The weather is warm for an early August day. I tap my foot on the ground, looking around as mathematicians file in the seminar hall.

Mom and Mason are already seated in the middle of the second row, but Spencer has not arrived yet.

I emailed him that night too, hoping he would at least either listen to my voice message or see the email.

But I didn't receive any answers. Even though I want to cling to the last string of hope that he might show up in this remaining ten minutes until the presentation starts, I know better to get my hopes up.

He hates my guts, why would he show up? I bet he'd be hoping I screw this up and embarrass myself in front of everyone.

I chew my bottom lip and pace in the small corner where I can glance at the entrance door without a problem and check if anyone new has arrived.

Nine minutes go by and I give up completely, turning my back on the closed doors and turn around, climbing the stairs to the stage with heavy steps.

Just as I reach the top step, from the corner of my eye I catch a glimpse of the door opening and I halt. Spinning as my heart wildly hammers in my chest, my eyes lock on Spencer as he enters the area and shuts the door behind himself.

It's like a fist tightly clenching and squeezing my heart. Unbearably painful. Almost drowning the overwhelming sense of relief that washes over me.

Spencer has come.

I bite my lip and hold my hands behind myself to hide how badly they're trembling as he rushes to the front and climbs up the stairs from the other side, across from me in two long strides.

Gingerly I take the last step and stand on the edge of the stage as he pushes his glasses up his nose. He doesn't spare a glance in my way, but I can't stop staring at him.

Spencer starts the presentation; in his usual, confident voice he uses in his classrooms. My throat tightens painfully, but I hold myself together. I can't believe how much I've truly missed his voice. Missed him. Now that he's in front of me I can grasp how badly I want him back.

He explains the entire concept briefly before nodding and stepping back.

I suppose that's my cue.

My voice wavers at first but I fix my gaze on Mom, offering a sad yet encouraging smile until I regain my composure. I go into detail, outlining how I came up with the idea, what methods I used and how we connected all of them together.

The rest, Spencer covers it all, except the parts I came up with, letting me say those.

All the while he speaks, my eyes are glued to him, as my heart aches and breaks more than I ever thought possible.

He's wearing a white short-sleeved button-up shirt, with dark grey trousers. His hair is neatly combed back to one side and has a five o'clock shadow. Though his eyes are alert but tired, they lack the usual gleam they had whenever he dug into the details of the calculation. Dark circles are smeared underneath it and he looks much paler than usual. His cheeks are hollow, making the sharp angles of his symmetric face stand out even more.

Holding it together for forty-five minutes turns out to be way harder than I had initially expected.

Although I don't allow myself to imagine how much things could have been different if Spencer and I were still together.

When the conference ends, a few old and grey mathematicians and admins who control the entire process announce our proof, the final and correct solution for the Reimann hypothesis. Everyone in the hall does a standing ovation for us.

But I can't find any flicker of happiness in me as I struggle to force and lift the corners of my mouth into a small smile. We stand next to each other, though there are one too many feet of distance between us.

I curl my fingers into my palm, digging my fingernails into my skin. The pain is a form of distraction from the heart-wrenching ache of being so close yet so far from the man I love.

The seminar ends and they hand in the prize money, a cheque with a million dollars written a the bottom of it.

For the first time, this amount of money feels nothing. It doesn't give me even the slightest bit of satisfaction that I've finally reached my goal.

The price I had to pay was too high.

Spencer doesn't stay long. The moment everything quiets down and the men and female mathematicians divide into smaller groups, chatting and discussing matters I can't care less about, he slips away.

But when he does, I notice and excuse myself from a group of professors from MIT and hurry after him.

By the time I reach close enough to him to call out his name and not draw any attention, we're out of the main building on the campus ground.

He goes to his car, his strides long and fast but I pause midway and call out, "Spencer."

He doesn't stop.

I rub my forehead and speak in a louder voice. "Please, I need to talk to you."

He halts, fisting his hands at his side and I prepare myself to see the same hatred I saw in his eyes the last time he looked at me. Almost two months ago, in his office.

Slowly he turns. His face is a careful mask of blankness. "You asked me to come, and I only came because I didn't want you to ruin something so important in mathematical history... there's nothing to talk about."

A lump grows in my throat as I hesitantly take a step towards him. He stays rooted to the spot, setting a hard glare on me. That's a good sign. He could have moved back or turned away and walked off.

"Thank you for coming," I start. His lips press into a thin line and he looks away, gripping his car's key harder, turning his knuckles white.

A gentle breeze blows past us, the sky is bright blue and the sun is shining in the middle. The birds are chirping away in the nearby tears, oblivious to the tense state Spencer and I are stuck in.

"Can you please let me explain myself?"

He huffs shaking his head. His gaze snaps to me and for a fleeting second, it drops to my necklace. The same he gifted me on my birthday.

The mask of indifference slips away from his features, annoyance, anger, and hurt flare in his eyes and shift his face.

"Explain?" he echoes with disbelief. "Explain what?" he shouts. "You got what you wanted. Keep the entire money, I don't want to have to do anything with you anymore."

His words cut way deeper than I expected they would. Even though it's been nearly two months, still nothing hurts any less.

I bite my lip to hide its slight quiver. "I'm sorry."

His features remain hard, his gaze moves past me, settling on the trees around the building.

"I know what I did was wrong... I was desperate and stupid but none of it justifies my awful decision. I'm sorry I planned on seducing you and using you." Tears burn my eyes. "I really regret it-"

"Does it really matter now?" he sharply cuts me off, glowering at me.

"Shouldn't it?" I ask, tilting my head to one side. "If I wasn't faking it, if I wasn't doing those things just because I had planned to do them, and instead I actually wanted to regardless of the ulterior motive."

A humorless laugh tumbles out of him. "You think your stupid speech is going to make me overlook the shit you did to me, for your own fucking means, and let you trick me into believing you again?"

"I-I don't want you to overlook it," I quaver, looking at my feet. "Can't you try to forgive me?" I dare a glance at him. "Can't you at least try to listen to me and believe me?"

"No."

The finality in his voice breaks my already broken heart. Tears one by one escape my eyes and stream down my cheeks. "I wasn't pretending to be attracted to you, I never had to pretend I like you because I truly did."

"I don't believe you." His words waver slightly as he takes a step to me, leaving only a few paces of space between us.

"Can't you try?" I beg.

His hand trembles a little as he runs his fingers through his hair. "Did you sleep with me because of this?"

I shake my head. "No."

"Did you stay that night at my place after I came back from William's just to make me trust you more so you can neatly pull this act off?"

"No," I whimper, wiping my tear-soaked cheeks with the back of my hand.

"Was it all a lie?"

"No."

Spencer furrows his brows, a long-pained look crossing his eyes. "You looked at me the same way you when you lied to me." His voice cracks.

"Spencer," I plead. "I was scared of losing you. I'm still scared of losing you for good."

"You think I don't want to trust you? You think I haven't tried?" he hoarsely asks.

"I was already planning on giving you the entire money Gracie. There wasn't anything I wouldn't have done for you. I would have willingly done anything if it meant it'd make you happy, if it would've made you smile."

My chest and lungs constrict so hard and painfully I choke on my breath, failing to inhale properly.

"You think this is easy for me? You can't even imagine the extent you've hurt me. You're the first person I trusted so much after my mom... but you turned out worse than her, you destroyed me, Gracie."

A tremor runs across my body, as my knees grow weaker.

"But every time I think about you and everything I thought we had, I can't help thinking which parts you were faking it, or doing it all because of the prize. And when you were saying or doing anything without any ulterior motives. I can't look at you without wondering if you're lying to me or not. I tried, but I can't."

I sniffle, speechlessly watching him.

"Every day, you had the chance to tell me the truth, tell me you started everything because you had a reason and it wasn't a coincidence, but each and every single time you chose to lie to me."

"You would've left me."

He staggers a step back, shrugging. "We don't know that. You took that chance away and now we'll never know."

I hunch over from the pain, my body crumbling over itself.

Was there truly a possibility he wouldn't have left if I had told him everything?

"Please forgive me," I choke out the words, breaking into a sob.

"I didn't deserve this," his voice wavers as he tabs on his chest. "I never did you wrong... but you used me. You made me a laughing stock for your friend and your family. Even your old friends knew you were playing with me. Is this what I was worth? Was I worth only this much?"

"No," I cry, shaking my head.

"I always knew being with you is a risk. Of course, I didn't know this was the actual context of it but I always thought you're with me for the thrill of it. I knew I wasn't your type and I was sure soon you'd get bore of me and leave me. Yet, foolishly I allowed myself to consider, maybe it doesn't have to end like that." He inhales sharply and bitterly adds, "Guess it never was about to get to that point."

"That never would have happened," I say as he takes another step back. "I lo-" I start but he interrupts me, holding his index finger up as he glares at me.

"Don't," he warns. "Don't you dare say that to me." He tugs at his hair as he runs his hand through it. "A person like you doesn't even understand the meaning of that word," his voice is uneven, trembling with acidic anger and hurt.

The immense pain at the back of my throat makes it impossible to swallow or say anything. I can't breathe as I stare at him with wide watery eyes.

"Stop making everything harder for me. Don't say you love me just to make me stay. Don't make me throw away my last shred of dignity and self-respect and come after you. Please don't."

He rocks back and forth, pressing his fisted hands to his temples. "You lied to me and used me. And you betrayed me while I had done nothing wrong to you. I don't deserve this."

He clutches his shirt, looking me dead in the eyes, a thick coat of moist covers over the dark blue of his deep eyes. "I hate myself for falling for you. Not a single day went by where I didn't hate you for making me fall for you, and didn't hate myself for loving you the way I did." His voice breaks, as a lone tear skids down his cheeks.

A long pained sob frees itself from my throat.

"You chose money and your revenge over me, now let me live with my choice. Stop making everything harder for me. Stop torturing me. I can't forgive you."

Agony twists his features and his pain shreds me to pieces. His words wreck me from the inside, shattering every small remaining piece of me.

He staggers a step back, his eyes still on me as another tear slips down and he spins and marches away, unlocking his car's door hastily.

"Please," my voice breaks, barely a whisper. "I'm sorry. Don't leave me," I shout the last part but he doesn't stop.

My knees give out as he sits inside his car.

"Please don't go," I weep as he turns on the ignition and drives off instantly.

I fall forward, barely holding myself up with my arms planted on the ground as I sob. "Please come back, I love you," I cry to the ground as if it can carry my words to him.

"Gracie," Mom's loud voice from behind doesn't stop my tears. "Oh God, Sweetie," she coos as I hear her hurrying footsteps. Her heels clicking on the steps as she runs to me.

She kneels on the ground next to me and pulls me into a hard embrace. I cry into her shoulder, tightly holding on to her arm.

"He left me Mom, he left me." I blubber, sobbing harder.

"I'm so sorry baby," she murmurs, hugging me tighter and kissing the top of my head as she caresses my hair.

"He left," I weep. "I love him Mom... he didn't stay." I hide my face in her chest as I cry uncontrollably in her arms. The ache ripping me to pieces. My heart, my lungs, my stomach, every inch of my body is in agony. So is my soul.

Now I understand what cost everyone was talking about.

The solution cost me, my first love.

And no, it wasn't worth it. But now that doesn't matter; it's too late for that.

∞ ∞ ∞

Uh... We still have the epilogue so don't hunt me down just yet, and the important news I'll be officially announcing tomorrow, lol.

So... yeah... Who knew Spencer won't forgive her [just yet xD]?

Okay, hope you liked this chapter, don't forget to vote since it's technically the last chapter (Uh... I actually don't know, is this considered the last chap? Or is epilogue considered as the last chap of a book?)

Stay safe, lots of love, happy reading <3