✦

It is 4 in the morning, a time where most people are sound asleep in the comfort of their beds. But in the apartment on the third floor, time seems to be standing still - and all three residents are more than wide awake.

Yeosang and San are sitting on the couch, awkwardly and with red cheeks after being caught by their best friend. Wooyoung is pacing back and forth in front of them, scratching his head and looking at them with both confusion and hesitation. He clears his throat several times, and with every minute that goes by Yeosang just wishes he could vanish into thin air.

"So... Are you... Are you guys together?" Wooyoung asks, finally breaking the silence that has been weighing heavily over them.

"What? No, no, no!" Both San and Yeosang respond immediately, waving their hands in front of them to emphasize their answer.

Wooyoung looks at them with a brow raised. He dives his fingers through his blonde hair a couple of times, while continuously pacing around in circles - dragging his feet across the floor in his soft slippers.

"But... Are you in love then?" he then asks.

"No! Absolutely not!" Yeosang exclaims, almost jumping up from the couch at the same time.

His answer earns a side-eyeing glare from San, but when mouthing an inaudible "what?" San just raises his shoulders, with a snort. The two of them keep looking at each other, while Wooyoung is too lost in his own confusion of what is happening.

"What?" Yeosang repeats, an actual whisper this time.

"Could you answer any faster?" San whispers back, but in a kind of a grumble.

And following his words, San scoots away on the couch with an insulted expression on his face. From the hazy look in his eyes, and the way his body is still swaying a little, Yeosang concludes that the younger is still fairly drunk.

The shock of Wooyoung suddenly catching them red-handed was more than enough to make Yeosang sober up right away. But same can't be said about San, apparently.

"But we aren't?" Yeosang then points out. Had it been any other moment than the extremely awkward one they are finding themselves in right now, he knows San would not act like such a brat about it.

But the blonde's drunkenness is still going strong, and affecting all his emotions and reactions.

"Definitely not, but still! Rude..." San mumbles, rolling his eyes.

"I just... I'm just a little confused then..." it then comes from Wooyoung. "Why were you... Were you actually going to-..."

Yeosang has never moved as fast, as he does when he practically throws himself over San to cover his mouth. Only a soon choked f gets to escape the younger's mouth, before Yeosang has made him swallow the rest of the word.

"No. Not... Exactly..." His cheeks are turning even more red, when Yeosang's eyes involuntarily met Wooyoung's.

"Not exactly? But..." Wooyoung pulls his lips into a thin line. It's clear to tell that he has a million questions, but is too confused and too nervous to even ask them.

He tugs the bottom of his blue pajama shirt, and then sits down on the floor in front of the couch. Tilting his head to the side, his eyes wave between San and Yeosang in a long moment of silence.

"I... I didn't even know you liked guys... San..." A glimpse of sadness shows in Wooyoung's eyes, before he moves his head and the long locks of his hair covers his eyes. "I feel like such a bad friend for now knowing sooner..."

San has pulled his legs up in front of him, and is hugging them tightly with his face half-covered behind his knees. Yeosang hesitantly looks back and forth between him and Wooyoung, and just when he thought the mood couldn't get any more awkward, it happens.

"Why have you never told me?" Wooyoung asks, and although his voice is low it is easy to hear he is sad - disappointed with himself as a friend.

"I... I don't know..." it comes quietly from San. "I'm sorry..."

"No I'm sorry..." Wooyoung replies. "You should feel comfortable with telling me anything."

While San tries to assure Wooyoung he shouldn't feel bad, since San has done everything he could to keep his secret to himself - and Wooyoung keeps apologizing for not being more observant, Yeosang just sits in silence wondering if he can actually just leave or not.

As the conversation between the two blondes turn into a simple repetition of the same words, but said in different ways, Yeosang very slowly tries to rise from the couch. But just as he does, eyes are all on him.

"Were are you going?" Wooyoung asks him, and Yeosang reluctantly sits down again.

"To hell, apparently..." he mumbles.

The soft couch cushions feel so uncomfortable right now - but Yeosang guesses that anything would, with the situation he is being held captured in.

"I can't believe my two best friends are hooking up, and I never knew!" Wooyoung sighs, tugging his hair.

"We are not hooking up!" With a quick look to where San is sitting, Yeosang is relieved that the pretty blonde doesn't complain this time around. "We just came home from a party, and we were really drunk..."

Wooyoung nods a few times, but the way he keeps parting his lips, only to press them together again, shows how he doesn't quite buy the explanation.

No useful outcome is coming from the conversation that keeps stopping, with half-finished sentences and the attempts of avoiding exposing or saying too much. Wooyoung has soon given up, and he gets up from the floor with a long sigh.

"I have to go to bed... I'm having a brunch date with Yuna and her parents tomorrow. Or, I guess it's today now..." he says. With a last look, darting between his two friends, he raises his shoulders as a sign of himself being at a complete loss of what to do or say. "Good night guys."

When Wooyoung has disappeared into his room, and closed the door behind him, Yeosang feels like he can finally breathe again. But it isn't time to feel completely relieved yet. San has laid half-way down on the couch, and he is just staring into the air with the most blank look in his eyes.

"San? Are you... Okay?" Yeosang asks, as he lays a gentle hand on San's leg, giving it a little squeeze.

"Sure."

San rolls off the couch, and without looking back he walks into his bedroom - leaving Yeosang alone in the living room.

A few minutes pass by before Yeosang finally starts moving himself back to his bed. What a mess this night has been. Yeosang wraps himself in his comforter, staring at the ceiling where small rays of sunlight are starting to show, as morning is approaching.

If he has to be honest with himself, he is actually happy that Wooyoung walked in on them - even despite the huge embarrassment of it all. Both he and San would definitely have regretted it tomorrow, no matter how much they wanted it tonight.

Because in the end, it isn't each other they want - it's just the comfort of being close to someone else. And although there shouldn't be anything wrong with wanting just that, Yeosang knows he has to stick with focusing on himself for now and stop fooling around with any cute guy that comes his way.

"Idiot..." he mumbles to himself as he rolls around on the bed.

The pain of having to face reality, and all the mistakes he has made is starting to fill his body. Regret and late night thoughts are all that is roaming in his mind, and he restlessly moves around with sighs of agitation.

Yeosang is disappointed with himself. Not only was he way too close to give into the temptation of spending one more night with Lucas, he had also almost slept with San - who he used to hate only a few days ago.

In his head he keeps telling himself to grow up. To stop using the need for a warm body next to his, as a way pretend everything is fine. Inside he is still broken, and it won't just go away by sleeping around - he should already have learned that years ago.

But something, or rather someone, had gotten in the way of that. Someone had made him believe he was special, and that he was worthy of the thing he had grown up thinking he'd never experience.

Being loved.

...

"I love you," Seonghwa repeated, and Yeosang couldn't help but soften up by the words the older spoke, underneath the dim lights of his dorm room. "I promise, I will never leave you."

After assuming that Seonghwa believed Hyunjin's words more than Yeosang's own, Yeosang had done everything he could to push Seonghwa away from him. His past was finally catching up with him, and the darkness in his mind had kept telling him it was better this way. Seonghwa was too perfect in every way, and someone like Yeosang would never deserve him.

He had yelled at the older - horrible and hurtful words to scare him away. But all Yeosang wanted was for Seonghwa to stay close to him, and not even forever seemed like long enough. He had slammed the door between them, in more than one way, and he cried his heart out in his room.

But Seonghwa had come back for him. And now he knew everything, every little dark secret Yeosang had hidden deep inside of himself for years. Seonghwa knew all of them, and he had still chosen to come back.

A brief smile showed on Yeosang's lips, before he tried to hide his face behind his long hair. But when Seonghwa moved to sit even closer, and pulled him into his arms, Yeosang responded right away. He threw his arms around Seonghwa's back and buried his face against the older's chest.

Several soft kisses were placed in his hair, and emotions were starting a storm inside of him. His body started to tremble and he silently cried in the comfort of Seonghwa's embrace.

"It's okay, baby," Seonghwa whispered, "I'm here. I'll always be here."

...

Yeosang bites his lip, hard and he doesn't stop even when it starts to hurt. If only he could erase those memories from his mind - he has already made that wish a countless amount of times before.

But he knows it isn't that easy. There's only one way of getting rid of them, only one way to give his mind the peace it has been craving for years.

By letting go...

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A/N: I always write on my laptop, but I wrote this chapter on my phone, since I can't use my laptop atm. And my autocorrect was really testing my patience. So I apologize if the mistakes in this chapter are completely insane haha. 🤦🏻‍♀️

The flashback is from chapter 28: Promise, but I had to rewrite it quite a bit to make it fit Yeosang's POV. ^^hope it makes sense!