sure he is informed about your condition and provide any updates he need."

zoey locked eyes with the nurse, her confusion evident as she realized her mother had not been mentioned. the nurse's heart sank, knowing she would have to deliver the news to zoey, who had only just regained consciousness.

in a raspy voice, zoey croaked softly, "where is my mom?" her words hung heavily in the air, carrying a mix of hope and trepidation.

wincing inwardly, the nurse braced herself for the difficult task ahead. she knew the immense pain that awaited zoey upon learning the tragic truth—a truth that would shatter the fragile sanctuary of her awakening.

but anybody in this situation knows better than to lie.

taking a deep breath, the nurse mustered her strength and tried approached with the most gentle honesty she could. "zoey, i am so sorry to have to tell you this," she began cautiously, her voice shaking slightly. "there was a car accident. your mom was involved, and... she didn't make it."

as soon the words left the nurse's lips, a wave of anguish washed over zoey's face. it felt as though time stood still, as if the world had frozen in that moment. zoey's mind struggled to comprehend what she had just heard. it felt like a surreal nightmare, too cruel to be real.

a shiver ran down zoey's spine, her heart pounding in her chest. a sudden, overwhelming fear gripped her, coursing through her veins. thoughts raced in her mind, realization struck her like a crushing weight: her mom was gone, dead.

dread cast a dark shadow over zoey's trembling form as she grappled with the unfathomable reality of losing her mother. the world around her seemed to blur, her senses dulled by a flood of emotions. it was as if everything had halted, except for the overwhelming feeling that her own life was precariously hanging by a thread.

one of the only few people who still loved her left her—she left her without a goodbye. zoey didn't know how much more she could take—her life was ruined.

she doesn't deserve this—she doesn't think she does.

zoey, her voice barely audible, managed to utter, "am i... am i going to die too?" she wanted to die. if it meant to see her mom she would take death with open arms.

the nurse's heart wrenched at the sight of zoey's terror-stricken face, her eyes filled with disbelief and the haunting uncertainty of her future. the nurse longed to alleviate zoey's fear, to offer words of solace and hope.

"no sweetheart," the nurse replied, her own voice trembling with empathy. "you can take a few minutes by yourself. i'm so sorry again."

zoey nodded, her gaze fixated on the nurse's reassuring presence. she watched as the older woman walked out the door—shutting it close.

the girl immediately started crying under her breath. with all the crying she did all week she didn't know if she had any more tears in her anymore but life just doesn't like her.

tears welled up in the girl's eyes, cascading silently down her cheeks as she tried to stifle her cries. the weight of her sorrow pressed upon her like an unyielding burden, leaving little room for hope to find its way in.

her heart ached with the pain of countless tears shed throughout the week, leaving her depleted, wondering if she had any tears left to give. it felt as though life had conspired against her, relentlessly stacking the odds against her happiness.

in the solitude of her tears, she whispered brokenly, her voice barely audible, "why you had to leave ma? you the only person that still loves me."

the girl's cries grew more desperate, her shoulders shaking with the sheer weight of her emotions. she was tired, worn down, exhausted.

as her tears mingled with the ache in her heart, the girl couldn't help but question why life seemed to deny her the joys and happiness it bestowed upon others. it felt as though the universe had cast her aside, sentencing her to endure an endless torrent of pain and anguish.

the girl continued to weep, her tears silently echoing the rawness of her pain and the unfathomable weight of her unending disappointment.

with every sob that escaped her lips, the girl longed for her mother's presence, the warmth of her arms, and the soothing sound of her voice. she already missed the gentle touch of her mother's hand, the safety and comfort that enveloped her when she needed her the most.

the void left behind was palpable, casting a shadow of longing and emptiness that seemed impossible to fill.

zoey would close her eyes and summon the echo of her mother's laughter, the gentle lullabies that once cradled her to sleep, and the whispered words of love that provided endless comfort.

but now they were only a figment of her imagination—she was never gonna be able to see her mom ever again. and it's like it hasn't even sinked in that she lord her mom—the only thing she could decipher was that her mom wasn't here in the moment.

she hasn't realized that her mom wasn't gonna be here forever.

but admits everything zoey was just tired of life. she felt like this was her last straw, everything was crushing down and she didn't even know what she did for it to become like this.

zoey thought she was a good person; wasn't she?

she always tried to be. she was the type of girl to smile at you even though she herself didn't felt happy—zoey was the type to apologize for something you did, the type to forgive you without even thinking of what you did.

even though her own heart may carry burdens and unseen sorrows, zoey's sweetness remained a close to her inner self. she had genuine care for others, a precious gift she bestowed upon those fortunate enough to know her.

that's why she always wanted other people to be happy—she believed that if she had the power to be happy everybody else did too.

even if they weren't the best person, even if they'd wrong her in the past, even if they'd done unforgettable things to her—she still wants them to smile at-least once.

and maybe the smile would be because of her.

she doesn't know and she frankly doesn't care, she just likes to see people happy. and her mom was exactly like her which makes her heart churn even worse.

zoey's mom had a heart of gold. that's where she got it from, and even it haven't sinked in yet it hurts. she was the first person to love her, and at this point one of the last to love her.

and she wanted her mom with her right now, at the moment she couldn't even look at herself in the mirror was when she wants her mom to still tell her she's beautiful, to still hug her. to still love her.

regret immediately gnawed at her, it seemed as if the weight of responsibility rested solely on zoey's shoulders. if only she hadn't made that foolish mistake, pushing herself to the point of collapse and relapse, it felt like the course of events could have been altered. she couldn't shake the haunting image of her unconscious body lying on the floor, the panicked rush that ensued as she was swiftly taken to the hospital, and the gut-wrenching phone call her mom received.

in the depths of her self-blame, the notion persisted that her actions held the power to change the tragic outcome. if only she had made different choices, if only she had stayed strong, her mom would still be here by her side.

the weight of this remorse bore heavily upon her heart, etching deep scars of guilt into her very being.

the girl yearned for the chance to turn back time, to rewrite the sequence of events that had led to her mother's absence. the what-ifs and the haunting remorse clawed at her soul, intensifying the ache of loss and leaving her with a profound sense of emptiness and longing.

In her grief-stricken state, zoey couldn't help but bear the burden of responsibility, believing that her choices held the power to alter the course of fate.

it was a torturous cycle of self-blame, fueled by the painful conviction that if she had only been different, acted differently, her mother would still be here, right by her at home.

her mom was one of the reasons she still tried in life—honestly her parents were the only reason she wasn't the one dead yet.

it was so scary at how one small decision she made turns out to this. just the thought of it makes the hairs of her skin stand up.

her mother held an irreplaceable place in zoey's heart, serving as a light of hope and inspiration that kept her going even in the darkest moments. it was the unwavering love and support of her parents that prevented zoey from succumbing to the depths of despair.

zoey couldn't help but be chilled by the realization of how a seemingly insignificant decision could have such devastating consequences. the mere thought sent shivers down her spine, every hair on her skin standing on end in response to the profound weight of that awareness.

the girl couldn't even keep herself awake anymore, falling right asleep on her pillow after a bunch of crying and thinking.

her thoughts were gonna eat her alive.

zoey's father tenderly attempted to rouse her from the depths of her grief-stricken slumber. still shackled by the weighty sorrow and drained from the passing of her beloved mother, she appeared disheveled and worn, a living testament to the emotional toll she had endured.

"baby, you have to get up," he implored, his loving concern evident in every word. it had been two grueling weeks since her discharge from the hospital, yet zoey remained ensnared by the tendrils of despair, her bed becoming a suffocating anchor that kept her ensconced in a realm suffused with darkness.

with a heavy heart and tear-stained eyes, the girl rebutted her father's plea, her voice laced with a weariness that matched her disheveled appearance. "there's no reason for me to get up. today is sunday," she whispered, her perception clouded by the overwhelming weight of her grief.

her father's response hung in the air, a poignant reminder of the reality that escaped her grasp. "it's thursday, sweetheart," he gently disclosed, internally feeling like he had left his only daughter down.

she didn't even get out of bed—get up to shower—and she quite frankly just didn't eat.

each day had merged into a mind-numbing blur, where the mundane routine of the calendar paled in comparison to the crushing ache that consumed zoey's being. the relentless grip of grief drained her spirit, trapping her in a state of listlessness and detachment from the outside world.

the simple act of getting out of bed, of facing the world, felt like an insurmountable feat. the weight of sorrow clung to her like a suffocating cloak, transforming even the most routine tasks into arduous obstacles. it was a soul-wearying exhaustion that permeated her very essence, shackling her to a bed that had become both a sanctuary and a prison.

their was nobody and nothing that could help her—and school? school wasn't even in the conversation.

zoey's strained voice quivered as she softly asked her father for the time, her body physically and emotionally drained from the weight of recent events. slowly, her father shifted his gaze towards her alarm clock, the glowing numbers of 𝟳:𝟮𝟮 casting an eerie light in the room.

"seven twenty," he mumbled in a hushed tone, his voice heavy with concern and sympathy. sensing her exhaustion, he tenderly ran his hand up and down her back in a soothing motion, hoping to provide a comforting presence amidst the torrent of emotions that flooded her.

zoey's face contorted in a pained expression, scrunching up her features as the reality of the new day sank in. the mere thought of facing the outside world felt overwhelming, like an insurmountable task that she was not ready to undertake.

zoey mustered the strength to sit up, her body protesting every movement as if the very weight of her grief held her pinned to the bed. "i'm not going to school," she declared, her voice laced with a profound fatigue.

hee father's heart sank as he struggled to find the right words to persuade her otherwise. he understood the weariness that plagued her spirit, compounded by the recent relapse and the devastating loss of her mother just two weeks prior.

he knew how much she liked being social so he'd just think her going to school would help her heal—but the only thing he didn't know was that her daughter had drastically changed.

and it's not for the better.

"but sweetheart.." his voice trailed off, caught between the genuine concern for her well-being and the knowledge that life still beckoned with its obligations and responsibilities.

he understood the rawness of her pain, the exhaustion that permeated her every fiber, but he also felt like she couldn't stay trapped in one place or it'd make her grow sick.

zoey's heart dropped like a heavy anchor in her chest as the terms of her father's suggestion sank in. a tremor coursed through her, and she could feel the tears welling up, threatening to spill down her weary cheeks.

frowning slightly, she shook her head, a gesture born out of a profound weariness and an overwhelming desire to retreat from the outside world. it was as if her very soul recoiled at the thought of facing the expectations and commitments that awaited her.

"i don't want to go. i really don't want to go," she murmured, her voice wavering with a mixture of vulnerability and emotional exhaustion

her father gazed at her with a small, understanding smile. he knew too well the agony that enveloped her, the heartbreak that lingered just beneath the surface. with a tender embrace, he enveloped her in his arms, seeking to provide a momentary respite from the weight of her sorrow.

he pressed a soft kiss upon her head, his lips brushing against her well-worn bonnet. "you want to tell your friend you're not going? he's still waiting for you downstairs," he murmured, his voice filled with gentle warmth and concern.

zoye' heart dropped. the thought of facing anybody outside of her family, of putting on a mask of normalcy while her heart still bled, seemed like an unbearable task. the vulnerability and rawness of her grief made the prospect of engaging in social interactions daunting, like navigating treacherous terrain in her fragile state.

"okay," fighting back tears, zoey untangled herself from her father's embrace and mustered the strength to rise from her bed. every movement felt heavy and sluggish, as if she were wading through a sea of sorrow.

she just wanted to get this done and over with—plus she wanted to know who wanted to see her that bad they couldn't have just unblocked her from everything.

as she descended the stairs, her steps hesitant and weighed down, she imagined the faces of the person that awaiting her arrival. she wondered who it could be, maybe it was notti.

lost in her musings, zoey reached the bottom of the stairs, her heart pounding in her chest. without even bothering to peek through the keyhole, she simply unlocked the door, a mix of apprehension and hope fluttering in her stomach.

as the door swung open, revealing the person on the other side, zoey's breath hitched in surprise. there stood caleb, a bouquet of roses clutched tightly in his hand. the sight of him, unexpected yet oddly comforting, sent a jolt of confusion and warmth through her.

zoey's mind scrambled to make sense of the situation. caleb didn't even give her time to think as he cleared his throat, "i didn't see you at school for along time then i saw your story so.. yeah."

zoey felt her eyes well up with tears. after the months of not talking to her friends—not even one of them said anything about her post but caleb does?

she just wanted to hug him so bad because he made her feel like she was a actual person for a small amount of time.

zoey wiped her tears with her pajama shirt—trying to smile forcefully at the boy because she does wanna smile at him she just doesn't have the energy to smile.

"thank you c." zoey takes the bouquet of flowers, locking eyes with the darskin boy who stood there nervously. "and i wanted to apologize for what i said a couple of months ago, shit was uncalled for and i didn't meant to make you uncomfortable like that. is we good?"

zoey figured he was talking about the ddot situation but whatever even happened then doesn't matter to her right now. caleb's the one who actually cares out of the girl best friends she's had since kids.

maybe she was being selfish or sensitive—but even if she was she didn't care, it dosent matter anymore.

zoey nodded, holding the flowers tightly. "we're good caleb. thank you again."

the boy in front of her let out a shaky sigh before he nodded. caleb opened his mouth to speak again but the car behind him honked repeatedly, making him wince since he knew it was his older brother.

"nigga get ya ass in the car!" a high pitched voice called which made zoey peak to look when caleb turned around to mouth something to him. the man in the car audibly kissed his teeth before staying quiet.

caleb then turned around to zoey, "sorry that's jus my brother blu. you know him right?"

zoey shakes her head. caleb stops for a second when he realizes this is not the same girl who talked his ears off on the first day—she had spoke a max of 2 full sentences.

the darskin doesn't say anything but nod. "but he my older brother, cblu. you gon meet him soon but—can i hug you before i go?" he asks awkwardly while zoey nods—shrugging off the name caleb had just told him.

"imma see you around?"

"mhm."

F SPEAKS 😶

NOTE— uhm o cried a span of 50 times writtin this shit. IT'S NOT FOR THE WEAK?? shits tragic y'all i can't believe thisssss. if ddot and her don't make up soon i'm gonna start a riot. uhmmmm!! thoughts on disss? anw fia loves u 💞💞.