"Promise to give me a kiss on my brow when I am dead. -I shall feel it."

- Victor Hugo (Les Misérables)

Thank you for 33k+ :)

Marienne's POV:

The whole world was dark for a moment.

Darkness was all that I could see, it was so apt, so prominent, I could almost taste it on the tip of my tongue.

The pain didn't come to me as I was expecting.

In fact, it seemed like as if I was floating in the midst of never ending blank space.

I heard their screams faintly. They were crying out, seeking for help. One was calling loudly. ".....Monsieur.. Monsieur...." But I was limp.

I felt like I was drowning, then someone was trying to take ahold of me..... then I was drowning again.

"....Open your eyes!..... Madame Lindy... Monsieur is breathing..."

I could hear them, I could feel hands grabbing my form, I could smell tante's unmistakable scent, the scent that had been accompanying me for 22 years.

I could feel a warm, wet substance, tricking down from my forehead, to my temples, through my nose, touching my lips. And the, the substance started gushing out like a never ending waterfall.

I was pretty sure that it was blood.

I felt the tacky substance clinging onto my forehead like a leech, but it never dried down.

I felt like I was floating....

An obnoxious sound echoed through the bleakness of the never ending blank space. Sirens.....

"....Oh my god! He has injured his frontal lobe! See the gush? It seems like someone has ran a knife through his forehead....."

Their voices were a haphazard of caress. I could hear them, but the voices were so fade, so unclear.....

It was, as if, those voices were slowly moving away fro me.

Or I was moving away from them.

The opaque became more prominent, the darkest shade was commencing to me, I wanted to run away from the opaque.

But I couldn't.

My hands felt like they were tied down.

And then, I felt like I was falling again.

Falling and falling and falling.

Madeline....

Endless fall consummated my very being as the voices faded away for what seemed like forever.

"....His condition is deterioting."

"...Go 120.... In 3,2,1....."

My body leaped forward..... as it consumed the electric convulsion......

"He is....okay....now..... don't know if he will...."

"He.... in a coma..... don't know....wake up...."

Everything was a blur..... But I could faintly hear them.....

But there was one sentence I could clearly hear.

"He might be able to hear us... might not... be careful with your words..... he is at a risk of having stroke...."

That was the last thing I heard before everything became unfathomable again.

I was floating.

The vast darkness slowly began to blur. Refulgent opaque that surrounded me, slowly began to fade away, mixing in with a shade of white. They danced together, turning into a shade of grey.

Black- The color of darkness...

White- The color of lucidity- the color our soul carries.

Together they are grey.....

Grey surrounds us- not black or white.... Grey is the color that accompanies us, stays with us for forever..... it is us and we all live in grey.....

The whirlwind of the grey began to fade away, creating a beautiful scenery and suddenly, I felt like I was back in high school again.

I was walking, but, at the same time not. My body felt light.

The darkness morphed into a vast hallway. The gray turned into blue.

It seemed familiar.....

I frowned as I moved forward, my legs carrying me throughout the large hall.

I was back.... a sense of intimacy washed over me.... but I couldn't fathom where.....

The colors- yellow, red, neon orange- the whole path was decorated with a selection of loud colors. My vision that was filled with nothing but jet black a moment ago, now started to hurt from all these screaming shades.

I felt small.

I kept on walking until my legs stopped in front of a familiar door.

I blinked in confusion, this felt surreal.

I could feel my heart pounding loudly in my body, I was nervous and flabbergasted.

With shaky hands and great fear, I pushed the door open with much timidity.

It was a classroom!

The room was huge. Benches, dice, whiteboard, festoons engraved with cartoons and time tables- everything about it screamed primary and kids.

It was my first classroom.

I moved forward through the haze of the memory, I was agitated.

My cautious footsteps resonated through the noisy room. My head was casted downwards to avoid any and every glance that were thrown in my way.

Suddenly, the noises stopped. They stopped altogether, leaving behind the zest of the sounds that was there a moment ago.

I could feel the eyes on me.

Why was I so nervous dammit!

Cautiously, lifting my head up ever so slightly, I stole a peek.

Every single soul in the room was staring at me weirdly.

Look away god damn! Don't you have a class to concentrate on?!

Fidgeting with my fingers nervously, I fixed my gaze on the teacher. She too, seemed awestruck as she looked at me. She eyes shone under her thick rimmed glasses, her blood red lips were slightly open.

Why did people look at me like that? It always happened!

"Oh good lord!" The teacher seemed to have gain her composure as she exclaimed her surprise with much affirmation, "It's the new student!"

The class seemed to have come alive as everyone stared at me now with a smiled plastered over their faces that rivaled the teacher's. I felt heat rushing through my neck, spreading over my cheeks.

"Everyone!" The teacher hollered with joy, "This is the new comer I was talking about. Son, please introduce yourself!"

The floor was more interesting than people.

I felt a chilly hand being placed over my shoulder. I jolted away from it, utterly speechless from the shock of the sudden touch.

I didn't want anyone to touch me.

Especially, on the shoulder.

It reminded me of my mom.

She hanged herself.

"Son-" The teacher exclaimed in firm voice, "Please tell us who you are. It's necessary if you want to make friends."

I didn't want friends.

But I wanted to do it. I wanted to fight the voices, I wanted to fight the demons.

I didn't want to live in fear anymore.

Slowly raising up my head, I took an one over of the classroom. Everyone was staring me curiously.

My cheeks flamed up more.

I took a deep breath- inhale and exhale- just like the doctors said and then closed my eyes.

A wave of determination crashed on me as I opened my eyes.

"Bonjou- I mean- g-good morning-" My voice shook as I spoke, my French accent thick. I was a new learner of English after all, "I am Marienne- Victor. I- d-don't speak anglais," I gulped as I tried to process the words, "I am 8. I learned at home, with-" My voice shook with the inhibition of my mind, "With my mama."

By the time my little speech was done and completed, everyone was staring at me with shock. The boys didn't seem to like me much whereas the girls practically had stars shining in their eyes.

Most of their cheeks were red like mine, some from anger and some from.... maybe admiration?

The teacher herself had shinning eyes as she grinned. I blinked up at her, utterly confused.

"Marienne!" She cleared her throat and looked around in the classroom, her eyes relentless as they searched for something....

She beamed as her eyes stuck on a person sitting on a bench in the third row, a girl to be precise.

She kept her head casted downwards. All I could see was her shiny black hair and the violet dress she wore.

I eyed her form curiously, she seemed scared.

The teacher took me by the hand and led me to the second bench in the third row, where the girl was seated.

My eyes never left her timid form, the closer we came, the smaller she became.

Apparently, she didn't want to get noticed. It seemed, if it was an option, she would run away and never come back.

So much in common...

The teacher stopped in front of the bench, her ghost of a crimson smile never fading away.

I frowned as I took her shelled form. She seemed to be shaking.

"Madeline!" The teacher exclaimed with her usual mirth, "It seems like you have a vacant seat. Would you mind if this handsome boy takes a seat beside you?"

She lifted her head, as if she was a robot. Her eyes were still downcast as she shook her head ever so slightly.

"Great!" She was annoying, "Marienne- please take a seat beside her. Madeline?"

The girl named Madeline, looked up at the teacher, her now ruffled hairs were a mess.

She took my breath away.

She seemed like the most gorgeous girl I had ever came across. Her pale skin, jet black hair, violet dress and her eyes that swiveled with confusion and fear- I enjoyed what I was seeing.

She was so pretty.

My cheeks heated up as the thought crossed me. I quickly averted my gaze, feeling shy.

The teacher nudged me lightly, urging me to take a seat beside her. I looked at the pretty girl, hoping that she would let me take a seat beside her.

Her beautiful smaragdine eyes met mine and my heart seemed to halt for a moment.

"......Pretty....." A voice whispered. The one that I haven't heard after I started to take my medications.

She too seemed awestruck. A blush of shock adorned her pale cheeks, turning them into a hue of a budding French rose in the early morning light. Her lips were slightly parted as she ogled at me.

I really hoped that she didn't believe in those stupid cootie things. I like her and I want to befriend her.

But....

".....What if she doesn't find you cute ....?"

I casted my head downward as I dumped my bag on the chair beside her and sat myself quickly. She might not like me, why was I being so silly?

She was pretty, I was too but I was ill.

But she was the first person I had ever wanted to talk to.

The class seemed to have gone back to normal as everyone continued on with their meaningless chattering that was interrupted by my sudden appearance.

I kept my gaze lower, praying for enough courage to talk to her.

A hand touched mine lightly, making me jump. Shivers ran through the skin where she had touched, a very foreign emotion for me.

I looked up and our eyes met. Her mirthful eyes, shining with glee as she smiled ever so slightly, my shocked state that drank her in.

"Hey..." Her voice was melodious whisper.

That was the moment I knew, I had to try.

I had to try to fight those voices, even if it is for her. I wanted her company and I also wanted to accompany her and I couldn't do it with my messed up mind.

I smiled at her, hoping that I would look at least approachable.

Her smile faltered as a frown latched on her forehead, "Are you okay?"

I nodded. She beamed at me, entwining our fingers, making me hold my breath.

"I am Madeline Quarsiekiev," She flashed me her toothy smile, "Nice to meet you!"

Madeline.....

"Maddy...." A whisper escaped me as I stared at her. She beamed up at me, her smiling seemed to reflect a hundred thousand stars.

Maddy....

A dreary sense of hollow, a sense of never ending pain filled me. A knot formed inside my throat.

I wanted to gulp it down, but, my muscles didn't pay heed to my brain.

It was as if, I was drowned inside my painful memories that seemed to prick me constantly with it's sharpness and all I could do was lay down and take it.

I couldn't move a single muscle, a single ligament, but, I knew I was alive.

It was the worst feeling ever.

Instead, I tired to focus on the better things. I am a jumble, I didn't know what was happening, but, all I knew is I had to get out from here.....

How long has it been?

Hours or days?

My body felt like a cage at the moment and all I wanted to be was free..... Free from everything, free from my monsters, free from this heart wrenching pain. Maybe, hopefully, I would get a better life in my afterlife.

Everything was blank now, but, I could still feel everything. It's like being dead, but remaining alive at the same time.

Madeline....

Ma deuxième moitié..

Mon bel amour.....

Mes joues roses.....

Roses.....

Rose.....

Slowly, painfully, bit by bit, an image began to form on the canvas of my deformed mind.

An image of a girl..... Slowly replacing the one I had painted of Madeline.

She had dark brown eyes, they shone with melancholy and pain as they stared up at me. Her alabaster skin marred with marks, bearing the testimony of the pain that was inflicted upon her.....

Her jet black hair shone under the dim light. Her figure was blurred, but the glint in her eyes was unmistakable.

"Marienne." She whispered, her voice bearing much pain.

Roseline.....

"I don't know if you can hear me....." Why are you talking like that?

"Or hear- anything for that matter...."

I hear you, Roseline...

"I just- I just had to say this.... Marienne- I can't say much, because there isn't really anything to say. I don't know where to start- how to talk-"

Don't say that....

From the brume of the bete noire, her pleading voice echoed, soothing me. My demons wanted to resurface but I was too weak to hear them.

All I could do is hear....

"When I was a small kid....my mom and dad passed away...." Her voice was blurred, but I could still hear her, "DuPont family took me in their shelter..."

Madeline DuPont, Roseline Winslate DuPont....

"I knitted a net of hope that slowly began to cocoon my soul in it's warmth..... I thought my life was finally going to be good...."

The net of hope she had sewn.....

"Do you know the funny feeling of getting your hopes shattered? It feels like a thousands of knives are stabbing you, constantly, that's how-" Her voice broke, "That was how I felt when I came to know that this new family of mine was involved in sex trafficking-"

The net of hope that was torn by her family....

"The flower of hope I grew- Marienne- I saw it razing in the dust-"

A long pause ensued.

"When mama found me, I was lost, abused and traumatized for life. I have my own demons that invaded my soul forever. But still, the only thing I could cling onto that time was hope....."

"My hope- I planted a sapling of it and grew it into a flower. I clung onto it, nurtured it, loved it...."

She rebuilt her torn hope.

A flashback of my mama came over me...

"Francis... I know it's too much to ask, but, can you at least give me hope? A hope that we will be okay?"

Hope.... Hope is what saves us....

"I never even know what sex was until I came to know about it in the sex education class and when I came to know about it; I was eleven years too late to mourn..."

"I had nightmares-" Her voice was a whisper, but I could still hear the scream that hid in it, "I had ugly flashbacks of that man calling out to me, I had panic attacks and I was told I would-" A gasp was heard, "I would never be able to conceive a baby..."

Please stop.

I cannot take it anymore.... please stop.

She was wailing loudly, her pain touching mine in a outburst of waves.

My heart was beating abnormally, I could feel it.

Did she not hear my silent screams?

Make it stop..... This feeling.....

"Marienne-" Her tear weighted voice cut through the bittersweet melancholy

Refuge....

Imprisoned.....

The words she was using to demonstrate herself.....

And they weren't lies....

"When I was a teenager, I wanted to kill myself-"

Just like me.

"It was hope and love that saved me. They were my saviors..."

And I?

A long pause.

"Why would you do that to me?"

The question hung.

The answer was known yet not.

We both knew it.

I was fucked up.

And she was the one who had come across me and my fuckedupness.

I shattered it, destroyed it until it had no proof of it's existence.

I hated myself, but now I loathed me.

I'm sorry, Rose.

I'm so so so sorry. S'il vous plaît, pardonnez-moi.

I felt a sudden jolt of electricity at the feather light touch of a soft hand. She was touching me!

Why?

I am disgusting, why would you touch me?

"Marienne- you tried to commit suicide.... Why? You have everything!"

I don't.

I don't have anything.

I am a pauper.

I don't have anyone.

"Not you!"

I wish she could hear me screaming now.

I wish I could tell her that she deserved to live.

It is I who should not.

I should rot in hell, along with my messed up mind.

The world was beautiful, it doesn't deserve a slave of inner monster who feeds off pain.

"You are a monster Carlisle.... You truly are. You need help..." I do.

But I have given up on me.

I only wish that my monsters wouldn't come back.

"Death is not the help. Fight your demons because no one is gonna fight your fight!"

She was.... Encouraging me.

Why? Why Rose?

Her image faded away slowly, leaving me into the never ending darkness and feeding me to my own monsters.

And I had this sudden urge...

Sudden urge to fight, to live... Breathe as a free man..... I never did that before.....

And this urge to plea....

Plea to save me, plea to not leave me in this darkness, just like everyone did....

"When you wake up," her voice was miles away, but it was still there, "I want you to take your medications and fight your demons. You are a mere stranger to me, yet, you have done things to me that would probably haunt me till my death-"

Please don't say that.....

"Truth hurts, doesn't it Marienne-" a reptilian voice hissed.

They were coming back.

"But I still want you to hope- to reconstruct yourself."

"You can't hope!" The voice hissed again with acid in it's voice.

And then the light went away. There was no sound, nothing whatsoever.

I didn't realize if it was a dream or a glimpse of a reality.

It might be a creation of my mind.....

"Goodbye Marienne-" her voice was so far away.... If I could, I would reach out and touch it....

"You have shattered me"

"I hope that we will never meet again...."

Wait Rose.... Where is she going?!

"Even if we do, I would be sure to avoid you," I heard a mocking chuckle, "I don't want you to think that I was seducing you...."

Wait no.....

"Hope, you can have another one of yours..."

Rose....

"But that doesn't mean that I forgive you. I will hate you, forever, but I am too numb to take a revenge..."

Rose.... Don't....

"Adieus...."

No! Where are you going!

"Let her go-" the voice seemed to have become louder as it hissed in my ear, "She hates you-"

Please don't go....

I don't know why I was begging for her not to leave.

I don't.

Maybe she gave a sense of purity, a sense of light.

A sense of lucidity inside my intricate and diabolic mind.

I felt her very soul mourning for the death of my humanity and that is what urged me to crave her company.....

I can't still fathom if it's all a dream.

Maybe tomorrow when I wake up, everything would probably be back to normal.

"....you sure?"

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But I could still hope right?

Hope is what makes us....

Before I could differentiate between the line of illusion and verity, I felt my monsters resurfacing.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to run away, but I was trapped in a body.

It was like a silent but Earth shattering pain, I could not but take it.

"Hope...." A small voice of a certain dark eyed girl rang in my ears in it's mellifluous Melody.

My memories played inside me like a mute orchestra as I tried to do just that.

Everything started to become darker, deeper, more agonizing.

"Hope....." Her voice rang again....

I tried to cling onto that, just like her..... but I....

I witnessed as my mind swallowed my soul, taking over as the tragic memories and her words played together in sync.... A fantastic scenario of the destruction of my soul was displayed, my demons joining in the celebration- cheering as I wallowed into a sea of never ending pain and a broken heart.

I'm sorry....

Rewritten.

Glossary:

Ma deuxième moitié: My other half.
S'il vous plaît, pardonnez-moi: please forgive me.
Mon bel amour: My beautiful love.
Mes joues roses: my rose cheeks (weird bro)

Please don't diss me if they're incorrect. My sole hope is Google translate. Thank you for reading!