DARRIAN jimenez !
sugarhill, ddot's crib
featuring; @sugarhillddot .

DDOT TOOK A puff of the blunt and exhaled the smoke. he had just woken up from a dream that involved his grandma and now he couldn't go to sleep, just the thought of her made him sick to his stomach.

he didn't know what to do—and the fact of being alone with his thought were slowly eating him alive.

he had been lying in bed for hours, trying to back fall asleep, but his mind was racing with thoughts of his grandma. the dream he had just woken up from was vivid and unsettling. in it, he saw his grandma seated in her cherished rocking chair, her face etched with undeniable pain. she desperately tried to convey something to him, her lips moving soundlessly, but the words slipped through his grasp like smoke.

ddot took a few more puffs, hoping that the weed would calm his nerves and help him relax. but the more he smoked, the more he realized that he needed something more than just a temporary escape.

the haunting dream involving his beloved grandma, and now an overwhelming sense of sadness and despair washed over him. tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to regain composure.

unable to shake off the unsettling images from the dream, ddot found himself trapped in a state of restlessness. the mere thought of his grandma twisted his stomach into knots, leaving him feeling physically ill. the weight of being alone with his thoughts bore down on him, threatening to suffocate him with each passing moment.

minutes had passed, yet he remained in bed, his attempts to find solace in sleep proving futile. his mind raced with a torrent of thoughts and memories centered around his grandma. the dream had been so vivid, so painfully real.

overwhelmed by a flood of emotions, ddot's tears cascaded down his cheeks, mingling with the lingering scent of the blunt. the weight of his unspoken grief and unanswered questions threatened to consume him, leaving him drowning in a sea of sorrow and longing.

ddot's tear-streaked face lay nestled in his pillow as he wept, overcome by a bittersweet mix of sorrow and nostalgia. in the quiet confines of his bedroom, memories of his beloved grandmother flooded his mind, enveloping him in a comforting embrace that transcended time.

transported back to his childhood, he could almost feel the sun's gentle caress on his skin as he and his grandma strolled hand-in-hand through the neighborhood. with each step, they embarked on small adventures that held profound significance in his young heart. the park, a sprawling playground of endless possibilities, became their sanctuary. together, they reveled in the joy of swinging high into the sky, their laughter echoing through the air. they raced against the wind, their feet pounding on the pavement, as if chasing fleeting moments of pure bliss.

the afternoons spent in her cozy kitchen, where the tantalizing aroma of freshly baked cookies filled the air. ddot would eagerly don an apron, his small hands eagerly assisting his grandma in mixing the ingredients. the warmth of the oven enveloped them as they watched their creations transform into golden delights, their anticipation growing with each passing minute.

but as the years slipped away, so did the moments they once took for granted. ddot's grandmother had departed this world, leaving behind a void that seemed impossible to fill. only now, in the stillness of his room, did he truly grasp the weight of her absence.

with a heavy heart, ddot lay there, yearning for the comforting presence that had shaped his childhood. he longed to hear her voice, filled with wisdom and tenderness, guiding him through life's challenges. he yearned for those warm hugs that felt like a sanctuary, where the troubles of the world melted away.

in this moment, he felt as if his very existence hung by a thread. the absence of his grandmother, who had always been a pillar of strength and comfort, compounded his anguish, leaving him with an overwhelming sense of incompleteness.

tears streamed down his face uncontrollably, blurring his vision and leaving salty trails on his cheeks. each sob that escaped his lips was accompanied by a deep ache in his chest, as if his heart itself was breaking. the weight of his sorrow seemed to engulf him, making it difficult to catch his breath amidst the convulsive sobs.

in the midst of his torrent of tears, ddot's mind became a jumbled mess. the cacophony of his crying drowned out his own thoughts, leaving him unable to hear the familiar inner voice that guided him through life's challenges. it was as if his tears had become a relentless downpour, washing away not only his physical strength, but also his mental clarity.

without her, he felt adrift, like a ship lost at sea without a guiding star. her absence left an unfillable void, intensifying his anguish and amplifying the echo of his sobs.

as ddot's tears continued to flow, mingling with the deep ache in his heart, he clung to the hope that someday he would find solace and regain his inner peace.

and the worst part was that he didn't even have the chain to hold himself together. the chain was really the closet thing to his grandma ddot could get.

in a world that often felt chaotic and uncertain, that chain had been his sanctuary, his source of strength and comfort. it was more than just an inanimate object; it was a tangible representation of the unbreakable bond he shared with his late grandmother.

every link in that chain held countless memories, etched in silver and gold. each one was a testament to the love and wisdom she had bestowed upon him during her time on earth. whether it was a warm embrace, a heartfelt conversation, or a simple moment of shared laughter, those memories were now intertwined with the precious gold that adorned his neck.

but now, that connection had been severed. stolen away by some heartless person, the chain was torn from his grasp, leaving him bereft and adrift in a sea of emotions. the violation of his personal space, the audacity of someone invading the sacred bond he held with his grandmother, ignited a firestorm of conflicting emotions within him.

he was torn between the urge to shed tears for the loss, to mourn the tangible representation of his grandmother's love that had been ripped away from him, and the primal desire to unleash a cacophony of screams, to voice the anguish and frustration that threatened to consume him.

in the depths of his despair, he grappled with the haunting questions. who would do such a thing? what kind of person could disregard the sentimental value of such an irreplaceable treasure? the answers eluded him, leaving him with a profound sense of confusion and betrayal.

yet, amidst the turmoil, a glimmer of resilience flickered within him. he refused to let this theft extinguish the flame of his connection to his grandmother. though the chain may be gone, the memories and the love they represented remained etched in his heart. he vowed to honor her legacy by carrying her spirit within him, even without the tangible reminder that adorned his neck.

the stolen chain may have caused him immeasurable pain, but it could never sever the unbreakable ties that bound him to his grandmother.

the weight of sadness hung heavily on him as he mourned the loss of his beloved grandmother. it was one of those moments when life seemed unbearable, and he didn't know how to cope.

he glanced over at the empty spot where his cherished chain used to rest when he used to take it off for something as little as showering. it was a symbol of strength and connection to his grandma, and its absence only intensified the pain he felt. he longed for the familiar weight around his neck, a reminder of her love and presence.

in an attempt to find solace amidst his overwhelming sorrow, ddot descended down the stairs, his footsteps echoing through the silent house. as he reached the lower level, he instinctively headed towards the familiar spot where his mother would often leave a bottle of hennessy. the warm glow of the kitchen lights illuminated the room, casting a shadow over his troubled face.

eith a heavy heart and trembling hands, ddot approached the cabinet where the intoxicating elixir awaited him. he hesitated for a moment, knowing the consequences that lay ahead, but the pain within him was too unbearable to face alone. desperate for a temporary escape, he reached out and grasped the bottle, feeling its cool glass against his fingertips.

taking a deep breath, ddot uncorked the bottle, releasing the rich aroma that filled the air. the scent of oak and caramel enveloped his senses, momentarily distracting him from the weight of his emotions. he poured a generous amount of the amber liquid into a glass, watching it swirl and dance, reflecting the flickering light from above.

as he raised the glass to his lips, ddot could feel the anticipation building within him. with each sip, the fiery liquid coursed through his veins, numbing his pain and temporarily granting him respite from the harsh realities of his world. the burn of the alcohol provided a fleeting distraction, allowing his mind to drift away from the deep sorrow that had consumed him.

in that moment, as the taste of hennesy lingered on his tongue, ddot found a brief escape from his overwhelming grief. the alcohol offered him a temporary refuge, a temporary release from the anguish that threatened to drown him. but deep down, he knew that true solace could not be found at the bottom of a bottle.

the combination of being high and slightly intoxicated helped numb the ache in his heart, if only temporarily.

the potent combination of being under the influence and slightly inebriated aided in numbing the deep ache residing in his heart, if only for a brief interlude. in his haze that enveloped his mind, ddot found himself instinctively dialing zoey's number, drawn to the familiar comfort her voice had often provided. as the phone rang, each echoing chime seemed to amplify the cacophony of thoughts swirling within his troubled mind.

during the momentary pause, before zoey's voice filled the airwaves, ddot became acutely aware of his altered state. his speech slurred ever so slightly, his words flowing like a languid river, a testament to the intoxication that held him captive. thoughts and emotions collided within him, a tempestuous storm raging behind his bloodshot eyes.

it was in this tempest that he sought solace, reaching out to zoey in his vulnerable state. the phone continued to ring, beckoning for a connection, as ddot's mind raced with a myriad of thoughts. why was he calling her? was she gonna answer?

and yet, there was an undeniable draw, an inexplicable pull towards her voice that seemed to offer a glimmer of hope amidst the darkness.

finally, the ringing ceased, replaced by the tender sound of zoey's concerned voice breaking through the silence. "hello? hello? ddot, are you there?" her words carried a mixture of worry and genuine care, like a lifeline cast into the tumultuous sea he found himself adrift in.

for a fleeting moment, ddot remained silent, his breath hitching as he listened to to her soothing tone. the weight of his emotions bore down upon him, tears threatening to spill from his already weary eyes.

with a deep sniffle, he managed to find his voice, his words trembling yet filled with a raw vulnerability, finally, he sniffled and managed to utter, "hi, zoey."

zoey's worry grew, "is everything okay? what's wrong, darrian?"

ddot's voice cracked as he replied, "i'm sorry—i don't even know why i called you." on the other line, zoey was confused but at this point she didn't even care to ask what was going on.

"nevermind, imma come over, okay?" zoey declared, her voice filled with determination. she didn't want him to face his pain alone, and the thought of being by his side provided her with a sense of purpose.

ddot's voice trembled as he whispered, "okay."

with the phone now on her bed, zoey hurriedly got ready while staying on the call. she moved with a mix of urgency and tenderness, carefully selecting each item of clothing and applying her makeup. the physical act of preparing herself for him became a symbolic gesture of solidarity and comfort.

once ready, zoey stepped out of her house and began the journey towards his place. she's walked briskly, her mind consumed by thoughts of him and what he might be going through. the streets seemed quieter than usual, as if the world itself recognized the gravity of the situation.

when zoey finally reached his front door, her heart pudong with a mix of anticipation and apprehension. ddot opened it, his eyes red and puffy from both crying and his high. without a word, she enveloped him in a tight embrace, seeking comfort in her presence.

their hug was more than just a physical gesture; it was a blend of comfort, solace, and unspoken words. in that moment, time stood still as they clung to each other, finding strength in their connection. the weight of their emotions hung heavily in the air, and tears mingled with whispered promises of support.

zoey, feeling the weight of ddot's pain, couldn't help but feel a profound sense of guilt. she didn't like seeing him suffer, and she wished she could take away his grief. determined to offer whatever support she could, she gently guided him to his room.

ddot clung to zoey as if she were his lifeline, seeking comfort and connection. "i'm sorry, i'm really sorry."

zoey's heart swelled with determination as she resolved to be a pillar of strength for him this time. normally, he was the one who comforted her when sadness enveloped her, offering solace and reassurance. but today, she felt an inner strength welling up within her, urging her to reciprocate his kindness.

silently, zoey entered the room, her hand tightly interlocked with ddot's, who trailed behind her with a visible air of melancholy. as they walked, her eyes caught sight of a familiar object on the counter — a bottle of alcohol, standing there like a silent temptation.

a frown marred zoey's face as she instinctively gravitated towards the counter. her grip on ddot's hand tightened slightly, a mixture of concern and determination coursing through her veins. she couldn't help but wonder, had he been drinking?

"dot have you been drinking?" she softly uttered, her voice barely audible, as she carefully stowed away the bottle, hiding it from view. as if shielding him from judgment and protecting their shared secret.

her words carried a blend of concern, disappointment, and a hint of hope that he would confide in her.

though her heart ached to see him in this state, zoey knew that her strength and unwavering support were crucial in this moment. she would be there for him, just as he had been for her countless times before.

ddot stood there, frozen like a child caught red-handed, his eyes betraying a mixture of guilt, shame, and vulnerability. the weight of zoey's words hung heavily in the air, as if she could already discern the truth before she even arrived. she had seen the subtle signs—the slight tremor in his hands, the distant gaze, the faint scent of alcohol lingering in the air.

zoey's heart ached at the sight of him in this state, aware of the battles he faced and the demons he sought to escape through the numbing embrace of alcohol.

yet, despite the disappointment coursing through her veins, zoey refused to let it overshadow her commitment to him. she knew that this moment called for empathy, understanding, and unwavering support.

with a deep breath, she took a step closer, her gaze softened with compassion. she reached out, her hand gently resting on his arm, conveying both tenderness and determination.

"darrian," she began, her voice a soothing melody, "i don't like when your sad like—when your sad, i'm sad and i don't like you drinking either. smoking is one thing but to mix the both of them—dot, you're hurting yourself. i don't like seeing you like this. i wanna help u"

zoey understood that his battle with alcohol was not an easy one, but she firmly believed that with love, patience, and unwavering support, they could overcome it.

ddot frowned as he looked at her. he tried to muster up something to say but he felt a lump in his thirst that he couldn't swallow down. zoey knows that he was trying to speak—but he couldn't so she doesn't force him to, she just tugs his hand to walk away.

once they finally reached ddot's room, zoey eagerly enters the space, her eyes scanning the room before settling on the inviting sight of his plush and expansive king-sized bed. with a contented sigh, she lowers herself onto the soft mattress, feeling a sense of relief wash over her as she sinks into its comforting embrace.

noticing the array of pillows propped against the headboard, zoey takes a moment to arrange them just right, creating a cozy and inviting space to recline upon. with each pillow fluffed and positioned to perfection.

her attention turns towards ddot, who stands nearby, his emotions visibly bubbling beneath the surface. sensing his vulnerability, zoey's nurturing instincts kick in, and she gently gestures for him to join her on the bed. as he hesitantly accepts the invitation, she pulls him closer, their bodies coming into contact, providing a comforting and reassuring presence.

ddot lays on zoey's soft body, an overwhelming wave of emotions overtakes him. tears begin to well up in his eyes, streaming down his cheeks, leaving a glistening trail in their wake. unfazed by his tears, zoey offers a safe haven for his emotions, providing a sturdy shoulder to lean on and a soft place for his tears to land.

ddot's tears fall onto zoey's shirt, dampening the fabric but never dampening the compassion and understanding she extends to him. she holds him tightly, offering silent support, allowing him to release his emotions.

as the tears continue to flow, zoey whispers gentle words of encouragement, assuring ddot that it's okay to let his emotions be heard and seen. with each word, she offers him a sense of validation, reminding him that he doesn't have to face his struggles alone.

together, they find solace in this intimate moment, their connection deepening as they share in vulnerability and emotional release.

after a few minutes they lay together silently on his bed, their bodies intertwined, ddot's soft sobs stopped. "i just fucking miss her so much, zo. she was deadass my best friend. i would give anything just to talk to her again." he mumbled.

zoey nods in understanding, feeling her own heart break from the pain in his voice. if it was one thing zoey hated was seeing her own friends happy—and she loved her friends.

but it was something with ddot that wanted to make herself, start crying. at this point zoey was having a internal crisis. she didn't want to make ddot worse but knowing him, it was better for him to be vocal with his feelings then keeping it bottled up.

"what was she like?" zoey blurted out, immediately putting a hand to her mouth afterwards thinking it was a bad thing to say at this time. until she heard ddot take a long breath.

as ddot through tears and sniffles, he shared cherished memories, the depth of his love, and the void her absence had left in his life.

as a child, ddot spent countless hours in the comforting presence of his grandmother. she possessed a gentle and nurturing spirit, always ready with a warm embrace and words of wisdom. whether it was strolling through the park, baking cookies in the kitchen, or simply sharing stories on the porch swing, their time together was filled with joy and laughter.

ddot's grandmother's influence played a significant role in shaping his character. she instilled in him a strong sense of compassion, teaching him to be empathetic towards others and to always lend a helping hand. she encouraged him to express his emotions openly, reminding him that vulnerability was a strength, not a weakness.

zoey's question hung in the air, a mix of apprehension and curiosity. she immediately regretted her impulsive outburst, fearing that it might reopen wounds that were still healing.

"she was... everything," ddot replied, his voice trembling with emotion. "she deadass believed in me when no one else did. like you know when you love someone so much—and you can't even function without them? she was like that person. she was like my second mother on some real shit."

zoey nodded understandingly, her heart aching for ddot's loss. she listened attentively, her own tears welling up. she held ddot tightly, silently conveying her empathy and understanding.

ddot let's out a soft chuckle. "nah i remember she used to do my hair—the braids was so tight i used to take it out the next day." he had a small smile on his face, but zoey could still tell he was just trying to distract himself.

"i deadass just miss her zo."

zoey observed ddot's pained expression, it was obvious that the connection that had been nurtured throughout his childhood, a relationship that held a special place in ddot's heart.

thoughts swarmed in zoey's head as she tries to find the right words to say. "you always gotta think abt her that way—positively. she wouldn't want you to sit here and cry, d. even tho you miss her, you gotta cherish the moments you had wit her because you gon see her again one day and its gonna be like she never left."

ddot hums at zoey's words, laying down on her chest softly. zoey plays with his hair, scratching the back of it softly. at this point the wet tear stains on zoey's shirt doesn't faze her.

zoey's heart aches as she witnesses his pain. despite her own inner turmoil, she wants to be there for him.

in the past, zoey found herself in writing poignant letters to the people she longed for and missed. it was her personal ritual, a way to pour out her emotions onto paper without ever intending to share or send those heartfelt messages. each letter served as a vessel for her unspoken words, a private space where she could express her deepest thoughts, fears, and memories.

observing ddot's intense grief, zoey realized the weight of his pain and the need for him to find an outlet for his emotions. with a gentle tone, she softly suggested, "maybe you just need a way to express your emotions, d. have you ever tried writing a letter?"

as zoey spoke, she noticed ddot slowly lifting his head, locking eyes with her. the pain etched in his gaze resonated with her so profoundly that it nearly brought tears to her own eyes. she could sense the burden he carried, the heaviness of loss and heartache that seemed to engulf him.

zoey understood the power of written words, how they could serve as a vessel for healing and release. through the act of writing, he might discover a sense of safety, a safe space where he could express the depths of his pain and longing.

with a comforting smile, zoey added, "you don't have to show or send the letters to anyone if you don't want to, it's just to release stress."

ddot's gaze softened, a flicker of hope glimmering in his eyes. maybe, just maybe, by following zoey's suggestion and embracing the written word, he could find a path towards healing and begin to navigate the depths of his sorrow.

"you can't keep carrying this burden alone, darrian. i care for you and i just want the best for you, i promise." she says in a soft voice, ddot could melt right there from her tone.

he knew that it was the right decision to call zoey because it really doesn't matter the situation—she was always gonna be there to make him feel okay each time.

"we can do it now?" ddot asked lowly which made zoey grin, nodding.

as the night wore on, one of their hands remained in each other's as ddot's other was writing. zoey didn't pay him no mind as she just kept sayin sweet things about him. how much she appreciated him—as a friend.

she really wanted to tell him she loved him, she just didn't know if it was too early for that.

F SPEAKS 😜

NOTE— i found the words solace and don't know how to act. but i got back in my zoom so who cares 💋💋. but thoughts on ts? sorry if it sounded weird, i wanted to sound smart ya. fia loves ya 💗.