act ii

pg. i

𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄 ;
𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐍 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓

' 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐛𝐲
𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞 𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰
𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰
𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭? '

____

dear carter,

               this is letter number eighteen. like i've said before; i know it'll never reach you physically, but i know you see me. i know you can still feel my words.

              there's been a void in my heart. only increasing as the time flies by. it's been a year and some change since you've been gone, and once i finally began to cope, something else comes along and i slip back into that same old girl.

             but i've changed. as you can see and tell, i've tried to hold it together. not only for myself, but for maya. i'm holding it down like you've done all these years.

       you remember how when we were younger, grandma used to say all these old saying, as if we could actually understand her? well, i remember this one vividly; 'there's light at the end of every dark tunnel. you can either stay stuck in the darkeness .. or move on toward the light'. i didn't understand back then, but now i do.

       i let you go. i had to accept the fact that my only brother was gone, forever. after  hearing i had lost another important piece of myself to a senseless act of violence, i found it hard to even come to the conclusion that what happened, really happened. i don't why it had to be you to leave, i guess heaven couldn't wait.

           and i hate that i don't know who did it, or how i probably never will .. but i think that's what's best.

              when mom came back, it's like everything changed. iris isn't so mean, maya is spoiled out of control, and i suddenly have to find all the excuses in the world to avoid her. no matter how hard she tries, things will never be the way they were. i was nine when she left; it took for one of her kids to die for her to come back, seven years later. i know you taught me to forgive, but i cant get that out of my head.

      when i first saw her, i ain't even think it was her. but then, i saw your smile — you both have the same smile. she's so beautiful carter, just like you were. she's just how i remember too; sassy, classy, and seemingly perfect. she ain't perfect though, and she ain't a real mother — but now she's here to stay.

          since you've been gone; i've been constantly torn between improving myself and tearing myself apart.

            i'm still with the poet, ain't that what used to call him? ha, but carter i think we're in love. none of that childish jive either, but that real spill. that shit grandma and papa had. he said he's got me through whatever, and i know he'll watch me for you ; but i wish you were here.

           man.. carter i've asked you so many thing in our time spent together, but there's one i never thought to ask. one that's been prolonging in my soul since moms left. carter,

how can you mend a broken heart?

         cause i don't know when i'll ever be 100% okay. i have so much to tell you, so much to show you; but i gotta go now, it's getting late.

i love you.

         and tell granny and pops i love them too. and if you see my dad, tell him he'll always be with me too.. and i pray you find peace.

— love , june bug