━━ chapter eleven
rainbow muffins

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     ━━Percy was gods damn heavy. His much taller height slumped against Fiona's short five-foot-three self, and she growled a bunch of curses to his stupid son of Neptune ass as she lugged him towards the convenience store. She hoped none of those snakes would jump out at her, fangs bared. Her pugio wasn't a long-range weapon━she wouldn't be able to attack them from a distance. Luckily, they were getting close to the convenience store and were yet to have a meeting with one of Polybotes snakes. Fiona didn't know how she'd be able to fight anyway with a six-foot loser leaning on her.

    They were twenty yards from the porch when something hissed in the grass behind them.

    "Go!" Frank yelled.

    Startled, Percy stumbled. Fiona quickly caught him, muttering a, "Whoa, hold it there Barnacle-Blue," as Hazel helped her and Percy across the long grass. Behind them, Frank turned and nocked an arrow.

    He shot blindly. An orange flare burst through the grass and illuminating the monster. Sitting in a patch of withered yellow grass was a lime-coloured snake. Its head was ringed with a mane of spiky white fins. The creature stared at the arrow zipping by, startled.

    They reached the steps of the store, climbing up. Frank was yet to follow them. Hazel called over her shoulder, "Frank! Come on!"

    The snake sprang at him. It sailed through the air so fast, there wouldn't be any time for him to nock an arrow. Frank just swung his bow and smacked the monster down the hill. It spun out of sight with a, "Screeeeee!"

    Fiona would be very proud of Frank (yes, she's being honest!), but instead felt a sharp pang of fear in seeing his bow steaming where it had touched the snake. Frank yelped and let go, watching in disbelief as the wood crumbled to dust. There was an outraged hiss, answered by two more hisses further downhill.

    He ran for the proch, and Fiona, Percy and Hazel pulled him up the steps. He was lucky, just getting out of the way in time. All three monsters circled in the grass, breathing fire and turning the hillside brown with their poisonous touch. Fiona narrowed her eyes at them, trying to figure out what the beasts were and how to stop them.

    "We'll never get out of here," said Frank miserably.

    "Then we'd better go in," Hazel pointed to the hand-painted sign over the door: RAINBOW ORGANIC FOODS & LIFESTYLES.

    "Oh, no, please don't tell me it's a hippy shop..." whined Fiona, but she followed her friends inside.

    As soon as they stepped through the door, the shop lit up in light. Flute music started up like they had walked onto a stage. Fiona scrunched her nose at the smell of insence, eyeing the wide aisles lined with bins of nuts and dried fruits, baskets of apples, and cothing racks with tie-dyed shirts and gauzy TInker Bell-type dresses. She heard the cling clang music of wid chimes above, hanging from the roof. Along the walls, glass cases displayed crystal balls, goedes, macramé dream catchers and a bunch of other hippy stuff. Fiona glowered, feeling like she was being outed for being violent and unhealthy just by walking in here. She's healthy, okay?! She eats her vegetables and fruit, just because she doesn't like whole-grain toast doesn't mean she's going to get diabetes!

    "Fortune-teller's shop?" Frank wondered.

    "Hope not," Hazel muttered.

    Percy leaned agianst Fiona, and she quickly went to hold him, because a six foot Percy Jackson would definitely crush a tiny Fiona Midgrass if crashing down on her with no way of stopping. He looked worse than ever; face glistened with sweat and looking like he had just caught the plague or something. Fiona's anger and annoyance all immediately flooded away and was replaced with worry. "Sit down ..." he muttered. "Maybe water."

    "Yeah, yeah," Fiona said gently. "I hear you, Barnacle Bubbles. Come on, let's find you a place to rest. Maybe they have some blue hippy food somewhere."

    The floorboards creaked under their feet. Frank led the way, navigating through the shop. With one hand around Percy's waist, Fiona supported him through the aisles. In spotting some blue prawn crackers, she grabbed the packet and decided she could spare some money━even if it was stupidly expensive for just a packet. Then she stopped.

    Wait, if he ate prawn crackers would that be cannibalism? Fiona didn't want to risk it and quickly stuffed them back in the bin. Instead, she grabbed a packet of berries under the sign that says: will help cold and flu symptoms! They were purple-blueish, that would have to do. She showed them to him━she thinks they're Elderberries. Percy scruched his nose up. "They're healthy..." he murmured.

    Fiona sighed, her shoulders slumping━this dork━ "Percy, we're in a hippy shop, you want blue food? You're having healthy blue food."

    Frank passed between two Neptune statue fountains when a girl popped out of nowhere form behind some granola bins. "Help you?"

    Frank lurched backwards, knocking over one of the fountains. A stone Neptune crashed to the floor. The sea god's head rolled off and water spewed out of his neck, spraying a rack of tie-dyed man satchels.

    "Sorry!" Frank squeaked and bent down to clean up the mess. He almost goosed the girl with his spear.

    "Eep!" she said. "Hold it! It's okay!"

    Frank straightened slowly, trying not to cause anymore damage. Hazel look mortified. Fiona resisted an amused smirk, especially when Percy turned a sickly shade of green as he stared at the decapitaed statue of his father. The girl clapped her hands, and the founatin dissolved into mist. The water evaporated, and she turned to Frank. "Really, it's no problem. Those Neptune fountains are so grumpy-looking they bum be out."

    The girl definitely looked like she belonged in this shop. She screamed 1960s hippy mashed in a blender with early two thousands chic-flick college geek. She was short and muscular, with lace-up boots, cargo shorts and a bright yellow T-shirt that took a little while for Fiona to read because it was in cursive, but she managed to get: R.O.F.L, an acronym for: Rainbow Organic Foods & Lifestyles. She originally thought Organic said Orange, but that didn't make sense. She looked young, but her hair was frizzy white (see what Fiona means about early two-thousands chic flick college geek?), sticking out on either side of her head like she had been electrocuted.

    "Uh ..." Frank cleared his throat, "sorry about the fountain. We were just━"

    "Oh, I know!" the girl said. "You want to browse. It's all right. Demigods are welcome. Take your time. You're not like those awful monsters. They just want to use the restroom and never buy anything━oh! I see you've got the Elderberries," she grinned at Fiona. "They're great for colds, and just you're luck, are half-price! Would you like me to put them aside for you on the counter━?" before Fiona could even answer, the berries were taken away from her hands. The girl's eyes flashed with lighting, and Fiona's eyes widened. She wondered whether she had imagined it, but at the look on Frank and Hazel's faces, she knew she hadn't.

    From the back of the store, a woman's voice called: "Fleecy? Don't scare the customers, now. Bring them here, will you?"

    "Your name is Fleecy?" Hazel asked.

    Fleecy giggled. "Well, in the language of the nebulae it's actually━" she made a series and crackling and blowing noises that made Fiona realise what she was. She was a cloud nymph. "But you can call me Fleecy."

    Before Fiona could show off her smarts, Percy muttered in a baze beside her, "Nebulae ... Cloud nymphs."

    Fiona frowned, a little upset her moment of showing off was taken away by the person she wanted to show off to. Fleecy beemed. "Oh, I like this one! Usually no one knows about cloud nymphs. But, dear me, he doesn't look so good. Wise choice on the Elderberries!" she added to Fiona. "Come to he back. My boss wants to meet you. We'll get your friend fixed up."

    With that said, Fleecy happily led them back through the produce aisle, between rows of aubergines, kiwis━Fiona kept a bit of a birth from the kiwis, she was allergic━lotus fruit and pomegranates (cue her fiddling with her necklace nervously). At the back of the store, behind a counter with an old-fashioned till, stood a middle-aged woman with olive skin, long black hair, rimmed glasses and a T-shirt that said: The Goddess Is Alive! She wore amber necklaces and turqoise rings, and she smelt like rose petals.

    Fleecy hobbled around the counter with Fiona's elderberries and quickly started to work at the till, "That'll be five denarii, please!"

    "Five denarii?" Fiona frowned at her. What a rip off and that was half price?! Either way, she sighed and reached into her bag with difficulty. She pulled out five denarii and dropped it down onto the counter. Fleecy grinned and took the money before placing the packet of berries in a nice eco-friendly brown biodegradable bag.

    "Hello!" the woman that was Fleecy's boss leaned over the counter, which was lined with dozens of little statues━waving Chinese cats, Buddhas, those sort of things. Fiona made the Saint Francis bobble head wobble back and forth. "So glad you're here. I'm Iris!"

    Hazel's eyes widened. "Not the Iris━the rainbow goddess?"

    Fiona arched a brow, surprised. She honestly didn't imagine Iris to be the person standing in front of her. To be honest, she imagined someone more like Fleecy. Iris made a face. "Well, that's my official job, yes. But I don't define myself by my corporate identity. In my spare time, I run this!" she gestured at the shop around her produly. "The R.O.F.L. Co-op━an employee-run cooperative proming healty alternative lifestyles and organic foods."

    Frank stared at her. "But you throw chocolate muffins at monsters."

    Iris looked horrified. "Oh, they're not just chocolate muffines," she rummaged under the counter and brought a whole package of chocoate-covered muffins. "These are gluten-free, no-sugar-added, vitamin-enriched, soy-free, goat-milk-and-seaweed-based cupcake simulations."

    "All natural!" chimed in Fleecy.

    "I stand corrected," Frank muttered.

    Fiona held her Elderberries protectively to her chest. Iris smiled. "You should try one, Frank. You're lactose intolerant, aren't you?"

    "How did you━?"

    "I know these things. Being the messenger goddess ... well, I do learn a lot, hearing all the communications from the gods and so on," she tossed the cakes on the counter. "Besides, those monsters should be glad to have some healthy snacks. Always eating junk food and heroes. They're so unenlightened. I couldn't have them tromping through my store, tearing up things and disturbing our feng shui."

    Percy suddenly leaned against the counter, and Fiona nearly dropped his food she bought for him. Five denarii━as half-price?! What was wrong with them?! "Monsters marching south," he said with difficulty. "Going to destroy our camp. Couldn't you stop them?"

    "Oh, I'm strictly non-violent," said Irish. "I can act in self-defence, but I won't be drawn into any more Olympian aggression, thank you very much. I've been reading about Buddhism. And Toism. I haven't decided between them."

    Fiona was confused, though. She was sure Iris wasn't Roman━she definitely didn't sound Roman. Non-violent? Ppht! Definitely not Roman. "But aren't you like a Greek goddess?"

    Those words struck a chord with Iris and she crossed her arms. Narrowing her eyes at Fiona, she said, "Don't try to put me in a box, demigod! I'm not defined by my past."

    "Um ... okay ..." Fiona hugged the berries even closer. "Look, sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. Go you for not being defined by your past. But━um━you see, could you at least help our friend here? I think he's sick."

    Percy reached across the counter. Fiona jumped backwards, startled by his sudden actions. "Iris-message," he said. "Can you send one?"

    Iris-message? What's that? She wasn't the only one confused, because Frank and Hazel both looked at him like he had grown a second limb. "Iris-message?" Frank asked.

    "It's ..." Percy faltered. "Isn't that something you do?"

    Iris studied Percy more closely. "Interesting," she mused. "You're from Camp Jupiter, and yet ... Oh, I see. Juno is up to her tricks."

   "What?" asked Hazel.

    Iris glanced at Fleecy, seeming to have a silent conversation. Fiona watched them, trying to understand it, but it was over quicker than one could snap their fingers. The goddess pulled out a vial from behind the counter and sprayed some honeysuckle-smelling oil around Ferc's face. "There, that should balance your chakra. And have some of those berries your friend here, bought, they should help. As for Iris-messages━that's an ancient way of communication. The Greeks used it," (At it again with the Greek. None of this has to be a coincidence. Percy Jackson was connected to the Greek ways, somehow. She doesn't know how, she just knows he is). "The Romans never took to it━always relying on their road systems and giant eagles and whatnot. But yes, I imagine ... Fleecy, could you give it a try?"

    "Sure, boss!"

    Iris winked at Frank, "Don't tell the other gods, but Fleecy handles most of my messages these days. She's wonderful at it, really, and I don't have time to answer all those requests personally. It messes up my wa."

    "Your wa?" Frank looked bewildered.

    She hummed, nodding. "Fleecy, why don't you take Percy, Fiona and Hazel into the back? You can get them something to eat while you arrange their messages. As for Percy ... yes, memory sickness. I imagine that old Polybotes ... well, meeting him in a state of amnesia can't be good for a child of P━that is to say, Neptune. Fleecy, give him a cup of tea with organic honey and wheat germ and some of my medicinal powder number five. And make sure you have those berries! That should fix him up."

    Hazel frowned. "What about Frank?"

    Iris turned to the son of Mars, tilting her head quizzically as if Frank was the biggest question in the room. "Oh, don't worry," she said. "Frank and I have a lot to talk about."

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    ━━Percy tried to Iris-message two people. Fiona watched, shocked at how he could just get an image of someone as if on Skype but with water, mist and a rainbow. First, they reached Reyna, who was absolutely surprised to have them interrupt her bath time. They warned her about the army. Percy then tried to call the girl Annabeth, but Fleecy couldn't find her, and Percy was in a terrible mood afterwards, despite looking much less sick. He was back to brooding, looking anguished and lost. Fiona wished there was a way to fix his memory loss, and she asked Fleecy when the others weren't listening if there was any way, but she just sighed and shook her head, telling her: "It's not like he's lost his memories, or had a nasty hit to the head, they're stolen. I'm sorry."

    Fiona has never felt the need to help someone as much as she felt the need to help Percy. Maybe it was because his pain was so obvious and yet he didn't talk about it. He just carried the responsibility of the world on his shoulders, and Fiona wasn't sure yet whether it genuinely concerned her, or just annoyed her. The only other time Fiona has cared this much was in the case of Hazel's blackouts, but that made sense because she was the first sister she has ever had, like how she cares about Nico. But with Percy, it was different and she doesn't know how to explain. Yeah, she liked him and thought he was good-looking. But it was different than that. She just cared and she couldn't stop hersef. (It was very annoying and very unlike her. She doesn't just care without reason. She just wins. She doesn't trust anyone but herself. She doesn't allow anyone in. And yet, Fiona felt like she could tell Percy all of her problems and he'd just listen and smell like sea salt and make her feel calm. It was very disturbing for her isolated, competitive and stand-offish self━and when he ate some of her elderberries, she felt giddy inside, like she was some sort of child of Venus).

     The feelings all washed away, however, when they were told by Iris that Frank had gone out to fight the snakes━Basilisks! That's what they were!━and was replaced with a fear of, wait, what?!

    Together, the three of them rushed outside, weapons drawn only to see Frank holding the spear his father gave him amongst yellow-patched grass looking as though he had seen a ghost. The spear-tip, however, was gone, leaving just a long rod of Imperial gold.

    "Are you okay?" Hazel asked him.

    Percy turned in a circle, supporting a fresh tie-dyed man satchel that he did not like, looking for enemies. "Iris told us you were battling the basilisks by yourself, and we were, like, What? We came as fast as we could. What happened?"

    Fiona frowned, hearing the hum in her ears. She stepped down, following the feeling until she came to a patch of grass. She crouched down as Frank muttered, "I'm not sure."

    "I sense death," Fiona said. "Either Nico has been here or ... the basilisks are dead?"

    She stared at him, quite impressed. Percy let out a grin of awe, "You killed them all?"

    Frank gazed at them, looking like a fish out of water. He gripped the tip-less spear tighter. He glanced down at it, troubled. He muttered something that Fiona couldn't hear.

    "What?" Hazel asked him. "Frank, are you okay?"

    "I'll explain later," he said. "Right now, there's a blind man in Portland we've got to see."

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    a/n: fiona: why am i feeling fluttery, stop it. i don't do feelings. sTOP

    also ... headcannons? *puppy dog eyes* ill draw my fav's and post them next chapter :D