it's funny.

this hole in my chest,

this emptiness in my mind.

when was the last time i felt something like this?

long ago,

i was happy,

i was free to do whatever i wanted.

those times were when i was young, and now the deja vu has left me empty.

sad,

wanting the pull

of childhood nostalgia,

wanting the caring embrace that disney and barbie gave me.

now im alone,

no one to save me,

nothing here to help me

drown out the screams of the ending world.

my friend and i

predicted that before 

2043, there will be world war III.

maybe it'll happen, maybe it won't, but i hope the world is destroyed before then.

im sometimes selfish,

wanting the world to explode,

be destroyed and the population wiped,

so that i don't have to suffer in this hellish place anymore.

i don't want to die though;

im afraid of it.

im afraid of the pain that might follow it,

but, maybe, it won't match the pain of here.

i don't want to kill myself,

but the world might kill me.

the people in it might kill me.

im scared of it, but it might be true.

i don't want to die.

instead i want to go back,

before i grew up, before i realized what existence means,

before everything bad that's ever happened to me happened.

i want that child-like wonder,

the child-like total ignorance of the world.

i want to only focus on this present moment and not the past nor present,

i want the pressure of my future and the pain of my past to disappear.

i want freedom,

i want happiness,

i want my laughter back,

i want the simple joys and bliss of life back. 

take me back.