i remembered to take my pill today.

i think i forgot it yesterday.

maybe that was why i felt so

tired, and why my knee hurt

i wouldnt know.

i washed my face with warm water.

i turned the temperature up too hot,

and it burned my hand.

i quickly withdrawed, but it

still stung.

i wonder why everything stings recently.

like a bee sting, leaving you reeling

weak and hurt and slightly angry

my feelings hurt from it,

my legs hurt,

my heart hurts.

why do i feel as though the world's spinning

so fast, and steadily,

but im left behind?

like when you go down on a rollercoaster

and it feels as though your stomach's left your body,

behind you, away from you.

like it escaped.

i dont feel as connected to anything as i used to be.

i spaced out at homecoming,

i fall asleep during class,

i zone out when my friends are talking.

its almost like my dreams want me to join them.

like i need to stay in a different reality to feel okay.

i rub my face with lotion,

my mom once told me "dont look

older than you are, this early".

i dont do it for beauty. i do it because

it feels nice, it smells like flowers.

i go and read. i do this every night.

i lay in my bed, then put my book

away, turn off the light.

settle down for the night.

close my eyes.

i want to sleep, but my mind is awake.

my dreams beckon me to come,

to stay with them.

but my subconscious refuses,

and i am left trembling beneath my sheets.

i remember how i shiver at random points during the day,

though im not cold.

my nerves are reacting to something thats

not even there.

its an odd sensation, but

for some reason i like it.

its strange, when i am cold, i wish with all my might to be warm.

but when im warm, i wish for a cool breeze,

anything to cool me down

i like to be in the

middle,

in between.

i then drift off, the sweet, sweet

feeling of a different reality

in my mind carrying me

f a r, f a r

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