act i

pg. xi

𝐏𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑

' 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞
𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫,
𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐥𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 '

_________________

THE NEXT NIGHT

            JUNE SAT AT HER wooden desk, the pen she held in her hand constantly tapping being the only noise to fill the silence that overcame her bedroom. it was somewhere around 8:45 p.m, and she was about to leave to go meet with celine — this time alone.

          she'd been pushing off the thought of communicating with her mother, but finally having enough of her own antics, she gathered the courage over an hour ago. however, although she was destined to write, her page was blank.

dear mom,

"nah that's wrong.." she whispered to herself , erasing the word mom and replacing it with her mother's actual name, dana.

its your first daughter , june.

        the girl took a deep breath, beginning to feel an uneasy sensation in her stomach. suddenly everything felt so overwhelming; she didn't even know what to say or what to ask.

someone once told me, not letting go of your dark past could hinder a bright future,
so here i am , letting go.

iris told me you asked about us the other night, and i find that funny because for years; there wasn't one single letter, nor a phonecall.

i'm 16 now, carter's 19 and maya's 10, by the way. i know you'd ask.

anyways , i ain't writing to catch up on times or tell you about my life or any of that stuff. i'm only writing for my sanity, for my own closure. some things i kept so deep within me when it came to you dana, only now am i beginning to realize how deep you've scarred me.

but, i'll never understand your reasons for leaving us until i ask. here i am, asking.

         before june could continue to get her thoughts out, a knock came from her bedroom door, causing her to jump a bit. quickly flipping the sheet of paper over, she shifts her body in the doors direction.

"come in!"

          her door slowly creaked open, revealing carter. he was dressed nicely, he always was. a black turtle neck with his infamous gold chain & a fresh fade — however june thought it was entirely too hot to be wearing a turtleneck.

"i'm heading out." he stated. june looked at him for a minute, barely able to focus.

"where you going? and why are you wearing that in the summertime? i mean it look good — but it's summer, in the bronx. nigga it's hot out."

               carter chuckled, looking down at his attire. however , he didn't hesitate to make up a lie, he did it far too often to forget how. the worst part was, usually june could tell when someone was lying to her ; but she believed every word he'd say.

"i'm goin to my new girl house, and it gets a bit drafty." he began, "but — don't you got somewhere to be yourself?"

            sighing softly, she bit her lip. she'd been so wrapped up in thoughts of her mother, she nearly forgot about celine. had she stayed there five minutes longer, she'd wound up late.

"yeah i'm leaving now." she stammered , placing her mother's letter in a drawer. carter smacks his lips at the false claim.

"ain't look like leaving to me." carter proclaimed. june playfully rolled her eyes before turning off her desk lamp and pushing past him to leave. "look like you was doin homework."

"yeah yeah, but don't do nothing stupid at this girls house aight? i ain't in the business of babysitting no nieces or nefews." june demands dramatically, yet jokingly.

"hey , who's the adult here?" he chuckles , frizzing up her hair before she pushes him away.

"i'm forreal. and call when you're about to come back, so atleast iris will know you're safe if i ain't home." june folded her arms. carters smile faded as a strong feeling of guilt came over him. she genuinely loved and cared for him, and he lied to her about what it was that he did so much. it started to get the best of him. "and please promise me you'll be safe."

          it wasn't like he didn't always  leave in the middle of the night. june pushed them feeling away as paranoia , but something didn't seem right. perhaps it was her mother, or celine. whatever it was, she just hoped it'd surpass.

"i promise. you better keep look out too okay, know it's a lot of gangsters and shit prowling — remember them moves i taught you." june smiled lightly, nodding. carter then stuck out his pinky finger, for her to intertwine hers in a pinky promise , then grasped her in a hug.

"where she stay anyway?" she mumbled into him. carter took a deep breath, that feeling of guilt still lingering in his bones as he held his little sister close.

he had to tell her.

"i'll tell you all about it when i see you again."

__________________

CARTER

"ah shit! alright , wolf who would you take in a fight? bruce lee or jim brown?" cadillac asks me specifically, shuffling the deck cards as we all sat around the table prepared to play a game of gin.

           here we were , another saturday spent with the hierarchy of drug lords in the entire bronx; waisted. i hated it here. it made me money, and kept me safe; but i wasn't here because of my own free will, and no matter how much they tried to make it a family — they'll never be no family to me. i don't love these chumps, and i'll never be loyal. you ain't got family without loyalty.

"bruce lee all day man." i manage to force a laugh. " you seen gusts of furry? mr.lss is lethal as hell."

              i shift my eyes from him to fat annie, who sat across from me, making instant eye contact. she always looked at me, but not the way she looked at me tonight. typically her eyes would be filled with lust; desire. tonight it was more of amusement, or suspense.
              it was colder than ever as i suspected. anybody who worked under annie were the only people you'd catch walking around with jackets and suits on in this weather. she kept it so cold, like her heart.

"shao baby, put on carter's favorite record. it's time to share the big news." her smile was sinister, full of secrets and a web of lies. my stomach began to tingle , and my palms felt sweaty.

"bruce lee ain't shit compared to jim brown!" cadillac laughs, but i was far more focused on annie. shaolin did as told , and began to play my record. perhaps i did something good; but knowing her , it was never that simple. last time i did something beneficial, she 'rewarded' me personally; and for that, i'll never view women the same.

           i look down at my cards, trying to discard the lump that'd formed in my throat, thinking back on all that she's done to me — to all of us.

"this is my song." i murmur , trying to force myself out of that sunken place. i nod my head, listening to the rhythm. the entire time annie didn't take her eyes off of me.

i should've known i was in trouble right then and there.

__________________

JUNE

       june sat on the half empty subway, seeming to be concentrating hard on the graffiti covered walls, but her mind was everywhere else.
           it was with ezekiel at first. things like how was he doing at mr.gunns'? was he asking him weird , provoking questions?
then it went to the girls — what were they doing? where exactly did they go?
it was like , she thought of them as a way to distract herself from her reality.

        once she finally reached her destination in manhattan, a smile made its way on her face. it was like a lift had been lifted from her chest as she breathed in the fresh air. manhattan may have been right across the river, but it was like another world. when she was in the bronx, she was j, ol' girl from up the street. however , in manhattan she was june monroe. june monroe.

"june monroe." june checked in with the same old receptionist, who looked just as pitiful as the last time she were there. the woman did a double take, almost as if she were surprised, before typing into the fax machine.

"right this way." she finally spoke after a short moment of silence.

        june followed silently behind her into the elevator , leaning her back against the wall. nobody said a word. june somehow managed to keep herself from staring at the woman. june found her so pretty, but it were as if she had a permanent scowl. the girls at southmoore would've clowned her if they saw her.

       soon enough, the elevator door made a loud ding! signaling that they were at their destination. within seconds, the doors slowly
open revealing a young black man. he wore a suit, and his hair was in a style june had never seen before. he was fine.

"june?" he asks, his deep monotone sending her ears into a bliss. june, lost for words, nods. the stranger flashes the whitest teeth june had ever seen, extending his arm out to him.

"i'll take it from here linda, enjoy." he foretold the receptionist. for the first time, june actually witnesses the woman smiling. scoffing to herself , she looks at the boy , then the woman.

noway they have employees this charming.

_______________

CARTER

"y'all won't believe what this bad motherfucker did." annie gestures toward shaolin, taking a big whiff of her cigar.

"what he did?" cadillac scoffs at the boy. he never liked him, and fat annie tried so hard to force their bond. shaolin was clearly her favorite, but what she'd done to him was no different than what she's been doin to me since i was twelve.

"he found napoleon." annie claimed. "..and all your dirty little secrets that came with him." she continued to stare at me, catching me off guard. the room grew curious , neither of us knew what she was talking about. my eyes shift to shaolin, who looked down at his cards with guilt all over his face.

"what?" i place my cards down carefully. "what are you talking about?"

       i could feel my pulse speeding up, and my temperature rising. the only thing more dangerous than an accusation is the proof that it's true.  i've never been so afraid in my entire life.

"you know napolean though, don't you? according to him, you two used to work together." she snarled. i nearly wanted to laugh in fear.

it was true.

     years ago, before i even knew of fat annie — before my mama even left, i joined this gang; they called themselves the warlords. i was young as hell, but i ran that shit, however it got me nowhere and my family was struggling.
        then my moms left us. we moved to the south, started a new life, and i had responsibilities now. i was twelve.
annie found me. she saw potential in my eyes she said , she found them to be familiar. she promised to take care of me and my family, she was someone who took a particular liking to me just because i was related to a man & woman she once new...

she said i owed it to her.

"okay yeah — but i ain't seen the little nigga in years!" i lied, trying to prove i'm innocent for whatever they were about to accuse me of doing. it had to be more than just knowing the dude.

          annie shook her head in disbelief. it was deeper than i knew, and i could tell.

"carter .. my sweet , sweet carter. you've been playing games with me honey." fat annie chuckled. "i know everything."

"yo.. whatever you heard, isn't true." i could feel my stomach turning. you didn't have to be a rocket scientist to see the evil that lingered within annie. my life was on the line ; i knew, i might not walk out of here tonight.

"you know what i heard? i heard it was a real young boy, about 18. drove a red buick, loves cuban cigars." she puffed smoke out of her mouth before continuing. " — and loves this song."

          her large eyes studied me carefully as i tried my hardest not to break down. I'd be damned if i do, but damned if i don't. i was a man now, whether she knew it or not. i tensed up, prepare for whatever.

              then suddenly, a sharp pain entered my knee from under the table , along with the sound of a gunshot.

        as i collapsed to the floor in pain, i notice the large pool of blood that had already escaped from my body. the red that colored my insides , painted onto my hand & clothes.

"fuck!!" i cry out loudly, feeling pain i never even knew existed.

________________

JUNE

"you must be something different." the boy states, breaking the silence that had fallen upon the two. "celine doesn't usually hire them this young."

       the words made june tingle inside. half of her was nervous, because she wasn't really sure what to expect. the other half was ready for whatever came her way. she was confident, yet terrified.

"who are you again?" june questions, looking up at the stranger. "i don't think i heard a name."

"forgive my poor manners , i'm daniel young." just by looking at him, june could tell he came from money. he wasn't cut like the boys in her neighborhood. he had class. "but they call me dani around here for short."

"what you do dani?" she continues, "if you don't mind me asking." daniel took one glance at her before smiling.

"i'm a photographer."

"oh forreal? you must be real good." she spoke. daniel raised an eyebrow, still keeping that grin.

"how you figure?"

          she didn't want to point out that he was the only person she'd seen in the building that was of color, nor that he had to be not much older than her & celine clearly had an age limit.

"just sayin. are you?" she finally looked up at him for the first time in awhile. he studied her, before the two stopped in front of the two unfamiliar doors.

"probably." he smirked. "maybe one day i can take your pictures, and i'll show you."

              june grinned, eager in hopes that she'd already made an associate. she wasn't interested in making new friends, she was content with the ones back home. however, having someone to talk to whenever she was away sounded perfect.

"maybe."

       before the two continued, daniel opened the large doors to reveal celine dior waiting in a room, but it wasn't her office. it was much larger , dimmer and appeared to be a conference room.

"thankyou dani, you can go now." celine grins, taking a sip of her red wine. daniel without a second thought let go of june. "and you, take a seat darling."

"good luck." daniel whispered, leaving the two alone shortly after.

"so we meet again."

_______________

CARTER

"little carter here is the one who tried to kill me!" annie stood up, appearing to be in shock as she shook her head. " and guess what? he failed. june like his mama." she laughed, staring down at me.

           no words could describe the horror i feel. my entire leg began to feel numb, and the room was dropping temperature by the second. something was telling me, i was gonna die.

all i can do is pray. pray silently , with tears on the brim on my eyes, i try my hardest not to show it. i wasn't going to leave this world as this human being. this won't be it.
              i still have things planned. i was leaving the bronx one day. for that to even be possible, i always knew i needed annie dead for that to even be possible. i could free everyone of her chains if i could. the young boy, shaolin — i knew he had the potential to be anything. he had this itch for music, his hunger ain't lie with money like the rest of us. he couldn't be that much older than june, although i ain't really give him slack; he was a brother.
           with cadillac it was different. he was too far under fat annie's belt to even go if he wanted to.  that man has hated me since he saw me. he never liked how annie treated me different, but it wasn't until shao came along that he actually viewed me as an equal.
             then there was me. the stupid one. k should've known i'd fail at taking her out. now not only is my life on the line, so are theirs. each and everyone of them.

"you broke my heart!" she shouted down at me as i clutched my leg, as if it hadn't lost complete feeling. "the warlords were working for him!"

"tell me that shit ain't true." cadillac tested. cold sweat dripped from my forehead as i looked up at him, clenching my jaw. i don't owe him no response.

              never will i get to witness my little sisters going off to college, getting married , having kids — never will i get to experience any of that for myself. i lay here now, not even knowing if i'll ever see my family again.

     i'll never see my mother again, if she'd ever even came back. if she does, it'd be for my funeral.

"ain't this family been good to you!?" annie bantered down at me, shaking me from my racing thoughts.

"i was tryna save it!" i scream back, feeling the pain begin to worsen. it was no use, blood was rushing out of me so fast.

"save it?" cadillac inquired.

"she's trying to go after nicki barnes, just ask her." i cried out , taking a deep breath. "you ain't gotta be a genius to know that's suicide! you fuck with him, and all of y'all are gonna get touched."

"nicki is a weak nigga ; just like you."

          i scoff, laughing a little. i've been called a lot of things in my life, but weak was never one. weak ain't run in my veins. weak wasn't apart of my vocabulary. i may have been crazy, but never weak. i'm stronger than any person in this room.

"mama let me finish him." cadillac pleaded, wanting me dead for whatever reason.

"no, shaolin took the initiative.. i'm gonna let him do the honors.." annie grinned, forcing the boy forward. at that point, tears were streaming down my eyes, the pain's unbearable. i was no longer concerned with what happens next, i just wanted the pain to go away.

          shaolin stood there, staring at me. he didn't want to do it, i knew by looking in his eyes, he didn't want to. it didn't matter though, according to annie, my fate had been set. i'd die on the floor of les inferno at the age of nineteen — another unidentifiable black boy with unknown killers , so they'd probably label it a suicide. to them i ain't nobody , just another number in the system. but i'm somebody, and i mean something.

"go on, finish him." annie demanded, shoving the gun up against him. shaolin grabbed it carefully, pointing it toward my chest — seemingly near the heart.

            it'd a horrific feeling; your entire life flashing before your eyes. knowing deep in your heart, you're about to meet your maker soon.

           maybe i'll get another chance. i ain't been to the church house in years, but maybe if i make it heaven — i could ask god for another chance. i'll be someone else, but under the condition that i could be around for my family. they needed me most, and here i am, dying.

           i wonder what they'll tell hem. will someone break it down for maya in a sweet way, so she'd think i'm somewhere nice and she won't be scared? will iris finally show some emotion; cause i know she'll cry. then june ; i just pray all the anger and hurt that lingers in her heart someday may be healed, cause i know my death will break her.

"make her do it." i manage to cough out with a raspy voice. i felt sicker than i've ever been, tired, but i refuse to give up this fight — cause i wasn't only fighting for myself.

        shaolin doesn't deserve to live with the guilty conscience. if the boy was anything like me, then i knew it'd fuck him up inside, just like it did me. i had only two bodies on me — one by defense, and the other by accident.
        not a day goes by that i don't see that small child's face. his eyes so wide they're nearly bulging out , as a pool of blood surrounded his head.

________________

JUNE

        wishing on a star by rose royce , played on celines stereo , filling the silence that fell between the two as she carelessly bobbed her head to the beat of the song, while smoking a cigarette.
        june just sat & listened to the music,
lost i'm a daze of her own world

"today causes for a celebration, don't you think?" celine manages to say after chugging down her whole wine glass in one sitting.

"i guess so.." june mumbled, curious about celines behavior. it reminded her of her aunt , and it wasn't a good feeling.

"want a drink? i'll pour you a drink." she answers before june could.

"oh — no thanks, i'm sixteen remember." june plastered a fake grin on her face.

"i won't tell if you won't." the woman winked , pouring the alcohol into an empty glass, then into her own.

"thanks.." june whispers , staring at the glass that sat before her, with no intentions on drinking it.

"you know why i hired you right?" she began, sitting back down. "i saw potential."

      june smiled softly. suddenly interested in what she had to say. celine was tipsy none the less, but she knew what she was saying.

"i saw a younger me in you. a young , hungry girl." celine smiled. "tell me, june,what do you want out of life?"

                 her smile faded, and she perked up. she in fact had no clue.

"money? success? love-" celine babbled.

"happiness." june declared quietly.

"happiness." celine repeated, nodding.

"— and power." june continues, this time louder. "power to make my own decisions, and be what i want to be. to do what i want, without repercussions."

"mm now we're talkin." celine smirked. "power. the strongest drug of them all."

"i thought that was love?"

"not the way i see it." the woman took a swig of the wine before proceeding, "power makes us do a lot of things, even if we know we shouldn't. power takes ahold of the soul; it can be bad or good. pure or evil.."

_________________

CARTER

"you have the power." annie whispered in his ear. "you have to power of this child's life.. chose to kill him."

          i no longer clutched my leg. i felt nothing. no fear, not sadness; nothing.

"use it. use your power.." she kept repeating.
i took a deep breath, my eyes soaked and my tears now cold, i had no more left. "don't hide behind annie no more.."

"count to three, quiet and slow.." she directed his trembling hand.

"don't let her run you." i spoke one last time.

"one.." she counted the seconds left of my life.

"two.."

          i cant believe i'll never be able to tell june the truth.

"three.." she whispered.. "pull the trigger."

     shaolin and i stared eachother in the eyes, for what seemed like forever..

until ,

bang!

_______________

JUNE

        june finally gave in and begin to drink, making it harder to concentrate on what was coming out of celines mouth, but it was fine because 9/10 she didn't know what she was saying herself.

"could you survive out of the bronx? do you know how to be on your own?"

"for sure. i'm ready for all of that, but i won't be on my own once i'm out the bronx — for good." june put her glass down. "me and my guy, we got this thing. we promised we'd be together."

"your guy, as in boyfriend?" celine laughed, making june look at her funny. "when i was your age, i had five of those at once. let me tell you something , boys are disposable. you don't need him where you're going."

           the words made june cringe. june knew boys weren't all that, but ezekiel was different. others would come and go, but what he and her have, she was sure that's last forever.

"not this one."

          celine couldn't believe the words coming out of her mouth. of all the things she assumed june to be, naive wasn't one.

"listen , hun it's lonely at the top. do you really know if he'll be there every step? what about when things get tough, between work and school? when nights get longer and days are shorter, will he be there? will you want him there ?"

       this time june hesitated. the scenarios were beginning to shift her confidence. what if she were right? how could she expect anyone to stay in her life forever; her mother didn't even stay.

ezekiel's different though..

right?