"Paranoid? Probably. But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean there isn't an invisible demon about to eat your face."

― Jim Butcher, Storm Front

Rose's POV:

My body ached as I turned around, my limbs weighted a thousand tons as I felt my heart beat erratically in my ribcage.

I felt numb.

Numb.

Heavy.

Dolorous.

Anguished.

Like someone had pinned thousands of needles over my skin.

I heard a loud groan from beside me, a groan that made me freeze.

Then I felt it.

Cold air brushing my skin, a warm arm draped over me, someone's breath fanning my neck.

Like a cold, dark splash of marmois at the deepest of the night it hit me and suddenly I felt sudden nausea creeping up to me.

Grey flashed behind my closed lids and a moan escaped me.

Why did my body hurt so much?

Breath Rose....

Last night, it was like a blur....

I don't remember falling asleep.

I cracked my lids open, immediately squinting from the glaring ray of light.

Another groan resonated as I flipped to my side only to discover a naked body beside me.

My eyes widened in horror as I took in the shirtless man.

What happened?

Why was I naked?

Why was this man....

I noticed a writing at the back of his neck.

Marienne..

Oh no.

Oh no.

What have I done?

Cold tremor ran down me as white fear jumbled inside me, curling my stomach.

I slept with the demon.

Oh no.

His arm was draped around me, his face in the crook of my neck.

Bile rose up in me as I was reminded of how I begged him to take me.

Why did I do that?

Why?

Why?

All I could remember was my body suddenly growing hot and the numbing ache in my labia, the tightening of my body as I craved warmth.

Something... anything....

And then Marienne..

A breath escaped me as I felt disgusted, disgusted at myself for asking a man who hurt me to pleasure me.

It was sickening, my stomach churned and twisted as I felt a retch breaking through me.

How could I?

I was a spineless woman....

Then the question arose....

Why did I actually feel aroused?

I never felt like this before. Never.

Then why suddenly...

And then I barely remembered anything from the last night.

I slept with the beast.

I actually slept with him.

The jumbled up mess that was my mind coiled up more as I tried to blink away the creeping nausea inside me.

"What the hell?!" A voice grunted as I felt the warm body shifting away. Cautiously, with shaky hands, I pulled over the blanket up to my neck, shivering and feeling tears prickle my eyes.

I felt filthy, tarnished. How could I allow myself this?

Did he drug me?

Did he drug me and then?

No! No!

"What the fuck am I doing here?" A voice barked, "Answer me!"

I closed my eyes tears slid down, "I could ask the same thing, Mr. Victor, what are you doing here?"

I looked up at him.

He disgusted me.

His brows were furrowed, jaw clenched as a storm brewed in his eyes. He had already put on his white shirt, his posture stiff- his eyes were red, as if he was experiencing a hangover.

"How dare you?" My voice shook as I cried, "How dare you drug me? That's low, even for you"

His eyes widened as a shocked look crossed over his features and then slowly it changed into a look of realization. Familiar darkness clouded his features as he started breathing heavily.

The storm turned into a tornado as his face took a shade of red.

He gritted his teeth- he looked nothing short of a monster that he was.

He had no right to react like this after drugging me.

He defiled me.

I hate him.

"I didn't drug you..." His voice was deadly calm, "Even I don't remember a thing from last night."

I gulped as I felt my throat getting itchy from the dryness they felt.

Lies.

How could a person be so cruel, so demonesque? So fucking vile.....

"I might be many things, Ms. Winslet...." He deadpanned, his voice sending chills down my spine as I panted heavily, from fear, from dread, from disgust, "But sexual offender is not one of them."

I cried harder as I was reminded of how I did something I would regret for an eternity.

"You threw me to the hungry sharks...." I laughed humorlessly as tears fell like a waterfall, my insides knotting with sheer agony, "To get me raped."

His jaw clenched, "You deserve a lot worse for killing my fiancée."

"HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES DO I TELL YOU I DIDN'T KILL MADELINE?!" I hollered, my voice breaking at the end.

Why was fate so cruel to me?

What did I ever do?

Why did I-

I cried, defeated, numb, broken, agonized.

"Ms. Winslet," He stated, his voice deadly, "I was drugged too."

"Oh yeah?" I mocked, brouhaha boiling inside me like a molten lava, yet, I was exhausted, "Then why the fuck did you enter my room in the middle of the night?"

His jaw tightened as he tightened his fists, looking right into my eyes.

But guess what?

I had had enough of this bullshit.

"No answer?" I raised an eyebrow, "Oh wow, I left the almighty speechless! Blimey!"

"Do not provoke me, Ms. Winslet..." He gritted out, "I loathe this situation as much as you. I would never sleep with you in my sane mind?"

"Are you sane, Mr. Victor?" I gritted out, my deafening sound of my heart pounding was too loud, even in my ears, "You are just an abyss of darkness, you need help. Medical help, you need light and you need a miracle. You are just a demon, Marienne Carlisle Victor. You and I are just a mixture of chaos and I would be more than glad to stay away from you and never meet you again in this lifetime."

Chaos unfurled in his eyes as he took a threatening step to me, making me cower back, my naked skin hitting the wooden rim of the bed post.

"You only had a glimpse of the infinite darkness that resides in me..." A slow smirk curled up in his lips as his turquoise eyes shone with cruor humor, as if he was mocking me, "I am a walking hell and you only had a candescence of the inferno that lives in me. Be careful as you choose your words, Ms. Winslet, for I will burn you to ashes and the only thing that will be left of you when I am done will be your black soul."

"I despise you..." I whispered, my heart quivering with fear as I took in the cruel man who now had a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"You seem like a gluttony for punishment..." He clenched his jaw.

"You can't break what is already broken Marienne Carlisle Victor. You think you can break me, but you can't. You don't have the privilege-" My voice shook as I pinned him with a glare.

"I am disgusted at myself for letting myself being swayed and actually sleep with you..." A sigh escaped him as he ran a hand over his face. Was that a drop of tear that brimmed his eyes?

Why was he crying, shouldn't I be the one who cries?

"I can't believe I let myself sleep with someone who is not her...." He breathed shakily and then glared at me, a glare that chilled my bones, "You have no idea how disgusted I am by you."

"You monster...." I whispered, unleashing the tears that brimmed in my eyes, "I sure as hope Madeline loathed you because you don't deserve love."

His jaw clenched and for a moment, I thought he was going to hit me. I tucked myself further under my blanket as I curled up.

My heart skipped a bit as he loomed over me and shot me a look that pierced through my soul. His mere presence sent a tremor down my spin, as if I was hanging at the edge of a knife with bloodied and wounded hands.

Before I could process what was happening, he stormed away, slamming the door behind him- just within a heartbeat.

I let a shaky breath of relief as I finally burst into the wail.

The shape of his lies were sharp, brutal and it pierced right through my skin, like needles in fingertips.

How could someone be a cruel liar?

How?

Marienne's POV:

The wounds, the scratches, the scars....

Nothing worse that a wound of heart...

I faced the ceiling, limp, numb and surrounded by my own anguish.

My limbs gave off as I laid on the bed. I didn't have the slightest willpower to move myself to do anything. I could still feel my hands clutching my medicine bottle tightly, one or two pills were scattered on the bed. My shoes, clothes- everything was distraught around the room.

My demons died down, I couldn't hear the voices anymore. They left me, weighting me down with their doing, guilting me with an accusation so heinous, so vile, so painful-

What have I done?

Why did I cheat on my Madeline?

The daylight poured down inside my room, the soft sunray bathing it with it's pellucidity, or at least the parts where the curtain wasn't drawn. I drew the curtains because the dark seemed more comforting, friendlier, safer and warmer. The wings of the day had flown, it's skin wearing bright clouds as ornaments.

The pure beauty of it reminded me of the night when my mom found out that I was not normal.

"....Wh-What do you mean doctor?" My mom's voice shook as she flinched away from me. She was acting as if I was a monster. "He has what?"

"Madame, patience. He is in no situation of hearing your outburst..."

"I bear this connard and now I find out he is-"

I extended my hand toward her, tears streaming down my face as I did so. I needed warmth, I needed support and help.

Her head snapped up and her turquoise orbs that mirrored mine met mine with vehemence.

"Maman-" My naïve seven year old self whispered, "Pardon, Maman-"

Before I could say another word, her hand came up and slapped me hard.

I touched my face, the slap lingered there. I could still feel it after 22 years.

My head fell back, the force of the slap making my neck throb. I clutched the spot tightly as I cried harder.

It was not my fault.

I closed my eyes as her words from that day came back, clear as day.

"You little chiene! All you could do was trouble me and now this? You are a fucking demon! You hear me?! You were never good for anything and now this mental health shit?! I have my own life! I can't spend the day being your servant!"

I wailed louder as I witnessed her getting up from the seat abruptly, the sounds of my sobs resonated in the walls of the chamber. "MAMAN! NE PARS PAS! S'IL VOUS PLAIT! MAMAN!"

My words echoed inside my ear, resonating throughout inside me, the memory fresh as if it happened yesterday.

I grabbed her hand, begging for her mercy. The night was cold, dreary and dark. There was no way I would be able to survive if she left me. My cries for help fell into deaf ears.

"MAMAN NE PARS PAS! JE VOUS PROMETS-"

She yanked her hand away as she turned toward me, her eyes full of hatred.

"Listen boy- stay here. I am leaving."

And she did.

She left me, alone, in that chamber.

I remember how I cried and begged for her to not to leave. I remember how I pleaded for mercy, but she never paid heed to me.

My second mother did come, after a week. When she did, she found me senseless, at the street side. I was dehydrated, malnourished and left with my demons.

The darkness inside me became more prominent as the day light got brighter, almost glaring. I looked at the pills that my hand clutched.

The only things that kept me sane were these pills. Risperidone and quetiapine.

They made me feel numb.

I was feeling numb.

Shattered.

Anguished.

What have I done?

I closed my eyes. All I could see was her tearful face as she accused me of defiling her whereas I, myself was a victim to it.

My breathing became heavier as I felt a tightness in my chest.

Yet I...

A herd of guilt gnawed inside my heart, regret, suffering; I was feeling all of these at once. A pain that is consuming, burning, tore through me.

I was walking inside a sphere of insanity. I felt insane, I felt like a monster, the bitter taste of vengeance made my blood race.

"Don't you want to teach her a lesson?" A voice whispered inside my head, "Don't you want to avenge Madeline? Shouldn't you teach her a lesson since-"

Ardent's voice played in my mind.

"I fucked her-"

"The lady."

It was more than enough to strip me off my remaining civility.

She begged me to touch her, but I shouldn't have.... I shouldn't....

Opprobrious gripped my soul, making me feel heavy, almost choking me from it's intensity. I tried to gulp down the knot that was starting to form in my throat.

I deserve something far worse than a death.

Nausea unfurled as my head spined. White started to appear in my vision, mingling along with the darkness of the night. A wave of phlegethon streamed down my prospect. All I could see was the white mixing with opaque, turning into gray.

Then the white won the wild primal dance to conquer as it covered me in a brume of an unexplainable feeling. It felt like I was being carried away into another world.

The mirage of an illusion led me, into what seemed like a sphere of nothingness.

What was this?

Was I dreaming?

But I was awake?

The whisper of the autumn breeze could still be heard, the whimpers of the owls and the howls of the wolves mingled along with the silent night, reaching out to the nature and the beyond. I was awake, so, what was this?

Did I overdose?

Suddenly, the whiteness congressed, dancing with each other, coming down together as a more blinding white. It took a form into that nothingness and suddenly a bridge appeared.

And, suddenly, I turned into a 7 year old.

I was small, timid, afraid of myself. I feared my own demons.

"....Walk....." A voice whispered from the abyss of nothingness.

And so I did. I walked in front. My steps were slow, soundless, afraid.

The white began to vaporize, the darkness reappeared.....

"My child..."

Whispers, the voice seemed familiar.

"Mon fils." The whispers became more prominent, to the point where they just enveloped me, coating me with the vileness of their voices.

"Mon fils" The plethora of viscous darkness blended into one. I saw a ghost of something.....

A... figure?

My vision adjusted itself in the dark, a woman appeared. Maman?

Without giving it a second thought I began to ran toward the shadow.

"MAMAN!" I screamed with all the energy I could muster up.

She looked at me, her turquoise orbs blinding.

"Mon fils" A tear leaked from her eye as she glanced at me with eyes full with melancholy, her voice barely audible.

"Please see me..." She looked up at the ceiling, a rope was hanging there, "As I take my life..."

My heart stopped for a moment. No!

"MAMAN DON'T DO IT! PLEASE DON'T!" A cry tore through my heart as I tried to look away. She all but smirked cruelly at me, it seemed like I was paralyzed by some unknown force.

"This is my vengeance...for your dad.... for you.... Please see me as I die...."

I wanted to run away.

"Please see me as I take my life. Marienne? Is it enough for you to feel regret for the rest of your life? Is it enough to make you scream and cry? Is it enough to remind you what death is, to make you see the gory sight of death?"

And she just coiled the rope around her neck and kicked of the stool.

I couldn't scream, not a sound came out from my mouth.

I was handicapped by the grotesque feeling.

That was the first ever death I had witnessed. My father's second wife's death.

the woman whom I used to call maman.

She scarred me for life.

I gasped as my vision cleared. It was all a flashback.

The reminder of the death weighted down on me heavily.

I felt numb. I was robbed of any capability to feel.

I felt nothing.

The scar on my soul had turned into a freshly exempted wound, which now turned into a hole.

A hole of my heart that made me bleed.

My body seemed to have a mind of it's own as I sat up. It felt like I was on autopilot.

I was barely breathing.

"I hope Madeline didn't love you... because a monster like you doesn't deserve love....."

"You are monster..."

And then suddenly, I started to laugh. Tears leaked down my eyes, but yet I kept on laughing.

It sounded insane, even to me.

Where were the voices now?

I had become what I feared to become, I had come to enslave my demons. So much so, in the process of conquering, I had lost myself, sold myself to them. I had turned inhuman.

"Marienne stop..." Her voice rang in my ears, sending a shiver down my spine.

How would I live with an agony so acute, how would I live with something so vile and so brutal?

My own mind was against me, it was suicidal, but this brutal?

A wildfire of regret and shame burned my insides. How could I do this?

How did I allow this to happen?

Yet, I had no one else to blame except for myself.

I cheated on my Madeline.

I let myself get swayed by a few chemicals....

I let my hollowed gaze travel around, until it stuck itself on the balcony.

It was huge. A glass shielded it, barricading the outer world from it.

A flash of my maman's image as her rotten, un animated body hung from the ceiling.

That was my introduction to death.

"....Don't you want to.....kill yourself?.... You have nothing to live for anyway..."

Even though I knew that my medications were wearing off, I knew the voices were correct. They never lied. They did make me do some vile things, but they were the ones who helped me conquer everything.

"....How would you live on?"

I wanted to scream that "You made me do it! You made me believe it!" But they were just a twisted part of me.

They were me, I was them.

"....Give up Marienne" I clenched my fists as I tried to block away the suicidal thoughts. I tried to remember the sessions I attended, the psychologists' suggestions, anything that could give me another ray of hope.

But at the end, nothing mattered.

"....Give up....This world is not for you..."

The whispers became more prominent as the time went. It felt like a lot of people from around the room were speaking at once, drowning my thoughts of logic inside them.

My vision began to falter as my eyes went to the parallel marks that ran along my arms, just over my artery.

Yes, I had tried to take my life many times. But it never worked.

"....Mon fils..You are just a monster..." The monster's voice wallowed inside my Maman's voice. It was, as if, I wasn't in this world anymore.

A celestial feeling surrounded me as my body moved like it had a mind of it's own.

"....It's for the best Marienne. You'll meet Madeline.... She is waiting..."

My Maddy was waiting.

I had to reach her.

And apologize.

"You are a monster..."

"You don't deserve to be loved...."

Before I knew, my legs moved as it took me to the balcony.

I faced the heaven as I stood on the railing.

"...Make sure you take yourself with you this time..."

"Marienne stop!..."

"Marienne"

Through the mist and the brume, from somewhere near, a voice echoed inside my ears. The regret, guilt and shame, weighted down heavily upon me as I looked into nothingness.

"Marienne stop..." Rose.....

"Marienne stop...."

Forgive me, even though it's an unforgivable sin.

"Marienne stop!"

The fogs surrounded me more, almost choking me in it's mystique before everything became white. The last thing I felt was falling.....

Falling.... falling and falling... Into the chaos of nothingness....

Rewritten.

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