"I don't know why we even bother to watch this." Roz spoke as Zoya met her on the couch, plenty of time passing since the Presidents party and it now being time to announce the Quarter Quell games. "It only ever makes you go silent for a week."

"I go silent because i'm afraid i'll say something to get myself killed." Zoya pulled the blanket over her legs, the house cold, the floors freezing. "Plus, we need to know what their plan is this year, for when we mentor the tributes."

"I don't know if I can." Roz said honestly, watching President Snow walk toward the stand. "Will you be okay alone?"

No, Zoya wanted to yell at her. No, I wouldn't be okay alone. No, I wouldn't be okay getting close to another tribute then watching them die. No, I wouldn't be okay getting another cup thrown at me from an angry tribute. No, I wouldn't be okay all alone. "Yes, i'll be okay."

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Snows first words had their attention back on the projector, sat quiet and still in order to not miss a word. "This is the 75th year of The Hunger Games. And it was written in the charter of The Games that every 25 years, there would be a Quarter Quell to keep fresh for each new generation the memory of those who died in the uprising against The Capitol."

Zoya wished she was with Peeta listening to this, holding his hand so it wouldn't be so difficult to listen.

"Each Quarter Quell is trailed by Games of a specific significance. And now on this the 75th anniversary of our defeat of the rebellion, we celebrate the 3rd Quarter Quell as a reminder that even the strongest cannot overcome the power of The Capitol." Snow looked at the camera when he said it. Zoya couldn't sit still then, she never could when she was nervous or anxious. She stood, the thick blanket falling to the clean floors as her body paced slightly. "On this, the 3rd Quarter Quell Games, the male and female Tributes are to be reaped from the existing pool of Victors in each district."

Zoyas entire body filled of chills, her throat began to hurt but she couldn't figure out why. After a second, she realized she was screaming, that's why she was hurting. Roz took off in a sprint, Zoya wanted to go after her but she couldn't move. The bedroom door slammed, crashing and yells echoing down the hall. The Butterfield girl felt like throwing up, her legs giving out as she hit the ground, scooting against the couch and hiding her face in her knees. She cried, she sobbed, she choked on her own pain and panic.

The it hit her, and suddenly it made it so much worse. Katniss. Peeta. Finnick. Joanna. Haymitch. Anne. Roz.

It came too quick, it came too soon. Zoya planned on booking a train to District 12, but she was drug from her house the next morning. Roz was an emotion wreck, shaking and mumbling under her breath. It was terrifying seeing her that way again, just coming back from her trauma and pain. Zoya and Roz didn't speak through the night, both too lost.

Zoya was debating if she saves herself if Roz's name is called, or save her.

"Rosalind Warnhall." the woman announced too soon, too fast, too quick.

Zoya didn't even realize she was doing it, in her mind still trying to figure out what she'd rather do, but her mouth had decided for her. "I volunteer as tribute!"

Roz latched onto her quickly, sobbing into her neck. Zoya didn't want to cry infront of all these people, she needed to show this didn't break her, despite it actually killing her inside and out. "I love you. Don't leave me. Come home."

"I love you too." Zoya held into Roz as the male tribute was called. She couldn't say anything else, because non of it would be true. The Peacekeepers grabbed Zoya harshly, yanking her.

"Come home!" Roz yelled for her.

I'm not coming home.

The train ride, Zoya and her district tribute were separated. Zoya was glad to be alone, knowing she wouldn't get much of it. She held the knife she slept with under her pillow, a second she thought about slicing her wrist open. She then thought about jumping off the train. Thoughts she'd experienced nearly everyday but had slowly gotten better. Now it worsened.

The only reason she didn't in those moments was because she knew they'd drag Roz to the games when they discovered Zoyas dead body.

The train came to a halt, the crowd outside louder then she'd ever heard before. People of the Capitol, Zoya lovers, had crowded the train and were waiting to see her. She wished they weren't here, she wished she wasn't here. As the Peacekeepers pulled her and her district partner from the train, she was met with screaming people dressed in bright colors and fake nightlock accessories.

"Zoya! Zoya! Zoya Butterfield!"

"Zoya, how do you feel going into the games?"

"Did you miss home, Zoyas?"

"Why'd you volunteer?"

"Will you trick the other tributes again?"

"Zoya!" this time, the voice made her turn quickly. Bronzed skin and sandy blonde hair moved through the crowd, fighting off the reaching hands.

Zoya sighed at the sight of Finnick, grabbing onto him tightly. "You're name was pulled?"

"Come on." Finnick pulled her under his arm, much stronger then the crowd as he managed to pull her toward the opening doors where they'd be secure and safe from the crowd.

Zoyas heart stopped. "Do you think you'll be able to kill your close friend, Peeta Mellark?"

Zoya whipped around fast, so fast Finnick lost his grip on her. She was looking for the voice that said it. "He's here?"

"Come on." Finnick pulled her along again, saving her life before she could have any reaction.

"He's here? Peetas here? His name was pulled?" Zoya panicked over and over, not giving a single care in the world that her reaction to Peeta being back in the game was a huge red flag.

What did it matter? She'd be dead soon anyways.

"Have you seen Joanna?" Finnick asked as the two were dressed in their outfits for the next day. No one let Zoya go to District Twelve this time around, locked up in her room. The night went by slow, feeling like decades. Now here she was the next morning, standing in a blue dress with light bulb earrings, build in lights that flickered each time she breathed. Finnick was worse then she was, nearly naked and not giving much coverage at all.

"No." Zoya looked around, hand latched onto Finnicks wrist. The Capitol ate that up though, obsessed with the two from the moment they met at Zoyas victor party, Finnick showing up and hitting it off with her. Little did they know they'd known each other longer then that, too many shared train rides to accompany the people of the Capitol in the middle of the night. They were both too strong to cry, but having your best of friend being thrown into a killing game was one of the worst things either of them experienced. "I hope she's close."

"Zoya." Katniss was hurrying her way. She'd walked away from her horse and hugged her tightly. Zoya didn't realize how hard this would be either, seeing Katniss here again, having to see her in the Games. "You're an idiot."

"I know." Zoya held her tightly. "I'm so sorry."

So sorry for everyone.

"I tried with Haymitch, I swear. Peeta volunteered for him." Katniss whispered to her, hands shaking on her shoulders.

"Where is he? Where's Peeta?" Zoya pulled back from Katniss quickly.

"Around the corner with Cinna." Katniss pointed, and Zoya was away quicker then she even realized she was moving. Finnick and Katniss stayed back, giving her the space she'd need. They both knew she'd been too strong to react the way she wanted to, wanting too badly to prove something to the Capitol rather then grieve.

"Peeta." Zoya whispered as she went around the corner. It wasn't completely safe, but they weren't totally in the open either. He turned, Cinna frowning at the sight of the two. Neither even said anything, latching onto each other tightly. This is what they warned you about, the hard part of love, but the chance they'd both make it out alive were zero.

"Why would you do that?" Zoya asked, holding him so close, like it was there last. In a way, it was. Unlike how she was with everyone else, Peeta was the only persons she felt like she could cry infront of. And she did, and that made him cry.

"Because I knew you would." Peeta said back, pulling back to hold her face with a shake of his head. "I'm not gonna let you die."

"Too bad." Zoyas eyes flickered all around his face. "Because i'm not gonna let you die."

•

kylie speaks

pain.