"In many ways, anger is a misdirected plea for love."

- Karen Salmansohn

She was broken, trying to fix herself with a miracle.....

Rose's POV:

"Rosel! Get ready! We have to visit the doctor!" A loud holler woke me up. I let out a throaty groan, not wanting to get out of the bed. I didn't wish to do anything at the moment.

Sleep is a good option...

I snuggled myself further into the pillow, not letting the mouthwatering smell of the waffle and lamb bacon bother me.

"Rosel!" Ugh... why was she screaming... "Wake up!"

I rolled over and opened my eyes. The brightness of the room greeting me almost immediately, the blinding sunlight making me squirm.

"What..." I mumbled, not really wanting to talk. I had been having a great time sleeping after that dream a week ago. My sleeps were free of nightmares after years.

The dream was produced by a messed up part of my brain, but somehow it felt so real.

Abstractedly, my hand went over my belly, where my baby was resting.

Relief washed over me, it was almost like a twine of happiness had bounded my soul along with my little ones.

"Rosel, I am giving you five minutes to wake up. It's nine already!"

Nine?

We had an appointment at ten....

I rubbed my belly, trying to soothe myself with the unborn inside me. I didn't have a great childhood, but I vowed to myself that I would give my baby the best I can.

Groaning, I sat up and got myself out of the bed. I had to get ready, otherwise, no checkup.

Within mere moments, I brushed my teeth, washed my face, put on a gray tee and a normal jeans.

"Where's the breakfast?" I murmured as I get myself out of the bathroom. Thankfully, there was no morning sickness. I looked like a ghost after my vomiting session.

Without a word, Calissa shoved a plate full of waffles to me, instructing me to gorge them. She had her share stuffed into her mouth.

After finishing our rushed and not so graceful breakfast session, we lead ourselves to the car. Calissa still had her mouth full with the waffles she was chewing, so, instead of talking she turned on the radio where 'Paint it Black' by Rolling Stones was playing.

A perfect song for my mood- dark, yet spoken out lightly.

We reached the hospital within a short time.

"Sit there," Calissa muttered, pointing to an empty chair, "I will go and get the ticket."

I looked up at her, utterly grateful at her gesture. When we came to know about my baby, Calissa prohibited me to work. She said that she was going to bear all my expenses. She also said that I could pay back whenever I wished to.

I thank god for giving me such a great friend.

Suddenly, I heard my name being called. My stomach did a pirouette as I swiftly got up and let myself in the chamber unit.

The smell of antiseptic and ethanol hit my nostrils as I let myself into the air conditioned room. The familiar face of Dr. Sabah greeted me as I took a chair in front of her.

"Roseline! How are you doing, honey?"

"I am fine doctor-" I glanced around, "A bit nervous..."

She nodded and opened my file, adjusting her round glasses. I focused on the silver brooch she wore at the side of her light pink hijab.

"So, you should be at the eighth week. Any morning sickness?"

"Seldom. I don't have it regularly."

"Any cramps, bleeding? Unusualness?"

I bit my lips, "Uh- sometimes I have trouble sleeping because of sudden cramps. The pain starts from my lower back and spreads to my ovary. No bleeding so far. I take 150 gm Midol when the cramp strikes as you have prescribed."

"Hmm..." She nodded her head and looked up at me, straight into my eyes as she closed the file. Her face that seemed full with affinity a moment ago, suddenly turned serious. I squirmed under her narrowed gaze.

Please don't say there's something wrong.... Please....

"Roseline, honey, do you know the reason behind me summoning you on a weekly basis?"

I shook my head.

She took off her glasses. "Your ovary is extremely damaged. When I got a copy of your ultrasonogram, I was visibly shocked. It looks like someone has torn it apart and then tried to glue it together. You might not like the sound of it...." Her voice dropped an octave, "But it only happens if a patient has a sarcoma, which you don't have, an abortion, which you also never had-"

She gave me a look- "Or if a woman is in a heavy sexual intercourse and her libido is not enough."

I froze upon hearing her statement. "What do you mean?"

"If I speak clearly- If a woman have been raped. You show signs of being sexually assaulted in your childhood dear."

My hands started shaking.

"Look love-" She gave me a sad smile- "I care for the baby and you. If you are stressed, it will be bad for the baby. Do you know 10-15% pregnancy end in miscarriage due to stress?"

I gasped as she continued, "Dr. Jones called me yesterday. She said you have missed your appointment with the psychiatrist. It's not good for you. You ovary is already in a bad condition. There's a 70% chance of the baby being stillborn."

My heart thumped profusely in my ribcage, it felt like it was going to burst out in any moment. Unshed tear stung my eyes as I placed a hand over my belly.

What was she saying?

Thousands of questions rushed in my head, all at once.

Was I not allowed just a small bit of happiness?

"I know I have scared you out." I looked up at her with helpless eyes, "But we will try our hardest to make this pregnancy as easy as possible. I am taking your case very seriously and examining it with as much as aptness I can manage. If you abide by every single instruction- It is more likely to go smooth."

I let out a breath, clutching my belly tightly. My heart was beating in my throat, sweat was forming all over my forehead. I was nervous, scared and excited at the same time.

I was in a danger zone.

I broke my gaze from the doctor who was now busy writing.

We have to savour what is given to us.

We have to cherish it, treasure it- keep it safe in the most adorned thing we can manage to find.

I looked down at my belly.

For a moment, I was lost. I was lost within the depth of my memories.

I could briefly remember my violator, the one who had violated me in my childhood.

Should I not cry? Should I not despise the baby? But what was it's fault?

Mama Cassidy took me for a doctor checkup in the childhood, I knew about the cervical damage from beforehand.

And I knew that I couldn't have a baby.

But it was the one thing I desired most.

We desire the ones that we can't have.

And now, I am pregnant, because of-

I closed my eyes. The memory is too dark, too painful. It prickles me like thousands of needles. It feels like someone was stabbing my labia, simultaneously.

The memory should be kept where it was, forgotten, solemn- at the darkest corner of my messed up mind.

I traced a finger over my belly tentatively like I was caressing my baby. A small smile broke though my lips.

"So-" The doctor's voice brought me out of my reverie, "You have to visit me weekly and regularly until your fourteenth week. That means 6 more visits weekly. Contact me immediately if there's any discomfort, pain or worse- bleeding. The first three months are crucial, but for you I am taking an extra step."

I smiled at her with gratitude and took the prescription from her hand.

"Thank you doctor."

She nodded and smiled.

I noticed Calissa sitting on a chair, fumbling with her phone. As if sensing my presence, she looked up and smiled.

"All done? Any problems?"

I shook my head as we made our way out of the hospital, "Nope. Let's go home. I'm craving pancakes with Nutella."

"Yeah sure!" Calissa chided jollily, "Let's go and have chocolate pancakes and chocolate shakes.... And spicy chicken?! Nashville one! They have opened a branch here in-"

Suddenly her voice drowned out.

I stared at her, eyes wide. I could see her lips moving- the excitement radiating from her- I could feel it in my bones....

But I couldn't hear her.

A loud bleep resonated inside my head- it was like someone had turned on a sound of high pitch in my skull.

Baby....

I clutched my stomach, trying to calm myself down.

I don't feel any pain- then why did it feel like I was in immense pain?

Calissa continued to drive, a huge smile latched on her lips.

No abnormal reaction from her- that meant I was okay.

Then what was happening to me.

"It is going to be okay dear rose..."

My heart beat loudly in my throat. I could feel a cool droplet of sweat running down my forehead to neck, down the valley of my breasts....

The car stopped. I was moving, I was climbing up the stairs-

Calissa sat me in our maroon sofa and went in the kitchen.

Why couldn't I hear anything?

Baby...

My baby...

I leaned on to the sofa and closed my eyes.

I knew what was happening to me. I was stressing out, though subconsciously.

I needed to calm down.

My eyes felt heavy, did I need to sleep?

Dear god, if this kept happening..... What would happen to my baby?

You have given me this treasure, please allow me to protect it. Give me strength and courage.

My hand went over to where my baby was resting.

I haven't asked for much until now- but if there's any deity in the heaven and beyond- and if anyone's hearing me- all I plead is to have the power to save my baby.

All I wish for is my child....

My scattered mind drowned into a horizon of chaos as I started to drift off to sleep.

May my pleas be heard..... help me....

You might have noticed one fact that this chapter is probably the shortest chapter- not much eventful. It's only a sneak peek of Rose. How is she fairing, what is she doing.....

These chapters are necessary even though they are small because I have decided not to make an abrupt time jump.

Have a nice day! LOVE Y'ALL!

Rewritten