Book: Bubble
Author: Sherly Holmes
Username: 4everSherlocked

• First Impression.

I initially thought the title was a bit clichéd—naming the book after the central theme of the story seemed predictable. However, my perspective completely changed after reading the first chapter and encountering all the clever title drops. It was a smart choice to name the TV show "Bubble," playing on the irony of how the protagonist, Bonita, mirrored the fictional character Bang Chan, both living in their own metaphorical “bubbles.” However, a slight variation to the title could make it more engaging, such as 'Bursting the Bubble.' This keeps the irony while introducing a metaphor—Bang Chan did, in a sense, break out of his bubble after the stormy night. It's totally up to you to decide.

The blurb did a great job of introducing the story. That said, I felt it could use a transitional word, like “However,” before the paragraph starting with “During a freak storm one night...” This would emphasize the shift in events and add a dramatic touch.

As for the cover, while I appreciate the design and the effort put into it, I feel it doesn’t quite measure up to the standard of some of your other great book covers, such as The Cupid Complex, Film Put, and Wild For You.

• Characters & Emotions.

Lee Know might just be my favorite character, especially after he gave Bang Chan the name Haechung. The characters overall are good, but I think they could use a bit more development to make them relatable—particularly Bonita. I agree with Lee Know in the story: she really shouldn’t have trusted Bang Chan so quickly when they first met. There seemed to be a lack of internal conflict or hesitation from her. For instance, when she let Bang Chan sleep on her couch, it felt like her reasoning was explained after the fact rather than being shown in the moment. Her judgments and decisions felt delayed, which made her actions a little hard to connect with. I hope you understand what I mean here.

Another issue that stood out to me—and honestly irked me the most—was the lack of dialogue tags. There were too many lines of dialogue without any descriptive context, which made some conversations feel flat or rushed. Take any conversation between Minho and Bonita, for example. Take the scene where Minho FaceTimed her during the stormy night. Bonita’s final words to him were:

“Alright, travel home safe. I’ll talk to you later.”

Without dialogue tags, this line comes across as monotonous and dismissive. Adding dialogue tags with emotional cues would improve the tone and give more depth. For instance:

“Alright, travel home safe. I’ll talk to you later,” Bonita murmured into the call, her voice gentle as a soft smile tugged at her lips, warmth lingering in her eyes.

Another example from the same chapter is this line:

“Obviously I wasn’t murdered in the night,” was the first thought...

The tone here feels too blunt and factual. There are other ways to convey the same idea while making it more engaging or reflective. For instance:

“Oh God, I’m still alive,” was Bonita’s first thought as she jolted awake, her hand instinctively pressing against her chest, tracing the steady rhythm of her heartbeat in disbelief.

Do you see the difference? Adding these small emotional or descriptive touches can completely change the reader’s experience, making the dialogue and narration more dynamic and engaging. Remember the rule of “Show, Don't Tell.”

Another aspect you could improve about the characters, or when introducing other members of Stray Kids, is including more details about their facial features. While fans are familiar with their appearances since they are real people, adding such descriptions wouldn’t hurt and could add to character details.

• Plot.

The trope of fictional characters coming to life isn't exactly uncommon, but I’m always amazed by your creativity. Every time I dive into one of your stories, there’s something fresh and exciting to explore. That said, I don’t think this one quite matches the emotional depth of Inner Child, which remains my favorite (Sorry!). Perhaps it’s because this is still in its first draft, as you mentioned in the comments section, and it needs further refinement—especially when it comes to Bang Chan’s character. Given his prolonged isolation from the outside world, I feel he might exhibit more hesitation or discomfort when interacting with others. He might also become curious after being introduced to the world outside of his bunker and begin exploring it.

• Vocabulary & Grammar.

Your vocabulary and grammar are good, but there are a few instances where the flow could be improved. For example:

1. Repetition:

In the following sentence, the repetition of the word 'sound' affects the flow:

Original:
It was coming from the laundry room, but it didn't sound like any sound her washer or dryer had ever made.

Suggestion:
You could simplify this by removing ‘sound’ or using a synonym. For example:

“It was coming from the laundry room, but it didn't sound like her washer or dryer when plugged in.”

This eliminates redundancy and maintains the sentence's flow.

I also noticed several typos, incorrect tenses, and occasional missing words throughout the chapters.

2. Punctuation and Word Choice:

For the sentence about Bonita, a comma is missing after ‘mouse,’ and ‘large’ doesn’t quite match with ‘sounded’ in terms of relativity. Here’s an improved version:

Original:
Bonita even thought it might be a mouse only it sounded much too large to be one.

Suggestion:
Bonita even thought it might be a mouse, only it sounded much louder than expected for its size.

This revision adds the necessary punctuation and uses ‘louder,’ which fits better with sound.

• Writing Style & Creativity.

I genuinely appreciate your writing style—it’s clear and detailed—but I couldn’t help noticing a lack of storytelling engagement. It often felt like long paragraphs of narration, where characters were simply recounting their backstories or actions. Don’t take this personally, but the characters came across as somewhat one-dimensional due to this approach. The element of involvement and depth was missing. However, this appears to be the case only in the first few chapters.

For example:

"Standing up from her desk, she was about to walk towards the kitchen for a drink when she noticed the television."

This could be improved by adding details about Bonita's movements or describing her bodily actions to make the scene more vivid:

"She stood up from the desk, ready to walk to the kitchen for a glass of water, when the glow of the still-lit television caught her eye."

To make characters feel more human, incorporating emotions into the narrative can help. For instance:

"No freaking way…" she said out as she walked over to it.

This could be made more engaging by adding urgency to her movements, especially if the DVD player holds importance to her:

"No freaking way," she muttered before rushing toward the fried DVD player in disbelief.

Adding such layers of emotion and physicality could make the narrative more immersive and help the reader connect with the characters on a deeper level.

On another note, there's no need to use single quotation marks (‘’) for characters’ thoughts. Italicizing them is sufficient.

• Execution.

The overall pacing of the book is decent. The characters aren't rushed and take the time to think things through before jumping to conclusions.

• My Opinion.

When I started reading the book, I found myself a little confused about how the TV show Bubble related to Bonita. You mentioned that Bonita felt connected to Bang Chan because she had also experienced a period of isolation, similar to what Bang Chan went through in the show. However, it felt like some of the "qualities" or specific reasons behind this connection were missing. For instance, the struggle and suffering Bang Chan endured while being kept away from the world for years weren’t fully explored in relation to Bonita’s character.

Another point of confusion was at the beginning of the book, where Bonita is blacklisted by the company. There’s no clear explanation of why or how she ended up in the higher-ups' bad books. This left me wondering about the backstory and motivations behind this conflict.

That said, I haven’t read far enough into the story yet, so it’s possible that these details are addressed in later chapters. If that’s the case, feel free to disregard these points.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Number of Stars:

I’d rate this book 2.5 out of 5 stars.

End Note:

I had a great time reading Bubble! This was my first time exploring a K-pop fanfic outside of BTS, and it was a wonderful experience. I've always wanted to read a Bang Chan fanfic, and your book gave me the perfect opportunity to fangirl over Chan and the other Stray Kids members without needing to search elsewhere. I might come back to the book and finish it later. Thank you for that, and also for applying to the review shop. Wishing you the best of luck in the future!