act i

pg. viii

𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐁𝐘𝐄
& 𝐌𝐘 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐎

' 𝐢𝐟 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰
𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬
𝐭𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 '

______________

        THE NEXT MORNING, i was called and asked to volunteer by helping mylene's tío in doing the community some service by giving back to those who either had something stolen from them, were injured or in deep need from the blackout last night. since i had nothing else to do; plus i knew my girls would be there, i thought why not.

           regina & yolanda stood alongside me, as we sorted through and bagged canned food for those who needed it. we'd been quiet majority of the time spent out there, carrying light conversation here & there — but i was too deep in my own thoughts to really speak.
          it wasn't until yolanda dragged out a long, exaggerated sigh for the third time within 10 seconds that i payed either of them any mind. i still didn't look in their direction; and that's when regina started with her antics by repeatedly clearing her throat, causing me to automatically glance up at them. my two eyes met four, as the two stare back, nearly glaring at me.

"um.. may i help you?" i raise an eyebrow, oblivious as to why they were gawking at me. i knew for a fact they didn't know about what went down between ezekiel and i last night, and i also had nothing else to hide from them.

"so your just not going to tell us anything about the job interview?" yolanda folded her arms.

"or that boy your were with yesterday?" regina cuts in before i could defend myself. i let out a small laugh, now realizing that i did neglect to tell them anything — like always.

"the interview went good. long and hard.. but good." i grinned , reflecting on meeting liza. that had to be one of the best highlights of the entire summer so far, whether i got the job or not. her vibe; she was something else. "you happy now?"

"what about that boy with the fancy car?" regina smirks , slightly nudging yolanda. "he was fine." i chuckle , nodding my head in agreement. lorenzo was nothing short of attractive and i was definitely aware.

"what do you want to know?"

"for one, where did you find him? & can you  go back and get me one?" yolanda playfully asks, making me laugh even more.

"i met him at Les Inferno, and last night was actually our first night hanging out since we've met."

"wait — you met him at les inferno?" yolanda gasped dramatically. i nod my head, wondering where she was going with the statement. "he must some sort of gangster or something."

            i shrug my shoulders. i didn't know what his life was like at all, and by all means it was none of my business what he did. whether he was a policeman or a drug dealer — it made no difference to me.

"all i know is he's pretty cool."

"mmhm, well what did you and mr.cool do after the interview?"

" .. nothin'.." i answer after thinking back. regina & yolanda both stopped , looked at eachother, then grinned at me.

"you mean to tell me, a fine boy like that offers to take you to manhattan and blah blah and y'all do nothing?" regina laughs in disbelief. "you guys didn't get it on!?" she blurts out loudly, causing me to hush her quickly.

"no! hell no. i don't even know him like that." i shivered, shaking the thought of him even trying to touch me off.

"oh ok virgin mary — i mean june." regina banters, making me scoff. the both of them laugh louder than before causing me to almost laugh also while rolling my eyes & sticking my middle finger out at them.

"j ain't gonna be no virgin for long, the way her and zeke be eyein eachother." yolanda smirked, causing me to stop laughing all together. i gasped at her accusations, but smiling cause i found it funny.

"forreal! june's gonna be like ; oh zeke! yes! harder!" regina moans loudly before i quickly grab a small random object off the table & throw it at her. meanwhile yolanda  was laughing hysterically.

"whats up with you and zeke anyways?" yolanda asks me, after calming down and catching her breath. i narrow my eyes, unaware of what she meant. it's not like we ever acted different around them ; in anyway that i knew of.

           the events of yesterday were on replay in my head. i felt his lips on mine again, and his touch. his words whispered softly in my ear, and suddenly i want to see him again.

"i can tell something's going on." yolanda began. "y'all always staring at eachother. the way you lock eyes and shit." i suck my teeth, as regina nods her head in agreement.

"and talk about eachother.." she chimed in. i bit my lip, suddenly interested.

"he talks about me?" i look between them for answers.

"hell probably. that's your little boyfriend and all." yolanda replies. i smile, not saying anything & just letting them assume.

             i continue to put the canned goods inside the brown paper bags, but for some reason they could not let the conversation about ezekiel go.

"j, i'm not stupid. theirs definitely something you're not telling us." regina alleged. i sighed, placing the last can in the bag, looking at her. "you know whatever you say will stay between us. come on girl we're like sisters, we never kept any secrets."

            regina was right — but not completely. i had so many secrets i held within myself; had i told the truth, they'd probably drop me as a friend. i just never felt the need to tell people the tiniest details of my life. i grew up on keeping things to myself.
              these are my girls though. they've kept anything i've ever told them to themselves, & in return i've done the same. regina's my bestfriend, & yolanda's practically my other half. what's the point of friendship if you're keepin secrets ?

     i looked around us to make sure no extra ears were listening before speaking. the last person i needed to hear anything i had to say was mylene, though i didn't care; i just would hate any awkward animosity whenever i have to be around her.

"ok so last night, i came over, and somethings happened.. feelings were confessed .. and we kissed a little.." i grin, sorting through the canned peas to distract me from looking into their eyes. "that's it."

"that's it? that's it!?" regina repeated loudly, causing me to jump. "you kissed and you're saying 'that's it' like that's just something normal!"

"be quiet!" i whisper, only worried about the people around us hearing her and focusing on nothing she was saying. yolanda smiled.

"so j , was it like a peck or full on tongue action?"

        i roll my eyes, almost laughin. count on yolanda to say something funny in a serious moment.

"it was like.. i don't know. it wasn't just one kiss.." kisses that felt so good. "then he asked me to be his girl.." i mumble, secretly hoping they didn't hear me — but of course they did.

"you for real!?" regina began to jump up and down like a kid in a candy store. "yo, you know how long we been waiting on you two to stop playing games!?"

"stop play— girl it's not like we're not together or anything. i told him let's wait—"

"you told him no!?" both girls nearly scream in unison. my mouth gaped open as each went on, lecturing me on why i shouldn't have done that & how crazy i must've been.

"i know this ain't about larry or lamont or whatever that boy name is." regina scoffs, referring to lorenzo.

"ok one his name is lorenzo , and two i thought you liked him."

"i like zeke more." she testifies, folding her arms. "and you do too."

"what you reject him for? ain't you been liking him since like fifth grade?" yolanda then turned to regina, standing between the both of us. "yo, remember when spent seven minutes in heaven and got caught?" she cackled, making me laugh thinking back on that not so fond memory that ended in me getting beat by my late grandmother.

"scratch all that. i know exactly what this is about." regina proposes, pointing to mylene from across the way. in result, i didn't say anything, just kept doing what i was doing before.

"no way, june would never let a female get between her & zeke. i mean , mylene is our girl and all, but come on now, zeke always had a thing for you , way before mylene stepped in the picture." yolanda explains, oddly making a lot of sense.

"you're right. i may not be exactly her , but she does sort of have something to do with it." i profess. "i'm playing it cool though, i have a plan."

             which wasn't true. in reality i was just gonna play it cool until i felt in my heart & spirit that it was the right time to tell ezekiel how i felt , and whatever happens after that — happens. until then however, i remain undercover, thinking my way through this entire process so nobody gets hurt.

"which is?" i knew one of them would ask. i glance across from us, spotting mylene once again, however this time was walking in our direction.

"well for now it's pretend none of this happened, because mylene is heading this way." i murmur, loud enough to where they could understand me perfectly. both girls look for a second, then back down at the bags, as each of us begin to pack faster than before.

"hey girls!" mylene greets the three of us with a wide smile. we each look up, pretending as if we didn't know she was coming, seconds before her arrival.

"hey mylene." the three of us reply back in unison.

"how was the studio?" i inquire, after later discovering that's what she went to go do in manhattan after all. in an instant, she smiled, almost as if she were in love.

"it was .. amazing." mylene rejoiced in a happy tone. it were like all her dreams came true, right before our eyes & everyone would be able to watch. she seemed genuinely happy.

good for her.

"you sing good?" regina asks, but of course we knew mylene did. she had the voice of an angel.

"better than i've ever sang before. we didn't get to record cause of the blackout, but jackie wants to write me a whole new song." she boasts , grinning the entire time. regina gasps.

"hey your'e gonna be famous!" she hollered, turning to people near by. "she's gonna be famous!!" , making us each chuckle.

             i then begin to think. what if mylene is to make all her dreams come true & become the next donna summer? what a pleasure that would be. her & i may have had our differences, but at the end of the day, we was bronx girls foreva and if one makes it, it inspired me too. it gives me hope.

             another conversation took place, that i didn't really care to be apart of, so i wasn't. instead i just drifted off mentally to a far away land that resided above the clouds & beyond the sky — similar to a place i'd go to during math class.
              it wasn't until i heard a familiar voice calling from a distance that i found myself back in reality.

"yo, june!" shaolin shouts, appearing almost out of nowhere. he instantly grasped the three girls and i's attention. rolling my eyes, i instantly walk around the table as he travels closer, so the girls wouldn't hear our conversation.

                seeing his face, gave me instant flashbacks of ezekiels last night. it was dark, but the tears were evident , & from what i could see, it wasn't completely shao's fault but i didn't know who to direct my anger toward. cadillac wasn't present, so it's not like i could walk off and slap him — but shaolin works with the man allegedly. all i can go off of is from what ezekiel told me.

"what you want shao?" i fold my arms. we stood , each on one side of a clothing rack, the clothes pushed aside so we could see one another. it was far enough from mylene, regina & yolanda to where they couldn't hear us, but still close enough for them to see.

"you have fun with zeke last night?" he licks his lips, a small smirk forming on them. i furrow my eyebrows — i know ezekiel didn't tell shaolin what happened.

"what is you talkin about?"

"i seen you and zeke sneak off to the roof last night. so what'd you do? fuck?" he queried, as if it were any of his business. we was cool, but nowhere near close. i scoff in disgust.

"fuck you shaolin, ok." i began. "and listen, don't think for a second you're going to drag ezekiel down with you, aight. i know bout everything that happened last night; next time you want to do some crazy, corruptive shit, do yourself a favor and don't include him." i foretold the boy, not caring how he felt or what he had to say to defend himself. i said what i said.

"yo why you talking about this motherfucker like he a saint or something? like he don't steal like the rest of us?"

"ezekiel don't steal." i challenge. shaolin smirked, shaking his head.

"you sure? how about you ask zeke who's idea it was to rob les inferno last night then."

            i pause. he did mention going to les inferno, but never once did he say anything about stealing. i wasn't surprised, because nearly everybody did — but zeke?

"look, i don't care bout none of that. i'm telling you this," i lean closer to him. "zeke's different, wether he shows that shit or not. he actually has the ability to be somethin', aight? so don't go fucking nothing up for him."

"calm down i ain't fucking up his 'future' -"

"aight then me and you won't have no problems." i quickly add. i was not playing with shaolin, and he was about to know right then and there.

"yo, you must be his bitch or something, the way you comin' at me." he laughs, but i didn't find a thing he said funny.

"i ain't like that. i'm just a friend looking out for him — something you don't know nothin' about. i would do the same for you." i push his shoulder lightly. "so hear what i say when i tell you , keep him away from trouble & you and i won't have no problems." i declare. without a moment of hesitation, i make my way back over to the girls so i can finish what i came here for.

"what was that about?" regina  questions me as soon as i approach, looking at shao from afar.

"nothin important." i brush it off, knowing it was none of their business.

"yo j, you gotta spend the night tonight." yolanda whines. i look up at her with a grin. it's been awhile since i've kicked it with just the girls.

"forreal." gina agrees.

"i mean — i gotta ask iris, & y'all know she's extra." i sigh, seeing her telling me 'no' already. "but if she says no, y'all know me. i'm coming over anyways." i smirk.

            iris may have been my legal guardian by default , but nine times out of ten, i just did what i wanted — i'm not too big on caring about consequences. it's not like she would beat me. the most iris has ever done was cuss me out & threaten my entire life; but she wasn't stupid.

"yolanda said i could spend the night tonight." i state, rummaging through my clothes for things to wear for the night & the next morning. iris stood in my door frame, watching my every move closely. she'd been following me through the house since i got here ten minutes ago, pestering me like a kid.

"& you didn't think to run it by me?" she folded her arms. i shrug, wondering why she was even speaking to me. it was clear she needed something. "you've been gone damn near every night."

"can't you say the same?" i didn't even bother looking at her, but i knew she held  that snarling expression. she got it everytime i say something about her habits.

               she goes out with a different dude, every week, and expects me to stick around and waste my life away like a servant — never. i was going to do what i pleased & enjoy my youth while i still have it. meanwhile iris just drinks herself into an oblivion of despair. it was wack , and i have no problem telling her that.
              iris was the youngest out of my mama and their other sister — & my mother was the middle child. aunt linda, moves away by the time i was like two; she lives off somewhere in the carolinas. she was the smart one. my mother was the independent one, & iris was just the baby. she'd been leeching off of my grandmother her whole life , and now that she's gone — iris is lost. i see that now.

"i am a grown ass woman, you are not!runnin around with them little ass boys." her voice was so naturally loud it could fill up an arena. "what you need to be doin is studying." she stated, walking away shortly after.

"i need to study?" i scrunch you my face. "girl.. fuck outta here." i mumble under my breath, laughing in disbelief. it wasn't until i heard a loud bang come from the wall beside me, that i realize she had never left. i quickly look at her from across the room, then down at the shoe lying next to me.

she just threw a shoe at me.

"what the hell!?" i accidentally shout out.

"you need to learn some damn respect!" she shouts , holding her other one as if it were a weapon & she were going to throw it at any given moment. "and until you do, you'll be right here. in this room. you ain't going nowhere for the rest of the summer, until i so. understand?"

             i furrow my eyebrows, now standing up. she looked at me like i was crazy, and i'm sure i was doing the same.

"you can't do that."

"who says i can't? last time i checked, i was running this shit. me! you wanna be a fast ass little heffa in these streets? i'll show you grown!" she shouted so loud. only thing saving her was the fact that maya was somewhere nearby. "you walk out that door, you're done for. don't come back —"

"yo, you tryna kick me out now? this is insane! i ain't even did nothin'!" i argue, almost wanting to put hands on her, but the last thing i needed was for cops to show up & scare the living out of my sister because i decided to lay iris out.

"that mouth is what did it for you! say one more thing smart & i guarantee you'll be out. who gonna stop me? hm?"

           i fold my arms, not fearing a word she was saying. she'd be 'thrown out' before i ever could; yet, it still made me feel bad that she felt that way toward me. sometimes it was hard to tell she was even my aunt; that's why i dropped the title long ago. it wasn't always like that though, but ever since she lost her mama, shit went downhill — especially with us.
             she could do a lot; take from me,  and try and tell me what to do. one thing she couldn't do however , was act on what she said.

"whateva." i unfold my arms, walking back over to my bed so i could put the clothes i had set aside for yolanda's away.

"yeah that's what i thought, whateva." she mimics my voice. "try & spend a damn night somewhere now." she proclaimed. i kept my back turned to her, wishing she'd just disappear.

"yeah ok."

"and i'm goin out dancin tonight. so guess who's watching your sister!" she laughed loudly, this time walking away completely. she irritated my soul.

          quickly before she could come back, i grab her shoe & toss it out, slamming my door & locking it shut after.

"i can't wait to get the fuck out of here." i spoke , not caring who heard me. i wasn't lying.

             ever since i was thirteen, iris made living with her damn near impossible. i couldn't stand her with a passion. sometimes i felt for her, but other times i couldn't possibly recognize the fact that she was related to my grandmother. she was the sweetest woman on earth, who just happened to give birth to one responsible adult, one runaway, & a drunk. how does that happen?

               sometimes i just wish my mother would've stayed — none of this would've happened. she had her demons, and i know that, but atleast i would be able to say i had a her. it's been seven years since i've felt the presence of my mother; three since i've felt the presence of an actual home. i'd be lying if i say i didn't miss her , but who am i to sit and dwell over someone who up and left her kids to 'find herself'?

"fuck my life." i whisper to myself as a stray tear of fustration made its way down my cheek.

            FOUR WHOLE HOURS OF nothingness. i laid on my bed, reading through an old book. i'd only ever read whenever i actually got to be alone, and organize my chaotic thoughts. it took my mind off of reality.
             my room appeared to be the only quiet one in the entire house. i heard iris playing marvin gaye for the last hour & i know for a fact maya is somewhere playing with her dolls with her friend. meanwhile i sat in silence, nobody bothering me, and i was bothering nobody.

             as if someone were listening to my thoughts, i hear a tap from outside my window. i couldn't see clearly due to my curtains, and the position i sat in didn't allow me to see who was there. i sigh, slowly pulling myself up & walking over to the window.
           slowly peaking my head throw the curtains, i took a deep breath, seeing no other than ezekiel figureo on the other side.

"what are you doing?" i ask, opening the window for him to climb inside. truth be told, i was happy to see him; not because it was him, but i was growing bored & lonely. it's like god answered my prayers & sent an angel.

"chillin'." he responds, sliding into my room & walking past me. i stood by the window, watching as he plopped himself on my bed; before closing it and sitting down myself.

act normal

"what brings you by?" i ask curiously. ezekiel shrugs his shoulders, picking up my book.

"i just wanted to see you. see what you're doin', you know the norm."

"oh.. cool." i nod my head. zeke put the book down, staring at me. "so what's up?"

"i got this internship interview tomorrow with papa fuerté." he leans his head back comfortably. " mrs.green & my aunt making me do it."

           i thought for a second. i knew what it was, yet around here i didn't hear much of it often. college was a rare topic in the youth of the bronx; which i personally found to be sad.
           ezekiel however , was so fucking smart. he never applied himself in school, but i know for a fact his mind is capable of so much.

"internship? that's good, right?"

"yeah, they said that it'll help me get into a good college like yale or something."

            i gasp, smiling almost instantly. he may not seemed to have cared much about it, but i on the other hand was excited for him.

"zeke, that's fuckin awesome!" i managed to shout, but not too loud. the last thing i needed was for someone to hear me talking to this boy who just so happened to sneak in my room. "ain't you happy?"

"i guess." i smack my lips , almost annoyed at his nonchalant tone.

"then why you looking like that? like this ain't good?"

"cause you ain't my girl." he smirked , looking up at me. i playfully roll my eyes.

"be forreal."

"i am!" he laughs. i shake my head, sitting back to where were now side by side, leaning against my wooden headboard.

"so what you doin to prepare for it? any type of research or somethin?"

"mrs. g said the most he'd do is just ask me questions about myself. that shouldn't be hard right?" he bit his lip, lookin' at me the way he always does — as if i'm the only girl he's ever seen. it made me lose my train of thought.

"right." my voice was barely above a whisper. he smiled a little, breaking away his stare.

"what you doin tomorrow? i want you to come with me."

"you want me to come with you?" i narrow my eyebrows, i don't know why i found myself surprised. he looked at me like i was stupid.

"duh." he nudged my shoulder, shaking me a bit. "you know i need you 'round me. this ain't nothin new." i grin, feeling like a dumb little kid , geeked over her crush.

"i'd love to go, but iris aint fuckin with me right now." i groan, thinking back on earlier. "she calls herself 'grounding me'."

            ezekiel began to crack up laughing, as if i said the funniest thing. i narrow my eyes, wondering what was the joke.

"yo, y'all are always not fuckin with eachother; what did you do so bad to get grounded this time?"

"i was talkin shit like i always do & she got so mad man." i huff, folding my arms. "she threatened to kick me out and everything."

"woah — she can't even do that."

"exactly. she got mad over nothing zeke."

"i mean, you do get kind of ruthless with your words sometimes." he scratches his head.  i gasp , nearly laughing at his accusation.

"i do not!"

"you do too! remember in mrs.green class right before summer began — and when you first met shao! girl, your mouth piece is something serious." i laugh thinking back on the examples he provided, but to me it wasn't that bad.

"i was being disrespected in both of those scenarios — that's different." i justify, receiving the sound of zeke smacking his lips in return. "all i'm sayin is, she aint have to threaten me like that. she swears she's running things."

"you're the one running things." he jokes, fiddling his fingers, with a grin.

            i find comfort in his smile , feeling all my problems ease away just by him being there. just to have him next to me was all i needed, and i didn't realize it until he was around. i lay my head on his shoulder, inhaling the smell of fresh soap mixed with light cologne. it was heavenly, and i could bask in it forever.

"what if she does though? then what? i ain't got nobody to run to, everybody got a family with enough mouths to feed." i then thought back, to how she said she'd kick me out. it wouldn't be the worse thing to have happened to me; it's not like this house was an actual home. we ain't no family.

"you'll stay with me, no questions asked." his spoke in way, implying that i should've known that. "i'm always somebody you can run to."

          i half smile.

"oh really?" i test, but i already knew i could count on him , though i'd never ask for such a request.

"duh, stupid!" he laughs like a juvenile. "you can even sleep in my bed & shit." ezekiel places his arm around my shoulder.

"that actually doesn't sound too bad." i jokingly admit, half serious. i could feel his head shift from looking forward to looking at me, then back forward.

"you know what sounds real good right now though?" he began. i shrug, figuring he'd say some random shit like ice cream or pickles. honestly i was starving, i hadn't eaten since i locked myself away.

"what?"

"you." i knew he was smirking without even seeing his face. i smack my lips, sitting up.

"me?"

"you." he bit his bottom lip, looking at mines.

            half of me wanted to grab him by the face and kiss him down from head to toe — however the other half knew good & well we had no business doing that. as strong as i felt toward zeke — those kisses would turn into something more , and i had no time for emotional attachments that came with the physical; not now.
           he opened his mouth to speak, but someone interrupted before he had the chance.

"june!!" maya calls from outside my bedroom door, startling us both. my eyes widened, quickly pushing ezekiel off my bed.
i had no business with him in my room with permission, he was always welcomed to come over, but the current situation made things look funny.

"what do you want?" i groan, speaking through the small opening. maya huffs, folding her arms.

"i'm hungry."

            i already figured carter and iris were gone — they always were, which isn't fair. however, as soon as i step out; i never hear the end of it.

"ok, give me a second." i began to close the door, until she continued;

"is someone in there? i heard a voice." she raised an eyebrow, trying to peak into my room, until i blocked her. "you talking to yourself again?"

"mind yours." i smile, now shutting the door. i look over at where ezekiel resided. i almost laugh, thinking of how he fell to the floor. "you can get up now."

           almost in an instant, his afro pops up, soon his whole head being revealed.

"i guess i'll let you get to your sisterly duties." he dusted himself off. "i'll see you tomorrow though, right?"

            i'd be lying if i said i wanted him to go. with him time seemed to move so fast , no matter what it never seemed like it was enough. maybe it's just me, cause to me even forever wasn't long enough for me to be with ezekiel. no matter what, i always found myself missing him.

"yeah. i'll try." i walk behind him to my window, watching as he climbed out. ezekiel looks back at me, leaning his head in.

"if you can go, where i gotta meet you?"

            just as he said that, the sun seemed to shine down on him, highlighting his beauty. i grin, in a daze. i felt high. ezekiel was so fine, and held it together so naturally & humbled — he acted like he ain't know. then i thought back to that note he gave me last night.. this boy could have my heart.

"yolanda's." i bit my lip. he smiled, raising an eyebrow. "i just realized, i never told you thankyou for what you said."

"what i say?"

"if i could give you one thing in life , i would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. only then would you realize how special you are to me" i remember exactly what it said — i'd read it over and over again because it meant that much to me. he had a way of making me feel so special, and that's one of the reasons why i loved him. he looked down, nearly blushing, but his pride wouldn't let him show it.

"that's just how i feel. no need for a thanks." he shrugged modestly. i continue to stare. how could he be so great, and so unaware of it? he was everything special in the form of a teenage boy, and i couldn't just let that go.

"come here." i whisper lowly, grabbing him by the shirt, but not roughly. i caught him off guard, but he didn't fight it. i pause, as if waiting for consent.

"what?" ezekiel licks his lips. he knew what was coming, as did i. without another second to waste, i allow my lips to join his, only once. he broke away, smiling. "damn girl, you kiss me like that and just leave me hangin?"

"you'll get the rest once you land this papa fuerté internship." i tease. ezekiel laughed, standing up.

"i'll hold you to that."

"i bet you will."

The next day

"i got here as soon as i could." i inform yolanda as i walked into her bedroom, where mylene & regina were both located.

"scratch all that, what happened to you yesterday?" yolanda questions.

"iris calls herself grounding me." i confess, sitting on the edge of her bed, above mylene & regina who were on the floor.

"but you're here now?"

"i told her about zeke's internship & said i was still out looking for jobs." i cross my legs. "carter let me off the hook, but iris said i got a curfew." i roll my eyes.

"wait — you're going to ezekiel's interview today too?" mylene pauses, holding the phone to her ear.

too?

            i nod, remembering the fact that papa fuerté was her uncle. of course she'd be going too. i just hope it ain't awkward, and if i'm third wheeling, not only am i causing a scene, but i'm killing zeke.  "anyways, what are we doing?"

"tryna get ahold of jackie's ass." regina says in annoyance. "call him again."

          mylene hangs up the phone then proceeds to redial the number and call him again, as the three of us watch her closely.

"hello? is this jackie?"

"jackie's her producer." yolanda alerted me. i nod my head slowly, continuing to listen to mylene speak.

"um... okay ... well jackie you know my tío.. he's been asking when the songs gonna be ready and i've been lying to him but i think he's starting to get suspicious." she help the phone closely, but we could all still hear the muffled voice coming through. "jackie, you alright?"

"jackie?" she repeats. yolanda and i exchange looks of confusion as she hung the phone up in fustration. "he just like — hung up!" mylene exclaimed.

"really?" yolanda asks,as if the answer weren't obvious.

"yo, where he live at?" regina asks.

"i don't know. A place called the chelsey I think it's a hotel."

"you gotta march down to that fancy ass hotel and beat his ass!" she shout, hyping mylene's head as always.

"regina i can't i have to go to ezekiel's internship interview with my tío today... shit! there's no way he won't be asking about the song. then i'll have to like to him and say everything's great when clearly it ain't!" mylene expresses her frustrations , face palming herself.

"get zeke to go with you after." yolanda blurts out. regina slowly looks between both yolanda & i , as if she were implying something — but i was aloof as to why. "oh! — and j too." she adds, as if she regina & her exchange telepathic messages. i scoff.

"why me?"

"because .. regina will go ape shit and i don't like confrontation."

"you're good with your words and shit." regina adds. "you can break a mans will, just by talking shit."

"she has a point." mylene slowly looks up at me, taking their words into consideration. i thought for a second; i just pray this man ain't crazy and we ain't get into any trouble, especially with ezekiel with us.

"fine." i agree, knowing i had nothing better to do.

          ezekiel, mylene & i all made our way to her uncles business building in the smoldering heat of the bronx.
             they spoke to one another, but i wasn't listening. i felt so out of place as far as clothing; mylene had changed before we came. she wore a dress, as if she were going to be interviewed herself, & zeke was wearing a suit, minus the jacket. meanwhile i wore a halter top, high waisted shorts & my damn converse.

"you're the guy that's read more books than all of our friends combined.." mylene tried to reassure a nervous zeke. i look over at him, seeing the expression on his face.

"yeah, you even read the newspaper." i add with a grin.

"don't tell nobody that." he whispers, returning the grin.

"you're clever as hell , so why you nervous?"

"i ain't nervous." he denied, but we knew he was lying. i touch his hand to see the evidence of him being nervous, feeling his clammy palms.

"then why your palms sweaty?" i question, catching him in his lie. he intertwined his fingers with mine with a smirk.

"cause you hot." he boldly asserts, causing me to let go of his hand and laugh. "also, mylene your uncle does kind of scare me." he turns to her, instantly making eye contact cause she was already staring.

"mylé!" her uncle greeted her with a hug as the three of us walked in. "come on in."

           as he let us into the main office, i took note of all the other boys we passed that were waiting in a long line. i was almost sure they were waiting to be interviewed by papa fuerté.

"how long we gotta wait until you knock that misty holloway to the number two spot?" he interrogates mylene. meanwhile zeke and i stood by the door playing 'handsies'. his fingers kept brushing against mine , while i was trying to keep myself from laughing as i pushed him away.

"just tell him to bring whatever he's got, tonight." her uncle demanded.

"i will. now tío , this is ezekiel." the both of them directed their attention to us, making me flick his hand away quickly one last time.

"oh i know exactly who this is. come have a seat me.figuero." the man smiles as mylene & i exit, leaving them to conduct the interview.

            the two of us sat outside the room, looking through the glass every now & then to see ezekiel. i flipped through one of the random magazine articles on display, while mylene stared off into the abyss.

"hopefully he does well." she spoke up, biting her nails & bouncing her leg.

"is that why you're all nervous?" i inquire, taking note of her strange energy."or is it the whole jackie situation?"

"both." she shifts her body to face my direction. "shits really bugging me man. i hate lying to tío."

"once we crack jackie's ass , you won't have to lie no more so don't worry." i try to soothe her. mylene gave me a weak smile & turned to face forward, letting me continue to read the article.

"we're friends, right?" she interrupts my thoughts once again. i then pause, placing the magazine in my lap , briefly thinking.

"yeah..?"

"good, because i have a question, and be honest."  she began. i felt nothing, cause i didn't know what to expect. us two never really had a one on one conversation.

"shoot."

"you and zeke.. you like him or something?"

              my eyes widen as i stared at her, wondering what to say. we never had a talk pertaining to ezekiel and i, but i knew she had questions — much like everyone else.

"he's my best friend."

"i know that, but i mean like like." she continued to question. "like a boyfriend."

            i look at her funny. the fact that she was even asking me this was beyond me, but i wasn't bothered. clearly she was , as if they were together or something.

"why you ask?"

"cause i can tell he likes you.." she sighed. "always has."

             i understood the part of her maybe being curious, yet i didn't because it had nothing to do with her. maybe she was beginning to like him again? what if she wants to know just so she can steal him away?
             despite all that, there was only one answer. i had my own agenda when it came to ezekiel and i, nobody needed to know. i was playing it safe.

"mylene, girl, if you want him that's fine — if i do, it doesn't matter. life's too short , and we don't lnow who's gonna end up where with who." i shrug.

             although i was speaking how i really felt, i knew i'd be devastated if mylene were to go and capture zeke. however, i needed to see where his heart really was.

"you're right." she perked up a bit. "i-if he's mine , then i gotta get him back .. right?"

              i narrow my eyes. how could she have possibly gotten that from what i had said? if he's hers ? she spoke as if he were property; and get him back? he was never there in the first place.

"yeah.. ok." i scratch the back of my neck, twisting in the chair once i felt uncomfortable.

                   minutes more pass by. all we heard was the sound of the fax machine, a fly buzzing around and paper being shuffled. it was anything but fun, but for zeke? i'd sit through hours of nothingness without a single complaint.

"nice to meet you figureo." papa fuerté's voice cleared my thoughts as mylene and i both stood up, smiling.

"i like your tío a lot mylene, folks gots him wrong. i went in not even wanting an internship and by the time we finished talking , i feel like -- he's sharp you know?" ezekiel spoke as the three of us walked down the steps leading to outside.

"will you come down to the city with us right now? cause i really need to go see jackie , it's really important." mylene asks barely paying anything else attention. zeke looked between the both of us before agreeing.

"yeah i'll go." he agrees. mylene smiles, grateful.

            the bright sun seemed to shoot out as we exited the building. beaming, as we walked out into the lot, hurrying along.

"well well well, look at you." a voice from above us calls. the three of us look up to see shaolin, who stood on top of cars beginning to follow us.

"hey shao." zeke greets sheepishly.

"no. no no no no. nope. no way am I gonna let my tía see you with this criminal." mylene scoffs, grabbing his arm & walking faster.

"so i'm the fucking criminal!?" shaolin exclaims. "you and your boys fake the funk , get me banned from the one thing that makes me wanna fucking live. while you over here with this bitch!"

            he motioned toward mylene. i stood in a silent shock, watching the three have it out. for one, shaolin came out of nowhere & two, whatever they had going on had nothing to do with me.

"aye it ain't like that!"

"listen, you stay away from us okay? because he told me all about you. i know everything okay?" mylene argues. i look at the both of them, now i'm confused.

"fuck is she talking about zeke?" shaolin stops walking as do we.

"nothin she -" ezekiel tried to get it out before shaolin cut him off.

"what did you tell her?"

"nothin, she's emotional."

" emotional!?" mylene scoffs, letting his arm go. "you know what, fuck you!"

           without a moment to waste, shaolin began to walk and roll across the hood of the vehicles, making his way to where i'm guessing he came from. i only watch.

"shao! hey!" zeke called after him as he walked away. "look i know you don't like him but he's done good to me. just let me speak to him real quick."

"make it fast." mylene folds her arms, standing beside me. the two of us watched ezekiel & shaolin interact in silence.  "yo, hurry up!" she whines after barely a minute of them speaking. "ezekiel!"

              after a few more seconds, ezekiel came jogging over with a sly grin. i already knew by the way shaolin stood off in the back, something was up.

"shao needs me , it's a music thing." he says.  mylene groans loudly with fustration.

"hell no. hell no! are you kidding me?"

"just  for tonight."

          mylene gasps , even i was shocked. just a minute ago he was going to come with us and now he's flaking because of shao. i, however, understood how important the music was to the boys.

"fuck you ezekiel Figuero , fuck you!" she screams , walking away shortly after.

"mylene-"

"i never would've thought you'd do me like this!"

"zeke." i whine, looking at both him & shaolin.

"you coming with us girl or you still bitter?" shaolin asks , looking in my direction. i scoff.

"i made a promise and unlike you," i point to zeke , " imma stick by that."

"aye don't be like that." ezekiel grinned, but i rolled my eyes, walking toward the direction mylene went. "te amo!" i hear him call after me, before disappearing around the corner.

           the two of us ended up going back & getting yolanda and regina to come with us instead. the four of us could probably handle it better anyways — none of us were afraid of anything.
            regina & yolanda sat outside of a café, along with two men; one looking oddly familiar, and the other standing above him like he was a security guard.

"zeke bailed on us." mylene pouts as we approach them.

"and we're gonna need back up. i don't know who this dude is." i chime in.

"yo, we finally get to meet the music man?" yolanda rejoiced, standing up.

"shit lets tip." regina stood up also, ready to go. "sorry baby we're gonna have to do this another time." she whispers, kissing one of the strangers cheeks.

little wolf

"whoa whoa whoa. somebody buys you lunch, offers to take you shopping , and you got some place to be ?" he snarls , grabbing her by the arm before she could go. i furrow my eyebrows.

"derek let go." regina pleads through gritted teeth, trying not to cause a scene; but he refuses, appearing to squeeze her tighter.

             flashbacks of my childhood began to resurrect; i was seeing things i'd thought i forgot about. it were as if i were seeing my mother getting dragged through hell and back by the man she once called her lover, over & over again.

"hey! she said let go!" i shout , stepping closer. little wolf looks at me, with a cold expression — as if he were insane.

"shut the fuck up!" he shouts, pushing regina away. "and i ain't done with you yet."

"what you gonna do hit me!?" regina challenges. i then grab her arm and pull her behind me as i stood eye to eye with the short man.

"i dare you! i'll get my brother and all his niggas to whoop yo ass!" i threaten, prepared to take the fall for regina.

         he didn't hesitate to raise his hand at me, preparing to hit me, until the other man stopped him. just as i was about to swing on him myself, i felt each of the girls pulling me back.

"come on j , his ass ain't worth it!" regina scolds , pulling me and not letting me go, cause she knew if she did; little wolf and i would have it out.

"i'm just trying to understand how you can be with a dude who acts like that. what happens next time huh ? when he does hit you cause there will be a next time." mylene interrogates regina as the four of us sat on the empty, graffiti filled subway.

"she'll stab his ass." yolanda & regina both laugh. i suck my teeth at the ignorance. both of them were obviously missing the point — she acted as if it didn't even bother her, but i know it did.

"that ain't love. i use to see my mama go through that shit all the time with maya's dad." i look at her as I sat sunken down in my seat. "that shit ain't ok."

"well we all ain't like mylene; got pastors for a father, players for an uncle and a voice like an angel."

"i'm just saying. do you wanna be living like this all your life?" mylene asked.

         i just kept going back to my childhood , the last years i spent with my mother. her boyfriends, the drugs. she'd been with maya's dad the longest, but he was the worst. neither of them were perfect, but atleast my mother had her sanity.
             they fought so much, that's what i really remember. i was no older than eight; and i remember the blood, the screams, the police. violence was no stranger to me, and neither was anger.

"i don't know. i kind of like my life." yolanda shook me out my thoughts, thankfully.

"but why settle for that? i wanna love mine. i wanna live on fifth avenue and sip champagne with misty holloway. go shopping in europe." mylene smiles , thinking of the good life.

"i'm down." i agree, smiling for the first time since the altercation.

"we can't do any of that if we're stuck with messed up dudes who don't give a shit about us."

"mylene, please. stop acting like you're gonna save me. last time i checked we're on this train crossing the river to god knows where to help your ass; right?" regina rolls her eyes in annoyance, but i understood her. she wasn't upset with mylene or any of us, she was just in denial.

"i'll save you regina." i look to her with a grin, but i was sincere. "i promise."

          i was too young to save my mama, but i damn sure wasn't going to let one of my bestest friends get hurt the way she did. maybe if i would've been able to save her.. she would've stayed.

           we each stood outside of a rusty hotel room door, constantly knocking in hopes he'd eventually answer. they knew for a fact he was there.

"bang on that shit!" regina shouts, fed up as we all were. it's been a minute of us standing there, waiting for this man to show up.

        i quietly move over to twist the knob. to each of our surprise, the door slowly crept open, revealing nothing-ness. i glance back at the three of them, slightly nervous, before leading the way inside.

"jackie? it's me mylene.." mylene states calmly as we entered the room.

            it smelt like cornchips & death. paper was thrown around, the telephone was on the floor, and clothes were scattered everywhere. i was disgusted, almost certain we had to be in the wrong room.

"oh..my ... god.." yolanda grimaced looking around at the mess.

"and you're  talking to me about messed up dudes."

"he's brilliant okay? he's just got like a problem or two." mylene argues.

      i roam over to the bathroom, also looking in disgust at the clutter that surrounded us. quickly turning my head away from the sight of food rotting on the floor , my eyes meet with the tub — nearly screaming for bloody murder once i saw a body hanging out.

"oh shit!!" i gasp, suddenly seeing his body in the tub. the girls came rushing over as regina and i got him out the tub.

"is he dead!?" yolanda shouts , standing afar with mylene.

"what's wrong with him?" i ask, concerned & oblivious to what was happening with his body.

"he's overdosing!"

"oh man, he's turning blue!" i gag, trying my best to turn away.

"just listen to me! we've gotta shock his system. mylene get ice from the freezer." regina demands. the both of us look back to see her standing there, shocked. "mylene! shit. yolanda get ice!"

"yo what are you doing-" yolanda tried to ask as she walked in with the ice tray.

"hand me ice quick!" regina shouts , receiving a handful. "come on.. come on.." she held the ice underneath his genitalia until she got a response.

         without warning, the man shot up quickly, startling us all. i took a moment to study the sickly man, wondering what could have possibly led him to that state. regina just saved his life.

"we gotta call 911." yolanda states in a panic.

"hold up, just give him a minute." my voice was calm. the mans eyes looked at each of us, finally spotting mylene.

"hey, honey." he stammers, half smiling as if a teenage girl weren't just holding ice to his balls, trying to revive him. "i was meaning to call you."

             mylene's expression was nothing but pure hurt. i felt for her.

"is this all that's left of my uncles money jackie?"

"i had to uh- had some background to pay and I .. um .. put some more in the bank." the man sputtered. it was obvious for us to yell he was lying.

"is he gonna live?" mylene questioned regina specifically.

"yeah."

"alright lets go then." she turns, not having to tell any of us twice. the place was giving me the creeps anyways.

"mylene!"

"no! fuck you jackie!"

"mylene! i got i got it! i got the song! here listen." we all turn to him as he stumbled his way to the piano. "it's a terrific song you kids are gonna love it."

              the four of us each had our own stances ; yet all had the same look of dissatisfaction. the began to play a melody — over & over again. it wasn't bad; but it was the same thing. he obviously had nothing.

"yeah but how does the rest go?" i spoke up, annoyed with the repetition.

"how does the rest go— you're a tough cookie what's your name?" he turned in my direction. he still didn't seem in his normal state.

"june." i shrug with a nonchalant tone.

"well june, i'm like paul masson, alright. i will serve no song before it's time."

"righttt well if you got it, then we gotta go up to hijos boricuas and you gotta show it to my uncle." mylene demands, each of us staring the drugged up man down.

"i thought it was pretty good." yolanda giggles as we all sat on the subway, on our way back home, with jackie laid out across from us.

"i think that's all his broke ass got." regina jokes, looking at him sleep across from us.

"what you think mylene?" the three of us turn to the quiet girl.

"i think i'm an idiot. he's my only chance and look at him." she sighed. ".. and regina , how did you know how to do all that back there?"

               i hadn't thought much of it, but now the question lingered in my mind too. how did she know?
               regina hesitated before answering.

"my mom use to do that for my dad." she admits. silence took over us as we all thought.

"i'm sorry."

"don't be sorry. i just learned , sometimes you have to take some bad with good."

"well i couldn't have done it without you.. wether or not jackie has a song , you're my girls for life." mylene looked at the two of them, then surprisingly at me too.

           each of us sat back in silence, tired from the ride. nothing but the sound of the train on the tracks filled the air, until mylene began to hum an oddly familiar tune. soon enough the two other girls joined, & so did i.

"just call my name , and i'll be there." mylene sang softly.

"i'll be there." regina, yolanda & i sang together in perfect harmony as if we'd been practicing for years. i smile, remembering the days of our youth, we'd spend singing and dancing along to the sound of music.

"i'll be there.. i'll be there .. mm, just call my name , i'll be there.."

           the three of us look at one another, satisfied with the sound we'd just created. i held onto regina & yolanda's hand, thinking of the strong sisterhood i had created. i always thought of the lack of family i had, when i didn't even realize the family that i had formed my years of living here. this was it; this was my family.
              i rest my head on reginas shoulder, still holding onto both of their hands. lord knows i never wanted to let go; no matter what.

           as soon as i stepped into the apartment, iris was sitting on the couch, eyes glued on the television as the young & the restless theme song played. her eyes quickly shifted in my direction as i closed the door shut, locking it.
            before she could get on my case, i began to speak — not wanting any problems. i was too tired.

"i know i'm late, but it was hard to actually find decent jobs that are hiring. it's summer, a lot of folks out here employed." i easily lie.

"whatever june." she bent over to pick up a thin envelope, holding it up. "you got mail."

            i furrow my eyebrows, walking over to her & taking it. her expression was nonchalant, so i knew it wasn't anything to leap over the moon about. i read the sending address carefully.

DIOR PRODUCTIONS

              — in an instant i began to rip open the envelope, sliding the carefully folded sheet of paper right out. i brace myself silently, before reading the fine print on the sheet.