"It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to than I have ever known."

-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

Marienne's POV:

"Madeline's diary, the killer and Roseline."

A moment of silence passed between us. Neither of us uttered a word.

Lindy's eyes displayed her surprise as she stared at me unblinkingly. My expression was masked, just how I was trained to maintain that demeanor.

"Diary?" She spoke up, her voice timid.

I nodded as I examined her closely. "I believe we would find it if we look into the library hall. That is where she spent her time before...." My voice trailed off, not permitting me to utter the agonizing truth.

It was too painful for me to remember.

Enthusiasm, excitement, nervousness, melancholy- all coursed through my system at once. What was in that diary? What was in that diary that was hidden from me?

Why did Madeline have a diary in the first place?

How did Ardent know about it?

I watched Lindy as she nodded, dazedly and offered her hand to me to help me to the lift.

The manor was a three story one, the third floor being the largest and the most protected. The third floor was where I lived, along with Maddy. The bedroom I occupied, was once occupied by me and the love of my life.

It pained me knowing that I would return to a deserted room after my visit in the library.

We let ourselves into the lift and pressed the transparent icon behind us, my eyes scrutinizing the room before the shutting door hid it from us.

It wasn't long before we were taken to the first floor. It was relatively empty, considering that it was evening time.

I limped out of the lift, trying to reach the east wing as soon as possible. The east wing was where the library hall was located.

A pang of sadness hit me.

This place used to be my most favorite as a teenager. Even when I was in a relationship with Madeline, I remember us spending countless sleepless nights reading books together.

I loved reading books, I had a passion for them. Sometimes it would happen that I would read 2 or more books a day. I remember Lindy scolding me for neglecting foods and sleep just for reading books.

My feet came to a halt, stopping in front of the massive wooden gates that expanded from one end to another. A "L" was neatly carved on each of the door in cursive.

I gulped.

Books used to be my best friend. Where did I go wrong?

Was it the adulthood?

"Marienne" I could have missed it, it was spoken so timidly. I didn't notice her following me, but now when she spoke- it was hard to ignore the lingering figure of the old maid behind me.

"You are dismissed..." I whispered, so many emotions clogging my voice.

It had been ages since I let myself drown into the realm of a good book. And now when I was here after years, I was here to search for my dead fiancée's last words. I was pathetic.

What could I possibly find here?

I heard her heels clicking on the floor, echoing throughout the hall. I knew she was gone, but I also knew that she would be back. She was too curious for her own good.

Madeline.... What was bothering you?

I took a deep breath, the fear of returning empty handed began to grip my heart. I didn't want to return empty handed.

I pushed open one of the doors, the breathtaking smell of new and old papers wafting through the air, filling my senses immediately.

Maddy.... What was happening?

I stopped for a moment, taking in the colossal room. The library expanded to the second floor and it's shelves were half full by various kind of books.

15,367 books. It could pass up as an average library.

I breathed in the scent, a memory hitting me like a rush of euphoria.

"Y-You? Wish to c-challenge me? Are you serious?" My laughter echoed into the huge library, vexing the cute little brunette. The said person was now standing with a hint of annoyance and anger plastered in her beautiful features, her hands on her hips- a posture which screamed defiance.

Her emerald eyes shone with unmasked rage and challenge as she examined me with a cute frown latched on her forehead- her nose scrunched up, lips set in thin line as she eyed me disapprovingly.

A minute later, when my laughter subsided, I put a hand over her head- causing her to look up. "Give up when you have time little girl..." Humor dripping from my sentence, "You won't like losing and I won't like defeating a cute little thing such as you..."

"Just because you can read fast, that does not mean others can't! You.... you suffocating... son of a.."

I pecked her forehead, looking down at her lovingly, "Okay darling- but don't come crying when you lose."

"You corntard!" She puffed her cheeks cutely, looking seemingly smug of the fact that she could use slang words in my language.

I burst out into a trail of laughter, making her look at me with confusion...

"What?!"

"T-That's- That's- oh god!" I clutched my stomach, dying from the situation, "It's not 'corntard' baby- it's 'connard'..."

Heat flashed in her cheeks, making them turn into a rosy pink. She blinked a couple of times, taken aback by the embarrassment.

"Fils de pute!" She shoved me aside and strode to the nearby aisle, fumbling through various books. I continued to wheeze, more so by her pronunciation, her flushed form making it harder for me.....

I walked toward the first aisle, an aisle dedicated solely to romance novels. I felt my eyes watering up as I took in the familiar copy of 'Jane Eyres'. It all happened in college- but yet- it still feels like tomorrow.

She took out a copy of Jane Eyres, her face comical. It seemed like she was planning to do something nasty.

My laughter died down as I eyed the book with amusement.

"I will read this. You pick something that is similar to this. Let's see who reads more in one hour," I leaned onto the second aisle that faced this one- a smirk plastered over my face.

"Are you sure? You can't back up-" My voice died down as I noticed a sudden flare of fire in her eyes.

"It's on Carlisle! If I win, I can ask whatever I want from you- if you win- well, same goes with you." She huffed as she sat herself on the table and looked up at me expectantly.

Fine, if she wants it- I will entertain her. No one beat me in book reading. Absolutely none.

I kept away the book, snapping myself back from the once sweet turned painful memory. I shoved the book in the shelf and began to rummage through it looking for the diary.

The library was vast, where could it be?

I frowned as I began to look inside each and every one of the shelf. The shelf containing novels, sci-fi, poems, business catalogs- I couldn't leave any behind.

I shoved the books of the aisle- they fell on the ground with a loud thud and a gust of dirt. I limped over to the pile of books, bending down I began to rummage through it like a madman.

Where is it?

Where is it?

My nerves felt like as if they were on fire. My anticipation was soon morphing into fear, the fear of not finding it.

My hands felt clammy, if I concentrated carefully, I could probably hear my heart screaming in terror.

A lump formed in my throat as I threw the books like a lunatic man, which I was. I could feel my monster's voice, faded, seemed like a mile away- but it was still there.

Fear was a vulnerable feeling. We fear when we love, we fear when we live. Fear is a constant part of us. It is what makes us human.

Fear has colors. Red.... used to describe blinding, blithering rage. The kind of rage we can not control. White..... the unmasked sudden fear. Blue.... the fear we experience from something painful.... Black, The fear of the unimaginable, the fear of something that was never there.

I couldn't tell which kind of fear I was now experiencing. My fear had it's own shade.

I was writhing, panting and probably even crying. But my mind was blank. Books fell on the ground- aisles after aisles were emptied.

Each mind has it's own window. I had mine too. My physical eyes began to blur as my mind's window began to broaden. I saw grey.

Nothing else, just grey. Grey was being splashed over a white wall. More and more- until the wall was almost covered.

Was my fear colored grey?

An inhuman growl left me as I swiped the books over the ground. It was the novel section.

Bending down with barely contained impatience and the amount of insanity that scared even me, I began to shuffle through the books.

War and peace...

The Old Man and The Sea....

The Time Machine....

The Count of Monte Cristo

A Christmas Carol....

Beauty and the Beast..

Where the fuck is her diary?!

Letting out a growl, I began to throw the books. Some of them were maybe even torn, but I didn't care.

Nothing....

Nothing....

How did that even look like?!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" My head snapped at her, eyes blazing with vehemence and abhor. Lindy was quivering, her 5 foot something form barely disguised her fear.

I was breathing heavily, no worldly sense making matter to me. All I cared about was the diary.

"Go away, Lindy. Stop interrupting every single fucking-"

"You are my responsibility, merde! I try to look after your psychopath shits and you repay me like this?!"

What?

My mouth fell agape as my eyes narrowed on her. She too, seemed taken aback by her sudden outburst.

I turned around from her, continuing what I was doing. "No one told you to look after me. You know very well that you are welcome to retire any time you wish."

"SHUT UP!!" My hands froze as I turned around, caught off-guard.

She strode over me, stumbling a few times over the scattered books and stopped in front of me. "YOU DIDN'T HIRE ME YOU INSOLENT, UNGRATEFUL FOOL! DO YOU THINK I WANT TO STICK HERE?! ROY-" She froze as I raised an eyebrow at her lack of etiquette and her way of mentioning my father, without the honorary.

She gulped as she tried to compose herself, "Your father, respected Monsieur Roy Victor hired me. I was instructed to serve you till death, sir, as shall I do. So, it is my duty to see to you. Pardon my lack of manner."

"Go away."

"Marienne-"

"You are not needed, now Lindy. You saying that you see after me just because my father told you so, is enough for me-" I looked back at the pile of books, my heart breaking into pieces, "Thank you for looking after me for all these years. Thank you for handling me when no other could, thank you for bearing me. Thank you, tante. You fooled me to think that you truly cared for me...."

"Marienne!"

"You are a woman of your free will." I sighed as I stood up, not looking at her, making my way to the next shelf, "You can leave if you please. My father is six feet under the ground, so as both of my mothers. You were the only thing that came closest to a mother for me. Whenever I imagine a mother, it's you...."

I swiped the books of the shelf into the ground, a gasp from behind me was heard. "I want to believe that you stayed because you loved me, you cared for me- because I was like a son to you-" I looked back just at the moment when her eyes shone with cold fire but died down eventually. Her grey orbs were gleaming with tears.

I shook my head in indignation as I bent down and rummaged through the books, "But after all this time you muster up the courage to admit that it was my father's word which kept you here."

I saw her stiffen.

I looked at her, amusement shining in my eyes, "What? You thought I was too much of a fool to figure that out? Lindy, I am a psychopath..." I spitted out the word, irritated, "But I am no fool. I have a twenty seven billion pound worth legal business to prove it to you."

Her head was casted downwards, shoulders slumped like a defeated person.

"I know you respect my father and all that, but you have shown enough respect by managing his lunatic, retarded son- but it's en-"

"ENOUGH!!"

I let out a sigh as I looked up at her, "Did I say something wrong?"

"Do you really think I meant those words?! Huh?! If I meant those words I would never shower you with this much love!" Her voice broke at the end, the sound tugging at my heart, "Merde! I could have walked away the minute your papa died, but I chose to stay because I knew there was no one to take care of you!"

Tears streamed down her eyes as she quivered with rage and pain, "It wasn't easy Marienne! Do you know how hard it is when something close to your-" She gulped, "Someone close to your son's age- seeing him having a mental breakdown every single night? Having a nightmare, roaring with anger, destroying everything and I had to handle that- for 22 fucking years!"

I gulped. Did I say too much?

"Every single maid retired. Each one of them, because of you. But I stayed because I cared. I slept with you when you had nightmares and held you when you cried because I love you!" I looked away, not being able to handle it anymore.

"I knew you were a fragile child and I knew I had to try for you. I have been trying since then. But at the end- you say this to me...."

I knew that I have pained her, but she has pained me too.

I felt her crossing the heap of books. She sat beside me, looking at me with tear streaked eyes.

My hands froze as I felt her hand over my right shoulder.

"I know I am not as motherly or affectionate. But please do understand that I have lost a lot too. I love you, not because your father told me so- but I love you how a mother should love her son. Maybe you call me aunt- but you were always someone close to my son."

I sighed and placed my left hand over her right one.

I continued to look for the diary, forgetting about her for a moment.

"Why don't you look to a place memorable to you guys?"

My head snapped toward her, my eyes widened in shock.

A place close to us.....

Memories began thrashing down the lane as I froze momentarily.

"It's okay Marienne-" She passed me a tissue paper as I glared at her, "It's okay to lose. Don't be a sore loser. Come on, baby."

She was mocking me.

I narrowed my eyes at her, crossing my arms over my chest.

2 pages.

2 fucking pages.

Whatever they say is true, arrogance begets downfall.

I puffed my cheeks, not wanting to see her face at the moment. I hate losing.

"Aww.... Are you mad?" Madeline poked my cheek, frowning.

I stood up, my legs leading me to that place, all whilst touching my cheeks unconsciously.

It was like living a beautiful dream all over again. But this time, the dream had turned into my nightmare.

I rubbed my cheek, glaring at her mockingly. She examined me for a moment and then burst out laughing. "You are a baby Marienne. So childish!"

"Yeah whatever.." I was all mushy, dramatic, sappy. But for her I could be anything.

A lone tear escaped my eyes as I felt the void deep within my heart growing larger by second.

"Say Marienne" She bit her lips as she looked away, her cheeks turning into a bright shade of brilliant pink, "What if you actually enjoy this outcome? What if I tell you to do something you would like?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Uh- I have always wanted to tell you this- but I couldn't manage my courage so I will say now-" She took a deep breath after disgorging the words.

"But the thing is- you can't laugh at me, mock me, taunt me, defame me. If you say no, then it's no. If it's yes- then it's yes. This thing will remain between us forever, our secret."

I sat straight, curious at what she has to say. I couldn't imagine mocking her in my wildest nightmare.

I loved her. She might not know it, but I loved her.

She took a deep breath, "Marienne- even though we have been dating for a year, we agreed to remain purely platonic as it started as a façade. I would like to say that I have breached something in the agreement..."

I stilled. Was she seeing someone else?

Who was this guy?

I will rip off his dick and shove it down his thr-

"I have- fallen for you-" A whisper came, making me snap out of my daze. I looked at her, shell shocked.

Tears streamed down her eyes like liquid diamond as she looked down in shame.

She never looked so beautiful. I stared at her in awe.

"I know. I am sorry-" She wiped away her tears and looked up at me, "I shouldn't have done it...."

I sucked in a deep breath.

"Say something... I'm sorry.."

And only then I realized I was gawking at her like a fool.

"Hey," My voice caused her to look up at me. Those beautiful emerald eyes locked with my own turquoise ones, "What are you sorry for?"

"I-"

"I have fallen for you too....." I looked away in shame as I felt heat creeping up my cheeks, "I-I love you Maddy. I have always-"

I traced my shaking hand over the long wooden table, panting. My chest felt heavy, too heavy.

It was like someone had ripped my soul off me.

I looked back at her. She was gazing up at me.

My eyes fell on her lascivious lips that were parted, her eyes were hooded.

And I felt something snap within me as I captured her lips with my own in a searing kiss.

Both of us put our soul into it, our actions spoke much louder than any word could ever convey.

It was like we were reaching out to each other, and then touching each other's soul.

When we pulled back, her lips were parted as she tried to digest the situation.

"Remember- there is no going back now-" I pecked her lips, looking at her lovingly, "You are mine forever."

And then we indulged into each other. It was her first time- maybe mine wasn't but- every time, every single moment with her felt like a first time.

A sob escaped me as I eyed the long wooden table. This was the place. The place where we confessed to each other, we promised each other that we would be together forever.

"....You broke your promise, Madeline.." I traced my fingers over the drawer that was situated underneath the table.

"....Our memory will forever be here, Marienne" She whispered as she caressed my cheek, basking in the afterglow of our consummation, "I think I am going to visit this place more...."

I pecked her lips, nuzzling her in my arms.

I opened the drawer.

There it was.

A diary wrapped in blue velvet, a lock beside it, shaped like half moon.

It was like a dam had burst open. I clutched the diary into my chest and burst into tears, caressing the velvet like it was her.

After so long.... So long....

It felt like she had returned in my arms.

The velvet soaked up my tears as I cried in agony, in relief.

It felt like home.

I traced the delicate lock with my finger and turned it, breaking it in the process.

And then I opened it. Her initials were engraved at the starting.

She was staring at me like I was her whole world, and I was pretty sure I was doing the same. I entwined our fingers and left a kiss on the back of her hand.

"We will be engraved here, because we are forever."

Oh god pass me the tissue.

Okay. *heavy breathing* Okay.

Hey guys! What is up! So, did you like the chapter? How do you feel about these little flashbacks of Marienne and Madeline? Writing these characters are like growing a baby, turning my imaginations into words and then adding character to them.

Do let me know!

Rewritten