Anika's Point Of View ~ 

My eyes take in everything around me as I stare out the window. 

Wow! 

Everything is the same. 

Nothing has changed. 

How can that be? How can a place stay the same after so much time has past? . . 

I'm remembering so many different things. So many memories already have come to mind even though I have only just arrived here. Just like me, all my friends moved away . . but I wonder and can't help this thought . . 

Does he still live here?

I take a deep breath. Exhaling loudly as I swing my legs to the side, getting out of the taxi as gracefully as possible. The salty air invades my nostrils immediately. My brown hair blows this way and that. It's the sights, the noises and even the smells take me back to when I was growing up. The sound of the birds . . magpie's to be exact. Hearing them in the morning as I would get ready for school each day. The smell of the beach, the sound of the waves crashing as I would wait for the school bus. The summer sun hitting my face, leaving it sun kissed instantly. I look towards the house where I grew up. The house where my grandparents and I lived together. The house . . oh, it hasn't changed. But then again, nothing else has either. 

But I love that. 

. . so much. 

It makes me feel like I never left, makes me feel like what happened . . didn't happen. Like I am still growing up, as if I have been given a second chance. It's something I don't deserve but something I would take if given to me. 

I hurt him . . 

. . and he hurt me. 

So I had to leave, I couldn't stay. 

As the wind blows, I hear that familiar sound. It's the wind chime. The very same one still hanging by its string, on a hook off the front verandah. It's making music as the wind pushes it all around. It makes me smile, my heart feeling so full all of a sudden. 

"Anika! . . Anika, darling . . " 

I look to the left of me, keeping my smile with the sight of Lisa. Her arm held up as her hand moves left to right quickly, her rings seen from here as they sparkle in the sun. Her red lipstick along with her signature blonde updo hairstyle never left, I see. She looks the same. She throws her arms around as her lips peck my cheek. Both sides. 

"Anika, welcome home! . . " Lisa says. 

Her hands now holding mine, her eyes look me up and down. 

"You look fantastic, dear . . " She tells me, her smile so wide. 

"Thank you, Lisa . . " I say, still smiling. 

" . . . you do as well Lisa. " I tell her. 

"Oh well, I am another 10 years older now dear. But let's just pretend I'm 45 again . . " 

We both just giggle as our eyes focus on the house . . my grandparents house. It's still my house. It always will be. Lisa stay silent as she looks back at me. I feel her hand gently upon my shoulder as I still keep my gaze towards the house. Lisa is such a comfort to me. She is lovely, she's always been like a mother figure to me. 

"Are you okay, dear? . . " Lisa asks me, rather quietly. 

I nod. That's all. It's still surreal that I'm back here after 10 years. Lisa knows all about what happened and why I had to leave. I couldn't tell anyone else, not even my grandmother. Lisa knew I couldn't come back. I could never. I smile, my eyes looking still looking ahead of me and not yet at Lisa. It's a smile that is forced, a smile that is not real. 

" . . yeah I'm . . I'm . . " . . 

My heart now starts to pound. 

" . . it's just crazy to be back here . . " I tell her softly. 

" . . after . . afterwards . . " 

I can't help but to stutter. I am completely tripping over my words. What am I trying to even say? I don't know. I'm trying not to think back . . to think back to him. But when I'm back here, it's all I can think about. Lisa comes closer to me, her arms around me once again and almost immediately. Her embrace is warm, it's just like I remember. 

"I know, Anika . . " She says quietly to me. 

I gather myself together, trying to keep in those tears. I'm not going to cry. I have spent way too much time doing that. The last 10 years. I have cried about it even though it was so many years ago now. But I can't think of him right now, ugh. No. I am here for my grandmother. I can't wait to see her. It was always her coming to see me, flying to Sydney to visit me but now that my grandmother hasn't been well . . it has to be this way. I have to come and see her. I can't allow what happened 10 years ago to get in the way of that. I'm excited to see my grandmother. 

I'm here for her. Lisa speaks . . 

"She'll be over the moon when she see's you, Anika . . " Lisa informs me. 

I'm trying so hard to hold back tears. My lips thin, a deep breath is taken. I know that my grandmother isn't herself . . not anymore. It makes me so sad to know that the person who raised me is slowly disappearing. 

"Go and see her, Anika. I'll be right next door if you two need anything, okay? . . " 

Lisa tells me. She see's that I'm upset. From my grandmother being unwell or just the fact that I'm back here after being gone for 10 years . . she isn't sure. But Lisa knows me. She would know that all of it is just a complete wave of emotions. Emotions coming and then going. But before I know it, returning to stick around more that I would like them too. Sadness, happiness . . guilt. It's all such a wave for me. Lisa leaves me. I make my way onto the front verandah. My heart pounding as I reach the front door . . knocking. I'm nervous but so excited. I hear noise come from the other side of the door before it opens. 

I smile so wide. 

"Hi grandmother . . " I say. 

She is shocked, coming closer to me. 

"Anika! Gracious, child. What are you doing here? . . " Grandmother asks me sweetly. 

"I'm here to see you, grandmother . . " 

I tell her. Wrapping my shaking arms around her. She hugs me back. I'm so happy to see her. She tells me to come in immediately. Her eyes on my suitcase as I drag it behind me. The view of floral lounges, faint jazz music from the 1920's gently playing in the background as I smell something I haven't smelt since I left. It's a sweet, vanilla kind of aroma to it. Grandmother is baking a cake. When I was growing up, grandmother and I would just be in the kitchen baking cakes of many kinds. It was such fond memories. 

"Is it okay if I stay here for a bit, grandma? . . " I ask her. 

"Of course, child. You don't need to ask, dear . . " Grandmother tells me. 

She hugs me once again. 

"Is everything okay with Darren? . . " 

Grandmother asks me, seeming hesitant. I nod to her. "Everything is fine . . " 

" . . I'm just here to visit you, that's all . . " 

I tell her, trying to reassure her . . trying to reassure myself I feel. Grandmother tells me to place all my stuff in my old room. I walk there myself while she checks on the cake in the oven. I walk down the hallway that leads to my old bedroom, black and white photos of my grandparents still hang there. I walk into my bedroom, sitting down on the bed, looking around. It has remained untouched . . everything has. I look to the right of me. A wave of panic feels me, I swallow hard as I stare at the frame that holds a photograph I haven't looked at since I left this room 10 years ago. I pick it up, wide eyed. I run my thumb over him. It's like if I do this, I will be able to touch him again. To have him close to me once again . . but the glass is keeping that from me. I close my eyes, maybe I will be able to hear him laugh. To hear him speak. 

Maybe. Just maybe. 

To hear him say 'come and find me, Anika . . " 

to be continued.