Soo, I'm here as promised❤️❤️

Song for this chapter is My Everything by Ariana Grande, butttt, I listened to Lovely by Billie Eilish and The Weekend as I wrote this chapter......🥃🥃🥃🥃

~GIWA~

His eyes landed on me. Directly on me.

I froze.

I couldn't move from my spot as dull, hazel eyes lingered on me, watching me plainly for what seemed like an eternity.

I only stared back, quietly, silently wishing I could read whatever the fuck was going on in his mind through his eyes, but they were so opaque. It was impossible to read through him.

My mouth opened - against my will - and out came my start off two letter words.

"Hi."

He didn't say anything back. His eyes never left me still. He just stood there, looking at me. Hazel eyes bored into my souls, increasingly making me uncomfortable.

I looked away from him, unable to hold his eye contact anymore. Slowly tracing my eyes away from him and moving it's focus downward, until I was staring at the white tiles of the classroom floors.

I couldn't look at him. It was too hard to look at him. I couldn't do it.

"I..I.." my voice sounded annoyingly frail, unlike me. I stopped talking once I started. The silence in the classroom thregtened to suffocate me. The deafening silence. It was too much for me to bear. It was unsettling. Toxic. Toxic as hell.

I felt my heartbeat suddenly becoming more erratic, thrashing widely against my chest. My hands, getting sweatier every minute as the nervousness overwhelmed me.

I knew he was still looking at me..I only wondered why he wasn't saying anything.

"I came to talk to you." I ended up saying to him, my voice, soft. Softer than usual.

He stayed quiet for a while longer, making me feel naked under such unmoving eye contact. I wasn't looking at him, but I felt his eyes hovering all around me.

I didn't here his voice either. Until I did...
Finally, when I thought he wasn't going to respond, a single word left his mouth.

"About?"

His voice...

It always did something to me. I actually seized breathing for a moment as I got reminded of how much I had missed his voice.

And no, he didn't sound rude. Not at all. He sounded like he genuinely wanted to know. He sounded like he was really intent on knowing what on earth I was expecting him to talk about with me.

What do I want to talk to him about?

I couldn't have expected him to want to talk to me... But I wanted to. I wouldn't let this opportunity go by me.

Yet, you know what I said?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I was woefully failing at this. Failing to find more words to continue. Failing to figure out how exactly to start.

Mehn, I should have already planned my speech before I even walked in here.

Why didn't I do that?

"My m-mum.." I started slowly.

I earned a raised brow from him. Face, straight as a plain sheet. Eyes, refusing for me to see through them, watching me, expecting me to say more.

"M-My mum..she..sold me you came to the hospital.." I stuttered pathetically.

He said nothing.

".. she said you came to see me.." I continued.

His look.. it actually softened. Dark hazel eyes calming it's initial hotness on me and relaxing. I breathed, to steady myself, and my voice. I had to not mess this up.

Ivandor looked away from me now, his eyes, troding to the other side of the classroom, his fingers, balancing cooly on the tip of his nose for about the count of three. He looked like he was thinking... Or breaking?

One thing was for sure, he didn't like it. The effect I was having on him. He didn't want it. Maybe that was why he looked away. Maybe refraining himself from seeing my face would harden him against my charm...

I didn't want him doing that...

"I didn't think you'd want to see me again.." I said softly, wishing he would just look at me again.

Well, he did. I was grateful.

"There isn't a solid reason for me to not have been there for you at that time." He said flatly.

Right.

My fingers fumbled, nervously playing with one another, as I looked at him, lacking words. Suddenly, I was now finding it even more and more difficult to hold his gaze on me.

"How are you though?" He asked me.

"I'm- I'm better." I stuttered in response.

"You look like you're holding up pretty well." He observed me, looking me through with one glance.

No..not exactly..

He sighed, letting out a soft breath of exhaustion and once again looking elsewhere, tiredness all over him. "Look, Giwa, I have to be somewhere now."

No.. don't leave yet...

Don't go..

He obviously wasn't a mind reader, even if sometimes, it felt like he was. He couldn't have heard me. He obviously didn't. He put in a chemistry textbook into the backpack he was offloading books into and I watched him calmly zip the bag up.

"Ivan.."

I don't even know if he heard me call him. He didn't even act like he did. In all honesty, he even seemed disinterested right now. I watched still as he hung the backpack over one shoulder and shut his locker, hearing the clanging of his keys as he further locked it.

"Ivandor.."

He barely looked at me, a quick look, one that was rounded up almost immediately it had landed on me. I could barely pick up anything hopeful from it. But, I was certain that he heard me call him. He just chose to ignore.

Without saying a word, he walked forward, heading to the door of the class where I somewhat stood, obstructing.

His tall frame hovered above me, his shadow, closing off the lights, seizing my breath for another second as I felt his presence this close to me.

I looked at him, refusing to leave his way, pleading with him with my eyes. He held my gaze for a moment and attempted to just brush past me and leave the class.

He didn't have the chance to do that I wouldn't let him. The moment the sides of our bodies grazed lightly, I held onto his arm, tightly, almost desperately.

That was a reflex action. I acted before I could even think, my subconscious, refusing to let him go that easily. Not this time. Not this time.

He stopped moving, momentarily shocked, gratefully not pushing me off him like I thought he would. Gratefully. So then, It was me, his arm, in my hand, holding him back, and his back side, the only thing that was turned to me. The only thing he was letting me see or talk too.

I broke down that instant. All the strength I had been holding up before now, left me in a single second. I was torn, destroyed, tired.

My hands wrapped around his body from behind, holding him dearly, hugging him with everything I had. My head went slack behind him, resting there on his hard back, tired, exhausted, weak, shattered. Broken.

"Ivandor, I'm sorry." I whispered, ever so softly into his back, holding him, closer, tighter, refusing to let him go.

I missed being this close to me. His strong perfume scent pleasantly choked me. I refused to unwrap my hand around his hard, yet, soft body. I refused to let go of him, I wouldn't.

Even if my heart was shattering every second, It still felt peaceful holding him this way...I missed being this close to him. I didn't want to let go. Not now. Not ever. I was seeping the warmth of his body into mine, calming myself with the feeling of euphoria it used to give me - it always gave me.

This closeness also gave me nostalgia...good nostalgia..painful nostalgia..

...that joy of recalling something you once had after losing it...

.. You're only left with memories of it..

It was bitter sweet. In a way, I hated the feeling just as much as I loved it.

Then...

Reality hit me. Hard. The reality of what was really happening. To us. The fact that I may have lost him forever.

He was still there, standing in front of me, with his back turned to me, letting me hold him, hug him from behind, without saying anything to me. Not one word. Not a single sound.

Didn't he care?

Had I really lost him for good?

I shuddered at the thought, nearly cringing afterward, at the pathetic whimper that left me as I broke into sobs on his back. My heart hurt like it had a knife in it. The fear of losing him caused me goosebumps and made my whole body weak. I ended up holding him tighter so as not to break hold of him, as my now shaky hands felt like they were losing the firm grasp on him.

"I'm sorry.." I whimpered again, as his silence destroyed me even further. I could hear my self pant softly as the tears blurred my vision, thregtened to blind me.

He still wasn't saying anything and I lost it.

I squeezed him tighter, gripping tightly the part of his clothes I could chunk in my hands that were on his chest, squeezing tightly, dearly, as uncontrollable sobs left me. My heart, a painful hollow mess that only constricted more and more as I cried uncontrollably.

My vision was blurring with more and more tears, soft wheezes and sniffs left me, and I tried to control them by breathing in and out . In turn, my breathing came off as shaky breaths and my hands were literally vibrating on his chest, heart beating mercilessly, convulsing in my tears as my whole body betrayed me, acting way beyond my control.

"Sorry...." I said again, literally breathed it. My tone was breakinh beyond recognition. Soft wheezes were calming me down as I stayed there, closing my eyes, resting on his back, breathing, panting, crying and sobbing softly on him.

We both stayed silent afterward. The only thing that could be heard was soft sobs from me.

The silence was killing me. His silence was killing me. Murdering me.

I stepped up in front of him, my face, a swollen crying mess, as I looked at him, remorse and regret filling up my eyes.

He looked at me too. With eyes that had softened up a whole lot more than before. He was looking directly into my pupils with hazel eyes that I swore were breaking every second, almost sympathising with me.

I got hope for what felt like a second...

Then, he looked away.

He looked away from me, sighing again, a lengthy, dragged sigh that made me wonder if he had been holding his breath the entire time and letting a truck load of things swarm his mind.

"I'm sorry." I repeated again, hoping he would say something to me this time.

When he looked back to me, for a second, I actually forgot how to breathe. He observed me for a moment, taking in my battered, broken look slowly.

Finally, his mouth opened to speak and my heartbeat sped up even more.

Then out came from his mouth, "For what?"

I honestly hoped he didn't see the frustration on my face at such a reply.

For what? Why was he making this so hard for me? God.

"Everything.." I started, holding eye contact with him, looking deep into his eyes and hoping somehow he could read me, like he usually does, and understand how sorry I am.

When he didn't say anything, I continued;

"I'm sorry for...creating this rift between us.. For saying those things I said that day, I.." I paused when I saw the hurt flash across his eyes, I understood how badly those words still affected him.

Words do go a long way to break people..

Little words, big words, they can go a long way..

In that short moment of rage, I had destroyed him with my words. No matter how much he may still love me....those words are something I can't force him to forget.

You can make people forgive you, but you can't completely erase the scars you imprinted on them.

I remembered Mrs. Tibi's words;

Be careful what you say to people. Words kill....

But what happens when you already said them and scarred the people you love. What next?

"I didn't mean those things I said." I told Ivan truthfully.

I really didn't. I didn't.

"I know it doesn't change anything or change the fact that because of me our classmates troll you using the very thing you trusted me with. It doesn't change the fact that I broke the trust you had in me, neither does it change the fact that I hurt you by my actions that day." I said to him.

He wasn't saying anything. Just looking at me as I talked, listening to me. And no matter how much I tried, I couldn't read his mind through those very opaque hazel eyes of his'. Whether what I saying was getting to him or not, it was hard to tell.

"I respect you a lot and I love you." I told him.

Yet you said those things that day, Giwa..

I tried not to groan outwardly, frustrated by my subconscious guilt shaming me.

"I also respect your family too. The fact your dad isn't with you kills me as much as it kills you. And I don't, in any way, whatsoever, judge your mum, Ivan." I assured him.

He looked away from me again, his look softening yet again, but his teeth grinding was suddenly a contrast to that soft look I thought I had just seen.

"I said things at the spur of the moment, Ivan..." I desperately searched his face to get back that eye contact I just lost with him, hoping he would look at me again.

"..and if I could take back those things I said, I would I promise, but I..." My voice cracked at that point, forcing the firmness out again and I had to stop.

"I apologise for everything. Even down to being selfish about who had sent you that message, instead of thinking about how what I did was affecting you first off." The frailness and shakiness in my voice couldn't be controlled anymore. I just let it be.

"You've always been so tolerant with me. You've always somehow kept up with my shit. You always kept telling me that you could see something different in me, something no one else could see. You loved me when no one else was capable of doing so. You always believed I was a better person and I know I'm not perfect, but I'm working on myself, I promise. Please, don't give up on me yet.." I begged.

He still wasn't talking and I was about to lose my shit.

"Ivandor, please.." I couldn't even believe this was me. Pleading this much for someone. Clasped hands and teary eyes, heart beating, hoping and praying he would listen to me.

How did he manage to make me love him this much? How? I couldn't imagine him leaving. It may have been selfish of me..but I loved him too much to let him go.

"Please.."

I was literally begging him, crying, pleading, yet nothing seemed to be working. The tears choked me, sobs wracked my body, my heart felt numb. I knew that luck was running out of my side.

One last look on him and I realised..

I had actually lost him.

I had lost Ivandor.

Oh God...

What was I even thinking? Why did I even think I would walk in here and everything would be okay again? What was I even thinking, On God!

It all happened like flashes before my eyes..all the memories of us together, flashing before me, painfully reminding me of everything I had lost. With him. With us.

Everything..

It was all gone..

He was leaving.. after everything..

The pain I felt was something I couldn't explain. I felt like a part of menwas detached. Snatched away from me forcefully.

I wasn't ready for this...

My sobs almost made me cringe, I didn't even know I could sound like this. Cry like this. I wanted to stop and walk away. But I couldn't move. I couldn't.

Suddenly, strong arms enveloped me in a hug, holding me, pressing me against hard chest, making me inhale a large amount of men cologne, a bitter-sweet nostalgic feeling, enveloping me as I cried into his chest.

Ivandor was holding me this time, hugging me. Whispering 'stop' to me all over again, planting short kisses on my head, trying to calm me down, but I only cried even more.

I heard him sniff above me...and I thought to myself. Was he crying too?

"Giwa, stop, please." He pleaded, holding me dearly, never stopping with those kisses on my head and forehead.

I could feel his heartbeat. Fast, erratic, hard....I realised I wasn't the only one in pain.

"I can't, you're going to leave me." I sobbed more.

"Giwa.." he broke the hug to look at my face, my face that was a crying mess. I saw his eyes as they bore into mine. They were softened, teary, red..

Was he crying? But, there were no evidence of tears streaming down his face, but his eyes was bloodshot red.. breaking more and more every second as he looked at me.

"Giwa, seeing you like this is killing me.." I heard his voice.

My eyes got too blurry. I wasn't able to make out the look on his face anymore. I couldn't stop crying.

"Giwa, please stop.."

My vision had finally steadied.. and I could read him.

I don't know if it was just me trying to make myself feel better, but I actually felt he was reconsidering...

He also looked like he was fighting it. Fighting the urge to give in. Fighting the urge to allow himself go back to me.

"I'm sorry. Why can't we just move past this?" I asked him softly.

"I want to, but..." He was saying.

"But what?" I asked, nearly wailing even.

Ivandor closed the little space between us and his lips came on mine, rendering me mute, having no other option than to accept the kiss from him. The kiss that sent me into oblivion and back, sent me mighty chills down my spine and to all my body, goosebumps dotting my skin in the process

He kissed me softly. Very, very softly. Like he was eagerly trying to not hurt my lips, nibbling and licking ever so gently on the part of my lip that wasn't wounded from the attack of that night.

I let him kiss me, getting lost in his world and actually forgetting to kiss back. Damn, I forgot how good he was at this. I let him. Let him work his magic on my lips. Let him calm me with his soft kiss.

He kissed me until I was calm. Definitely, my hear wouldn't stop beating for him, but it was a good kind of feeling this titke. Not the fear or tension I had felt before. He took his time, carefully avoiding the wounded part and healing the ache in my soul as his lips worked it's wonders on mine.

Maybe we weren't through after all..

Maybe we could still make this work..

Maybe we were us again..

Maybe, just, maybe..

Hope filled my system, my stomach had butterflies in them again, my heart felt warm once again...at total peace.

Peace...

I felt peace...

..Until his lips left mine.

I opened my eyes, watching him as his lips parted away, my face inched away from mine, a wary look on his face as he looked at me. Deep sadness filled his eyes as he watched me quietly.

"Giwa, I'm sorry." He whispered softly, his eyes tearing up slightly, but the tears never dropped.

"Sorry for what?" I asked, my voice shaking as I desperately inquired. Scared I was, hands vibrating all of a sudden, heart beat, speeding up dangerously again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered again, looking away from me this time to hide the single tear that was dropping down his face for the first time.

Sorry for what..?

Why am I suddenly panicking? Why?

"I love you, Giwa." He said to me, simutaneously breathing out a breath of pain, refusing to look me in the eyes.

"I love you too.." I told him genuinely, scared still, wondering what was happening. Why was he suddenly acting up?

"I really love you. I do. I do." He suddenly kept muttering to himself, and I watched him, afraid of what he was heading at, scared for his sanity at the same time.

When he looked to me, I saw it in his eyes...

..The love he had for me, I could see it.

Only one problem.. There was something else I could see too. Something I couldn't exactly decipher.

"I'm trying my hardest, Giwa. It's not working.." he admitted to me, looking at me this time and wiping the tears off my face.

"I don't..I don't understand.." I stuttered pathetically.

"Giwa..I..I just can't forget what happened that day. I'm trying to. As much as I want to.." he was saying.

I can't forgive you...I mentally completed it for him when his voice trailed off.

"Giwa, it's best if we just stop this.." he gestured between me and him. I could see how painful it was even for him. How hard it was for him to do this.

"Are you..are you breaking up with me?" I lightly asked the question as another tear dropped down his left eyes. My tears couldn't even come out again. I was too stunned, shocked and traumatized to even cry.

"I'm sorry.." he whispered, confirming it for me and looking away from me again. Quickly fundling the handle of his bag that rested on his shoulder, he said with a voice he forced through tears, a gruff, pained voice;

"Goodbye, Giwa."

He brushed past me gently, sadly making his way out of the class.

The moment he left the class, everything hit me. The reality of what just happened hit me..like a truck, shattering me, shattering all my senses, evoking heart wrecking sobs off me that could even be dangerous to my health.

I collapsed to the ground, sitting on the tiled floors, back against the wall, holding my aching chest and crying my eyes out.

He left...He still left..

God, it felt like my heart was going to explode from my chest. I squeezed my chest harder to ease the pain. Hot tears made me convulse, my head felt packed, full, like it was going to burst open. I couldn't believe this was happening.

"Giwa.."

I ignored the soft familiar voice that called me, completely paying no mind. I didn't want to know who it was.

"Giwa.."

It came again. A body joined me on the ground, scooting in gently, hesitantly, almost like whoever it was was afraid to come close.

I stopped crying. Whipped away my tears with both hands and did a big sniff.

"What!" I snapped at whoever it was.

Silence.

"Leave me alone!" I snapped at the person.

As I had warned, the person actually stopped up. Slowly. Quietly and actually left the class.

I threw my back against the wall again, breathing in and out literal sobs, wheezing softly, convulsing softly.

Suddenly, hands sneaked in towards me...from the door.

I froze.

Wtf.

Who's this person disturbing me?!

Slender feminine hands sneaked themselves in, gently dropping an opened notebook on the floor next to me.

Confused, frowning, I looked at the opened notebook to see it had something scribbled on it with a blue pen.

I got up immediately, shocked, literally jumping up and rushing to check who it was at the door.

No one.

I turned to the notebook dropped on the floor for me, squatted and picked it down to read what the weird stranger had scribbled on it for me.

"Hey.. it's Prissy..I'm sorry for not minding my business, but I watched everything. I'm so sorry. I hope you're okay. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

I stared at the message for me, speechless.

Oh, Prissy😪❤️

Who else was all tissues?? Tbh, I nearly cried writing this chapter. After Chapter 49...this is the second most emotional chapter I've written so far in this book. (Ps this may be the most emotional to you, but that Chapter 49...hit me differently for some reason. I legit cried. It was somehow personal 😪)

I'm sorry our babies have to break up but... let's be honest, they kind of need it. Don't forget that the book hasn't ended yet. We still have 7 chapters to go, their story hasn't completely ended, I promise.

To be honest, if I was Ivan, I would have just melted like butter, because that scene is so hard to imagine. Tbh, I felt so bad for Giwa, I wanted to make Ivan forgive her, but it will mess up the entire story (for now), everything that happens in this book happens for a reason. If anything is changed, especially after I've drafted everything, it's going to create an entire butterfly effect (you know in all these time travel movies where you change something and the entire story from there all jumbles up and gets complicated and.... I'm explaining too much, I think you get😂❤️)

I was just imagining if this book were to be on screen one day...omo, the people acting the main characters will know how to cry like mad sha😂 Especially whoever plays Giwa. No one had cried more than her in this book. Our baby has suffered tbh, but aren't we seeing how much of a better person she has become❤️

See you on the next update oo. I'm not sure when, but we go run am😂❤️