Play the most melancholic song for this chapter in your playlist.

Marienne plays the piano like this, although it's not the original one- part of it.

"I feel like a part of my soul has loved you since the beginning of everything.

Maybe were from the same star."

― Emery Allen

Marienne's POV:

It's been quite a while since we came back from the park. Since then, only one thing had been swirling in my mind.

Roseline.

Our time in park together, had ignited something within me, something... that I couldn't describe.

But I couldn't bring out the courage to let the thought reside in me. I was afraid that would end up discovering something I didn't like.

All I could do, was to watch her as I wallowed in the silent monachopsis, yet, every broken part inside me felt perfectly placed.

I clenched my fists as undulated rage bathed me, I let out a breath as I took her in, my anger directed more to myself than any person ever.

Her images, her dovelike eyes, her smile that put stars to shame, her cute little nose that scrunched up whenever she found something alluring- the only thing in my mind since we arrived at the mansion has been her.

The way her eyes darted to my lips as if she had been reminiscing that night....

I parted the curtain a little bit more, allowing myself to be mesmerized by her.

She seemed radiant, glowing- under the dim chandelier light, she looked like a goddess.

My heart palpitated, the longer I watched her, the organ began beating faster- and louder, in a continuous thrum.

I could hear it pounding away in my ribcage, singing in it's own song- pirouetting as I felt my fists unclench- the boiling anger dissipated into something more soothing... something hollowed. I felt empty, so empty.

What was this feeling?

It was something so foreign to me, something incongruous- I had never felt like this before. Like a caress of warm autumn breeze, like a petal floating through the current of wind, her smile touched me- breathing deep into my soul.

The more I watched her, the more fascinated I grew by her. Her eyes shone with so much pain- yet, she found her happiness in the smallest things.

Like eating an ice-cream or watching rain.

All those months ago, the first time I saw her, she was soaking in rain. I remembered the sense of calmness it brought me just to see her- like that.

I was infested by demons, but for some reason, she made me forget them- even if it was for a little while, even if it was unbeknownst to her and me.

As of now, I continued to watch her as she smiled with her mom, her friend and that new maid.

She was laughing, smiling, joking; words could not describe how exuberant I felt upon seeing her happy.

I gripped the curtain tighter as she let out a loud laugh- at something her friend had said.

Her smile that flowed like the pellucid shower of a downpour, shadowed my pain like a cumulonimbus cloud.

It tugged at the string of my heart- just like storms, it created havoc within me.

This feeling..... it was too beautiful, too euphoric to bind in words.

My rain.

Words are curved ink on white- what I was feeling, was beyond it.

It was a ethereal feeling, but at the same time- so brutally agonizing. It was like my heart was ripped off, but my body was still breathing. It was stolen, it wasn't mine anymore.

This feeling was so raw, so brutal, so merciless- it rendered me terrified. This feeling was fearful.

A hollow of opaque rested in my chest, as well as my mind. My emotions were so jumbled up, like tangled strings- I didn't know what to feel anymore.

If I was asked to paint pain, I would paint it with black and blue- with a hint of grey. I would probably paint the sardonic shades in the form of a dark, dreary monster.

If I was asked to paint happiness, I would splash the canvas with bright yellow, orange and other happy colors. Colors that brought joy.

Just like that. every emotion had it's own color. Red represented passion, anger, lust. Green represented positivity, all that is in nature. White was the epitome of purity- black represented mystery and darkness.

But this emotion, that I was feeling? I couldn't fathom what color should I use to paint it?

Should I use blue for the pain I was feeling?

Or maybe yellow for the happiness?

Or red for the passion I was feeling for this girl?

Or the white, to paint the lucidity of this emotion?

Why was I so perplexed? Why was I so vulnerable to this emotion?

Is this what they call love?

My heart stopped for a moment.

Love?

Was I falling in love?

With rain?

A list of dilemma opened itself within me, drowning me in confusion.

When I first saw Madeline, I thought I had found a fairy. A fairy whom I wanted to possess- wanted to keep near me and never let her go. She made my heart skip a beat- she made me love her.

Then why does this feeling feel different than that one?

This feeling, it was something more intense- something acuter than what I felt for Madeline.

The 'love' I had for Madeline, made me want to possess her, the unnamable feeling I was having for Rose, made me want to be her possession.

Maybe that's where the difference lied?

Was I actually falling in love with Rose?

Then I remembered the first time I saw Rose, properly, at the café.

The first time I saw her, I was immensely attracted to her. At that moment, my mind convinced me that she was seducing me- whereas, she was doing nothing.

A pain so brutal, so incorrigible and crippling shot through my heart as I realized- even if I loved her, I could never have her.

After what I have made her go through- it should be considered a sin to even think about her and call her the love of my life.

That simple phrase had taken a toll over me- I could feel my blood rushing to my face as I stared at her, hypnotized by her mellifluous laugh that resonated through the mansion.

I love her.

But I could never have her, or be hers.

My lungs constricted as I stared at her, helplessly, from behind the curtain of the hallway. I have never felt more vulnerable in my life.

When Madeline passed away, I thought I had lost a part of myself. I felt so broken and shattered- I genuinely believed that she took a part of me with her.

What I didn't recognize, was the fact that Madeline never had my part to begin with.

Both of us were in love, that's true- but at one point, we began to love the idea of loving each other rather than actually doing it.

And this feeling I have for Rose, everything I have ever felt- nothing comes closer to this.

I wanted to give a part of my soul to her and I wanted her to do the same- which was criminal of me.

I looked down, my eyes blurred by the liquid pain that coursed through my body.

I find my second chance at love, a second hope to mend myself- only to realize that I could never have her.

A gust of breeze drifted the scent of soil through the open windows of the manor, caressing me. I watched as she paused her conversation and looked up- her face gleaming with awe.

I smiled, a smile that was laced with sadness and melancholy.

She loved rain didn't she?

Looking at her brought joy and pain. I wanted to look at her for hours, but couldn't do so without feeling anguish.

I wouldn't know if it was possible to feel two completely rivaling emotions if I didn't feel it.

Suddenly, I was reminded me of something. I was forced to smile at my brain's selection.

I found something perfect to describe everything.

Mass is not proportional to volume.

That girl as small as a violet,

That girl fluttering like a petal,

Pulled me towards her with more mass than the earth itself.

Did she even realize what she had become to me by the course of time?

I wanted to laugh humorlessly- at the play of destiny.

Fate brought us closer, but we couldn't be each other's.

Her laugh resonated once more throughout the mansion. I focused on her, she was laughing as her friend teased the new maid about something.

I closed my eyes, feeling numb and devastated. I couldn't stand to look at her anymore, it pained too much.

I gulped down the lump in my throat and turned my back- the melody of her laughter haunting me.

I wanted to let it out- I wanted to express how I felt, but the thing is- my insides are too jumbled up to be let out.

You have a piano upstairs....

My eyes widened as I remembered the piano I haven't touched in years. The last time I played it was for Madeline, when I asked her out.

But I didn't know how to play back then.

Did Rose know about the piano?

I stuffed my hand in my pocket and fumbled out the keys to the piano room that was on the second floor.

I climbed up the back stairs, the vast but solemn hallway came in sight as I did so.

The piano room was situated at the opposite side of the elevator, I felt myself walk in that direction.

Stopping in front of the large oak door at the very end of the hall, I sighed.

It was like revisiting a memory, I learned the notes here- I spent a lot of time doing that. Music wasn't exactly my criteria, yet I was drawn to good music.

I inserted the key, it made a loud click sound as I twisted it. The door opened with a creak.

The room was dark so my instinct was to reach out for the switch and turn it on.

The chandelier lit up that was just above the piano, lighting up the whole room. The room was spacious, decorated in beige and gold. A piano sat in the middle of it, it's cover down.

With a heart as heavy as a boulder, I walked to the piano. My gaze traced over the shiny black exterior of the piano- I remember spending nights trying to learn it.

And now I am here to pour my heart out.

For rain.

My heart thumped loudly in my throat as I lifted the cover and adjusted it properly. Sitting myself on the seat I took a deep breath.

I pressed the first key- the sound resonated throughout the room.

I closed my eyes.

My mind was a dark canvas, but her image lit it up.

We were like broken string, we could tie ourselves together, but not be one.

My hands hovered over the keys for a couple of moments and then I started to play.

The room was filled with melodious beats as I continued to play 'Heart and Soul', the melody making my heart beat faster.

I let myself loose and became one with the beat as I felt the piano cry my pain. I let my soul reach out and touch the music as if it were tangible.

I let my heart cry the tears of blood as I felt it break in two.

When I was a child and whenever I was abused, or badmouthed, by any of my parent- I would always console myself, saying that one day, someone will come- who would love me.

Who would accept my demons and see me as a normal human being.

Not the rich Marienne, not the psychopath Marienne, not the beautiful Marienne.

But me.

Madeline gave me the leisure to feel loved, maybe that was why I was so obsessed with her. Maybe that was why I didn't want her to go- I didn't want to feel unloved, again.

My fingers worked faster, the music was louder, more professing, more heartfelt now. The music drowned my form, somehow filling that empty place that resided in my heart- I poured everything out, my pain, my elegiac melancholy.

I didn't know whether to label this feeling as love yet.

All knew was the excruciating pain that shot inside my heart just from a mere glance at her, all I knew what I felt was something I never felt before, all I knew was looking at her made me sad and happy at the same time.

All I knew was this feeling could not be bound by words.

My fingers ached as I continued to play.

A raging inferno rested inside me, it felt like molten lava ran in my veins instead of blood. Red danced behind my closed lids, along with the melodious beat, filling my insides.

Rose....

So many memories danced in front of my eyes. So many.

Madeline lying in the pool of her blood as the scarlet painted the white carpet red- her quivering lids struggling to remain awake.....

Then it transpired to Rose.

Her almost lifeless body as she stared at me blankly.

The pain that lit up her eyes whenever she looked at me.

And the happiness in her eyes that lit them up like sun.

Swirling... fogging.... swirling....

Clouding my mind, making it heavier.

My throat burned, my insides screamed, my hands were numb.

Clouding.... Swirling....

Invading...

My breaths came out in pants as my fingers tortures the piano, I forced it to take my pain.

I played it, made it bleed sounds, tunes- provoked it to scream mellifluously.

I shed myself in it, I bleed in it and I wept in the melody of 'Heart and Soul'.

I tore my heart and painted the white keys red.

I bathed the room with my golden agony.

My grey turmoil.

My scarlet love.

The piano cried and so did I.

Maybe minutes passed but it felt like seconds.

Rose.....

The rose I gave her... it was pink....

I wish I had given her a red one....

An image of a rose flower covered in dripping blood flashed in my mind.

My eyes flew open, my fingers stopped. The blaring music came to a halt as the large room was riven by deafening silence.

A lone drop of tear escaped my eye as they adjusted their blurry vision. I didn't even realize I was crying.

I let out a breath as my eyes widened.

What do I do now?

What do I do now?

Suddenly, a loud sound of clapping filled the room making me snap my head at the door.

Rose.

Another drop of pent up tear fell from my eye as I took her in.

She was smiling, her radiance defied the brightest of the star- she was clapping, her small form glowing under the yellowish chandelier light.

My heart skipped a beat, just how it did every time.

She had been watching me?

"That was awesome!" She exclaimed happily, "Can you teach me sometime?"

My pain melted into my heart as I stared at her onyx eyes, mesmerized.

An owl hooted nearby, slicing through the silence as the night shed it's carapace into an even darker tone. The dancing wave of breeze sashayed past us, caressing both of us as we stared into each other.

Her, happy and awed.

Me, feeling like a helpless lover.

The poem in cursive in which Marienne uses to define Rose was an actual poem called "Physics of Love" by Kim In-Yook.

Thank you for reading. You are always my main motivation to write, I wouldn't write if it wasn't for you.

Edited.