001 The Beginning of the End

EEe0342

TITLE: (5/5)

The title fits the story and it attracts readers to the book.

BLURB: (5/3)

The blurb introduces the story and characters pretty well. The blurb doesn't flow very well though. It needs an edit as well.

BEGINNING: (5/3)

The beginning was alright, it didn't draw me in. The meeting between Anthony and Lena was kinda awkward.

GRAMMAR: (15/10)

I didn't notice any spelling errors in the book, however, there were grammar errors.

Make sure to start a new paragraph when a new character speaks.For example, you have this part in chapter right:

"Haylee," I say, "I thought you were-" "Yes, yes, that's what everyone believes. It isn't true in the slightest," she says, interrupting me.

It should be like this:

"Haylee," I say, "I thought you were-"

"Yes, yes, that's what everyone believes. It isn't true in the slightest," she says, interrupting me.

WRITING STYLE: (10/4)

The writing style needs work. The author tells the readers what's happening instead of showing them. There are some descriptions in the story, however more need to be added. The characters are described, however the scenery isn't described much. The author seems to be trying to include a lot of mystery in the story. It gets repetitive though since often when something intriguing comes up the author keeps bringing it up, but not revealing anything about it.

PLOT: (20/3)

The plot needs to be thought out and developed more. A lot of the events that happen are very convenient. For example, Anthony knowing the passcode to the door to leave Revision. Why does he know the code? That seems like something only high ranking government officials should know. Also, why did the guard leave before the new guard arrived? It doesn't make sense, they shouldn't leave the door unguarded. The hatch at the top of the ladder not being locked was also very convenient. Why wasn't it locked? If they're hiding from these very dangerous creatures that can control people, it seems like they should have locked that. Also, why is it a ladder and not stairs or a ramp? A ladder doesn't seem like a good way to get thousands of people plus their belongings and supplies into the Revision. It was also mentioned there were disabled people the Revision. How did they get down the ladder? A lot of things also suddenly happen in the book without any build up. Willow got sick very suddenly and the readers don't see it happen. It would be more impactful if the readers saw it and saw the doctor telling Anthony his sister is going to die. It also seems very weird they know a lot about this sickness and what plant cures it, however, they don't grow it in the Revision.

If they're hiding something and being shady, then they shouldn't have told him what the cure is and that he can find the cure on the surface. Anthony and Lena shouldn't run into his mother and Haylee right away. Let the readers learn more about Anthony and his past before he runs into his mother again. Save that for way later in the book so the interaction is more heartbreaking. I'm not really sure why Haylee is in the story other than for the purpose of a love triangle. She doesn't seem to add anything other than being extremely rude to Lena because Lena is in love with Anthony. Also, how were they planning on finding this plant to cure Willow? They don't know what it looks like or where it grows. They know nothing. A lot isn't explained in the story either or it's explained later on and it seems like the author just came up with the explanation.

SURROUNDINGS: (10/4)

There is information given about the world, however, it doesn't tell the readers much. The world needs to be introduced and explained better in the story.

CONTENT INSIDE: (10/3)

The chapters were an alright length, however, the content didn't draw me in. The "continue in chapter (number)" at the end of the chapters isn't needed. The readers know the story isn't over and they need to continue onto the next chapter. The characters need to be developed more, they seem very one-dimensional right now. The relationships between the characters also need to be shown and developed more. There seems to be a clear love triangle starting and it also isn't developed much.

PACE: (5/0)

The pace of the story is too fast. As mentioned, Willow becoming ill happened very quickly. Anthony went on his journey to find the cure quickly without knowing hardly anything about the mystery plant. Lena also agreed to go on the journey with him after just meeting them.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT: (5/0)

The story didn't draw me in and make me want to keep reading. The story left me with a lot of questions. The characters weren't developed enough for me to be attached to them.

TOTAL: (35/90)

Overall, the story needs to be thought out and developed more. The plot of the story has a lot of holes and there are a lot of convenient things that happen. I know this is a post-apocalyptic story, however, the story still needs to be believable. It's not believable that the maintenance guy knows the passcode to the door to leave the underground city. It also seems some important aspects of the story were decided as the author was writing. The characters aren't developed much. Be sure to include information and descriptions in the story. Show the readers what's happening instead of telling them. The cover is alright, however, it's not very attractive. The red font is hard to read and it doesn't go well with the green background. Good luck with your story!

002 When Legends Cross

SpartanCatlord

TITLE: (5/5)

The title fits the story and it attracted readers to the book.

BLURB: (5/5)

The blurb introduces the story and the characters very well. It draws readers in and makes them want to read the story.

BEGINNING: (5/5)

The beginning draws readers in and makes them want to keep reading. The world in the story is introduced very well. The author works the information into the chapter seamlessly. Arrokas and the other characters are also introduced well.

GRAMMAR: (15/15)

I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors in the story.

WRITING STYLE: (10/8)

The writing style is very well done! The descriptions and information were worked into the story well. The descriptions also made it very easy to picture the characters and the scenery. The author does a good job showing the readers what's happening. The story was easy to understand, however, the phrasing in some of the action scenes made it a little hard to understand what was happening.

PLOT: (20/20)

The plot of the story was very interesting. It draws readers in and keeps them hooked. I'm interested in seeing where the story goes. The events in the story are introduced well and they play out at a good pace. The exposition introduces the characters and the world very well. The mystery surrounding why Arrokas left his noble life and became a pirate is intriguing. I really want to find out the reason! The cat and mouse game between Arrokas and Daf keeps readers on their toes.

SURROUNDINGS: (10/10)

The fantasy world in the story is introduced well and it's easy for readers to understand the world. As mentioned, the author does a good job working in the information about the world into the story. There's quite a bit of information included, however, the author doesn't dump it on the readers.

CONTENT INSIDE: (10/10)

The chapters are a very good length. The chapters also have good opening lines that draw the readers in. My favorite was chapter two's "Daf Carter stopped on the brink of dawn and watched his reputation plummet into the sea." The ends of the chapters leave readers wanting more. The characters are introduced very well and they're likable. Their personalities are clearly shown throughout the chapters. I also liked the diversity of the characters in the story.

PACE: (5/5)

The pace is consistent and the story is progressing at a good pace.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT: (5/5)

It was a very enjoyable read! I honestly couldn't believe I had read everything that was posted I was so drawn into the story. I'm excited to see where the story goes and see more of Arrokas and Daf's story. I also love that the sheriff's name is Daffodil lol! I want more of the story, I would definitely read on!

TOTAL: (88/90)

Overall, the story was very well done! The plot is very intriguing and it's clear the author put a lot of thought into everything. The plot draws readers in and leaves them wanting more. The characters are interesting and likable. The writing style is also very well done. The descriptions make it easy to picture everything and it feels like you're in the story. Some of the phrasing during the action scenes could be clearer so it's easier for the readers to understand what's happening. The cover is very pretty! It fits the story well and it attracts readers. It looks like a cover you would see on a published book. Good luck with your story!

003 The Case Of Notre Dame Cathedral

Evolution-500

TITLE: (4/5)

It wasn't the most creative title, but it fit the story well since it was about the Notre Dame Cathedral. It was a little bit deceiving, since the title lends itself more to mystery than action but I couldn't think of a better name for this story.

BLURB: (5/5)

The BEST blurb ever. It was short and sweet and it told me everything I needed to know about the book without it spoiling everything. The first two sentences drew me in immediately and the additional questions made me interested in the plot as well.

BEGINNING: (3.5/5)

The entire prologue wasn't very exciting, but the part right above Mr. Underwood's picture was money, it was phenomenal. However, after the picture the prologue felt a little lackluster in comparison. It had too many irrelevant details about Mr. Underwood, such as the part about him being fat and comparing him in his younger years versus now since that didn't add anything to the plot. Everything else was on point.

GRAMMAR: (5/15)

There were no major grammatical errors spotted.

WRITING STYLE: (8/10)

It was relatively easy to follow, but I didn't necessarily like the voice that was used. I would've preferred if the descriptions of each character was spread out throughout the whole chapter/book instead of being squished into one paragraph. Additionally, there were pictures of the characters so the descriptions didn't need to be as detailed.

PLOT: (19/20)

I loved the plot! I thought it was well-executed and whatever was promised in the blurb was given to me. Now, there wasn't necessarily a twist because we were told in the prologue who it was going to be, but I thought the reasoning behind why it was him was satisfactory.

SURROUNDINGS: (10/10)

As stated in another section, the descriptions are on point so I was able to visualize everything they were doing to the utmost degree. It made sense how they reacted and acted and I thought it made sense.

CONTENT INSIDE: (10/10)

I loved the book over all, I thought everything was done pretty well. The chapters weren't too long either, so I enjoyed reading them. The book overall was engaging with action happening pretty frequently. There wasn't as much evident character development, but since the book was quite short I felt that it was okay without it.

PACE: (4.5/5)

Overall the pacing was good, action happened pretty frequently so I thought it was alright. Occasionally, however, I struggled to understand what exactly was happening near the end of the story since everything was happening quite fast.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT: (5/5)

I enjoyed it, I thought it was a well played out story. Even though it was a bit predictable, especially since all of the questions to the plot twists were laid out in the blurb, how the content was executed was fantastic.

TOTAL: (74/90)

004 Phoenix Consumption

YsmeriaGuilro

TITLE (4/5)

It's a memorable title and it's very unique. It took me a while to understand why it was the title, but once I did it made perfect sense. But that was only the Phoenix part of the title, and I could see the Consumption part of the title, but it didn't fit as nicely as Phoenix did.

BLURB: (4/5)

It described the general outline for the plot and I think also the general outline for the series as well so kudos for that. However, it made the plot seem more romance-forward than action-forward. It also played into the stereotype of how a typical Mafia Romance book is supposed to go which might make people less interested.

BEGINNING: (4/5)

The beginning introduced May's situation that made it easy for the readers to understand. However, it's not very interesting to read since the story is telling us about her situation and not showing us her situation.

GRAMMAR: (15/15)

I didn't spot any major grammatical errors while reading the story.

WRITING STYLE: (9/10)

It was good overall, but the biggest problem was that the writing style told us what was happening rather than showing us what was happening. I liked the dialogues, they were short and straight to the point, and it was in first POV and it didn't change, which I liked.

PLOT: (16/20)

Mafia plots are something that has been used since the beginning of time, and while this one changed a very minor detail, it was still a stereotypical Mafia story. However, I liked how it was played out and it was completely like every other Mafia story on the app.

SURROUNDINGS: (10/10)

As stated in another section, the descriptions are on point so I was able to visualize everything they were doing to the utmost degree. It made sense how they reacted and acted and I thought it made sense.

CONTENT INSIDE: (10/10)

I loved the book over all, I thought everything was done pretty well. The chapters weren't too long either, so I enjoyed reading them. The book overall was engaging with action happening pretty frequently. There wasn't as much evident character development, but since the book was quite short I felt that it was okay without it.

PACE: (4.5/5)

Overall the pacing was good, action happened pretty frequently so I thought it was alright. Occasionally, however, I struggled to understand what exactly was happening near the end of the story since everything was happening quite fast.

ENJOYMENT AND ENGAGEMENT: (5/5)

I enjoyed it, I thought it was a well played out story. Even though it was a bit predictable, especially since all of the questions to the plot twists were laid out in the blurb, how the content was executed was fantastic.

TOTAL- 74/90