Book: My Serene Lavender
Author: Shin Haari
Username: shinhaari

• First Impression.

I'm not going to lie, but reading the blurb I felt attracted towards the book. The title sounded cool too and the cover matched the vibe of the book.

• Characters & Emotions.

I'm very disappointed to say this, as reading your blurb had my hopes very high with this story, but it turns out the characters are flat with no character dynamic whatsoever. I can't even talk about their emotions because they kept switching so fast with the turn of events.

It’s clear that you’ve put effort into crafting your story, and there are some great starting points here. However, there are areas where the plot, character development, and writing style could be further refined to elevate your narrative.

• Plot.

The story began with promise—Soo Ah’s walk and her connection with her grandparents created a warm and engaging start. These elements gave readers an insight into her personality and life, but as the chapters progress, the narrative feels like it’s losing direction. After eleven chapters, I feel the story could benefit from clearer developments and a stronger sense of purpose.

For example, Soo Ah’s parents are notably absent from the story. Exploring who they were or what her life was like with them could add depth to her character and create a stronger emotional connection with readers. Similarly, Soo Ah’s past relationship is briefly mentioned, but the dynamics remain unclear. Expanding on this backstory could make her motivations and choices more relatable.

To strengthen the foundation of your story, consider tying it more closely to the elements you promised in the blurb. A solid base includes a well-constructed world, meaningful backstories, clear character dynamics, and a coherent story arc that builds toward a satisfying climax.

Additionally, Yoongi’s attraction to Soo Ah’s lavender cologne is intriguing but could benefit from a deeper connection. Perhaps the scent reminds him of something significant from his past—adding a layer of nostalgia or mystery could make their connection more meaningful and engaging for readers.

If you're stuck on a scene or feeling unsure about it, ask yourself: “Does what I wrote make sense? Does it contribute to the story?” And things will click eventually to you.

It helps me write more efficiently.

• Vocabulary & Grammar.

Your use of vocabulary is impressive, especially in the opening chapters, and it adds a lyrical quality to your descriptions. However, as the story progresses, I feel that simpler language could sometimes work better, especially in dialogue tags. Striking a balance between sophisticated and accessible language can make the writing more immersive. I’ve highlighted some specific instances in the comments for your reference.

Regarding grammar, there are a few tense inconsistencies, typos, and minor issues with sentence flow. For example, using conjunctions effectively can help improve readability. Consider this revision:

Original:
“The sky was daubed with warm tones of tangy orange, a soft hue of purple, cherry blossom pink. It gave a picturesque panorama…”

Revised:
“The sky was daubed with warm tones of tangy orange, a soft hue of purple, and cherry blossom pink, giving a picturesque panorama…”

The revised version flows more smoothly and feels more polished. Making small adjustments like these throughout your text can significantly enhance its overall quality.

• Writing Style & Creativity.

You have a decent descriptive writing style, but the narrative and storytelling elements could be strengthened. For example:

Look at the difference in word choice between these two lines:

“Thank you, Soo Ah. Also, dust them off. I can't do them as I am worn out.”

And this one:

“Thank you so much, Soo Ah. Could you also dust them off for me? I could’ve done it myself, but I’m exhausted.”

The second sentence flows more naturally and feels more personal.

Here’s another example:

“Yes, she did not even let me have a nap in the afternoon,” he responded in a low tone, darting his eyes around as he didn’t want to get whacked by Grandma.

This could be refined by simplifying the language and adding some imagery to create a stronger sense of character:

“Ah, yes. She made me sacrifice my afternoon naps, but don’t tell your Grandma I said this,” he whispered, his eyes darting around cautiously for a glimpse of Grandma, possibly throwing daggers at him with her nose flaring and hands perched on her waist.

Also, one issue I noticed was with the scene transitions. For example, it’s morning in one scene, and then suddenly night falls after Soo Ah and Yoongi do something. A smoother transition or a clearer indication of time passing would help maintain the story's flow.

• Execution.

The story was fast-paced, but the transitions between scenes were inconsistent, making the narrative feel uneven. There were also many scenes that didn’t make sense. For example, in the scene where Hobi, Soo Ah, and Yoongi go to an internet café, they discover that it operates illegally. Instead of calling the police—despite discussing it beforehand—they end up threatening the owner. This doesn’t seem logical. Why would they go to such extremes when they had already considered involving the authorities?

Think carefully about what you write. It should make sense to both you and your readers.

• My Opinion.

You have a strong foundation to build on, with engaging descriptions and an intriguing premise. By addressing the areas above—such as character development, narrative pacing, and language refinement—you can create a richer and more impactful story. Don’t hesitate to take your time fleshing out the world and the relationships in it; the effort will undoubtedly resonate with your readers.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Number of Star:

I’d rate this book 1.5 out of 5 stars.

End Note:

I hope this review is helpful! Thank you for applying to the shop, and best of luck in your future endeavors.