UNDER MY SKIN

six. new york

“After graduation, I went back to Miami.” Javi told the two, but Sam veered towards the hot dog vendor they had passed. “Felt like I needed to regroup. Shit, you wouldn’t believe it. I joined the military.”

“You joined the military?” Kate asked, her eyebrows jumping a little before she looked over at Sam.

“Yeah, I was just feeling kinda lost.”

“Thank you,” Sam smiled, taking the hot dog and handing over some cash before joining the two again.

“Did you know he joined the military?” Kate asked, just as Sam took a huge bite of her hot dog.

“No,” her answer was muffled by food and her shoulders tensed a little. Kate internally winced, she had thought that since they had shown up together, then maybe they had talked but the way Javi shifted on his feet and Sam’s eyes moved to the sidewalk, she knew that just wasn’t the case.

“Oh,” she mumbled and a heavy silence fell over them as they continued down the sidewalk.

Javi cleared his throat, trying to push past the awkwardness, “I tried reaching out to you a few times.” Sam knew he was talking to Kate and not her, she didn’t have to see the way his eyes flickered to her sister for her to know that.

“Yeah, I’m not great with communication.” Kate mumbled. “I only really talk to Sam.”

“And I do most of the talking,” Sam teased a little, bumping Kate’s hip with hers and the smile she got was small, but at least she had managed to get one.

“Yeah, no, I figured. You know, life and all.” He filled the silence again, looking over at Sam as she took another bite of her hot dog, she had a spot of ketchup on her cheek. Which Kate seemed to notice, too. She reached up and wiped it away before grabbing one of the napkins Sam had. “But I hadn’t heard from you, so, you know, I stopped by your mom’s in Sapulpa to check in. She said… she said you don’t come home anymore.”

It was true, she didn't visit and the last time she had been there had been when Sam was in the hospital. Kate tightened her arms around herself and Sam noticed, so she lightly bumped her elbow with her own.

“It ain’t a bad thing.” She told her. “Just a thing, that’s all.” Kate smiled, nodding her head in thanks. Sam finished off her food and wiped her face before tossing her trash away when they passed a garbage can.

“I knew you moved, but I didn’t expect you to move somewhere like New York.” Javi added, glancing over at Kate again just as they started to cross the street.

“New York’s great.” Kate nodded. “I like it here. People are nice.”

A cab skidded to a stop, the driver laying on his horn, “get your ass outta the street!”

“Watch where you’re drivin’, asshole!” Sam shouted back, her eyebrows narrowed as she raised her middle finger.

“Sam, come on,” Kate grabbed her arm and tugged. “Drop it.”

“He started it,” she huffed, falling into step with her sister and Javi as they crossed the street. “People are nice, my ass.”

“Most people,” Kate conceded, leading the two towards a little cafe. They sat at a table, Sam having to pull up a chair from a different table, but her eyes were mostly trained on the window. She’d never been to a city like New York, it was huge and there were barely any trees to be seen.

“My job in the military was operating one of these,” Javi handed his phone to Kate and Sam leaned over, because she was curious. It was a picture of a huge machine. “Phased Array Radar… PAR. You know, scanning for missiles.”

“Leveled up from Dorothy,” Kate mused, passing his phone back.

“Many levels.” He nodded. “This thing was so powerful and so fast, I could watch a moth fly from, like, a mile away. But I kept asking myself… what if we point this thing at a tornado?”

Sam’s brows pinched a little, “it’s massive. How the hell you gonna do that?”

“Yeah, Javi, it’s the size of a building. You’d never be able to get it close enough.”

“Until now.”

“This coffee sucks,” Sam muttered, putting her mug on the table and pushing it away from her.

“Here,” Kate pushed her water towards her and she took a sip.

“Sorry, continue,” she glanced up at Javi.

He chuckled a little, a smile on his face, “well, the military, they came up with portable units, and they’re small. I got my hands on a few prototypes.”

Sam watched Kate, seeing how her lips parted and her eyes went wide, she seemed intrigued but there was that hint of fear that had taken root in her eyes all those years ago. Javi gave a nervous smile… he was worried his pitch wasn’t working. So he pushed himself up, Sam reached over and rubbed Kate’s arm, she knew just seeing Javi was hard for her – it just brought everything back.

Javi rejoined the two with a few packs of creamer, then he pulled the glass of water towards him, “alright, look. Let’s say this… this is a tornado, right?” He used his spoon to stir the water, forming a small vortex in the glass. “My team drives up. We place a portable PAR here.” He set up one of the packs of creamers. “It’s giving me incredible high-resolution images, but th - they're still kinda flat. So what do we do? My team sets up two more, here and here.”

He made a triangle around the glass, “now we have a…”

“A three-dimensional scan.” Kate mused.

“The most perfect scan of a tornado ever.”

Sam felt out of place, she always had when they talked about storms. So she just sat and watched the two, she watched the way Javi’s eyes scanned Kate’s face. She saw the small smile that tugged at his lips.

She even saw the way Kate looked at Javi, it wasn’t as noticeable. It was subtle. She was still trying to grasp that he was there in front of her while fighting off the wave of grief that came with his presence. But the longer they talked, the more at ease she seemed. The more she let herself really look at the boy, and Sam saw it all.

But that look, the ease she had felt, was gone the second Javi finally got to the real reason he’d made the trip to New York, “and you’re the only person that can get me close enough to a tornado to do this.”

Kate shifted in her chair, which Sam noticed, of course she had, “Javi, I…” she shook her head. “I don’t chase anymore.”

“Which I told you,” Sam stated firmly, her protectiveness showing.

“I – I know,” he looked over at Sam before looking at Kate again. “Come on, Kate. What have you been doing here? Sitting behind a computer screen? Like… the girl I know, she’d be going into the storms while everyone else was running away.”

“Well, I’m not that person anymore,” Kate shook her head. And Sam recognized that feeling, she felt the same way about the rodeo. She wasn’t the star she once was, she was a mere shell of who she once was.

While it was two different situations, she and her sister had that in common.

“You have a gift,” Javi argued. “Look, I… I can’t do this without you.”

“She said no, Javi.”

“I… I should really be getting back.” Kate mumbled, looking at her watch before she dropped a few dollars on the table. “But, um… it was good seeing you. You be careful out there?” He managed a small smile, but he couldn’t hide his disappointment. “You gonna be in the city long?” She asked, looking over at Sam.

“Not sure, but I could be persuaded.”

Kate smiled, squeezing her sister’s shoulder, “I’ll call you when I get off work. Maybe we can do something.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Sam nodded, then Kate made her way towards the door.

“Kate.” Javi stopped her, “you ever wonder… why it was us that made it outta there?”

She didn’t answer, she just left, leaving the two alone at the table.

Javi let out a sigh, his shoulder deflating a little before he looked over at the blonde that sat in front of him, “should’ve listened to you.”

“Yep,” she nodded.

“Thanks for… coming with me.”

“Don’t know why you wanted me to come anyways, it wasn't much help.”

He swallowed hard, “I asked you because I miss you, Sam.”

She took a breath, her eyes meeting his and he seemed sincere. Despite the fact seeing him again hurt, she couldn’t deny that she had missed him, too. It was inevitable. They had spent almost everyday together for years, and that was before they ever started dating. And it’s impossible not to miss someone that was such a huge part of your life for so long, even if it hurt.

“I missed you, too, Javi.”

>>>>> • <<<<<

Kate couldn't help her smile as she watched Sam. The two were walking down the street to a bar, the sidewalk was full of people all seeming to be in a rush.

The sun had started to set and that only seemed to have the people of the city in more of a rush, but not Sam.

She strolled almost leisurely down the crowded sidewalk, her arm looped around her sister's, making Kate match her pace.

It was odd to see Sam in the city, especially since she had opted to wear her cowboy hat as she usually did when going out.

Kate pulled her arm free before securing it around her shoulders and tugging her into her side, “I missed you.”

Sam smiled up at her sister, who despite being a year younger was a few inches taller – even when Sam was wearing her boots.

“I missed you, too.” She wrapped her arm around her, both laughing a little as they turned into the bar.

They sat at a table in the corner, Sam sipping on a beer while Kate held a wine glass in her hand – the difference made Sam chuckle. She and Kate had always been so very different.

“So, you and Javi…”

Sam sighed, turning her beer up again, “he asked me to come with him. And he agreed to pay. Free trip to see you? ‘Course I took it.”

“Have you talked to him before this?”

“Not a word,” Sam shook her head. “He just showed up at the house when Mama and I were about to have dinner a couple days ago.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, mostly.” She nodded, rolling her bottle around a little. “It was a shock, seein' him again. It brought up some stuff, it hurt. But I got to see you, so…” she shrugged.

“I'm glad you came.”

“Me too.” Sam hummed. “Especially since the last time I saw you I was high on painkillers.”

Kate chuckled, “how's all that going? You still doin’ PT? And Biscuit, how's he been?”

“It's goin’.” Sam mumbled, taking a deep breath. “And I stopped PT a few weeks back, my shoulder’s doin’ real good. Got full mobility with no pain. And Biscuit is… he's okay. Mama's been takin’ real good care of him.”

Kate gave her an understanding, sympathetic smile, “still can't ride?”

She shook her head, “it just sucks because I love ridin’. I love Biscuit, I do. I've had him since he was a little foal, I bottle fed him. And when the cold front blew through, I took a heater and spent the night with him in the barn.”

“You'll get back to it soon,” Kate reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I know you will. It's part of who you are.”

Sam shook her head, “maybe. Or maybe I'm not that person anymore.”

Kate just nodded, and she hated that that was how Sam felt. Because if Sam felt anything like Kate had, then she felt like a part of her was missing. Something important, that made her who she was, that shaped her in every possible way was just gone. Leaving a huge hole in its absence.

For once, they truly and fully understand one another.

>>>>> • <<<<<

“How’s your sister?”

“She’s good, I think.” She nodded, shifting in her bed – Javi had paid for her hotel room and it was nice. The bed was soft, the covers thick and warm, the towels were the fluffiest she’d ever seen and there weren’t any unexplained stains on the walls. It was a huge upgrade from the motels she had stayed in when she was on the circuit. “It was good to see her again, last time I saw her was when I was still in the hospital.”

“That long, huh?”

“Yeah, she doesn’t make it home often. She’s got a job and all. But I can't, for the life of me, figure out why she likes New York.”

He chuckled, “what do you mean?”

“The people are rude, there’s barely any trees. Everyone’s kinda on top of each other, feel like I can’t breathe. And there’s no grass anywhere, none.”

He laughed and she loved the sound, “lack of grass. That’s a new one.”

“I just… there’s so much concrete. Everything’s gray. Barely any green.” She huffed, running her fingers through her hair. “To each his own, I guess.”

“That’s the spirit,” he mused, making her laugh.

“I miss you,” she mumbled.

“I miss you, too, baby.” He smiled. “When you get back we could meet up. Been too long.”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” She nodded, her eyes falling closed as a yawn left her.

“You’re tired, I’ll let you-”

“No, just keep talkin’.” She cut him off. “I wanna hear about that tornado y'all went after today.”

He chuckled, “you could just watch the video.”

“I know,” she hummed as she tucked herself into the bed. “But I like listenin’ to you. Like the way you talk about storms.”

There was a brief moment where he just smiled to himself, and he was glad she couldn’t see him as the tips of ears turned pink along with his cheeks.

“It was beautiful, Sam…” he started and she put him on speaker before laying her phone down, she reached over and turned the light off. A smile tugged at her lips as he recounted the day, and she could hear Boone in the background – he’d asked if it was Sam on the phone and when Tyler nodded, he’d shouted a hey, Sammy! Only to have Tyler kick him out of his room.

“I think you’d really like it, you know, drivin’ into-” a soft snore cut him off and he chuckled lightly. It wasn’t the first time she’d fallen asleep when they were on the phone. “Goodnight, baby.” he whispered, but he didn’t hang up.

He never did.

He just laid down, Buck curled up at the foot of his bed and the phone on the pillow next to him.